Infidelity PTSD: Symptoms & How to Cope

What Is Post Infidelity Stress Disorder?

Although it’s not an actual diagnosis, many people report feeling trauma after infidelity, sometimes called post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD). If you experience relationship betrayal in the form of infidelity, you view this as a form of attack and experience interpersonal trauma with potentially devastating and lasting effects.¹ You may also experience nightmares and self-doubt, have trouble trusting people (especially in relationships), and withdraw from social interactions.

Symptoms of Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

Symptoms of PISD include fear, helplessness, confusion, and intrusive thoughts. Some individuals may try to protect themselves by avoiding reminders of the trauma, restricting their lifestyle to limit triggers.²

Symptoms of PISD from cheating might include:

• Trust issues
• Commitment issues
• Intrusive thoughts
• Hopelessness
• Poor emotional regulation
• Confusion
• Becoming triggered easily
• Heightened anxiety
• Irritability and rage
• Worry or fear
• Withdrawal from social interactions

7 Ways to Cope With Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

Experiencing infidelity can be one of the most painful and isolating challenges in a relationship. The emotional turmoil that follows may leave you feeling overwhelmed, but it’s crucial to remember that you are not to blame for someone else’s betrayal. Healing takes time, and it’s important to allow yourself the space to process these difficult emotions.

Here are seven strategies to cope with post infidelity stress disorder:

1. Don’t blame yourself. Putting the burden on yourself will only make it harder to heal. Remembering that you are not in control of someone else’s decisions and behaviors will help you to disconnect yourself from their actions.
2. Learn to trust again. This starts with you. Trusting yourself can help you to believe in your judgment and intuition and bring you confidence in knowing that someone else’s bad judgment does not impact yours. This better prepares you to let someone back in when you’re ready.
3. Practice self-care. Find out what you need and engage in activities that promote wellness and healing. Activities such as social time with friends, working out, and doing meditation can help by focusing your mind and giving you time to “reset.”
4. Schedule time to worry. Pick a time in the day when you feel focused and calm and set that aside as a time to worry (this is called activity scheduling). This will help you to release obsessive thought patterns throughout the day.
5. Acknowledge your feelings. Identify your feelings and put a name to them. This can help you accept those feelings and deal with them in the moment. Once you can recognize how you feel and accept it, you can find positive coping mechanisms.
6. Find support. Building a good support system with friends, family, or co-workers can provide you with a sense of security. This can be helpful when you feel like you need to reach out and express your emotions.
7. Establish healthy boundaries. By setting clear and concise boundaries, you let others know your self-worth. This will help you to create a safe space to rebuild confidence.

Infidelity PTSD Treatments

There are many options for treating infidelity PTSD, and you will want to find someone who has experience treating affairs in relationships. Some individual treatment options for infidelity PTSD include CBT, trauma-informed therapies, family therapy, DBT, and EMDR. Additionally, someone working through betrayal but wanting to stay with their partner may want to seek couples therapy.

Some treatment options for infidelity ptsd include:

Cognitive Restructuring

PTSD can be treated with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), using techniques to target distressing emotions and modify maladaptive cognitions and behaviors.³ A CBT therapist may use a strategy called cognitive restructuring where you will learn techniques to identify troubling thoughts and replace them with more balanced thoughts. For example, someone with infidelity PTSD may experience negative thoughts about the outcome of their relationship, but cognitive restructuring can help them produce more realistic and healthy thoughts.

Trauma-Informed Therapy

Trauma-informed therapy is more of a therapy lens than a therapy in and of itself. Think of a trauma-informed therapist as putting on glasses to help them “see” the problem through the “lens” of trauma. A trauma-informed therapist might practice from different modalities, but they will view infidelity as a form of trauma. A trauma-informed therapist might help someone overcome thoughts and sensations related to the infidelity through exposures or story-telling strategies.

Family Therapy

Family therapy involves additional family members who are impacted by the infidelity. Family therapy might be indicated for someone who has a family history of infidelity, or infidelity impacts multiple family members in another way. A family therapist can use systemic strategies, such as a family genogram, to help people explore the roots of infidelity. These insights are intended to encourage people to make positive changes when they see negative family patterns.

Prolonged Exposure (PE)

Prolonged exposure (PE) is a treatment where someone is repeatedly exposed to triggers until they begin to lose their emotional power. An exposure therapist might use both imaginal and in vivo exposures to achieve the goal of habituation, where triggers cause less of an impact. Imaginal exposures involve the person imagining triggering sensations or thoughts, whereas in vivo exposures are real life exposures to triggers. Someone with infidelity PTSD might be asked to build an exposure hierarchy to slowly work their way through triggers.

For example, maybe they have formed a compulsion to check their partner’s phone since the infidelity occurred. An exposure therapist might ask them to sit with the distress of not knowing what is on the phone and learn to trust their partner again. Of course, this type of therapy is best completed with a professional to assess how invested each partner is and whether exposure therapy is indicated for healing to occur.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT)

DBT for PTSD is a therapy focused on helping someone build four core life skills: interpersonal effectiveness, mindfulness, emotion regulation, and distress tolerance. Someone with infidelity PTSD might struggle with staying present with their partner, regulating emotions when reminded of the affair, coping with the distress of trauma triggers, and re-building the relationship with their partner. DBT can help them address all of these issues through improving the four core life skills.

EMDR

EMDR for PTSD is a trauma therapy in which a person processes their traumas while moving their eyes in specific ways. EMDR for PTSD can help someone re-process certain sights, sounds, and sensations connected to the distressing memories of their partner’s infidelity. Through exposure and re-processing of these memories, EMDR therapists believe that someone can decrease the impact of traumatic triggers and solidify more balanced beliefs about the self.

Couples Therapy

Couples therapy for PTSD can help establish safety within the relationship and provide psychoeducation about PTSD after cheating.⁴ Through it, partners can work to improve communication skills and reconnect their emotional and physical relationship.

Couples who want to work on their relationship should seek couples counseling. First, each partner needs to decide whether they want to stay in this relationship and put in the required effort to make it work. If both are open to therapy, this could help them trust one another through the healing process.

Medication

Medication might be used to help someone who either had a pre-existing mental health condition which infidelity exacerbated, or someone who developed PTSD as a result of the betrayal trauma. Research supports antidepressants, mainly SSRIs, as reducing PTSD symptoms like hyper-vigilance, negative emotions, and avoidance.⁵ Newer bodies of research are looking into how psychedelics may be safely and routinely administered to improve symptoms of PTSD for those that aren’t helped by antidepressants.

When to Get Professional Help for Post Infidelity Stress Disorder

After infidelity, if you feel your daily interactions are being negatively impacted by your thoughts and behaviors, then it may be time to seek professional help. Other reasons for getting professional help include being nervous to talk about the trauma (this could be a sign that you’re suppressing it), feeling hopeless, and noticing high levels of anxiety.

Individual counseling is beneficial when a person finds themselves facing daily challenges. A therapist can help by providing insight into what your triggers are and how to overcome them. Exploring new ways to cope will also allow you to feel in control of your emotions and reduce daily anxiety.