Loneliness can be described as “a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship.”2 A person could be content on their own but another who is often surrounded by others may feel discontent. It is important to recognize what can lead to loneliness, particularly in a vulnerable population such as seniors, and what can enable seniors to achieve a healthier, and better quality of life.
Causes of Loneliness in Seniors
Seniors may notice an increase in feelings of loneliness as their relationships, the environment they live in, and other key factors in their lives change. In fact, one in five Canadians aged 65 or older indicate they feel lonely sometimes or regularly.1 For seniors 85 years or older, 25% of them feel lonely some of the time or on a regular basis.1
There are a range of factors that could trigger loneliness in seniors, including:
- Changes in schools or jobs
- Working from home
- Moving to a new city
- Ending a relationship
- Death of a spouse
- Living alone or feeling alone in a relationship
- Lack of meaningful social connections
- Having difficulty initiating and maintaining relationships
- Spending time with couples and families when you are single
- Being widowed or divorced
- Experiencing holidays and birthdays3
- Retirement
- Lack of transportation
- Limited financial resources to participate in social and recreational activities
- Isolating oneself out of feelings of guilt or worry about being a burden to loved ones4
What Factors Increase Loneliness in Seniors?
There may also be differences in seniors depending on their age, gender identity, sexual orientation, and relationship status. Hawkley and Cacioppo report that “40% of adults over 65 years of age report being lonely at least sometimes, with levels of loneliness gradually diminishing through the middle adult years, and then increasing in old age (i.e., ≥70 years).”5 The increase in loneliness for seniors can be well accounted for based on the major life changes that occur in older age as noted above, which naturally leads to a reduction in the quantity and quality of relationships.
In addition to differences between age groups, women tend to report feeling more lonely than men, although it appears as though part of this trend may be accounted for based on women’s greater focus on personal relationships, distress around having poorer quality relationships, and more frequent reporting of loneliness as a result.6
Women are also more likely to be widowed given their greater life expectancy than men, which also factors into women being at risk for loneliness.7 Single men are particularly at risk of being lonely given their smaller social networks and also because men are perhaps not as likely to acknowledge their loneliness or take action to increase opportunities for new social connections, which further exacerbates their loneliness.6
It is also important to note that married women report being more lonely than married men, although single men tend to be lonelier than single women, which seems to reflect the perspective of men having fewer and less close personal relationships as compared to women.6 Furthermore, the senior community that identified as LGBTQ+ can also experience significant loneliness because of discrimination in regards to their sexual orientation, age, or identified gender, lack of acceptance by family or their social network, difficulty accessing LGBTQ+ friendly services, and challenges building a social support network of people from their same community in rural areas.8
Signs of Senior Loneliness
How does someone identify what loneliness looks like in themselves or others?
People can potentially recognize loneliness if there are concerns in the following areas:4
- Sleep difficulties
- Increased shopping as a way of filling a void
- Loss of appetite
- Lower energy levels
- Less regimented personal hygiene
- Bringing up people from their past who are not currently involved in their lives
- Increase or decrease in communication and contact
- Increased alone time or lack of interest in social gatherings
- Statements about feeling lonely, isolated, or that they miss loved ones
- Increase in hot showers or warm baths as a way to compensate for reduced physical contact
- Bringing up health issues and concerns that may not seem valid as a way of having more social contact
- Connecting with strangers via the internet or phone as a way to cope with their loneliness—although these strangers may be trying to scam them
Research shows that, as individuals age, they are more likely to be impacted by a loss of close personal relationships and a deterioration in physical function and health, suggesting that the elderly should be observed more closely for signs of loneliness as the likelihood of being- and feeling- isolated typically increases with age.1,9
As noted previously, women may be more likely to express feelings of loneliness and so the signs may be more visible and openly acknowledged in women. However, men are usually less vocal about their discontent. As a result, men may need to be monitored more closely for changes in mood, verbal and non-verbal communication, and self-care and social behavior that could reflect an increase in loneliness.6
Risk Factors for Seniors Feeling Lonely
With respect to potential triggers for loneliness, there are multiple risk factors to consider that often go hand in hand with feelings of loneliness. These factors may be aligned with possible causes for loneliness, suggesting that the socio-demographic and psychosocial factors present in a person’s life could very well lead to a higher risk of feeling lonely in old age.
Research from various sources proposes that seniors are more likely to be at risk of feeling lonely for various reasons if they are represented by the following factors:1,10,11,12
- Older age—80+
- Living in a rural location with lack of access to community resources and services
- Widowed- older women are more likely to be widowed given their longer average life expectancy
- Low education, low income, or limited finances, which may limit opportunities for social engagement
- Experiencing major life transitions (e.g. retirement, living far from family/friends, etc.)
- Having a limited social network or low quality relationships
- Loss of siblings and friends, which is more likely with increasing age
- Not being in touch with family or friends at least once per month
- Not being a member of some kind of social group (work or volunteer committee/service, religious clergy, social club, hobby club, etc.)
- Being impacted by health conditions that affect their communication ability (hearing loss, speaking challenges, dementia, pseudodementia, or other cognitive impairment, etc.) or ability to connect with others easily (e.g. physical disability restricting mobility)
Being aware of these risks and finding ways to mitigate them can have a positive impact on the extent of loneliness that seniors may endure as they age.
Mental Health Diagnoses Related to Loneliness
It has been established that loneliness often occurs in tandem with other mental health conditions, most notably, depression.11 Loneliness can lead to depression given that social isolation can evoke low mood and low mood can reduce a person’s desire and motivation to participate in social activities, thereby enhancing loneliness.
Depression can make a person have difficulty focusing on conversations, disrupt their sleep, reduce their energy, and is related to feelings of low self-esteem, which may lead to a person perceiving they are not worthy of the time and energy from a friend or family member and can contribute to self-isolation.3 Depression can also negatively impact brain activity, brain health, and sleep, potentially speeding up the aging process and placing seniors at greater risk for dementia and cognitive impairment.11
Loneliness has also been linked to anxiety, specifically social anxiety. Perceived stress surrounding initiating or participating in social interactions, worry about not having strong social skills, and low confidence in one’s ability to navigate social situations are all potential factors related to social anxiety that may lead people to shy away from connecting with others.3 Hawkley and Cacioppo also found that loneliness may even be linked to personality disorders and psychosis, where significant mental health issues can amplify loneliness via increased social isolation.5
The high likelihood that mental health issues and diagnoses can either cause or augment loneliness suggests that accessing mental health supports to improve coping skills, problem solving skills, and enhance one’s quality of life can help reduce loneliness in seniors.
Health Risks of Loneliness in Seniors
In addition to loneliness being linked to certain mental health conditions, it is also linked to certain health risks in seniors. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention,12 loneliness is linked with a higher risk of heart disease, stroke, and suicide based on major depression and—ultimately—a greater mortality risk stemming from worsening health over time. Similarly, the National Institute on Aging has found that seniors experiencing loneliness are also at risk of experiencing high blood pressure, obesity, and a weakened immune system.10 Physical mobility impairments leading to a decrease in one’s ability to take care of themselves is also more common in lonely seniors, perhaps due to less motivation to stay active.11
It is also common for seniors to be concerned about their emotional well-being, be at higher risk for disability or chronic illness given a decline in health, have a lower quality of life, and have a corresponding increase in accessing health and community services due to the wide range of challenges that can develop from loneliness, as seen above.2
14 Ways to Cope With Loneliness as an Older Adult
For seniors experiencing loneliness, there is hope for being able to find strategies and ideas for trying to cope with it so that the feelings of isolation, low mood, and the range of other complex emotions that go along with it can reduce over time. Some of these activities focus on what you can do as an individual and some of these concepts may include the environment and people around you. Read on to learn more about how to help yourself if you are feeling lonely.
Here are 14 ways to cope with senior isolation:3,5,13
1. Connect With Family & Friends
Try to stay connected with the people you care about at a schedule and frequency that works for both sides. Whether it’s finding time for in-person visits or learning how to use social media- such as texting, Facetime, Whatsapp, Skype, Zoom, etc.- it’s crucial to find ways to socialize in different ways.
2. Volunteer
Can you see yourself participating in a local food or clothing drive? Helping at a local shelter? Offering time for community service, such as keeping your neighborhood clean? Is participating in your local faith or religious congregation important to you? Exploring ideas that fit best with you will allow you to get engaged in meaningful activities while also giving you a chance to socialize.
3. Pick Up a Hobby
Do you have interest in learning an instrument? Singing? Tai Chi or Meditation? Arts and crafts? Gardening and landscaping? Baking and cooking new recipes? The list goes on. Try to think about an activity you enjoy or might enjoy doing and work that into your schedule.
4. Try to Get Outdoors
While you may find that you are indoors quite often and for most of the day and evening, it may be helpful to take some small breaks where you go for a short walk or even go on your balcony or patio (if you have one) to get some air or have a change of pace. You might run into a neighbour or an acquaintance or even meet a stranger while you’re on your way.
Getting outside increases the chance that you will expand your social encounters. There’s also a lot of benefit to enjoying the sun, a body of water, nature, etc.- even small amounts of time outdoors can do wonders for you.
5. Interact With a Pet
If this doesn’t seem too overwhelming and if you have a natural affinity towards pets, it may be worthwhile considering adopting a pet. Contacting a pet visitation service, which allows you to spend time with pets without the added responsibility of caring for them, may also be an option for you.
6. Embrace Your Time to Yourself
It isn’t easy to be on your own for extended periods, especially if you crave frequent social time. Learning how to enjoy time on your own may be a feat in and of itself. Try to use this time to engage in a solo activity you might like, whether that is a word search, puzzle, crossword, watching a movie or show in a genre you enjoy, practicing mindfulness and meditation or journaling, or a plethora of other activities that strikes your fancy.
Seeking out pleasurable moments in your alone time can make it that much easier to cope with. Practicing good self-care can not only help you better manage loneliness, but it can help improve your overall mental health as well.
7. Maintain a Healthy Diet & Sleep/Exercise Regularly
Eating nutritious meals will help you feel your best. Getting your solid rest every night and creating a good bedtime routine that helps signal your body that bedtime is approaching can help you get more consistent and restful sleep. Getting exercise in, even if it is going for a walk around the block or doing some stretching or exercise at home in whatever capacity you are able to might help your mood and improve your health.
Speak with your doctor if you are making major changes in your daily routines in case you need to consider any pre-existing or at-risk health factors you may have before you make adjustments to your lifestyle.
8. Reduce Your Use of Substances
If you find you are turning to alcohol, smoking, or drugs to cope with your loneliness, try to minimize your use in terms of a harm reduction approach and find other, more adaptive, ways of coping based on the range of ideas you see here. Reach out to an addictions counselor if you feel you need additional help managing your cravings or desire to use substances.
9. Consider Living in a Senior-Specific Environment
Some seniors may want the comfort of knowing they are in a supportive community with other seniors who they may be able to bond with over similar life experiences, interests, and needs and with whom they may be able to build strong relationships. Being in a senior’s setting could allow a person to receive the care they need and support with tasks that they may struggle with (e.g. meal prep, housekeeping, laundry, etc.).
It also may involve having a community center nearby that offers recreational and social activities and supports, specifically for seniors. Some elderly persons, on the other hand, may choose to live in their own home and have external care providers come into the home (which may be a combination of public and private services, depending on the government care services available in a senior’s local region).
These caregivers may help them with their daily care tasks while still allowing the seniors to live independently. Seniors who choose this route may thrive under the chance to connect with people of different age groups as a way of keeping their lives constantly stimulating, creative, and dynamic, and not getting stuck in their comfort zone since they will be experiencing new challenges and will have a wide range of social circles.
The living environment choice all depends on the individual person and their preferences. It’s important to also remember that any move may require time to adjust to- it is hard for people to settle in right away. Taking time to get used to new surroundings is a valuable step towards a long term positive adjustment.
10. Stay on Top of Any Hearing Issues
Hearing problems can impact a senior’s ability to communicate with others, thereby contributing to their loneliness. Getting the help you need from a health professional to improve your ability to communicate can go a long way towards helping you participate actively in your social network.
11. Address Your Transportation Needs
If you used to drive but are now unable to, this can cause a drastic reduction in social activity. Ask your local community agency if there are special transit services for seniors, whether that is in regards to accessible transportation, volunteer services, or low cost transport services that may be able to help you get to your medical appointments and social engagements. It may be reasonable to ask family or friends if they can assist you if possible as well.
12. Enhance Social Skills
Sometimes it’s limited social skills that might get in the way of a person’s ability to socialize. Brushing up on your social skills – the natural ebbs and flows of conversation, understanding non-verbal cues, and possibly even relying on good conversation starters in terms of common topics and introductory phrases – may help increase your comfort level with social interactions. Start small and build your confidence over time.
13. Consider Group Counseling
Reaching out to others who have experienced similar losses, are in the same life stage or phase, and where you can hear and connect with other people’s stories while sharing your own can be very worthwhile in your battle to overcome loneliness. Participating in a group where you feel seen and heard and can develop trust and rapport with the other group members and the group facilitator can assist you in feeling less lonely.
14. Consult a Mental Health Professional
When things seem beyond your ability to deal with on your own, that may mean it is time to reach out to a mental health professional for additional guidance and help regarding coping strategies and problem solving in order to help you achieve your health, mental health, and wellness goals. Read on to the next section for some tips to know when it makes sense to reach out to a therapist or counselor for help.
When to Get Professional Help for Senior Loneliness
Feeling an occasional pang of loneliness is common and may not be cause for serious concern if it happens intermittently and doesn’t linger in your day to day life. However, there may be certain times and scenarios where reaching out to a health, mental health, public authority (e.g. police) or emergency service (e.g. 911, emergency room) could be necessary.
If there are concerns regarding elder abuse of any kind (physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or neglect), it is crucial to get professional help and protective services involved. There are a range of resources depending on the region, province, or state that you live in that can help you get the support you need, such as the National Centre on Elder Abuse (NCEA), the Eldercare Locator, and the Government of Canada provincial and territorial resources on elder abuse (see the Resources section at the bottom of this article for more information). Know that you are not alone. There are specialized services out there that deal with these sensitive issues, and they are there to help you.
Elder abuse is one such situation where getting help is critical. Another scenario is when seniors experience such severe depression that they have difficulty completing their activities, responsibilities, and routines due to low mood, low motivation, thoughts about harming themselves or others, and depressive symptoms that are prolonged for a few weeks or longer that severely impacts their daily functioning. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis and require urgent assistance, call 9-1-1 or go to your nearest emergency room. For non-crisis situations, reach out to a mental health professional to learn how to enhance your overall emotional health and wellness.3
Who Should Seniors Consult for Help in Overcoming Loneliness?
You might be surprised to find that there are likely a wide range of therapists near you, some of whom may practice in-person and others who may provide virtual (phone or on-line video) counselling services.
You may be open to individual counselling where you can focus on specific needs and issues (e.g. anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, relationships, life transitions, grief/loss, chronic illness, disability, etc.). Or, you may be seeking couples or family counselling to address marital problems or challenges within your family dynamics that might be weighing down your personal relationships. For others, seeking group counselling may be of more interest as a way of connecting with like-minded individuals who are dealing with related issues and where joint learning, reflecting, and growth can be attained through mutual shared experiences.
How to Find a Therapist
Sometimes, part of the challenge is knowing where to even start to look for help. See below for some ideas on organizations that offer therapist profiles, where you can review their educational background, professional expertise, and mental health and client population specialties. One of the most important aspects of counselling is finding the right therapeutic fit for you, so keep searching until you find a clinician who you feel comfortable opening up to!
Search for a therapist using an online directory, or read more about choosing a therapist.
You may be curious about how long therapy typically occurs for or how much it may cost. The frequency, duration, and cost are often at the discretion of the therapist and the client and is something they discuss and decide on together. In some cases, the rates are fixed and in others there is a sliding scale depending on a client’s financial need. Furthermore, the frequency may depend on the financial situation of the client since some clients may be able to afford weekly while others may be able to afford monthly or somewhere in between based on their income, extended benefits, or social assistance benefits.
The length of sessions are typically up to one hour and the duration of sessions can vary depending on whether the client feels fewer, more intense sessions are beneficial or whether they would like to develop a longer term, enduring therapeutic rapport where sessions are spread out for a longer period of time. Again, these factors truly depend on the particular therapist’s and client’s preferences and needs.
How To Support an Older Loved One Who Is Lonely
Creating a regular schedule regarding in-person or virtual contact with seniors in your life can ensure consistent communication and also give the senior something to look forward to. The more regular contact a senior has with the people in their life, the less likely they will feel lonely as the gaps of time between social connection may be few and far between.14 Finding an activity that you both enjoy, whether that is going for a walk, sharing a meal together, playing a card game, etc. can also be very stimulating and enriching for seniors.14
In cases where your loved one is unable to drive and has limited access to public transport, offer to take them to health-related and social activities when you can or arrange a senior’s agency transportation service or a taxi. There may also be friendly-visiting services that can offer in-person or virtual contact as a way of staving off loneliness.14 Giving your elderly parent or parents a chance to connect with their grandchildren (if relevant) can also help stimulate their minds as they may be able to share knowledge, skills, stories, hobbies and passions, and experiences with the younger generation.14
Ensuring their basic needs are met, including meals, personal care and hygiene, housekeeping and maintenance, and other daily needs are important. If elderly family members are not able to cook, clean, or care for themselves, it will be important to arrange home services (government-funded, if available, and fee-based services, if required) or alternative supportive living options in order for them to live out their remaining years with comfort, self-respect, and dignity.14
For family members or others helping seniors learn how to cope with loneliness, it’s important to not make the person feel bad about their inability to use technology if they struggle with social media or phone applications (like Facetime and Whatsapp). Offer to teach them how to use it and, if they are still unable to and are disinterested in using that format, then find another technique they are open to so you can keep in touch, even if it’s simply using the telephone. 14
If seniors seem to want to prolong the conversation, try not to get too frustrated as it may help to be mindful of the fact that this may have been a rare social engagement for them and they wanted to maximize this opportunity.14 Furthermore, if it pains them now to do activities they used to enjoy due to changes in their physical or mental status (e.g. if they used to love artwork but they are less mobile now or can’t sustain the attention and motivation to do new art pieces), then perhaps it may help to encourage them to do an adapted version (e.g. paint-by-numbers, smaller and simpler art pieces, or giving them completed art pieces they can admire in their home).14
Discovering new creative pursuits within their current abilities might also be helpful; take time to learn what might inspire and motivate a loved one and explore these options further to see if it sparks their interest.14
For Further Reading
When you are feeling overwhelmed with loneliness, it’s important to know what you can do and who you can reach out to for help. See below for some resources that might be helpful for combating loneliness as well as some crisis services if you feel your mental health is at significant risk. In extreme situations, call 9-1-1 or go to your nearest emergency room for immediate assistance.
The following are helpful additional resources for anyone impacted by senior loneliness:
- Institute of Aging – The Friendship Line- 1-800-971-0016
- National Institute for the Care of the Elderly
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline offers free, compassionate support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. You can call them at 1-800-273-8255.
- healGrief.org
- National Centre on Elder Abuse (NCEA)
- Eldercare Locator
- Government of Canada resources on elder abuse
