It’s normal, and even healthy, to vent and get emotional support from loved ones. However, trauma dumping is a consistent pattern of oversharing when one ‘dumps’ their difficult, stressful, or traumatic feelings on others.1 This behavior can negatively impact relationships, the person sharing, and the person listening.2,3 It can be helpful to understand what trauma dumping is, how to recognize when it’s happening, and what to do when it does.
What Is Trauma Dumping?
Trauma dumping is an unhealthy behavior that tends to involve long, uninterrupted venting sessions about one or more stressful, painful, or traumatic experiences a person has had.2 One can do this to friends, family, or even colleagues and acquaintances, usually without others’ full permission or consent.
Oversharing online or posting triggering things on social media is a recently developed form of trauma dumping, more common in teens.5 In the short term, this kind of excessive venting can provide relief to the person sharing. However, eventually the effects of this behavior prove to be negative for everyone involved, including the person posting and those reading.1,2,3
Venting vs Trauma Dumping
Venting and trauma dumping are not the same. Venting involves someone opening up about something that’s bothering them, but doing so in ways that are respectful to the person listening. Trauma dumping doesn’t involve boundaries to protect the time, feelings, or needs of the person on the receiving end.2,4
Below are some of the key differences between venting and trauma dumping:
| Venting | Trauma Dumping |
|---|---|
| Talking to someone about a specific issue in a back-and-forth conversation | Talking at someone about many issues or the same one over & over again |
| Disclosure is gradual, happening slowly over time as people build trust & closeness | Disclosure is sudden, happening in large chunks over short periods of time |
| Everyone involved in the dialogue is a willing and active participant | One person is an unwilling or inactive participant in the conversation |
| Happens in appropriate times, places & between people who have a close bond | Can occur with people or in situations where it isn’t appropriate |
| Both people take turns listening and speaking, mutual support is offered | Often a one-sided conversation, with little or no chance for the listener to respond |
| Limited in both the scope of what is being shared and the time spent sharing | Uncontrolled, involves oversharing and/or long-winded ranting |
| Person sharing is receptive to input, feedback and solutions | Person sharing is resistant to input, feedback, or may shoot down solutions |
| People pay attention to social cues and the other person’s reactions and feelings | Social cues are missed, or the feelings of the listener are ignored |
Why Is Trauma Dumping Toxic?
Mutual sharing for emotional support is one of the ways that people develop closer relationships with others. But, trauma dumping usually isn’t a mutual interaction; it’s a toxic kind of communication that involves one person getting their emotional needs met at the expense of someone else.1,2 Over time, this can create one-sided and strained relationships, sometimes one of the telltale signs that a relationship is toxic.3
Trauma dumping often involves pressured speech with a lot of emotional content, which can trigger the ‘fight or flight’ responses in the person listening.2 This refers to how the brain responds to threats, causing a chain reaction in the brain, nervous system, and body. When this happens too often, the stress hormones emitted can cause chronic or toxic stress, which is known to negatively affect both one’s physical and mental health.
Trauma dumping is harmful, but it usually isn’t done maliciously. Often, trauma dumping is a coping mechanism or an unhealthy, ineffective way of seeking emotional support.2,3,5 Those who engage in trauma dumping are sometimes unable or unwilling to deal with their own issues and feelings. They might have anxiety, depression, or low self-esteem. Or, they may not be emotionally stable enough to deal with troubles on their own.2,4,5
Trauma Dumping on Social Media
Trauma dumping can occur both in-person and online. On social media, trauma dumping is sometimes called stress posting, sad phishing, T.M.I., or simply oversharing. It involves posting overly personal information on your feed.5 Posts that reference suicide, self-harm, mental illness, or traumatic personal experiences are examples of social media trauma dumping. Unfortunately, these types of posts can have an even wider impact than offline trauma dumping.5 For example, a social media post can negatively affect hundreds or even thousands of people. Triggering or trauma dumping posts are just one of many potential negative mental health effects of social media.
Oversharing on social media can also invite criticism, cyberbullying, and unwanted attention from friends, acquaintances, or online trolls. Social media posts can also be reposted and shared by other users, even if the original post gets taken down. For these reasons, oversharing on social media often leaves people feeling exposed, embarrassed, and more emotionally unstable.5
Trauma Dumping & PTSD
While many may assume that trauma dumping is typically exhibited by those suffering from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), this is not necessarily the case.2 In fact, those with PTSD are less likely to talk about traumatic memories or experiences with others. Avoidance of trauma reminders, memories, and the feelings attached to them is one of the core symptoms of PTSD.2,6
For this reason, oversharing is not a typical trauma response, and trauma dumping is not directly linked to PTSD. People with PTSD are more prone to avoidance and under-sharing, rather than oversharing. Trauma dumping isn’t one of the symptoms of PTSD or any other mental health condition, but many who have this issue do struggle with emotional regulation, loneliness, and possibly depression, anxiety, or low self-esteem.2,5
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Trauma Dumping Examples
There are many different forms of trauma dumping, which can make it hard for people to know when it is happening to them.
Below are a few examples that illustrate what trauma dumping can look like in different situations:
A Friend Who Treats You Like Their Therapist
If you have a friend who treats you like their therapist, it may be a sign that you’re the victim of trauma dumping. They may call you when they have a bad day or a fight with their boyfriend and rant, yell, and cry to you for what feels like hours. When you try to interject, they might ignore or talk over you. If you don’t answer or can’t talk for long, they might get upset or accuse you of not being supportive. If this only happens occasionally, it probably isn’t a problem. However, if it’s a frequent occurrence, it could be trauma dumping.
A Coworker Who Gets Too Personal at Work
Another example of trauma dumping is when a coworker shares things that are uncomfortably personal with you while you’re working. For example, they might talk about financial problems, a sick or dying family member, or marital issues. You may have tried to change the topic or give other not-so-subtle cues that you’re uncomfortable, but they don’t seem to notice. This pattern of dumping might become so extreme that it interferes with your ability to do your job.
Someone Making Cries for Help on Social Media
Oversharing online is another common situation in which trauma dumping occurs. For example, you might follow someone on social media who is always posting things that border on concerning. These might include vague statements or cryptic song lyrics about death or suicide. Some may post about wanting to harm or kill themselves, which could be an attention seeking behavior driven by extreme negative emotions.5
How to Respond to Trauma Dumping
If there is someone in your life who trauma dumps on you, it may be time to learn how to set better boundaries with them. Unfortunately, a lot of trauma dumping victims are very patient, kind, and compassionate. The person seeking support will often choose them because of this, because the other believes they won’t be criticized or rejected.2 Everyone has a certain threshold for how much they can handle when providing emotional support.3
If you’re reaching your limits with someone who is trauma dumping, try taking these six steps:
1. Place a Time Limit on the Conversation
Setting an early expectation for a quick conversation is a good way to prevent trauma dumping before it begins. Consider saying something like, “I’m on my way home so I have about 15 minutes before I have to go” or “Hey! I only have a few minutes. What’s up?” when they first approach you. This way, they’re less likely to be shocked or offended when you need to cut the conversation short.
2. Try to Shift the Conversation in a Different Direction
Another way to respond to trauma dumping is to shift the conversation in a more positive direction. To do so, interject with a light-hearted comment, or say, “that sucks, I’m really sorry” before changing the topic. While it won’t always work, this approach can sometimes help pivot away from the trauma talk before the dumping begins.
3. Don’t Pick Up Their Problems
Those who trauma dump generally need to learn how to deal with their issues and feelings on their own.2,3,4 If you continue to offer solutions to their problems, you might be enabling their trauma dumping behaviors, not helping them. Try not to ‘pick up’ the issues they dump on you. Instead, ask them what they plan on doing to fix the situation, or encourage them to stay strong.
4. Be Direct & Express How You Feel
When the more subtle tactics fail, being direct about how you’re feeling is often the best course of action.2 Explain to the person how you’re being affected by what they’re saying or let them know you’re also feeling stressed. While this might be uncomfortable, it reminds the other person that you have feelings, too, which can sometimes keep them from making the conversation all about them.
5. Be Honest About What You Can’t Do for Them
Trauma dumping is draining because it requires you to give so much of yourself to someone else.2,3 Sometimes, it’s necessary to be up front and honest about this, without mincing your words. You could explain to them that you have too much on your plate or are not in the right headspace to offer support at that moment.
6. Distance Yourself If Necessary
People who overshare often have nonexistent or ‘thin’ boundaries.3 This can also make it harder for them to understand and accept the boundaries of others, even when they’re made very clear. When you’ve tried to set boundaries, but the trauma dumping continues, the last resort is often to pull back and distance yourself from the person. Otherwise, they’re likely to continue this behavior until you reach a breaking point.
How Do You Know If You Are Trauma Dumping?
Some might worry that they’re guilty of trauma dumping and want to know more about what the signs are. There are usually red flags that can help you determine whether or not this is something that you struggle with.
Some of the signs that can indicate trauma dumping include:2,3
- Most of your conversations with someone are about you and your problems
- You are usually doing all of the talking and sharing in conversations
- You rely too much on one person for emotional support
- You’ve talked about the same issue or problem repeatedly with someone
- The other person seems stressed, frustrated, or overwhelmed when you share
- People tend push you away after you begin to open up to them
- You often regret posting or sharing personal things online
- You overshare and then shut down or withdraw because you get embarrassed
- You don’t know how to deal with your problems and feelings on your own
- It makes you angry when someone sets a boundary when you’re venting to them
How to Stop Trauma Dumping
If trauma dumping is an issue for you, there are some things you can do to work on it. Often, trauma dumping is a sign of poor emotional self-care or a lack of healthy coping skills. Still, these are behaviors that you can learn, practice, and improve on. While it can take time and practice, it’s a worthwhile investment, as you’ll be better able to deal with your issues on your own.
If you’re trying to learn how to avoid trauma dumping, the following strategies might help:
- Use your support system in healthy ways: Overcoming trauma dumping doesn’t mean you should never call on loved ones in a time of need. It means that you need to be more mindful of their feelings, and intentional about how much and how often you seek support from them. Asking permission, checking in on their needs, and respecting their boundaries helps to keep these relationships healthy and strong.2,3
- Consider using a journal to express yourself: Journaling can be great for those trying to stop trauma dumping, because it offers another outlet for processing thoughts, feelings, and difficult experiences.3,4 Start journaling and use this as an outlet to vent or ‘brain dump’ when you’re feeling overwhelmed.
- Start a mindfulness routine: Mindfulness is a simple practice of being more present and aware of the moment, and has been proven to help lower stress and regulate emotions. Start a mindfulness routine by using a meditation app or set aside time every day to focus on your body, breath, or surroundings.
- Join a support group: A support group is a perfect place to vent, because that’s exactly what it’s intended for. Most of the attendees are struggling with similar issues as you, making it easier for everyone to relate. There are plenty of great support groups (both online and offline) for people struggling with a range of different issues, and many are completely free.
- Consider therapy: Therapy is also another appropriate place and time to vent, without needing to worry about trauma dumping. A therapist is specifically licensed and paid to help you with your problems, so trauma dumping shouldn’t be a concern. Finding the right therapist is an essential step to address whatever underlying issues and problems you have, while also helping you learn better ways to cope.
Final Thoughts
Trauma dumping is a repeated pattern of venting about your problems in ways that transfer your issues and stress onto others. Over time, this can have a negative impact on you, on them, and your relationship. People who trauma dump often need to find healthier coping mechanisms and may benefit from a support group or a therapist. Setting better boundaries or distancing yourself from those with this tendency is usually the best way to deal with their behaviors.2
For Further Reading
- Trauma: It’s Not What You Think and Why THAT Matters – Psycom
- CPTSD Community Safe Group – CPTSD Foundation
Trauma Dumping Infographics
