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Infidelity PTSD: Symptoms & How to Cope

Published: May 15, 2022 Updated: May 17, 2022
Published: 05/15/2022 Updated: 05/17/2022
Headshot of Jaclyn Gulotta, LMHC
Written by:

Jaclyn Gulotta

LMHC
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD
Reviewed by:

Benjamin Troy

MD
  • What Is Post Infidelity Stress Disorder?Definition
  • Symptoms of Post Infidelity Stress DisorderSymptoms
  • Men & Women May Experience PTSD From Cheating DifferentlyMen vs Women
  • Ways to Deal With Post Infidelity Stress DisorderHow to Manage
  • When to Get Professional Help for Post Infidelity Stress DisorderTherapy Can Help
  • Final Thoughts on PTSD After CheatingConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
Headshot of Jaclyn Gulotta, LMHC
Written by:

Jaclyn Gulotta

LMHC
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD
Reviewed by:

Benjamin Troy

MD

Infidelity can be traumatic, causing intensely painful emotions for the person who was cheated on. They may actually experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including heightened anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and emotional distress. Ultimately, the level of distress one can experience depends on their unique situation as well as how they internalize and cope with the infidelity.

You don’t have to recover from infidelity PTSD alone. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What Is Post Infidelity Stress Disorder?

Although it’s not an actual diagnosis, many people report feeling post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD). If you experience relationship betrayal in the form of infidelity, you view this as a form of attack and experience interpersonal trauma with potentially devastating and lasting effects.1 You may also experience nightmares and self-doubt, have trouble trusting people (especially in relationships), and withdraw from social interactions.

Can Infidelity Cause PTSD?

The person who was cheated on may meet the criteria for PTSD and experience trauma-related symptoms such as rage, humiliation, intrusive images and flashbacks, preoccupation, emotional numbing, heightened anxiety to triggers, erratic behavior and sudden mood swings, and difficulty with sleep and concentration.2

Reliving and being triggered by the event can bring on overwhelming worries and fears.2 Anxiety related to post-infidelity trauma is also chronic and persistent.3 In some cases, a person’s natural psychological defenses end up being overwhelmed, leaving them unable to function in a healthy manner.3

Symptoms of Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

Symptoms of PISD include fear, helplessness, confusion, and intrusive thoughts. Some individuals may try to protect themselves by avoiding reminders of the traumatic, restricting their lifestyle to limit triggers.3

Symptoms of PTSD from cheating might include:

  • Trust issues
  • Commitment issues 
  • Intrusive thoughts
  • Hopelessness
  • Poor emotional regulation
  • Confusion
  • Becoming triggered easily
  • Heightened anxiety
  • Irritability and rage
  • Worry or fear
  • Withdrawal from social interactions

You don’t have to recover from infidelity PTSD alone. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

Men & Women May Experience PTSD From Cheating Differently

Men and women may react differently to a personal traumatic experience. Typically, men don’t feel comfortable expressing their feelings, whereas women often feel more in-tune with their feelings and are less embarrassed to share. Women may also be more open to share that their partner cheated on them at all and that they are experiencing symptoms of PISD.

Brain development also differs in how males and females express their symptoms.4 These differences were illustrated by measures of physiological arousal, anger, dissociation, somatization, and personality disorders.4 Ultimately, women report more intrusive images and show a higher PTSD prevalence than men.5 The social role for women such as wife, mother, or caretaker may impact the exposure and post-trauma responses, too.6 7

7 Ways to Deal With Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

The pain and betrayal of infidelity can feel suffocating and isolating, but whatever you do, try not to blame yourself. Working through these difficult emotions won’t be easy and you may have to give yourself plenty of time and space, but doing so is beneficial.

Here are seven ways to deal with post infidelity stress disorder:

  1. Don’t blame yourself. Putting the burden on yourself will only make it harder to heal. Remembering that you are not in control of someone else’s decisions and behaviors will help you to disconnect yourself from their actions.
  2. Learn to trust again. This starts with you. Trusting yourself can help you to believe in your judgement and intuition and bring you confidence in knowing that someone else’s bad judgment does not impact yours. This better prepares you to let someone back in when you’re ready.
  3. Practice self-care. Find out what you need and engage in activities that promote wellness and healing. Activities such as social time with friends, working out, and doing meditation can help by focusing your mind and giving you time to “reset.”
  4. Schedule time to worry. Pick a time in the day when you feel focused and calm and set that aside as a time to worry (this is called activity scheduling). This will help you to release obsessive thought patterns throughout the day.
  5. Acknowledge your feelings. Identify your feelings and put a name to them. This can help you accept those feelings and deal with them in the moment. Once you can recognize how you feel and accept it, you can find positive coping mechanisms.
  6. Find support. Building a good support system with friends, family, or co-workers can provide you with a sense of security. This can be helpful when you feel like you need to reach out and express your emotions.
  7. Establish healthy boundaries. By setting clear and concise boundaries, you let others know your self-worth. This will help you to create a safe space to rebuild confidence.

Separation & Divorce Support Groups

Circles offers support groups which meet weekly by video. Support groups provide a safe place to share your experiences, and learn from others going through similar experiences. Circles offers groups focused on those living through a separation or divorce. Join a Circles group for just $20 per week. Learn More

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health & wellness companies and is compensated for referrals by the company mentioned above.

When to Get Professional Help for Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

After an infidelity, if you feel your daily interactions are being negatively impacted by your thoughts and behaviors, then it may be time to seek professional help. Other reasons for getting professional help include being nervous to talk about the trauma (this could be a sign that you’re suppressing it), feeling hopeless, and noticing high levels of anxiety.

Therapy for Individuals

Individual counseling is beneficial when a person finds themselves facing daily challenges. A therapist can help by providing insight into what your triggers are and how to overcome them. Exploring new ways to cope will also allow you to feel in control of your emotions and reduce daily anxiety.

PTSD can be treated with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), using techniques to target distressing emotions and modifying maladaptive cognitions and behaviors.8 It can also be treated with prolonged exposure (PE) and exposure-based treatment (in vivo or imaginal),  eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy (EMDR) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT).

Couples Counseling

Couples who want to work on their relationship should seek  couples counseling. First, each partner needs to decide whether they want to stay in this relationship and put in the required effort to make it work. If both are open to therapy, this could help them trust one another through the healing process.

Couples CBT for PTSD can also help establish safety within the relationship and provide psychoeducation about PTSD after cheating and relationship functioning.9 Through it, partners can work to improve communication skills and reconnect their emotional and physical relationship.

Final Thoughts on PTSD After Cheating

Infidelity PTSD can be difficult to overcome but there are ways to move forward. Focusing on yourself and what you need is important. Establishing healthy boundaries and exploring your feelings will help you to identify better ways to cope and feel more in control. Remember to take things one day at a time.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for referrals by the companies mentioned below.

BetterHelp Online Therapy – BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Talkspace Online Therapy – Online therapy is convenient with Talkspace. Get therapy for as little as $69 per week, or potentially much less if you have insurance from Cigna, Optum, or UHR. Try Talkspace

Choosing Therapy’s Directory – Find an experienced therapist who is committed to your wellbeing. You can search for a therapist by specialty, availability, insurance, and affordability. Therapist profiles and introductory videos provide insight into the therapist’s personality so you find the right fit. Find a therapist today.

Online Psychiatry & Medication – Answer a few questions and Talkspace will match you with an online prescriber and get schedule a video psychiatry session. Your online psychiatry prescriber will personalize your treatment, which may include psychiatric medication and follow-ups. Get started for $249 or see if your insurance is one of many Talkspace accepts. Learn More

Mindfulness & Meditation App – Headspace is an easy way to incorporate mindfulness and meditation into your routine. See for yourself how a few minutes each day can impact your stress levels, mood, and sleep. A monthly subscription for Headspace is only $12.99 per month and comes with a 7-day free trial. Try Headspace

Narcissist Abuse Support Groups – Circles offers support groups that provide a safe place to share your experiences and learn from others going through similar experiences. Circles offers groups focused on specific relationships, like narcissistic parents or narcissistic romantic relationships. Groups meet weekly by video and are led by expert facilitators. Your group can connect via chat anytime using the Circles app. Join a Circles group for just $20 per week. Learn More

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp, Talkspace, and Headspace

For Further Reading

  • PTSD Statistics & Resources
  • National Alliance on Mental Illness: Posttraumatic Stress Disorder
  • Mental Health America: Understanding Trauma & PTSD
  • Mental Health America
  • National Alliance on Mental Health
9 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Roos, L. G., O’Connor, V., Canevello, A., & Bennett, J. M. (2019). Post-traumatic stress and psychological health following infidelity in unmarried young adults. Stress & Health: Journal of the International Society for the Investigation of Stress, 35 (4), 468-479. https://dpo.org/10.1002/smi.2880

  • Ortman, D. C. (2005). Post infidelity stress disorder. Journal of Psychosocial Nursing & Mental Health Services, 43 (10), 46-54. http://dx.doi.org/10.3928/02793695-20051001-06

  • Padmavathi, N., Sunitha, T. S., & Jothimani, G. (2013). Post infidelity stress disorder. Indian J Psy Nsg, 5, 56-59. https://www.iipn.in/text.asp?2013/5/1/56/261777

  • Christiansen, D. M., & Elklit, A. (2012). Sex differences in PTSD. Posttraumatic stress disorder in a global context, 113-142.

  • Ditlevsen, D.N., Elklit, A. (2012). Gender, trauma type, and PTSD prevalence: a re-analysis of 18 nordic convenience samples. Ann Gen Psychiatry, 11(26). https://doi.org/10.1186/1744-859X-11-26

  • Kimerling, R., Ouimette, P., & Weitlauf, J. C. (2007). Gender issues in PTSD. Handbook of PTSD: Science and practice, 207-228. Retrieved from Google Scholar: https://books.google.com/books

  • Hsu, C. K., ⨯, B. K., Nicholson, E. L., Zuj, D. V., Cushing, P. J., Gray, K. E., . . . Felmingham, K. L. (2018). Sex differences in intrusive memories following trauma. PLoS One, 13(12). http://dx.doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0208575

  • Mavranezouli, I., Megnin-Viggars, O., Daly, C., Dias, S., Welton, N. J., Stockton, S., . . . Pilling, S. (2020). Psychological treatments for post-traumatic stress disorder in adults: A network meta-analysis. Psychological Medicine, 50(4), 542-555. http://dx.doi.org/10.1017/S0033291720000070)

  • Monson CM, Fredman SJ, Macdonald A, Pukay-Martin ND, Resick PA, Schnurr PP. (2012). Effect of Cognitive-Behavioral Couple Therapy for PTSD: A Randomized Controlled Trial. JAMA. 308(7), 700–709. doi:10.1001/jama.2012.9307

update history

We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.

  • Originally Published: November 23, 2021
    Original Author: Dr. Jaclyn Gulotta, LMHC
    Original Reviewer: Benjamin Troy, MD

  • Updated: May 17, 2022
    Author: No Change
    Reviewer: No Change
    Primary Changes: Updated for readability and clarity. Reviewed and added relevant resources.

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Headshot of Jaclyn Gulotta, LMHC
Written by:

Jaclyn Gulotta

LMHC
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD
Reviewed by:

Benjamin Troy

MD
  • What Is Post Infidelity Stress Disorder?Definition
  • Symptoms of Post Infidelity Stress DisorderSymptoms
  • Men & Women May Experience PTSD From Cheating DifferentlyMen vs Women
  • Ways to Deal With Post Infidelity Stress DisorderHow to Manage
  • When to Get Professional Help for Post Infidelity Stress DisorderTherapy Can Help
  • Final Thoughts on PTSD After CheatingConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
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