Teaching children strategies to manage their anger is key. The causes and symptoms of anger issues in children can vary from child to child. A child who is experiencing anger may have various reactions and may exhibit different symptoms including shutting down, experiencing an outburst, crying, and becoming frustrated. Types of treatment will depend on the needs of the child and the severity of the angry symptoms presenting in the child.
Do I Have an Angry Child?
When children are young, their ability to communicate their feelings can be limited by their vocabulary and their developmental level. Child anger issues are distressing to children and parents alike. Anger in kids can be a powerful emotion and may be expressed in a variety of ways, from anger outbursts to sullenness. Child anger symptoms include tantrums, aggression, and acting out. Some angry children experience outbursts of rage only at home, while others express anger and negativity in public.
Symptoms of anger issues in children may vary depending on the child’s experiences and ways that they have been taught to cope with anger. Not only do angry children exhibit negative psychosocial and academic concerns, but they may also have somatic symptoms and physical health concerns.1
Anger symptoms in a child may include:
- Appetite changes
- Change in how emotions are expressed
- Clenching of the teeth
- Easily angered or frustrated
- Somatic symptoms (e.g., headaches, stomach aches)
- Tense muscles
- Heavy breathing
When Is Anger in Children Unhealthy?
It is normal for children to experience anger, just as adults do. However, sometimes anger issues in children can be signs of a more concerning problem. Anger is a normal emotion, but when a kid with anger problems fails to develop anger management skills, at home and in other settings, you may want to consult your pediatrician to see if further assessment is warranted.
- Excessive anger can be a symptom of oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), which can be diagnosed after six months of a significant level of anger, irritability, defiance, and spitefulness.
- Frequent temper outbursts that persist may be a sign of disruptive mood dysregulation behavior (DMDD).
- Conduct disorder (CD) is a more outwardly-focused disorder that includes exploitative acts and abuse of others.
These disorders must be diagnosed by professionals, so if you suspect your child may have some of these symptoms, scheduling an appointment with their primary care provider could be a good next step.
Signs of Anger Issues in Children
Signs of anger issues in a child can differ based on age, developmental level, and mental health diagnoses. However, behavioral and relational signs may be the first clue that your child is dealing with concerns that require professional treatment. If you find yourself frequently asking “Why is my child so angry and negative all the time?”, there is likely cause for concern.
Some signs that your child may have anger issues include:
Disruption in Family Life & Dynamics
Children learn to manage their emotions as they mature, so be sure to consider your child’s developmental level in your assessment of their behavior. Children often save their least-agreeable behavior for their caregivers, but tantrums should grow less frequent as children mature. Some signs of anger issues include appeasing your child to avoid escalating behaviors, canceling plans due to your child’s outbursts, or prioritizing an angry child’s demands to keep the peace.
Aggression Toward Others
Children with anger issues may lash out at others unprovoked verbally or physically. Anger outbursts in children that include aggressive behaviors can be alarming and need to be addressed. Anger issues may be indicated if a child is consistently picking fights or hitting other family members, using anger as a means of manipulating others to get their way, and ignoring safety rules.
Immature Behavior
Although there are individual variations, the ability to manage emotions typically follows a fairly predictable path. For instance, toddlers around 2-years-old typically express anger when they can’t master a task, someone takes something away from them they want, or they are hungry, tired, or constrained. As they develop, their emotion regulation grows stronger, and tantrums and anger outbursts grow less frequent and severe. A 4-year-old’s anger issues may include acting out against the people who they believe are the cause of their anger, and may include hitting or even biting the person who has upset them.
As children mature, their anger management skills mature, too. A child who is 6 or 8 will definitely experience anger, but they are growing more capable of expressing it in ways that are more acceptable than acting out physically. If your 10-year-old or 12-year-old has anger issues that result in them physically acting out or other aggressive behaviors that seem immature for their age, there may be deeper issues at play. Immature anger displays include temper tantrums, throwing things, holding their breath to try to pass out, or hurting themselves or others.
Difficulties in Relationships
Anger problems can negatively impact relationships in children from an early age. When young children engage in aggressive behaviors, other children will avoid interaction with them which can limit the child’s ability to learn or practice acceptable social interaction. If a child is having problems building friendships or is unable to get along with their peers due to anger, this may lead to further social exclusion which can negatively affect the child’s overall development.
Frequent Bouts of Frustration
When children are toddlers, frustration is common as they are physically unable to accomplish the tasks that they see older children complete. Young children get angry easily, too, because they also tend to want what they want when they want it. As children gain more independence and motor skills, they experience less frustration in life. They also learn how to manage their frustration through changing tasks or requesting help.
When a child’s bouts of frustration continue at the level consistent with younger children, or a child gets angry easily, it may warrant further assessment. Children who might have academic or sensory deficits may express frustration when they are unable to do what their peers can manage. Persistent bouts of frustration with others or oneself can generate inappropriately frequent anger outbursts.
What Causes Anger Issues in Children?
When determining what makes your child angry, it is important to pay attention to what precedes their anger outbursts. Be mindful of the frequency and intensity of your child’s rage, whether they be due to external or internal factors. Additionally, other elements play a role in what causes anger issues in children, such as genetics, childhood trauma, and parenting styles.
Possible causes of anger issues in children include:
- Co-occurring mental health conditions: Anger can be a symptom of something more than immature emotion regulation. It has been associated with ADHD, OCD, Tourette’s syndrome, and autism.
- Genetics: In some cases, anger issues may be the results of an inherited temperament; some people are more prone to anger than others simply due to family traits.
- Trauma, abuse, or neglect: When children experience adverse events, such as trauma, abuse, and neglect, they can experience significant levels of anger at their maltreatment. Due to power dynamics between the child and abuser, anger may be expressed in a variety of settings including those unrelated to the event or the person responsible for the maltreatment.
- Family dysfunction: When families are unable to deal constructively with issues or use ineffective communication styles, children may experience frustration and anger. If parents use unfair methods of discipline, this can also generate anger in children.
- Parenting styles: When ineffective or inappropriate parenting styles are used, and children feel that their voices are not heard, this may cause children to resort to anger outbursts to deal with their frustration.
- Physical ailments: When children are sick or in pain, they may feel especially irritable. They may have a lowered tolerance for frustration and lash out in anger due to their compromised systems.
- Emotional or behavioral challenges: Children learn to regulate their emotions over time, but when they are faced with a significant challenge, or they feel emotionally overwhelmed, they may respond with anger at a level that is immature for their age.
- Temperament and personality: Some people are just born with lower tolerance for frustration or born more prone to irritability and anger.
- Illnesses: Some illnesses can cause irritability in children. PANDAS is an example; it is an autoimmune disorder that children may develop after a strep infection that is linked to increased aggression.
- Anxiety: Some children respond to feelings of anxiety with aggression and acting out due to being unable to manage symptoms of anxiety more effectively.
Therapy & Anger Management for Children
Treatment of anger varies depending upon the severity of the signs and symptoms, triggers, and resources available. Also, parents, family members, and schools must consider that what works for one child may not work for another when it comes to managing anger. When finding a therapist for a child, it is imperative to not force one particular type of treatment if the child is resistant to engage in the process initially.
It is often helpful to explain anger management tools to children as they relate to their emotions, symptoms, and treatment. It is also important if the child has a specific mental health diagnosis that the child is given coping skills to help with the signs and symptoms related to the diagnosis.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anger is a normal method of treatment when working with children. Within CBT, children can process their thoughts and identify distorted thoughts that are causing unwanted behaviors. Throughout this process a mental health provider can help children modify distortions that may be responsible for disruptive behaviors.4 It is also imperative when working with children suffering from concerns with being able to regulate their emotions that a trauma sensitive approach is considered.
Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT)
Trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT) is an evidence-based treatment approach for children and adolescents who have symptoms related to trauma.5 When a child is in therapy it is key for the therapist to assess whether or not the child has been exposed to traumatic experiences that could be causing outbursts or other symptoms that are out of the norm for the child.
TF-CBT combines psychoeducation and cognitive techniques to teach children and adolescents how to express themselves, learn cognitive coping skills to deal with stressors, develop relaxation techniques, create and process trauma narratives, and manage behaviors that could be detrimental to their overall mental health.7 The range of sessions can vary from 8-25 sessions.5
Parent & Family Training
Parent coaching should be a primary approach when supporting children with concerns or diagnoses pertaining to regulating their emotions.6 It is imperative when children are learning healthy ways to manage their anger that parents/families are included in training to ensure that everyone is using similar interventions that reinforce the behaviors that the adults would like to see. Parent and family training helps parents limit outbursts by teaching alternative ways to handle misbehavior. The focus is on using positive reinforcement for what a child does right, rather than punishment for negative behaviors.
Social Skills Groups
Small groups for children learning to regulate their emotions can also be beneficial for children. Social skills groups use evidence-based practices to teach children healthy ways to regulate their emotions, interact with peers, and strategies to support them in their day-to-day interactions with others. Social skills groups can take place in a counseling setting in or outside of the child’s school setting. However, whatever skills that the child is being taught in social skills groups should also be taught or communicated with the parents, caregivers, and teachers who are working with the child.
Medication
In addition to behavior management strategies and parent training, medication for anger may be prescribed by the child’s pediatrician or a child psychiatrist depending on the diagnosis. There are various diagnoses that children may experience such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, anxiety, depression, or other diagnoses. Anger can be a concern or symptom in almost any childhood mental health disorder. Parents/caregivers should consult with their child’s pediatrician or a child psychiatrist if they believe their child is experiencing any of these conditions. Any time medications are given to children they should be discussed with the child in an age-appropriate manner.
How to Help a Child With Anger Issues
When children are overwhelmed with feelings of anger, it can be very scary for the child. No one likes feeling out of control. Learning to recognize what feeds their frustration can help you better help your child with anger issues and prepare your child to handle these stressors. To best help children manage their anger, provide them with effective ways to manage frustration and begin their anger management training when they are in a calm and relaxed state of mind.
The best way to help a child with anger issues is through prevention. By helping them recognize what is likely to trigger their anger and how to respond quickly when they feel anger building, they will feel more in control of their emotions. There are a variety of ways that you can help your child handle anger.
Below are tips for helping your angry child:
- Help them identify their triggers: Becoming familiar with triggers, signs and symptoms related to their anger. Conditions related to managing anger can be complex and challenging at times. Therefore, becoming familiar with signs, symptoms, and healthy ways to cope are important.
- Make time for fun: Leave time for activities that they enjoy. Some of these activities may include spending time with their friends, watching a movie that they enjoy, reading a book, taking a bath, physical activity, and eating their favorite meal.
- Prioritize their physical health, too: If a child is suffering from concerns related to managing his/her anger, it is imperative to take measures to ensure that the child has a healthy diet, engages in physical activity, and gets an adequate amount of sleep.
- Help build their support network: Children with concerns related to managing their anger should seek out a support system who can support them through their journey. This includes but is not limited to peers, trusted adults, loved ones, and other positive role models.
- Teach them breathwork: Deep breathing or “counting to ten” are easy to learn breathwork practices that can help slow down a child’s response to a stimulus that angers them. Giving a child a healthy way to deal with their anger validates their feelings and empowers them to manage it.
- Be mindful of their feelings: Once we are able to “name our feelings,” it gives us more control over them and gives us the chance to pause and reflect before acting out. Children should be taught how to recognize and name their feelings to help control them.
- Acknowledge their anger: Anger is a powerful emotion and can feel overwhelming to a child. Rather than making an invalidating statement, such as “You’re not really angry,” support your child by saying something more like “Yes, I can understand why you’re feeling angry about [insert stimulating event].” Then help the child find a healthier way to express their feelings.
- Use positive discipline: Help your child learn from their mistakes by listening to their perspective on their behavior, using natural and logical consequences for misbehavior, and helping them to learn better behavior choices than the ones that were in error.
- Limit their exposure to triggers: As you get to know your child, you can observe the triggers to their frustration or anger and avoid them if possible. If a trigger is unavoidable, take time to prepare your child for facing the trigger and help them practice anger management skills to use when they face the trigger.
- Model healthy responses to stress: Always remember that you are your child’s best teacher and first role model. When you experience frustration or stress, practice the emotional regulation skills you’ve taught your child and model for your child how to respond calmly to frustration.
Final Thoughts
Helping your child identify healthy coping skills is key. While these lifestyle changes for children may be helpful, mental health treatment is also crucial in addressing symptoms related to managing anger in a healthy manner for children. If you are concerned about symptoms related to managing your child’s anger, seeking professional support for your child from a mental health provider is highly recommended.
Anger in Children Infographics
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