The grief of losing a sibling can feel insurmountable. However, there are ways to manage that grief without shoving it aside or letting it overwhelm you. Giving yourself time to grieve, leaning on friends and family for support, and incorporating self-care practices into your routine are all ways to cope with such a substantial loss.
Why Losing a Sibling Is Challenging
The loss of a sibling can impact a person differently than other grief. Siblings can be especially important as they’re often our first friends and among a few people who share the same experiences growing up. Siblings tend to support one another even after fighting. The special relationships siblings have is unique.
However, some siblings drift apart and encounter barriers preventing them from forming close relationships outside the family dynamic. Sibling relationships can be complicated and can contribute to complicated grief.1
Sibling Loss Is Often Overlooked
The significance of losing a sibling can be overlooked by others. Sometimes the parents who have lost a child receive more comfort and care from loved ones than children who lost their sibling. The magnitude of child loss is understood and profoundly impacts those who experience it. However, children who lose a sibling experience great pain as well.
It can be even harder for children to cope with their grief when they see adults getting attention and compassion in their mourning. Oftentimes, siblings of the deceased are tasked with the role of coordinator during the funeral if they are old enough, leaving them without the same space to mourn.1
Common Reactions to the Loss of a Sibling
Everyone reacts differently to loss, including the death of a sibling. The unique relationship siblings have drives how someone will manage this pain. While there are common symptoms of grief, each person will have their own experience, with some feeling lost and lonely and others experiencing more physical symptoms of their grief.
Common reactions to the loss of a sibling include:
- Anger
- Shock
- Changes in sleep habits
- Changes in eating habits
- Depression
- Increased anxiety
- Dissociation
- Denial
- Stress/Distress
- Chest pains, fainting, and hyperventilation2
Does Sibling Grief Come in Stages?
The traditional five stages of grief can apply to losing a sibling as well as other significant deaths. However, the five stages of grief aren’t linear or predictable. The stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, someone may fluctuate between stages, such as denial and acceptance or anger and depression. Grief is a complex process, and despite some commonalities, everyone’s experience with loss is unique.2
Impacts of Sibling Loss
Losing a sibling can impact a person’s life significantly. While all loss can be difficult, most expect to lose those older than us, like a parent or grandparent. Losing a sibling, even after a long illness, can feel unexpected and jarring. Not only are you left with substantial grief, but a new family dynamic to navigate.
The impacts of losing a sibling may include:
Increased Family Conflict
The loss of a sibling can create or exacerbate family conflict. Families may have to shift roles within their dynamic, creating new challenges. If the sibling was supporting a rocky relationship, it can cause greater deterioration.
Feelings of Guilt
Those left to grieve may feel guilty after the death of a sibling. Additionally, if the loss resulted from an accident or incident, the remaining sibling may be left with survivor’s guilt. The surviving sibling may regret saying or doing something to their sibling before they passed and now feel grief and remorse.
Loss of Support System
After losing a sibling, the surviving sibling may feel especially isolated if their relationship was close and supportive. Additionally, in the family dynamic, relatives may be focused on supporting the parents versus the surviving sibling, creating a greater sense of isolation.
Health Anxiety
Surviving siblings may develop anxiety and fear around hospitals or illnesses, especially if they are also at risk of developing the illness or health concern that took the life of their sibling.3
How Long Does Grief Last?
Everyone’s experience with how long grief can last is different. However, it is important to consider that grief is specific to an individual and varies based on their relationship with the person they lost and the circumstances around their death. Sadness can remain for years. Additionally, those experiencing complicated grief or persistent complex bereavement disorder will have different challenges. Grief can contribute to significant symptoms of depression and anxiety or impact a person’s daily living and quality of life.4
10 Ways to Cope With the Loss of a Sibling
There are many techniques a person can use to overcome their grief after losing a sibling. A person can learn to manage and cope with grief, even when it feels insurmountable.
10 ways to cope with losing a sibling include:
1. Take Time to Reflect
Reflecting on positive memories and experiences can help a person cope with losing a sibling. Journaling is a great way to process your emotions and make sense of them on paper. There are grief journal prompts they can use to get started, and many of these can be found online. You can reflect on your own or share stories and reflect on your loss with loved ones too. As long as it feels helpful and supportive, there is no wrong way to reflect.
2. Create a New Tradition
Creating a new tradition in honor of a sibling can be beneficial. For example, you could include having a meal setting for them on holidays, running a marathon in their honor, or contributing to a cause in their name. It can be hard to remember a loved one on their death anniversary, but also be healing to have time set aside to celebrate their life.
3. Join a Support Group
Support groups offer a community of people who have been through a similar experience as yours. These groups can offer guidance, advice, and the input of someone who has been through the unique grief that comes with losing a sibling. For those who can’t find the right support group in person, online support group options can offer the same support with more flexibility.
4. Seek Professional Help
If you are consumed by your feelings of loss, grief therapy can help. Clear signs that you can benefit from professional support include changes in your eating habits, sleeping, personal hygiene, socialization, and mood. Grief therapy works by addressing the specific emotions and pain associated with the loss. An online therapist directory can help you to find the support you need.
5. Stick to a Routine
When in mourning, maintaining a regular schedule and routine can help you from feeling consumed by your grief. Without providing structure to your days, you may find yourself struggling to resume activities and gain perspective.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is key when you are in pain. Understand that everyone grieves differently, and you need to give yourself the same support and comfort you would others as you process your loss.
7. Learn to Forgive Yourself
Along with offering yourself compassion, learning how to forgive yourself is critical to moving forward in your grief. After a loss, it’s common to feel regret. Forgiving yourself is a critical element of the grieving process. It’s important to acknowledge that you did your best with what you knew at the time.
8. Feel Your Feelings
It is important to allow yourself to feel all your feelings, including the easy and difficult ones. Whether you’re processing guilt, pain, loneliness, or loss, forcing yourself to act as if you are fine doesn’t serve you in the long term. You can feel pain even though you survived, and it is important to remember that you are only human.
9. Allow Yourself Joy
Feeling joy, laughing, or opening yourself to new opportunities isn’t a betrayal to your sibling or your grief over their loss. Joy is necessary to move on from your pain, and having a purpose that gives joy is important, especially now. Consider finding happiness to be a tribute to your lost sibling, and aim to find joy in an activity that honors them..
10. Practice Mindfulness Meditation
When you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, meditation and mindfulness can allow you to stay grounded in the present moment. Focused meditation can be a powerful tool in working through your grief and managing your loss.
In My Experience
In my experience, the grief process for losing a sibling can look and feel different than other types of loss. You may process significant memories, traumas, and regrets as you work through your grief, and your history with your sibling is typically longer and more extensive than most other relationships.
Talking through your grief with a therapist can be a great way to work through your emotions. You can heal from your loss while still missing your loved one. Through therapy, you can learn to carry your grief while keeping it from consuming you. Remember, your feelings are valid, and learning to express them and garner a support system is key. You are not alone.
Grieving the Loss of a Sibling Infographics
