Why Do I Cry When I Get Mad?

6 Reasons You Cry When You Get Mad

Crying when mad is a common experience, stemming from a combination of emotional and physiological triggers. The body releases adrenaline when angry, which can cause hypersensitivity. Additionally, anger is often a secondary emotion to hurt, powerlessness, or frustration, and crying can induce a state of relaxation, which eases those emotions.¹ Finally, individuals who are empaths may end up crying when mad because they are empathizing with the impact of their anger on others.

Here are six reasons you may cry when you get mad:

1. Emotional Flooding

Pent-up anger can lead to emotional flooding, causing tears as a way for the body to release unacknowledged emotions that have been building up for a while. The amygdala is the region of the brain that processes emotions, and when feeling overwhelmed, it will trigger an overflow of intense feelings that can result in angry crying. These tears serve as the physiological outlet to manage and provide relief to those overwhelmed by emotional intensity.

2. Cultural & Gender Expectations

Cultural norms and societal expectations can heavily influence the likelihood of women crying when they are angry. In many cultures, it is more acceptable, or even reinforced, for women to cry, whereas it is discouraged for men. Additionally, many cultures view anger as a masculine emotion, and therefore, many women are taught that it is inappropriate for them to be mad. When these ideologies are combined, it can result in women crying when they are angry.²

3. Frustration & Powerlessness

If you feel powerless and have no sense of control in a situation, you might simultaneously feel frustrated and distraught and, in turn, find yourself crying when mad. As the anger arises, you may involuntarily have tears flood as a response to feeling helpless.

4. Self-Regulation & Relief

Physiologically, crying when mad can be the body’s way of self-regulating and relaxing. Studies show that crying releases cortisol from the body because tears can have cortisol in them, and this helps to reduce the cortisol levels in the body. This reduces stress and, in turn, reduces anger. Crying also releases endorphins in the body, which is a natural way to alleviate emotional tension and, in turn, leaves you feeling relaxed.

5. Empathy

You may cry when you are mad if you feel empathetic for someone who has been wronged, but you feel helpless to support them. Tears that come alongside anger when feeling empathetic are often a way to express the internal pain you have due to your powerlessness.

6. Coping Mechanism

Crying when mad can be a healthy coping mechanism because it signals to yourself and to others that you have emotional needs that are not being met. Tears released during anger help you process and communicate your distress as an outlet for intense emotions. This coping mechanism may be used as an instant response to the overwhelming feeling.³

Is Crying When You’re Mad Normal?

Crying when mad is a common and natural response. It is important not to judge yourself for crying when mad because it will only add unnecessary stress that can cause further hurdles in emotions. Accepting your emotions for what they are helps validate your feelings and provides self-compassion in a moment of overwhelm.

Benefits of Angry Crying

Angry crying can be beneficial for many reasons. Physiologically, crying releases endogenous opioids and oxytocin, which leave the body feeling relaxed.⁶ Psychologically, crying allows for an emotional release, which can help you to understand what was making you angry and how to resolve it. Crying also allows others to know that you are upset and opens the door for honest communication.

Disadvantages of Crying When You’re Mad

Crying when mad can impact the way others perceive and interact with you and also leave a person feeling embarrassed. Some people perceive crying as being weak, and therefore, they may change how they communicate with you or the responsibilities they are willing to give you at work. Additionally, when their perception changes, you may internalize how they view you and, therefore, feel embarrassed.

Strategies to Avoid Crying When You’re Mad

There is nothing wrong with angry crying, but if you wish to cry when mad, there are a few practical strategies and techniques to help you prevent tears. Assertive communication, journaling, and breathing deeply can all help in moments of anger overwhelm. Choosing a strategy that works for you and your unique emotional response is important so that you can respond accordingly to the trigger.

Here are some strategies that can help you avoid crying when mad:

Practice Deep Breathing

Deep breathing is an effective tool to prevent tears when angered. Practicing this before reaching the point of tears can help regulate your emotions when in a state of overwhelm. Engaging in deep breathing during an initial response to anger provides a calming physiological response and reduces the likelihood of crying. This should be used daily as a preventative measure and when feeling angry due to a trigger.⁴

Here are some deep breathing techniques to try:

• Box Breathing: Box breathing involves inhaling deeply and counting for four, holding for four, exhaling through a count of four, and holding there for a count of four. This sequence of breathing is repeated several times until a state of relaxation.
• 4-7-8 Technique: The 4-7-8 technique involves inhaling quietly through your nose for a count of 4, holding your breath for 7, and exhaling out loud for a count of 8. Repeat this cycle until a state of relaxation.
• Belly Breathing: In belly breathing, inhale through your nose and notice your belly expand as you take breaths in. Exhale slowly through your mouth and recognize the deflation of your belly. Repeat several times until feeling a state of relaxation.
• Alternate nostril breathing: Alternative nostril breathing involves closing one nostril with your thumb and inhaling through the other nostril. Next, close the nostril with your ring finger, release your thumb, and exhale through the alternate nostril. Repeat this until you are in a state of relaxation.

Take a Break

Taking a break when mad is a helpful technique to prevent tears. A step away from the trigger prevents the escalation of emotions that can lead to tears. This break may involve removing yourself physically from the environment and finding a private space to pause and gather your thoughts. This pause will allow you to collect your thoughts and gain perspective over your emotions.

Spend Some Time Journal

Journaling is a powerful tool to prevent tears from forming when angry. Writing your feelings on paper provides space for expression without feeling vulnerable through tears. When you place your emotions on paper, you can take time to process those feelings of anger at a later time when you are not in the heat of the moment.

Using a journal is a proactive way to manage anger. It helps with self-reflection to understand your triggers, which can help you avoid getting mad to the extent that you cry, as well as know how to de-escalate when you do feel the tears coming.

Focus on Self-Care

Taking time for self-care on a regular basis can help ease your reaction to crying when feeling mad. Having adequate sleep, eating healthy, and exercising can support emotional resilience. Preparing yourself mentally by having a calm baseline can help decrease the likelihood of being triggered, and thereby, you can avoid crying when angry.

Try Mindful Distraction

Redirecting your focus when angry can prevent you from crying. Mindful distraction involves shifting your attention to a different object or activity that would break the escalation of feelings of anger. These distractions temporarily distance you from the trigger that made you mad and help you manage your anger to prevent tears from coming. This is a temporary fix in the moment of anger.

Practice Assertive Communication

Utilizing assertive communication is a helpful tool to prevent tears when you are feeling mad. This communication style allows you to be direct without aggression and avoids bottling up emotions. Through assertive communication, you will be able to maintain control over your emotions and reduce the likelihood of tears. This approach allows the expression of anger through constructive communication.⁵

Should You Prevent Yourself From Crying When Mad?

While controlling your tears when mad is not necessary, there are benefits to balancing your emotional response when feeling overwhelmed because of anger. It is important not to suppress your emotions but to find healthy ways to navigate your emotions. Finding the balance between when to allow yourself to have emotions and when to prevent yourself from crying is crucial to not constantly crying and not constantly bottling up your emotions.

Here are some situations where preventing yourself from crying may be beneficial:

• Professional settings: Controlling tears when in a work meeting helps maintain focus on the task at hand and ensures effective communication without the distraction of emotions.
• Public speaking engagements: When in front of a large audience, controlling tears can help maintain confidence and ensure delivery without emotional conflict.
• Emergency situations: Crisis situations might cause you to feel overwhelmed, but crying can prevent you from making crucial decisions and hinder your ability to make appropriate choices.
• Conflicts: A heated argument or conflict that involves crying can prevent assertive communication, and your thoughts might not be well received.

Here are some situations where allowing yourself to cry may be beneficial:

• Grieving the loss of someone: Grief comes with a multitude of emotions, including anger. It is helpful to release anger through crying when in the angry stage of grieving the loss of a loved one.
• Overcoming emotional blocks: Allowing yourself to cry can break through an emotional barrier that you might have. It enables you to accept the emotions you have been pushing away in moments of frustration and anger. Doing so in private helps you to label these feelings.
• Processing anger independently: You may struggle to move from emotion to emotion rather than processing the feelings you have at a point. Crying might help you process the anger you feel rather than keep it bottled up.
• Expressing vulnerability: When feeling angry, crying can show your vulnerability and show others that you have deeper emotions and feelings under the anger you might be showcasing.

How to Communicate You’re Mad Even Though You Are Crying

If you are crying when mad, it is important to communicate what is happening because people may mistake your tears for sadness when you are actually angry. The first step is acknowledging your tears and informing the other person where they stem from. Take pauses when communicating if you need to regain composure. Remember, angry crying does not make what you are saying less valid.

How to Cope With Being Embarrassed About Angry Crying

It is common to feel embarrassed when crying during a moment of anger. It is helpful to acknowledge the embarrassment as a part of a feeling and provide yourself with compassion to understand that crying does not diminish your strength. Taking time to engage in self-compassion can help you accept your feelings and emotions, and others will do the same.

Here are some tips for how to cope with being embarrassed about angry crying:

• Practice self-compassion: Self-compassion can help you acknowledge the natural feelings of embarrassment. Being kind to yourself can help you recognize that your responses are valid and not further add to the anger of what you feel.
• Refocus thoughts: Shifting your focus from embarrassment to acceptance can help you to engage in activities and move your thoughts forward from anger to a state of calm.
• Recite positive affirmations: Positive affirmations, such as “all of my emotions are valid,” outside of the heat of an angry moment, can help you remember these when you are angry. This gives you support and guidance from yourself that you may need to feel confident and decrease embarrassment.
• Seek support: Connecting with a friend or finding a therapist to talk about your feelings helps you to gain perspective and feel understood and accepted. It is helpful to talk out your emotions with others to validate your feelings.
• Engage in mindfulness and acceptance: Techniques of mindfulness for anger outside of the moment will help you to be present in the moment of anger. Acknowledging feelings of embarrassment without dwelling on them can be done through practicing mindfulness and later engaging in this when overwhelmed to decrease intense emotions.

When to Seek Professional Support

If crying when angry significantly impacts your daily life, such as relationships, mental health, or activities of daily living, it is important to seek professional help. Begin to look at the triggers and patterns of your anger and the result and response during and after an overwhelming interaction. Using an online therapist directory or online therapy platform can be helpful in seeking accessible and immediate support to address your emotions.