Four Horsemen Worksheet Overview
The four horsemen are four habits in conflict that wear a relationship down over time: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Psychologist John Gottman identified them by studying couples over many years, and he and psychologist Julie Schwartz Gottman teach an antidote for each one. The ideas are meant for couples who feel safe with each other and want to argue in a kinder way.
This worksheet explains each habit and its antidote with examples. You will check which habits show up for you, rewrite something you said using an antidote, and plan a break for the moments when you feel flooded.
In this worksheet, we’ll:
- Explain the four horsemen and the antidote for each one
- Help you check which habits show up in your arguments
- Give you a table to rewrite what you said using the antidotes
- Walk you through planning a calm-down break for when you feel flooded
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Gottman, J. M. (1994). What Predicts Divorce? The Relationship Between Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes. Lawrence Erlbaum.
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Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (2000). The timing of divorce: Predicting when a couple will divorce over a 14-year period. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(3), 737-745.
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Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown.
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