Sex After Birth: How Long to Wait & What to Expect

How Long After Birth Can You Have Sex?

Wanting to resume your sex life after childbirth is typical, and there is no definitive time for how long one should wait. It is recommended that sexual relations after childbirth resume between 6 and 8 weeks postpartum.¹

While there is no definitive timeframe as to when an individual can resume sex after birth, there are several reasons one may want to delay intercourse. During childbirth, some women experience perineal tears, mild vaginal tears that occur during delivery. Most doctors advise women to wait for their perineal area to heal before resuming sexual activity, which can take between 4-6 weeks to heal completely. More extensive tears might take longer to heal.²

Individuals with cesarean sections are also asked to delay sexual activity for approximately 4-6 weeks. Cesarean sections require an incision in the abdomen that could tear or become infected after childbirth. The time recommended allows the body to heal and recover.

Why Should People Wait to Have Sex After Childbirth?

There are several reasons an individual should postpone sex after childbirth. Engaging in sexual activity during the first two weeks after delivery places an individual at risk of infection and other complications. After birth, hormonal changes may make vaginal tissue thinner and more sensitive. The vagina, uterus, and cervix need to return to normal before sexual activity should begin. Additionally, the individual is usually bleeding after childbirth and at risk for hemorrhage or uterine infection.³

Several reason to wait to have sex after childbirth include:

• Risk of infection: after having a baby, it is easier for bacteria to get into the uterus and cause infection. It is recommended that during the first 4-6 weeks after childbirth, an individual keeps things out of the vagina, including sex toys, tampons, and their partner’s penis.
• Muscle needs time to recover: The pelvic floor is a muscle that aids in the control of urinary function. Allowing your pelvic floor to heal after childbirth will aid in the prevention of urinary incontinence. The suggested time for healing the pelvic floor is six weeks.
• Stitches: Sometimes, an individual will tear or require an episiotomy during childbirth requiring stitches. Stitches typically dissolve within ten days, depending on the degree of the laceration. However, an individual is still recommended to postpone sexual activity until their body recovers.
• C-section recovery: Generally speaking, an individual who has had a C-section is advised to wait at least 4-6 weeks before engaging in sexual activity. Although the baby is not born via the birth canal, individuals with C-Sections experience vagina soreness and bleeding.

Physically Ready for Sex Vs. Emotionally Ready for Sex

Recovering after childbirth is not only physical, it is mental, and while your doctor may medically clear you to resume normal activity, including sex, you may not be emotionally or physically ready to do so. Individuals have been found to transition to a new reality from the moment of childbirth, which requires change and coping methods. The lack of time for self-care, physical changes linked to pregnancy and subsequent childbirth, and the demands of having a baby can all lead to increased stress that affects self-esteem.⁴

The joy of childbirth and the role of being a new parent can take away from the desire to be sexual or intimate. Things such as breastfeeding, engorged breasts, discomfort with post-baby body, and low energy can also contribute to decreased sexual desire. Some individuals may even experience the baby blues or postpartum depression. Research has proven that sexual health problems were common after childbirth in depressed and nondepressed women; however, depressed women were less likely to have resumed intercourse at six months and more likely to report sexual health problems.⁵ Postpartum depression and the issues above can all contribute to an individual’s readiness to resume sexual relations.

Understanding Postpartum Sex

Childbirth affects individuals in many different ways. Returning to sexual activity may be easy for some, but it may prove difficult for others. Some individuals may have fears surrounding how sex will feel postpartum, and depending on the difficulty of their delivery, some individuals may want to delay sexual activity for some time.

Some common issues with postpartum sex include:

• Fatigue
• Loss of desire
• Hormonal changes
• Breastfeeding
• Vaginal dryness
• Postpartum discharge
• Thin vaginal tissue
• Bleeding
• Pain
• Decreased libido

What Is Postpartum Sex Like?

Sexual desire is likely to change postpartum. Changes in your body and adjusting to your new role as a parent will greatly affect how you approach sex and sexual desire. After caring for someone all day, the last thing you may want is to be touched. Individuals who breastfeed may be a bit self-conscious about leakage or being sexually stimulated by the breast.⁶

Body image and physical and mental well-being contribute to returning to sexual activity. Additionally, depending on where you are in your postpartum journey, you may not be ready to resume intercourse. Thin vaginal walls due to low estrogen levels can make for painful sex the first few times. Couples are encouraged to discover creative ways to build intimacy or try outercourse sexual activities when this happens.

Does Sex After Birth Hurt?

Returning to sexual relations can be exciting, but for some, resuming sex can be painful. After childbirth, some individuals may experience what is called dyspareunia. Dyspareunia is the medical term used to describe genital pain experienced before, during, or after intercourse. Other causes related to painful sex include not enough lubrication, irritation, injury, or trauma caused by episiotomy.

Some tips for easing discomfort during sex include:

• Use lubricants: Vaginal dryness is common after birth due to hormonal changes. The use of lubricants can make for more pleasurable sexual encounters.
• Perineal massage: should you experience pain around the vaginal opening, perineal massage or massaging the area between the vaginal opening and the anus should alleviate this.
• Kegel exercises: Kegel exercises are encouraged during pregnancy to prevent incontinence. These exercises are also a great post-pregnancy exercise for strengthening the pelvic floor, which aids in decreasing painful sex.
• Experiment: It is important to keep an open mind regarding sex after childbirth. When resuming sexual activity, you should be open to experimenting with different positions and manual or oral stimulation when experiencing painful sex.
• Practice pain relief techniques: taking certain steps to decrease sexual discomfort include emptying your bladder, taking a warm bath, or taking an over-the-counter medication. Should you experience pain after sex, applying a cold compress should help as well.
• Plan for sex: Planning for sex creates anticipation and builds excitement for the act and also allows you to engage in foreplay and prepare for the risk of potential pain by implementing pain relief techniques.

10 Tips for a Healthy Sex Life Post-Pregnancy

You can return to a healthy sex life post-pregnancy, but there may be a few steps you may need to take to get there.

Here are ten tips to get you back into the swing of things:

1. Move Slowly

When the time is right, take your time and make time for acts of intimacy. These acts of intimacy can help prepare you mentally while arousing you physically to engage in sex(intercourse). Intimacy can include complementing each other, taking time to watch a movie together, kissing, or holding hands.

2. Spend More Time on Foreplay

There are many ways to ease back into your sex life post-pregnancy. Spending more time on foreplay is one great way to ease into sex and can be done throughout the day. Kissing, massaging, or participating in manual or oral stimulation are great ways to engage in non-penetrative sex.

3. Get a Babysitter

Consider getting a babysitter or caretaker to watch your baby when time and finances allow. This will enable you to enjoy some alone time with your partner to reconnect. Quiet moments alone can trigger sexual arousal and potentially lead to sexual activity. Being without a baby for a while also provides for undisturbed sex.

4. Cuddle

Take some to cuddle and enjoy physical intimacy. Physical touch stimulates arousal that could lead to sexual encounters as well. Not all physical contact needs to lead to sexual intimacy. Enjoying being held, holding hands, or simply kissing is nice.

5. Engage in Sex Talk/Sexting

When you are away from your partner, talking or sending messages throughout the day aids in building excitement and anticipation for sexual encounters. Take some time to send a sexy text message or voicemail.

6. Take a Bath or Shower Together

Taking a bath or showering together is a great way to engage in foreplay while allowing you time to unwind together and destress.

7. Play Sex Games

Not all games have to involve a board. Create your own sex game, live out your fantasy, role play, or engage in games that provoke sex talk or acts.

8. Try Different Positions

Spice your sex life up by exploring different sexual positions. Different positions can increase pleasure and boost confidence for some.

9. Use Sex Toys

While taboo to some, sex toys in the bedroom allow couples to experience different types of pleasure while expanding their sexual range. Sex toys can also be helpful after birth for those who experience pain. Easing back into your sex life with the use of toys can be fun, pain-free, and safe.

10. Play Music That Gets You in the Mood

Studies have shown that music triggers a dopamine/pleasure response that can help get you into the mood. Romantic music can stimulate sexual arousal by triggering romantic or sexual thoughts. These thoughts also aid with building excitement/anticipation for sex, allowing for more intense sexual encounters.

What if I’m Not Interested in Sex After Giving Birth?

Being a parent is no small feat, and adjusting to all the nuances of parenting can be difficult. For some, sex is the last thing on your mind. Being fatigued, overwhelmed, or self-conscious about your body can lead to a disinterest in sex or even postpartum depression. It is important to keep an open line of communication with your partner as it may take some time for you to adjust to your new normal.

When to Seek Professional Help for Sex After Birth

Research has shown that one in seven women can develop postpartum depression. While women experiencing baby blues often recover quickly, postpartum depression can last longer for others and can severely affect a woman’s ability to return to normal.⁷ Should postpartum depression not resolve within about three months after childbirth, you may want to consider speaking to your doctor or trying therapy. A therapist can assist with any concerns, fears, or unresolved issues related to sex or parenting.

If sex is the only issue you are struggling with post-pregnancy, it may be beneficial to see someone who specializes in sex or relationships. Sex therapy or online couples therapy could help break any barriers that you may have related to returning to sexual intimacy. An online therapist directory is a good place to start your search for a therapist.

In My Experience

As a mother of six, I understand how your world shifts when you become a parent. The time and things you may have enjoyed without children have to take a backseat to this new little person—your new “boss baby.” Fear not, as things do get better with time. Establishing a community to assist you with your new bundle of joy is important while ensuring that you make time for yourself and your significant other. Taking time to date, share quiet moments, or even have sex without guilt is important. The good news is that this new bundle of joy won’t always be so little or needy. Savor every moment, but make sure you make time for yourself, too. Should you feel overwhelmed and need assistance, seek the help of a therapist in your area. You are important!!