Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death in the United States; it’s the second leading cause of death for people ages 10 to 34.1 To help a suicidal friend, listen carefully to what they say and ask the right questions. Offer them support and encourage them to get professional help immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeine can be reached at 800-273-TALK (8255).
Suicide Warning Signs: What to Watch Out For
People who are suicidal are often feeling frightened, confused, and overwhelmed. They may or may not reach out to a loved one to share their intent to harm themselves. If you have a friend who does discuss suicidal ideation with you, be empathetic, listen, and encourage them to get immediate help from a mental health professional.
Eleven warning signs of suicide are:
- Talking about wanting to die or kill themselves
- Looking for a way to kill themselves, like searching online or buying a gun
- Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
- Talking about feeling trapped or being in unbearable pain
- Talking about being a burden to others2
- Giving away important personal possessions
- Increasing use of drugs and/or alcohol
- Ongoing social isolation from family and friends
- Loss of interest in things that previously brought pleasure
- Engaging in reckless behavior
- Saying they feel trapped and have no way out or alternatives
How to Assess Immediate Risk
If you believe a friend or loved one is feeling suicidal, do not hesitate to act immediately. The best way to help a suicidal friend is to connect them with a mental health professional who can do an assessment.
Additionally, if you have a friend who might be at risk for suicide, ask questions to assess the seriousness of their intent. You want to understand how soon they plan to act and whether they have a plan. Don’t frame your question in a way that seems like you’re looking for a “no” (i.e., “You aren’t thinking of killing yourself, are you?”).3
Researchers suggest asking these questions to assess immediate risk:
- Why do you want to die?
- Have you done any sort of preparation for your death?
- On a scale of 1-10, where would you rate your seriousness or desire to die?
- Have you tried any particular method already or taken steps in rehearsal for suicide?4
Additional actions you should take if there is immediate risk include:
- Call 911, if needed
- Encourage your friend to go to a hospital for a psychiatric evaluation
- Encourage your friend to reach out to a suicide prevention hotline and supply a number
- Stay with your friend and actively listen while help is on the way
9 Ways to Help Someone Who Is Suicidal
If you’re trying to help someone who is suicidal, stay present and as calm as possible. Don’t make statements like “Cheer up” or “Everything will be fine,” because that can be construed as a way of minimizing their feelings and disregarding their emotional pain. It also will make the person who is suicidal less inclined to listen to you.
Here are nine actions you can take to help someone who is suicidal:5,6
1. Encourage Them to Seek Treatment
A suicidal or severely depressed person may not have the energy or motivation to find help. If they don’t want to consult a doctor or mental health provider, suggest finding help from a support group, crisis center, faith community, teacher, or other trusted person.
2. Be Respectful & Acknowledge Their Feelings
Try not to express shock and don’t try to talk them out of their feelings. Remember, even though someone who is suicidal isn’t thinking logically, their emotions are very real.
3. Ask Outright
“Are you thinking about killing yourself?” It’s not an easy question, but studies show that asking at-risk individuals if they are suicidal does not increase suicides or suicidal thoughts.
4. Keep Them Safe
Reducing a suicidal person’s access to highly lethal items or places is an important part of suicide prevention. While this is not always easy, asking if the at-risk person has a plan and removing or disabling the lethal means can make a difference.
5. Follow Up
Make a follow-up plan. Discuss when and how you will follow up and check in on your friend to ensure they are safe. Reassure that person that they are not alone and you want to continue to be available to offer support and resources. Try to get them to talk about the source of their suicide ideation.
6. Link Them With Support Services
People in a suicidal state may not have the energy or ability to reach out for help or research where to go. Gather information on suicide hotlines, local support groups, counseling and mental health centers, and hospitals where they can be assessed by mental health professionals. This way the proper treatment can be set up quickly.
7. Believe Them
If a friend tells you they have suicidal ideation, believe them. It may be a cry for help, but sometimes people mistakenly assume that someone uses this as a way to get attention. You need to err on the side of caution and assume their intent is real.
8. Encourage Them to Talk to a Therapist
A trained mental health professional has the skills to properly assess the suicide risk and emotional state of the individual. Learn more about how to choose the right therapist. You need to find someone who has expertise working with people who are depressed and possibly suicidal. They can determine the degree of risk and make a correct diagnosis.
9. Make a Safety Plan
Having a safety plan with someone who is in crisis can make a positive difference. It can help them get through moments that seem unbearable if they know a plan is in place and help is available.
What Not to Do
Here are things you shouldn’t do when trying to help someone who is suicidal:
- Don’t be patronizing or judgmental: Don’t tell someone that “Things could be worse.” Instead, ask questions like, “What’s causing you to feel so bad?” and “How can I help?”
- Don’t try to offer solutions: It is tempting to try to come up with quick and easy solutions. A person who is suicidal may take this the wrong way. They may feel that you are minimizing their feelings or don’t understand the depth of their emotional pain. You may accidentally sabotage your efforts to connect with them in a meaningful way.
- Don’t keep it a secret: Your friend may ask you not to tell anybody about their suicidal ideation or attempts. You need to tell someone that can offer help. Do not worry about betraying their confidence. They may be angry ,but sharing this information can save their life.
4 Ways to Support Yourself
Here are four ways to support yourself when you’re trying to help a suicidal friend:
- Make your own health and well-being a priority, even if only to ensure that you continue to provide the best care for them
- Maintain regular exercise, get enough sleep, and eat a healthy diet
- It is important that you don’t try to deal with the situation by yourself
- A vital part of looking after yourself is having people to talk to about the situation and how it is affecting you. This might be a family member or friend, or someone completely objective8
Final Thoughts
Don’t underestimate how important compassion and the simple act of listening can be to someone who is suicidal. If you know someone is suicidal, share this information with a crisis intervention professional who can offer immediate help and support. Regardless of the outcome, make sure that you get mental health support as well. You can start your search for a therapist on an online directory.
Additional Resources
- Helpful Books About Suicide & Suicidal Thoughts
- National Suicide Prevention Hotline
- Crisis Text Line
- The Trevor Project
- Online Therapist Directory: Sort therapists by specialty, cost, availability and more. Watch intro videos and see articles written by the therapists you’re considering working with. When you’ve found a good match, book an online therapy appointment with them directly.
Are you ready to connect with a therapist but feel a little overwhelmed by all your options? Speak with one of Choosing Therapy’s Client Navigators. Client Navigators are mental health professionals who will listen to what you’re looking for in a therapist and help pair you with the best possible fit. Getting started is free, easy, and confidential.
