Seniors Guide to Sex & Intimacy in Older Adults

What Is Senior Sex?

Throughout their lives, most people will engage in sexual activity, and at any age, sex is often an important part of a romantic relationship. Ageism can impact how many people look at and consider seniors engaging in sexual activity. Said ageism can promote harmful stereotypes and reinforce shame within senior communities.

Sexless marriages or relationships may also affect seniors due to stereotypes, internalized shame, and poor communication between partners. According to the National Poll on Healthy Aging, only 36% of seniors between 65-80 would discuss a sexual problem they were having with a spouse or partner.¹ This inability or unwillingness to communicate can breed a variety of issues among seniors engaging in regular sexual activity.

How Does A Person’s Sex Life Change With Age?

Physical changes and the associated challenges are expected as we grow older. This can impact a senior’s willingness or ability to be sexually active individually or with a partner. As older individuals, seniors may also be more frequently subjected to health problems that impact sexual functioning. These health problems can be addressed or even overcome entirely with the appropriate education and interventions.

Seniors may be more subject to hormonal imbalances, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, or arthritis, all of which can affect desire or ability to be sexually active. Additionally, senior men may have difficulty developing and maintaining an erection, while senior women may experience vaginal dryness. Both of which may impact sexual performance and pleasure. Hormonal imbalances caused by menopause, or low testosterone in men, may also present a sexual challenge to be addressed.

Senior Sex Statistics Among Men & Women

Senior men and senior women will deal with changing libidos as they age. As such, rates of sexual activity throughout different demographics will vary. For instance, a 2022 national poll by the University of Michigan indicated that many women remain sexually active through their 70s. 43% of respondents reported solo sexual activity, partnered sexual activity, or both.³

A study conducted with over 7000 men and women found that seniors who reported at least one sexual encounter during the past year reported higher life satisfaction scores than their peers.⁴ Maintaining an active and healthy sexual lifestyle is vital to overall life satisfaction for most seniors.

Benefits of Senior Sex Intimacy

Although one’s physical body may change, and different challenges may arise regarding sexual functioning, intimacy with one’s partner remains a vital component to the longevity of a relationship and an individual’s happiness and overall health.

Health benefits of senior sex include:

• Reduced stress: Having social support from a partner, sexual or otherwise, will strengthen the individual’s ability to cope with life’s stressors.
• Reduced risk of depression: Having social support through a partner will cause a senior to feel more secure that they have support in handling emotional issues/concerns. Said security will lead to less anxiety, depressive thoughts, and feelings of isolation among seniors.
• Better healing: Having a partner will provide a senior with greater motivation to persevere through health concerns, such as illness or requiring treatment or surgery.
• Reduced loneliness: Seniors are more likely to have experienced significant loss during their lifetimes than their younger counterparts. Having a committed partner, sexual or otherwise, will cause a senior to feel less lonely and more secure through companionship.
• Sex is a mild form of exercise: Engaging in sexual activity will allow an individual to burn calories like a relaxed walk. This promotes cardiovascular health and reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease, amongst other health problems.
• Improved sleep: Sex is a mild form of exercise. Maintaining regular cardiovascular activity will promote improved sleep due to exerting excessive energy and requiring ample time for one’s body to rest.

Challenges of Senior Sex

While aging is an inevitable challenge that can affect a senior’s sexual functioning, there are several challenges that are within a senior’s power to address. These include poor communication with a partner, resistance to seeking professional assistance, resistance to taking care of one’s general health, resistance to maintaining an active lifestyle, and limited knowledge of sexual health and wellbeing.

Here are eight challenges that may affect senior sex:

1. Physical Changes

As we age, physical changes are expected but simultaneously stressful to experience. With age, both men and women will experience changes in their physical bodies and encounter new challenges impacting their sexual functioning. This includes but is not limited to erectile dysfunction, hormone imbalances, and low sex drive. Some changes may affect a senior’s self-confidence and/or willingness to engage in sexual activity.

Physical factors that affect sex life in senior men include:

• Low testosterone: Low testosterone can lead to lower sex-drive and present difficulties in obtaining and maintaining an erection. Low testosterone and potential remedies should be discussed with a senior’s physician.
• Erectile dysfunction: Senior men may experience difficulty obtaining and maintaining an erection. Erectile dysfunction may be remedied by treating underlying emotional or physical issues.
• Premature ejaculation: Premature ejaculation is the inability to control orgasm from occurring within one minute of partnered sex.² Premature ejaculation may be remedied through oral medications, topical applications, and behavioral practices.
• Delayed ejaculation: Hormonal conditions caused by aging or other illnesses/injuries may lead to difficulty ejaculating in some senior men.
• Erections will be less firm: Developments and changes to blood flow may lead to greater difficulty maintaining a firm erection.

Physical factors that affect sex life in senior women include:

• Low sex drive: Hormonal imbalances, often due to menopause, will lead to decreased sex drives in senior women.
• Menopause-related sexual issues: Menopause-related sexual issues include but are not limited to mood changes, a decrease in libido/sex drive, and discomfort during intercourse, which may be addressed through appropriate lubricant.
• Inability to reach orgasm: Some senior women may experience difficulty achieving orgasm or a reduction in the frequency or intensity of orgasm, known as anorgasmia. Anorgasmia can be treated through hormone therapy or lifestyle changes.
• Vaginal dryness: Vaginal dryness can become a concern for senior women. Women’s bodies produce less natural lubrication. The use of different types of lubrication can remedy this.
• Less vaginal elasticity: The walls of the vagina may become thinner and less elastic with age. Vaginal penetration can be painful without appropriate lubrication, natural or otherwise.

2. Health Issues

A variety of different illnesses and medications can affect a senior’s sex drive and sexual functioning. Consulting with a physician may be the best course for some seniors experiencing new and/or uncomfortable symptoms. Working alongside a physician can provide a senior with appropriate personal advice and a course of action for treatment.

Common health issues affecting a person’s well-being include:

• Diabetes
• High blood pressure
• Hormonal imbalances
• Arthritis
• Heart disease

When consulting with a physician, seniors should provide detailed descriptions of their struggles to receive the most accurate diagnosis and treatment plans for their concerns. In addition to medical intervention through medications and other treatments, seniors can remedy health concerns through regular exercise and appropriate nutrition.

3. Mental and Emotional Barriers

Seniors may encounter different mental and emotional barriers as they navigate a healthy sexual relationship with peers. Some such barriers include feelings of performance anxiety due to bodily changes. Seniors may also feel self-conscious due to aesthetic differences in their appearance as they age and negative stereotypes associated with sexually active people over a certain age. Working through such emotions with peers and/or a mental health provider may lead to greater self-confidence.

4. Sexual Boredom

For senior couples, sexual relationships can become boring and/or routine. Incorporating newer activities to break up monotony can be beneficial to improving or maintaining a healthy sex drive. Different things for seniors to try include trying out different lubricants, using sex toys, trying out new sexual positions, and a variety of sexual interactions outside of penetrative sex.

5. Personal Lubrication

Senior women will often experience vaginal dryness. Experimentation with different types of lubrication can assist with both masturbation and partnered sexual activity. Lubrication can serve to make sexual experiences more pleasurable. Educating oneself about different types of lubrication can be important to ensure the most appropriate type of lubrication is being used.

6. Sexual Positions

Seniors may encounter difficulty engaging in certain sexual positions due to a variety of health concerns. Growing comfortable with newer sexual positions will be helpful to seniors who may have difficulty engaging in certain positions without experiencing pain. Seniors will benefit from positions in which weight is evenly distributed across the body, so no one part of the body is strained. One such example is the missionary position.

7. Arousal

Seniors may experience more difficulty becoming aroused due to lower hormone levels or other health concerns. As such, it is important for seniors engaging in sexual activity to engage in activity that will assist with arousal. Flirtatious or romantic behaviors and physical contact through kissing or sensual massage are some examples of arousing behavior for seniors to engage with a partner.

8. Expectations

Seniors engaging in sexual activity should focus on expanding the variety of sexual experiences they may have rather than focusing intently on one goal, such as orgasm. When people release their expectations of how sexual encounters “should” be, it can alleviate social pressures that can impact sexual functioning and performance.

How to Approach Senior Sex

Intimacy is not limited to sexual functioning, as we may also experience intimacy in platonic or emotional ways; however, other types of intimacy may affect or influence the frequency and success of sexual intimacy. Approaching having sex as a senior can feel overwhelming, but some simple steps can make the process of having sex simpler and more enjoyable.

Here are some tips for how to approach senior sex:

• Communicate with your partner: Communicating with your partner will assist seniors with overcoming some of their sexual issues and/or concerns. Healthy communication involves participation by both parties. Patience is key as partners navigate their own self-consciousness and internal biases.
• Take care of your general health: Various health issues can impact the sex lives of seniors. Keeping regular appointments with your physicians can assist with diagnosing or treating health concerns and improve sexual functioning. Also, it is important to remember that although pregnancy is never a risk, seniors still need protection to protect themselves and others from sexually transmitted infections.
• Maintain an active lifestyle: Maintaining an active lifestyle will improve a senior’s cardiovascular health. This healthy cardiovascular functioning will improve a senior’s ability to engage in sexual activities.
• Try sex without intercourse: As seniors may deal with a variety of health concerns that may impact sexual functioning, such as vaginal dryness or erectile dysfunction, achieving penetrative sex may be difficult. For many seniors engaging in non-penetrative sex, or activities outside of intercourse may provide experiences that are equally or more pleasurable.
• Introduce sex toys: Different sex toys can introduce different types of stimulation and improve pleasure during a sexual experience. Seniors will do well with toys that are soft and comfortable to hold or use. Some recommended sex toys for seniors include toys made of soft silicone and ergonomic vibrators.
• Research: It is important for seniors to stay knowledgeable about the challenges they may face regarding their sexual functioning. Seniors should investigate appropriate lubricants, medications for erectile dysfunction, and the importance of safe sex, even at an advanced age.
• Don’t be afraid to seek professional assistance: Education is vital for seniors to engage in appropriate, healthy, and safe sex; however, at times, guidance from a professional may be most beneficial in achieving results. A variety of physicians and mental health professionals are available to provide services to assist seniors with engaging in healthy, appropriate, and safe sex.

When to Seek Professional Help for Senior Sex

At times, seniors encountering difficulty engaging in appropriate, healthy sexual functioning with a partner may require professional assistance. A mental health professional or physician’s guidance may grant seniors the knowledge and tools to engage in healthy and pleasurable sex practices.

Seniors seeking professional assistance may benefit from sex therapy from a licensed mental health professional. Seniors may also benefit from couples counseling, as sexual dysfunctions are sometimes related to emotional concerns caused by relationship issues. Seniors may utilize an online therapist directory to find a provider specializing in their needs.

In My Experience

In my experience, seniors desiring to engage in healthy, safe sexual activity often face a variety of stereotypes and biases that impact their ability to become appropriately educated about sexual practices. Overcoming internalized shame can empower seniors to seek resources and assistance to have a satisfying sexual relationship with themselves and others. Seeking help from medical professionals can remedy various concerns; however, seniors should also seek out a mental health professional who can assist with overcoming emotional concerns, if necessary.