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14 Ways to Remember Someone On Their Death Anniversary

Published: October 27, 2022 Updated: January 4, 2023
Published: 10/27/2022 Updated: 01/04/2023
Headshot of Hart Haragutchi, MA, LMHCA
Written by:

Hart Haragutchi

MA, LMHCA
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD
Reviewed by:

Benjamin Troy

MD
  • What Is a Death Anniversary?Definition
  • Ways to Remember a Loved One on Their Death Anniversary14 Ideas
  • How to Support a Friend or Loved One on a Death AnniversarySupport a Loved One
  • What to Say to Someone On an Anniversary of DeathWhat to Say
  • Finding a TherapistGet Help
  • Final Thoughts On Marking a Death AnniversaryConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Death Anniversary InfographicsInfographics
Headshot of Hart Haragutchi, MA, LMHCA
Written by:

Hart Haragutchi

MA, LMHCA
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD
Reviewed by:

Benjamin Troy

MD

Death anniversaries are a day to set aside time, observe your loss, and honor the impact your lost loved one had on your life. From visiting their final resting place to making a playlist that reminds you of them, there are many ways to honor your loved one each year on the day that they died.1

Would you like help dealing with a death anniversary? BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What Is a Death Anniversary?

A death anniversary, sometimes called a remembrance day, is the anniversary of someone’s death. Many people find that death anniversaries bring up feelings of sadness and grief. While all death anniversaries may feel hard or painful, the first anniversary after someone’s death is particularly difficult.2

Not all death anniversaries will feel painful or sad. Some people find that death anniversaries offer an opportunity to reminisce and connect with others who share their loss, creating feelings of support, love, and joy.3

Marking a death anniversary is often part of the grieving process. The ritual of remembering someone on the day of their death can help ease the intensity of the grief surrounding the loss (called the anniversary effect).4 Remember, there is no right or wrong way to mark a death anniversary, and what feels right may change from year to year.

14 Ways to Remember a Loved One on Their Death Anniversary

There are many ways to actively cope with grief and remember a loved one on their death anniversary, including visiting their grave, writing them a letter, looking through old photographs, and listening to their favorite songs. Ultimately, you should practice whatever kind of remembrance feels right for you.

Here are fourteen ways to remember loved ones on their anniversary of death:

1. Visit Their Gravesite or Place of Rest

Visiting your loved one’s final resting place is a traditional way to honor their anniversary of death. Consider bringing flowers, and plan to spend some time reflecting on your loved one, your time together, and your love for them.

2. Write Them a Letter

Writing down your thoughts and feelings can feel cathartic.1 It can also feel like you’re communicating with them more directly. You might write about what’s happened over the past year and how it’s been without them, expressing your love for them and how you miss them. If you want to, you can save the letter in a special place. If not, you can burn or bury it.

3. Look Through Photographs

Set aside time to look through old photographs or watch old videos of your loved one. Photos and videos can help you remember the times you shared together. You might invite others who were affected by the loss to send you a photo or video they have and share the memory they associate with it.

4. Listen to Their Favorite Song

If your loved one had a favorite song or songs, play them! You might even create a playlist of songs they loved or that remind you of them and set aside some time to listen. Think about inviting others to send a song that reminds them of your loved one, too.

5. Volunteer For a Cause They Cherished

Consider spending part of the day volunteering for a cause your loved one cherished or doing some kind of good deed. You may see if others who were affected by the loss are interested in volunteering with you.

6. Donate to a Charity They Supported

If your loved one supported a charity, consider making a donation. Many charities allow you to make a note of who you would like to honor or memorialize. For non-monetary donations, consider writing a little note. For example, if you’re donating pet food to a pet shelter, you might attach a note that says something like, “Donated in loving memory of my father, who loved animals.”

7. Make Their Favorite Meal

If your loved one had a favorite dish or meal, make it in their memory. While you’re making it, reminisce about the times you made or shared the meal together. Consider plating a ceremonial portion for your lost loved one.

8. Set a Place For Them at the Table

Consider laying a place for your loved one at the table. If you’re eating with others who are affected by the loss, ask if everyone is open to going around the table and sharing a memory.

9. Attend a Service in Your Faith Tradition

If you or your loved one belong to a faith tradition, consider attending a service at the appropriate house of worship. You may also read and reflect on a passage from your religious text like a verse that your loved one liked or a passage that was written to comfort grievers.

10. Light a Candle

Whether at home or at a house of worship, light a candle in memory of your loved one. While it burns, you might say a prayer for them or reflect on a special memory.

11. Visit a Meaningful Place

Whether you shared a favorite restaurant, always met for a walk in a particular park, or have fond memories of a trip to a specific place, consider visiting on your loved one’s death anniversary. You can reminisce on the time you shared with your loved one there. You may want to invite others who were affected by the loss.

12. Travel to Somewhere They Loved

If possible, consider traveling to somewhere they loved or wanted to visit while they were alive, even if it’s farther away. Doing so evokes their memory and will make you feel close to them.

13. Gather With Others

Spending time with others who are affected by the death of your loved one can be a wonderful way to mark the anniversary of their death. Whether you gather for a meal, visit their final resting place together, or throw a party in their memory, sharing your memories and grief with others who care can feel connective and supportive.

14. Spend Time In Nature

Nature is a powerful healer. Getting outside and breathing the fresh air can help with feelings of anxiety and sadness. If possible, plan a short camping trip where you can stargaze and tell stories of your loved one around the fire.

Help For Grief & Loss

Talk Therapy – Get personalized help in dealing with a loss from a licensed professional. BetterHelp offers online sessions by video or text. Try BetterHelp


Virtual Psychiatry – Get help from a real doctor that takes your insurance. Talkiatry offers medication management and online visits with top-rated psychiatrists. Take the online assessment and have your first appointment within a week. Free Assessment

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by Talkiatry and BetterHelp.

How to Support a Friend or Loved One on a Death Anniversary

If someone you care about has a death anniversary approaching, consider reaching out and offering support. Support from friends and loved ones is an important factor in helping anyone grieve in a healthy way.2, 3 Many people worry that by bringing it up they will upset or intensify someone’s grief, but taking the initiative to connect can help them less alone.

Sherry Cormier, PhD Licensed Psychologist and Certified Bereavement Trauma Specialist“On the day of the death anniversary, you can offer to do something specific for the griever without being pushy. Acknowledging that it is a day of remembrance, and saying the name of the loved one and something about the loved one we remember can be helpful. It is best to avoid saying anything that is dismissive of the griever’s feelings.” – Sherry Cormier, PhD, psychologist and bereavement trauma specialist

8 Ways to Support a Loved One

There are a myriad of ways to help a grieving friend during a death anniversary. Most important, be patient and willing to listen. Ask them if they’d like to get together, but respect if they want their privacy.

Eight ways to support a loved one on a death anniversary are:

  1. Send a handwritten card
  2. Call them or send them a text message letting them know you’re thinking about them
  3. Ask if they’d like to get together on or around their loved one’s death anniversary
  4. Offer to bring over a meal
  5. Ask if you can share a photo or video you have of their loved one
  6. Offer to drive them to visit their loved one’s final resting place or another meaningful place
  7. Make a note in your calendar to check in with them on other significant days such as their loved one’s birthday or wedding anniversary
  8. Ask if there’s anything in particular you can do that would be helpful or supportive. Remember, every person grieves differently and may need different things.

What to Say to Someone On an Anniversary of Death

Knowing what to say to someone who lost a loved one can feel difficult, but there are resources and standard phrases or sentiments that can be used to mark the anniversary and offer support.

Follow these steps to create a supportive message:

  • Let them know that you’re thinking about them on this anniversary of their loved one’s death
  • Use their loved one’s name or family title
  • Acknowledge that this may be a difficult time for them
  • Share a fond memory you have of their loved one; if you didn’t know their loved one, express an understanding of how they impacted their life
  • Offer concrete support

Here are three things you might write or say to someone marking a death anniversary:

  • “Hi, I wanted to reach out and let you know I’m thinking about you today on the anniversary of John’s death. I know this is a hard day and that you miss him so much. I remember what a great sense of humor he had, and how contagious his laugh was. You couldn’t help but laugh too whenever he got going! I’d love to stop by to bring you a cup of coffee and give you a big hug. Is there a good time for me to drop over? Thinking of you today and sending a lot of love your way.”
  • “Hey, I’m thinking about you today on the second anniversary of your dad’s death. I know you loved him so much and must be missing him extra today. If you’re free, let’s grab dinner tonight. Either way, I’m thinking about you!”
  • “Hi, you are on my mind today as you’re marking the anniversary of Mary’s death. I know it’s been a really hard year and I can imagine today might feel extra sad. I have a picture of all of us from Jane’s wedding, let me know if that would be OK to send. That was such a fun and beautiful day that I’m so glad we all got to celebrate together. I know you’ve got plans today, but let’s get together soon. Are you free this weekend? Sending good thoughts your way.”

What Not to Say & Do

There are a few things to keep in mind regarding what not to say and do when supporting someone on a death anniversary. While there are always exceptions, these guidelines will help you offer considerate and meaningful support.

Here are examples of what not to say or do on an anniversary of death:

  • Avoid silver-lining sentiments: well-meaning phrases like “I’m so glad he’s not in pain anymore,” “I’m glad she’s with God now,” or “At least he’s in a better place,” are invalidating. Instead, stick with sentiments that focus on your friend or loved one’s grief. You might say, “I know you miss him,” “I can imagine today might feel extra sad,” or “I know how much you love them and must miss them.”3
  • Don’t say “I know how you feel:” everyone’s experience of grief is unique because everyone’s relationship is unique. Even if you both experienced the death of a parent, the loss and subsequent grief won’t be exactly the same. Instead, you might say, “I remember on my dad’s death anniversary I felt really sad. How are you feeling?”
  • Don’t show up unannounced: if you’d like to stop by or bring something to your friend or loved one, call or text ahead of time
  • Don’t send photos or videos of the deceased without asking first: some people may find that unexpectedly seeing the deceased in a photo or video is upsetting. Checking in with them first can help avoid that potential upset.
  • Avoid generic offers of support: it can be hard for your loved one to take you up on offers like “Call me if you need anything” or “Let me know if I can do anything for you.” Instead, offer something concrete that’s easy for them to say “yes” or “no” to. You might say “I would love to call you later; would that be OK?” or “I’d like to take you to dinner soon; is Friday a good night for you?”

Finding a Therapist

Finding a therapist in an online directory or working with a trusted grief counselor can help you navigate painful feelings of loss. Doing so also allows you to honor your loved one’s death anniversary in a way that feels authentic.

Final Thoughts On Marking a Death Anniversary

Death anniversaries may be days where you experience more intense grief, even if it has been many years since your loss. That said, it’s also a day for remembrance, love, and joy. Remember to check in with yourself about what feels right.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

Online Therapy 

BetterHelp Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 20,000 therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy.  Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Virtual Psychiatry

Talkiatry Get help from a real doctor that takes your insurance. Talkiatry offers medication management and online visits with top-rated psychiatrists. Take the online assessment and have your first appointment within a week Free Assessment

Support Groups

Sesh – Sesh offers 100+ live, interactive webinars per month facilitated by mental health professionals. Topics included, “Managing Emotional Guilt and Shame”, “Building Healthy Relationships”, and “Pressing The Breaks On Gaslighting”. Free One Month Trial

Guided Psychedelic Journeys

Innerwell Ketamine is a prescription medication that clinicians can prescribe off-label to treat trauma, depression, anxiety, and OCD. Innerwell pairs ketamine with support from licensed psychotherapists. Find out if you’re a good candidate: Take Online Assessment

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by Sesh, BetterHelp, Innerwell, and Talkiatry.

For Further Reading

  • Best Books on Grief & Loss
  • Best Books About Death
  • Coping with Grief During the Holidays
  • Losing a Parent Quotes
  • Podcasts About Grief
  • How to Tell Grief from Depression

Death Anniversary Infographics

What Is a Death Anniversary? Ways to Remember a Loved One on Their Death Anniversary Ways to Remember a Loved One on Their Death Anniversary

4 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Baikie, K., & Wilhelm, K. (2005). Emotional and physical health benefits of expressive writing. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 11(5), 338-346. doi:10.1192/apt.11.5.338

  • Cofini, V., Cecilia, M.R., Petrarca, F., Bernardi, R., Mazza, M., & Di Orio, F. (2014). Factors associated with post-traumatic growth after the loss of a loved one. Minerva Psichiatrica, 55(207), 207-214.

  • James, J. & Friedman, R. (2009). The grief recovery handbook: The action program for moving beyond death, divorce, and other losses including health, career, and faith. William Morrow.

  • Norton, M.I. & Gino, F. (2014). Rituals alleviate grieving for loved ones, lovers, and lotteries. Journal of Experimental Psychology, 143(1), 266-272. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031772

update history

We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.

  • Originally Published: October 19, 2021
    Original Author: Hart Haragutchi, MA, LMHCA
    Original Reviewer: Benjamin Troy, MD

  • Updated: October 27, 2022
    Author: No Change
    Reviewer: No Change
    Primary Changes: Updated for readability and clarity. Expanded to include two new tips. Reviewed and added relevant resources.

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Headshot of Hart Haragutchi, MA, LMHCA
Written by:

Hart Haragutchi

MA, LMHCA
Headshot of Benjamin Troy, MD
Reviewed by:

Benjamin Troy

MD
  • What Is a Death Anniversary?Definition
  • Ways to Remember a Loved One on Their Death Anniversary14 Ideas
  • How to Support a Friend or Loved One on a Death AnniversarySupport a Loved One
  • What to Say to Someone On an Anniversary of DeathWhat to Say
  • Finding a TherapistGet Help
  • Final Thoughts On Marking a Death AnniversaryConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Death Anniversary InfographicsInfographics
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