Gifted kid burnout is when a child that’s endowed with above-average abilities becomes exhausted as a result of too much pressure from unrealistic expectations they set for themselves or others place on them. Symptoms include apathy, isolation, and irritability. Helping a burnt-out gifted kid starts with understanding their unique characteristics so that you can become their advocate and normalize being imperfect.
What Is Gifted Kid Burnout?
It’s easy to think that gifted kids have it all figured out, but gifted children may be more prone to burnout than the average child. Unreasonably high expectations put on them by their families, peers, and teachers can cause them to be their own biggest critics — ultimately leading to mental and emotional exhaustion.
Here’s an example of burnout in someone gifted: With school projects that do not resonate with them, they procrastinate, fail to complete their schoolwork, and may even decide to leave school. Note that “gifted kid burnout syndrome” isn’t a medical condition but rather something that has become known publicly due to gifted kids and teens sharing their negative experiences in online videos.
Why Does Gifted Kid Burnout Occur?
Several factors lead to chronic stress in a gifted child, ultimately causing burnout. A primary factor is an educational environment that doesn’t align with their values. Research shows that gifted children have different emotional and social needs compared with their peers. Parents and teachers may create unrealistic expectations, which can increase the risk of gifted kids developing behavioral and emotional problems.1
It’s also important to note that some of the unique qualities that make these kids “gifted” are the same qualities that can contribute to added stress in their lives. These characteristics include their being highly sensitive, perfectionist, and fearful of failure. When these kids are labeled as “gifted,” they may feel different from their peers and experience social isolation, which affects their learning.2
Factors that increase the risk of gifted kid burnout include:
- Being raised by authoritarian parents
- A school curriculum that is inflexible, repetitive, lacks purpose and focuses on results over a gifted child’s well-being
- “Toxic labels” — as some gifted teens would call them — such as “gifted” and “talented,” which make them sensitive to others’ judgments and afraid they won’t meet expectations
- Perfectionism or having very high personal standards
- Loneliness and exclusion from peers, and a lack of support
- Feedback from others that seem harmless but can negatively affect their self-perception, such as “Try harder,” “Do better,” and “Keep pushing.”
Signs of Gifted Kid Burnout
Parents and teachers will likely notice a child losing interest in school work and other activities in general. Pay attention to their level of motivation, mood, eating patterns, sleep patterns, and emotional reaction toward challenges. Unless your child or student verbally expresses their thoughts, changes in their behaviors should not be ignored.
Here’s a sample scenario: An artistically gifted child suddenly shows deep concern about how their teacher and peers would perceive their work. You might notice them overthinking, spending an excessive amount of time “perfecting” a task, and becoming increasingly pessimistic. However, instead of asking for help, the child isolates himself.
Common signs of gifted kid burnout include:
- Headaches and/or stomach aches that are unrelated to physical illness
- Panic attacks
- Disinterest in things they previously found enjoyable
- Voicing their concerns about school, their friends, teachers, and the future
- Increased preference for solitary activities (especially if they used to be outgoing)
- Not completing their assignments on time
- School grades are suffering
- Quitting when things get tough
- A change in their eating habits and sleeping patterns
How to Help a Gifted Child Overcome Burnout
It is important to remember that although a child is highly gifted, they are still a child. In order to help a child with burnout, it is important for the parent to understand the qualities and traits of giftedness, how their child’s brains operate, and common problem areas that affect them.
Gifted kids primarily develop burnout in educational environments, so working with your child’s school will help in honing their natural abilities and developing a growth mindset without overwhelming them. Gifted kid burnout is challenging to deal with, but with patience, it can be resolved – and it’s worth it.
Here are eight ways to help a gifted child overcome burnout:
1. Assess Their Environment
Gather information about your child’s academic environment. This is especially important if your child is enrolled in a public school with a gifted learning program. A gifted student may compare themselves with non-identified students. It’s also possible that the gifted program itself lacks resources to address their needs.
You may want to check how the school measures your child’s academic growth and whether they meet their education goals. Although many parents understand their child’s uniqueness, research shows that only a few understand their “ability profile and emotional peculiarities.”3 Along with that, it’s important to examine your parenting style and how you’re helping them manage their emotions.
2. Model Imperfectionism
Perfectionistic or an “all-or-nothing” thought pattern can lead to feeling self-defeated. Letting your gifted child know that it’s okay to not get everything “right” will reduce their worries and promote a can-do attitude. As a parent, you can model being imperfect by sharing your “mistakes,” such as not staying on top of the laundry. When you struggle with something, consider asking their perspective.
3. Focus on Effort & Enjoyment, Rather Than Results
Another powerful antidote to perfectionism is taking the focus off results and focusing on “productive struggle,” which refers to effortful learning. Productive struggle involves challenging the gifted child’s specific weaknesses without overwhelming them — at the same time, offering the right amount of support to overcome the challenge. In other words, you encourage learning for the sake of learning instead of getting a specific grade.
Make learning enjoyable by matching it with their personality. A gifted child who’s introverted will thrive in a calm environment where they’ll be able to take time to process information and complete the activity one-on-one with a friend. Also, try to find a connection between their schoolwork and personal interests. For example, a musically gifted child who hates math may appreciate it if you told them how math helps in reading music.
4. Teach Healthy Coping Skills
Because gifted kids have a lot of stress placed on them, it’s crucial to teach them healthy coping skills. Coping skills geared towards children are especially helpful for controlling their emotions and shifting their thoughts when encountering difficult situations.
If there’s one thing that coping skills pass on to gifted learners, it’s the resilience to endure hardships, which ultimately contributes to their success. A simple coping skill they can practice anytime is using positive self-talk statements, such as “I choose to focus my attention on my goals and things that are uplifting” and “I will not be hard on myself today.”
5. Practice Open Communication
In a world where gifted learners feel pressured to perform, parents play a vital role in maintaining open communication within the family. Parents of gifted children can create a healthier relationship with their child when there’s communication, mutual respect, honesty, listening, and sharing of common interests.4
Set aside certain times in which you can give them your undivided attention. Encourage them to share about their challenges in school, and when they talk, listen. Recognize that this is also an opportunity to talk about their unique abilities, but at the same time, make them aware of their potential weaknesses, such as excessive perfectionism and being emotionally sensitive. Moreover, openly discuss your child’s needs with their teachers.
6. Allow Your Gifted Child to Take Breaks
Giving them breaks throughout the day and during the weekends is an effective technique for interrupting stress, which can take a toll on their energy levels, mood, and motivation.5 Effective breaks are the ones unrelated to their academics. This includes drawing, playing a musical instrument, sports, and going to museums. These activities can meet their need to express themselves.
7. Don’t Forget to Look After Yourself
Nurturing a gifted child and helping them overcome burnout starts with parents caring for themselves. Spend a few moments each day doing the things that make you happy. It could be taking a walk outside and getting fresh air, doing yoga, reading a good book, drinking a cup of tea, or working in the garden.
Self-care doesn’t only benefit you as a parent, but it’s also a way of setting a good example for your gifted child. Your stressed or burned-out child will learn that there are healthier ways to deal with frustration instead of giving up. For example, you can say, “Mom/Dad is feeling a bit down today, so I’m going to take a walk outside to clear my mind.”
8. Show a Positive Attitude Towards Seeking Professional Help
A burnt-out gifted kid may refuse to seek help because they’re afraid of being perceived as weak or needy. It’s vital to let them know that needing help is a sign of maturity and strength and that relying on the right people — those with extensive knowledge, resources, and experience in supporting burned-out gifted learners — can help them recover and achieve their fullest potential.
When to Seek Professional Support
If gifted kid burnout symptoms are worsening and affecting the quality of their life, find a counselor or therapist. Techniques used may include hypnotherapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy for children (CBT), and solution-focused therapy (SFT), which will encourage more realistic thought patterns. Besides asking for recommendations from trusted friends and parents of other gifted kids, you can use an online therapist directory or online therapy platform to start searching.
In My Experience
Many gifted young people seem to struggle with emotional stress, which has a lot to do with their neurological makeup. They think and feel deeply. When they reach the point of burnout, it’s not uncommon for them to feel that their “giftedness” isn’t such a gift at all. They may feel misunderstood and lonely at times.
When it comes to the emotional aspect of giftedness, I find that many individuals are unaware of the strong emotional intensity that comes with gifted children. Therefore, teaching families and older gifted children how to nurture their emotional health will help them learn to become less upset and deal with big feelings, especially in school.
I would recommend using tools and techniques they can try at home, such as a “feelings thermometer” to identify their emotional state and practicing relaxation exercises in response to triggers (which can be their environment and own thoughts).
Gifted Kid Burnout Infographics
