I Statements Worksheet Overview
An I statement tells someone how their behavior affects you, without blaming or attacking them. Psychologist Thomas Gordon taught the idea to parents in his 1970 book Parent Effectiveness Training, and couples therapists still use it today. It can help anyone who wants to bring up a problem with a partner, friend, or family member and keep the talk calm.
Starting with "I" instead of "you" tends to make people less defensive, so the conversation stays on the problem. This worksheet gives you a four-part formula, examples of blaming statements rewritten as I statements, and space to write and test your own.
In this worksheet, we’ll:
- Explain the I statement formula: I feel, when, because, I would like
- Show you how to turn blaming "you" statements into I statements
- Give you tips for describing what happened and naming a feeling
- Provide space to write your own I statement and check it for blame
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Gordon, T. (1970). Parent effectiveness training. P. H. Wyden.
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Kubany, E. S., Richard, D. C., Bauer, G. B., & Muraoka, M. Y. (1992). Impact of assertive and accusatory communication of distress and anger: A verbal component analysis. Aggressive Behavior, 18(5), 337-347. https://doi.org/10.1002/1098-2337(1992)18:5%3C337::AID-AB2480180503%3E3.0.CO;2-K
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Simmons, R. A., Gordon, P. C., & Chambless, D. L. (2005). Pronouns in marital interaction: What do "you" and "I" say about marital health? Psychological Science, 16(12), 932-936. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2005.01639.x
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Rogers, S. L., Howieson, J., & Neame, C. (2018). I understand you feel that way, but I feel this way: The benefits of I-language and communicating perspective during conflict. PeerJ, 6, Article e4831. https://doi.org/10.7717/peerj.4831
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