What to Say When Someone Dies

What to Say When Someone Dies

When someone dies, those left behind often deal with overwhelming emotions, making it challenging to offer solace in a way that feels genuine and sensitive. It can be difficult to know what to say to someone who has lost a loved one.

Here we aim to offer thoughtful and heartfelt expressions that can provide comfort to those mourning. Consoling someone who is grieving is about finding a balance between acknowledging their pain and offering a glimmer of comfort for the various types of grief. These suggested phrases are more than mere words; they are a way to show you care, to stand beside someone in their time of need, and to help them feel less alone in their grief.

1. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m thinking of you and your family. Sending lots of love and support your way.

“After my dad died, I loved when people mentioned specific things about him that they’d miss or they wrote me stories about something funny or quirky that he did in the past that they’d always remember. I try to do this for others when they’ve lost a loved one that I knew and remember and have a specific memory I can share with them.” – Heidi McBain, LMFT, LPC, PMH-C, Online Therapy and Coaching for Moms and Moms-To-Be.

2. It’s okay not to have words right now, but we are still here for you.

“Saying “it’s okay not to have words right now,” acknowledges that sometimes emotions are too profound to be expressed verbally. Grief and loss can be paralyzing, and it’s not unusual for someone to feel overwhelmed or speechless. By saying this, you’re telling the person that it’s perfectly normal not to vocalize their feelings.

The latter part, “but we are still here for you,” provides a reassurance of unwavering support. It’s a gentle reminder that even if they can’t or don’t want to talk, they’re not alone in their mourning journey. This sense of presence can be incredibly comforting, as isolation can intensify the pain of loss.

From personal and professional observations, words that lean into empathy and genuine concern without being intrusive resonate most deeply. And this phrase, in its simplicity, beautifully shows that balance.” – Michelle Landeros, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

3. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you.

“It is important to show empathy and offer comfort and assistance, even if it is not possible to completely comprehend someone’s grief.” – Sophie Cress, LMFT, SexualAlpha

4. May you find comfort and peace in the memories you shared.

“It’s important to be sincere, offer support, and avoid saying things that might minimize the person’s grief, like it’s for the best or I know how you feel. Everyone’s grieving process is different, so being there for them and showing empathy is key.” – Adrian Todd, Licensed Occupational Therapist

5. Nothing I say will make this incredible loss go away. I love you. If you need someone to sit with you, talk about [person’s name], or have dinner or snacks dropped off, I’m here.

“When someone dies it is important to acknowledge the death and validate however their loved ones are feeling. Many people in our society feel uncomfortable talking about death. This often makes the loved ones of those who died feel alone and unable to talk about how they feel when they are still trying to make sense of all the complicated symptoms of grief. This may also make it hard for them to share when all they really want is to talk about their loved one and keep their memory alive. After validating their feelings, offer tangible, actionable support that is within your abilities. Instead of saying ‘I’m here to help’ or ‘If you need anything let me know,’ offer to pick the kids up from school, wash the dishes, or just sit and watch movies. Giving tangible offerings shows that you are ready to help and takes away one more stressor of reaching out for help when a loved one is already overwhelmed.” – Gabriela Mueller, Create Space Therapy

6. Take your time.

“Saying ‘take your time’ respects the person’s grieving process and lets them know there is no right or wrong way to feel or cope with grief. You can also encourage them to take care of themselves and seek professional help if they need it.” – Ketan Parmar MBBS, DPM,  Psychiatry, MD – Psychiatry Psychiatrist, Psychologist and Sexologist

7. Sending you love and strength to get through this.

“Providing comfort and letting the person know that you are available to assist them during their difficult period is the intention of this message.” – Sophie Cress, LMFT, SexualAlpha

8. He/She was a wonderful person who touched many lives.

“This phrase is particularly effective when speaking to close family members or friends of the deceased. It acknowledges the positive impact the deceased had and affirms their importance.” -Ian Jackson, LPC-MHSP, LMHC, NCC, Clinical Director at Recovery Unplugged

9. Please accept my heartfelt condolences for your loss.

“This is a straightforward and sincere way to express sympathy.” –Chanell Finley, M.Ed, LPC-S, LPC

10. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through right now. Your loved one meant a lot to many people, and their memory will live on. If there’s anything I can do to support you during this time, please don’t hesitate to ask.

“Remember, offering your sincere presence and support is often more meaningful than finding the perfect words. Being there to listen, offer practical help, or simply being a companion during a difficult time can make a significant difference.” –Maria Martinez, LCSW

11. [Deceased’s Name] touched so many lives positively.

“Grieving is a personal process, and sometimes, a few kind words can make a significant difference.” -Kayla Crane, LMFT, South Denver Therapy

12. In times of sorrow, please remember that you’re surrounded by people who care deeply for you.

“This can act as a gentle reminder to the grieving individual that a network of support surrounds them, even when they might feel most isolated.” -Kim Homan, LMFT, Clinical Director | Absolute Awakenings

What to Write in a Sympathy Card

Writing a sympathy card presents an opportunity to express your condolences in a lasting and personal way. In these small, significant notes, we have the chance to provide comfort and express our sincerest empathy to those who are grieving. This section provides guidance on crafting thoughtful, heartfelt messages. A sympathy card is more than just words; it’s a tangible expression of your support and a reminder to the bereaved that they are not alone as they navigate the various stages of grief.

13. Your strength is an inspiration to all who know you.

“People often exhibit incredible resilience during grief, even if they aren’t consciously aware of it. By highlighting their strength, you acknowledge their ability to persevere in the face of immense pain.

Also, the phrase commends the individual’s strength and emphasizes its effect on others. It tells the bereaved their journey through sorrow and how they handle it and serves as an example to those around them. This can bring a sense of purpose or meaning to their struggle.

This phrase touches on the human spirit’s ability to endure, inspire, and connect. When grieving, they might feel weak or broken, but reminding them of their inherent strength and positive impact on others can be a source of strength during challenging times.” – Michelle Landeros, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

14. In this time of loss, know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. We share your sorrow and hope you find peace and healing.

“During times of grief and loss, a sympathy card can provide a small but meaningful gesture of support. Writing a heartfelt message on the card can be a way to offer comfort and let the recipient know that you are there for them in their time of need.”  – Sophie Cress, LMFT, SexualAlpha

15. Take all the time you require to grieve and heal.

“Assure them that there’s no pressure to rush through the grieving process.” –Chanell Finley, M.Ed, LPC-S, LPC

16. [Name of deceased] was a wonderful person who touched many lives. I will never forget [a memory or story of the person who died].

“This is a personal and meaningful way to honor the person who died and share how they influenced you.” – Ketan Parmar MBBS, DPM,  Psychiatry, MD – Psychiatry Psychiatrist, Psychologist and Sexologist

17. In honor of [name of deceased].

“Planting a tree, making a donation, gifting them wind-chimes or honoring their loved ones in some other way that would be appropriate (ie: would have been meaningful to the person who has died) is a lovely gesture that requires nothing from the grieving person, but let’s them know their loved one was meaningful to you too.” – Katie Bingner, Private Practice Licensed Mental Health Therapist

18. Words cannot express the sadness we feel for your loss. Please lean on us for support during this challenging journey.

“Whether you share a personal memory or offer words of encouragement, your message can help the recipient feel less alone during a difficult time. It’s important to take the time to craft a thoughtful message that acknowledges their pain and expresses your sincerest condolences.”  – Sophie Cress, LMFT, SexualAlpha

19. I don’t pretend to know how this is for you. You’re in my thoughts/prayers.

“When thinking about what to say to someone who may be grieving, it is really important to keep your own experience of grief in the back seat. This is not the time to share or compare other stories of loss. This is not the time to have advice about joining a grief group or reading a certain book. This is the time to be present with the discomfort of losing another human being.” -Mary Ellen Carlson MA, LPC, Longmont Counseling Center

20. My heart breaks hearing of [Name]’s passing; you are in my thoughts now more than ever.

“Don’t hesitate to name the person who has passed away. People often stray away from speaking about the person who has passed so as not to upset those grieving. Though well-meaning, this can send the message to those mourning that others are uncomfortable acknowledging the actual weight of the situation.” -Caroline G. Brown, LMSW, DBT, REBT, Senior Associate Therapist Gateway to Solutions

21. I’m so sorry to hear of [deceased name] passing.

“When writing a sympathy card, it’s highly important that you use the name of the deceased. Plenty of people are reluctant when it comes to using the name of the deceased because they feel like it’s not necessary or it may hurt the bereaved more. However, it’s the opposite. It makes the card more personal and most bereaved people want to hear or read their loved one’s name, whether it’s in a conversation or a note.

You can also include a personal story about the deceased to help their loved ones know that you felt something special about that person. Your favorite moments with the deceased can help lighten up the mourners’ spirit. At the end of your note, make sure you offer your support.” -Olla, Michael, M.D., Medical Director, Valley Spring Recovery Center

22. Reflect on how you will remember the person who died.

“Knowing that their loved one will not be forgotten can be deeply comforting to someone in grief. Consider sharing how you will remember the person who died.This may be done by using a recipe of theirs, thinking of them when visiting a specific place or at specific times, or keeping a special token from the relationship.”  –Sarah Puskavich, LCPC, Psychotherapist

What Not to Say to Someone Grieving

Sometimes knowing what not to say is more important than finding the right words. Here are a few statements you should avoid, even when well-intentioned when someone is grieving:

• “At least you have another child”
• “At least you can still have more children”
• “I know exactly how you feel”
• “He/She is in a better place now”
• “At least they lived a long life”
• “They wouldn’t want you to cry”
• “It’s time to move on”
• “Everything happens for a reason”

When to Consider Therapy for Grief

If grief starts to impact your daily life, such as finding it difficult to keep up with routine tasks, experiencing overwhelming feelings of sadness, or being unable to imagine a future without the lost person in it – it may be time to consider grief therapy. You can search through online therapy options and use an online therapist directory to find an online or in-person therapist to help you navigate emotions and learn coping strategies during your grief journey.