How to Help Someone Who Is Suicidal

What Are the Warning Signs of Suicide?

People who are suicidal often feel frightened, confused, and overwhelmed, and many may not share their intent to harm themselves with loved ones. Sadly, suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States and the second for people aged 10 to 34.¹ Knowing early warning signs can help you be empathetic, listen, and encourage immediate mental health support if a friend, teen, or loved one discusses suicidal ideation with you.

Below are common signs of suicidality:

• Talking about wanting to die or kill themselves
• Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun
• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
• Talking about feeling trapped or being in unbearable pain
• Talking about being a burden to others²
• Giving away important personal possessions
• Increasing use of drugs and/or alcohol
• Ongoing social isolation from family and friends
• Loss of interest in things that previously brought pleasure
• Engaging in reckless behavior
• Saying they feel trapped and have no way out or alternatives

How to Assess Immediate Risk for Suicide

Do not hesitate to act immediately if you believe someone is feeling suicidal. The best way to help a suicidal friend is to connect them with a mental health professional and ask questions to assess the seriousness of their intent.

You want to understand how soon they plan to act and whether they have a plan. Do not frame your question as if you want a “no” (i.e., “You aren’t thinking of killing yourself, are you?”).³ If necessary, call 911 and stay with your friend while help is on the way.

Below are questions to assess the immediate risk of suicide:

• Why do you want to die?
• Have you done any sort of preparation for your death?
• On a scale of 1-10, where would you rate your seriousness or desire to die?
• Have you already tried any particular method or taken steps in rehearsal for suicide?⁴

How to Help a Suicidal Friend: 13 Tips

Stay present and as calm as possible when trying to help someone who is suicidal. Avoid statements like, “Cheer up” or “Everything will be fine,” because these can minimize and disregard their emotional pain. They may also feel less inclined to accept your support.

Here are 13 actions you can take to help someone who is suicidal:^5,6

1. Encourage Them to Seek Treatment

Suicidal or severely depressed individuals may not have the energy or motivation to find help. Suggest locating a support group, crisis center, faith community, teacher, or other trusted person if they don’t want to consult a doctor or mental health provider. Seeking and gaining any form of support can go a long way in helping your loved one.

2. Be Respectful & Acknowledge Their Feelings

Try not to express shock or talk them out of their feelings when helping a suicidal loved one. Remember, their emotions are real and important, even if they are thinking illogically.

3. Ask Them Directly

Ask the person struggling with suicidal ideation, “Are you thinking about killing yourself because of the depression?” While not easy, studies show that asking at-risk individuals this question does not increase suicides or suicidal thoughts. Instead, their response may offer insight into the necessary next steps.

4. Keep Them Talking & Listen Sincerely

Convey your intent to provide unconditional support, clearly stating you understand their emotions and needs. Avoid interrupting or assuming you inherently comprehend their experience and situation. Emphasize you are available for emotional support and want to be there for them as much as possible.

5. Share Your Concerns About What They’re Saying

Let your friend know you care about their well-being. Do not make requests like, “Promise me you won’t actually hurt yourself,” or “I need you to keep yourself safe.” Instead, emphasize how much you love them and take their feelings seriously. Explain you will do whatever you can to ensure they feel safe.

6. Keep Them Safe

Reducing access to lethal items or places is critical in suicide prevention. Asking if the at-risk person has a plan and removing the means can make a difference. You want to ensure you can prevent them from taking action.

7. Do Grounding Exercises Together

Offer to help your friend feel more emotionally regulated during a heightened moment. Some basic grounding exercises include focusing on deep breathing, guided imagery (i.e., imagining a pleasant, safe space), or even practicing yoga together. However, grounding exercises alone will not necessarily stop suicidal thoughts but can promote an immediate sense of calm.

8. Follow Up

Discuss when and how you will follow up and check in on your friend to ensure they are safe. Reassure them they are not alone and continue offering support and resources. If possible, encourage them to talk about the source of their suicide ideation.

9. Link Them With Support Services

People in a suicidal state may not have the energy or ability to reach out for help or locate resources. Gather information about where they can receive assessments and support, like suicide hotlines, local support groups, mental health centers, and hospitals. Doing so can help set up proper treatment.

10. Believe Them

Believe your friend if they admit to having suicidal ideation. Sometimes, people mistakenly assume this cry for help as a way to get attention. You need to take caution, considering their intent is real and possible.

11. Bring In Other Supportive People

While you can offer love, support, and practical resources, you may be unavailable to help your friends 24/7. Collaborate with them to determine other safe people, including family members, friends, or a therapist. In addition, discuss if they are willing to share their feelings with others.

12. Encourage Them to Talk to a Therapist

A trained mental health professional can properly assess suicide risk and emotional states. Choosing a therapist, counselor, or psychologist takes time, so help your friend locate providers with expertise in depression or suicidality. They can determine the degree of risk and make a correct diagnosis.

13. Make a Safety Plan

A safety plan can make a positive difference for someone in crisis. They may be better able to handle overwhelming or unbearable moments if they know help is available.

What to Say to a Suicidal Friend Over Text

Knowing how to share your concerns via text is important, especially when you cannot see your loved one face-to-face. Texting can be convenient, but people cannot inherently depict your tone or see your facial expressions through the phone. Remember this as you write your responses to someone who is suicidal.

Here are some helpful things to say to a loved one over text:

• Thank you for being honest with me. I feel honored to have your trust.
• I am so sorry that you’re struggling. I am here to help as much as I can.
• Are you thinking of killing yourself? I ask because I want you to have immediate support.
• Do you want me to call you right now so we can really talk?
• I am here for you no matter what. We’ll get through this.
• Have you talked to anyone about this? Can I help you find a therapist or other resources that can assist you at this time?

What Not to Do When Helping Someone Who Is Suicidal

You should avoid certain phrases and assumptions when helping someone who is suicidal. You want to provide support without diminishing or invalidating their experience. However, seek immediate help if your friend admits to actively planning to complete suicide.

Below are things not to do when helping someone who is suicidal:

• Don’t be patronizing or judgmental: Do not state things like, “Things could be worse.” Instead, ask questions like, “What’s causing you to feel so bad?” or “How can I help?” Asking for insight validates their feelings and conveys your willingness to help.
• Don’t try to offer solutions: Coming up with quick and easy solutions is tempting. However, a person who is suicidal may take this the wrong way. They may feel you are minimizing their feelings or don’t understand the depth of their emotional pain. You may accidentally sabotage your efforts to connect with them.
• Don’t keep it a secret: Your friend may ask you not to tell anybody about their suicidal ideation or attempts. Regardless, you need to tell someone who can offer help. Do not worry about betraying their confidence. They may be angry, but sharing this information can save their life.

How to Support Yourself When Helping a Suicidal Friend

Providing support to a loved one who is suicidal can be emotionally draining and disheartening. Because of this, you must also prioritize your own health and well-being, even if only to ensure you continue providing the best care. For instance, maintain regular exercise, get enough sleep, and eat a healthy diet.

Additionally, do not try to deal with the situation alone. A vital part of looking after yourself is having people to talk to about how the experience affects you. Consider speaking with a family member, friend, or someone completely objective.

Final Thoughts

Don’t underestimate the importance of compassion and listening to someone who is suicidal. If you know someone is suicidal, share this information with a crisis intervention professional who can offer immediate help and support. Regardless of the outcome, make sure you also receive mental health support.