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Relationship Articles Couples Counseling Communication Styles Infidelity Online Couples Counseling

How Healthy Communication Enhances Your Romantic Relationship

Headshot of Jaclyn Gulotta, LMHC

Author: Jaclyn Gulotta, LMHC

Headshot of Jaclyn Gulotta, LMHC

Dr. Jaclyn Gulotta LMHC

Dr. Jaclyn specializes in anxiety, couples, marriage, family, and individual counseling, offering tailored therapy for modern challenges.

See My Bio Editorial Policy
Headshot of Heidi Moawad, MD

Medical Reviewer: Heidi Moawad, MD Licensed medical reviewer

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Heidi Moawad MD

Heidi Moawad, MD is a neurologist with 20+ years of experience focusing on
mental health disorders, behavioral health issues, neurological disease, migraines, pain, stroke, cognitive impairment, multiple sclerosis, and more.

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Published: August 30, 2022
  • Why It's ImportantWhy It's Important
  • Signs of a ProblemSigns of a Problem
  • How to Fix ItHow to Fix It
  • Couples TherapyCouples Therapy
  • InfographicsInfographics
  • Additional ResourcesAdditional Resources

Having better communication in your romantic relationship starts with being open minded and listening well. When you focus on what the other person is expressing, it allows you to have better clarity. Try to understand what is keeping you both stuck in unhealthy communication patterns. Explore your communication and behavior patterns to strengthen your relationship and your ability to communicate.

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Why Is Healthy Communication in Relationships Important?

Communication is important in healthy relationships as it brings people closer and helps them deal with relationship conflict. When you understand your partner, you generally feel more connected both emotionally and physically. Communication is noted as fundamental to human interaction and intimate couple relationships because communication is our main tool for knowing and emotionally connecting with one another.1

Building Intimacy

Intimacy begins when a partner shares or communicates something personal and important to them and the other partner responds in an accepting way.1 The goal of quality communication is the achievement and maintenance of interpersonal understanding, limiting overthinking in the relationship and misunderstandings that lead to conflict.2

Guarding Against Resentment

Poor communication can lead to a feeling of disconnect and lack of intimacy. Feelings of resentment in a relationship can occur and you may be more easily irritated and potentially experience relationship burnout as well. This makes it harder to want to have a conversation with your partner if you feel they don’t understand.

Avoiding Unhealthy Conflict or Withdrawal

Unhealthy communication can lead to escalation, which can result in intense reactions where everything is out of hand.3 Avoidance or withdrawal can also occur when a person thinks their partner is unwilling to start or continue an interaction.3 This type of response can also lead to maintaining a superficial relationship or breaking up.

Signs That You Have Communication Problems in Your Relationship

If you notice that your conversations frequently turn into escalated arguments and misunderstandings, or if you are experiencing a lack of communication in a relationship, you may have a problem with communication in a relationship. Some signs to acknowledge include interrupting, being disengaged, doing something else while having a conversation, assuming, unable to compromise, and not connecting with your partner by dismissing them or walking away.

Making Assumptions About a Partner

We all make assumptions about people in our life, and sometimes they make sense because you have observed a preference and have learned that information. However, there is a lot that we don’t know about our partners. If we are frequently making assumptions about them, we don’t leave much space for them to show us who they are. Assumptions keep them in a specific box that maybe they don’t belong in, and can stun emotional intimacy.

Passive Aggressive Communication

Any kind of aggressive communication can lead to contempt and stonewalling. It can feel dismissive and minimizing. If you are being passive aggressive or come off as condescending in your relationship, it’s a huge red flag that there are issues that need to be discussed (even if it is just how the negative language makes the other person feel). It’s important to show kindness to your partner, even when you’re upset.

Becoming Defensive or Shutting Down During Difficult Conversations

This is really hard to manage. One partner who becomes defensive leaves the other partner feeling like they need an army to break down the defense before even touching the heart of the issue. It can leave the other partner feeling helpless and emotionally exhausted and keeps them out of your emotional space, which is the opposite of what we actually need in our relationships.

Criticizing & Blaming a Partner

We all may have complaints from time to time, however if criticism in your relationship is constant and the language you use is demeaning or blaming, it can really lead to issues around score-keeping and needing to have the last word. Remember that your partner is your teammate, and that as a couple, it’s important to handle things together.

Lying & Trust Issues

If you are finding that you or your partner is lying, that is a huge red flag. Lying means there is something to hide and can create trust issues. Lying can feel really bad for the person being lied to, so it’s important to be authentic and honest with your partner. If there is something you feel you have to lie about, you should think about why that is and what you can do so you don’t have to lie to your partner.

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How to Boost Communication in a Relationship

Boosting communication in a relationship can take time. It takes a lot of patience and practice to improve the quality of the communication, but it is possible. By being intentional about your communication and keeping it in the front of your brain that your partner is your teammate, it can help to ease that communication barrier.

It’s important to think about the language you use and how it impacts others–you should be honest, but you also should be mindful of not hurting the other person or minimizing their experience. There is space for both people’s emotions and you should maintain mutual respect. It’s also important to take turns communicating if you are often cutting off the other person–that can feel like the other person is shutting down so making sure you are not talking over your partner is critical.

How Couples Therapy Can Help With Communication

If you find your relationship lacking connection in the communication department, it may be time to seek professional help. Couples therapy can help identify the triggers and negative relationship patterns that are keeping you stuck. The tools provided may help you and your partner to implement healthy conflict resolution skills and practice healthy communication skills.

A therapist may use the acting “as if” technique. This reflecting process has three phases:4

  1. The first includes the creativity and imagination of clients by using reflective questioning.
  2. The second phase includes a structured plan of action based on the couples reflective thinking.
  3. In the third phase, the couple implements the “as-if” behaviors and then discuss the experience in session with their therapist.

Behavioral marital therapy is beneficial in helping couples achieve specific goals, including increasing the partners’ self-disclosure, mutual understanding and the negation of specific and positive problem solutions, and decreasing blaming, criticizing, and sidetracking when discussing a topic relevant to the relationship.5

Choosing the right couples therapist is an important step in improving relationship communication, and it’s also important to prepare for couples counseling before you get started so you can reap as many benefits as possible.

Healthy Communication in a Relationship Infographics

Why is Healthy Communication Important in Relationships Signs That You Might Have a Problem with Communication in a Relationship How to Improve Your Communication Skills Tips for a Healthier Relationship

Additional Resources

To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, ChoosingTherapy.com has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. ChoosingTherapy.com is compensated for marketing by the companies included below.

OurRitual – OurRitual combines expert-led sessions with science-backed digital exercises to improve your relationship on your terms. OurRitual starts at just $45 per week. Get 20% off your first month with code: choosingtherapy20. Visit OurRitual

OurRelationship (Free Couples Course) – OurRelationship has been proven to help couples improve communication, intimacy, and trust. 94% would recommend it to a friend. Get Started

BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – Relationships aren’t easy – a licensed therapist can help. Live sessions can be done via phone, video, or live-chat. Plus, you can message your therapist whenever you want. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Visit BetterHelp

For Further Reading

  • The APA Couples Communication Articles
  • The Art & Science of Love
  • Communication Skills Worksheet
  • How to Be a Good Boyfriend: 20 Tips for a Healthy Relationship
  • Sleeping in Separate Beds: Meaning, Benefits, & Reasons to Consider
  • 10 Types of Nonverbal Communication
  • Understanding Communication Styles & How to Use Them

Best Online Marriage & Couples Therapy Options

Best Online Marriage & Couples Therapy Options

Marriage and couples therapy can be helpful and a worthwhile investment for couples who want to seek help with their relationship. Which online platform will work best for you will depend on what issues you want to work on, what your goals are for your relationship, the cost, and if it’s available in your state.

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Sources Update History

ChoosingTherapy.com strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Wiley, A. R. (2007). Connecting as a couple: Communication skills for healthy relationships. In The Forum for Family and Consumer Issues (Vol. 12, No. 1, pp. 1-9). Retrieved from: https://www.theforumjournal.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Connecting-as-a-couple.pdf

  • Montgomery, B. M. (1981). The form and function of quality communication in marriage. Family Relations, 21-30. Retrieved from: https://www.jstor.org/stable/584231

  • Wiley, A. R. (2007). Connecting as a couple: Communication skills for healthy relationships. In The Forum for Family and Consumer Issues (Vol. 12, No. 1, pp. 1-9). Retrieved from: https://www.theforumjournal.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/Connecting-as-a-couple.pdf

  • Watts, R. E. (2003). Reflecting “As If”: An Integrative Process in Couples Counseling. The Family Journal, 11(1), 73–75.

  • Hahlweg, K., Revenstorf, D., & Schindler, L. (1984). Effects of behavioral marital therapy on couples’ communication and problem-solving skills. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 52(4), 553. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/6470280/

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We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.

August 30, 2022
Author: No Change
Reviewer: No Change
Primary Changes: Edited for readability and clarity. Reviewed and added relevant resources. Added “Signs That You Have Communication Problems in Your Relationship” and “How to Boost Communication in a Relationship”. New material written by Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C and reviewed by Kristen Fuller, MD.
May 20, 2022
Author: Jaclyn Gulotta, LMHC
Reviewer: Heidi Moawad, MD
Show more Click here to open the article update history container.

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