Non-penetrative sex refers to any sexual activity that does not involve penetration. It can include kissing, touching, and oral sex. Couples can have more intimate non-penetrative sex by exploring each other’s bodies, trying new positions, and focusing on pleasuring each other without the goal of orgasm or penetration. Many couples are unsure how to have sex without penetration, so communication and consent are key. As in any sexual activity, talk to your partner about what you’re both comfortable with and enjoy.
What Is Non-Penetrative Sex?
Non-penetrative sex involves any sexual experience that does not involve penetration of any sort, which may involve orgasm or ejaculation. This can include kissing, touching, and oral sex. While non-penetrative sex may not lead to orgasm or ejaculation, it can still be a satisfying and intimate experience for both partners. Non-penetrative sex can be a great option for couples who want to explore their sexuality without engaging in traditional penetrative sex, either due to personal preferences, medical issues, or other reasons.1
Whether or not non-intercourse sex is considered “sex” is up to individual interpretation. Some people may view it as a form of foreplay, while others may consider it a standalone sexual activity. However, it is important to note that any sexual activity, including non-penetrative sex, should be consensual and respectful to both partners’ boundaries and comfort levels. Ultimately, the definition of sex is subjective, and what matters most is that both partners feel satisfied and respected in their sexual experiences.
Types of non-penetrative sex include:
- Masturbating alongside your partner
- Dry humping
- Nipple stimulation
- Kissing and making out
- Touching and caressing each other’s bodies
- Oral sex (performing or receiving oral stimulation of the genitals)
- Using sex toys, such as vibrators or dildos, for external stimulation
- Sensual massage or body rubs
- Erotic dancing or striptease
- Role-playing or dirty talk without penetration
Benefits of Non-Penetrative Sex
Non-penetrative sex can offer many benefits to couples, including increased sexual intimacy, exploration of new sexual activities, and the opportunity to build trust in their relationship. For women with anorgasmia (inability to achieve orgasm), non-penetrative sex may increase the likelihood of achieving orgasm by focusing on external stimulation and foreplay.
Trying new sexual activities with a partner, including non-penetrative sex, can strengthen emotional intimacy in a relationship by promoting communication, trust, and a deeper understanding of each other’s desires and boundaries. Building trust in a relationship is crucial for having more intimate sex, as it allows both partners to feel safe and respected during sexual activity. By exploring non-penetrative sex and other forms of sexual activity, couples can build a stronger foundation of trust and sexual intimacy and strengthen emotional intimacy in marriage.
Benefits of non-penetrative sex include:
- No risk of pregnancy: typically, non-penetrative sex does not involve the exchange of bodily fluids that can lead to pregnancy. As long as partners engage in safe sexual practices, such as using barriers for oral sex and washing hands and genitals thoroughly, the risk of pregnancy is virtually nonexistent.
- Women may be more likely to orgasm: Non-penetrative sex can provide more targeted and prolonged stimulation of the clitoris, increasing the likelihood of female orgasm.
- Less likely to experience pain or discomfort: Reduced pain or discomfort: For individuals who experience pain or discomfort during penetrative sex, non-penetrative sex can offer an alternative way to engage in sexual activity that is comfortable and pleasurable.
- Enhanced foreplay: Non-penetrative sex can be an excellent way to engage in extended foreplay and build sexual tension, which can lead to more intense and satisfying sexual experiences
- More accessible for people with disabilities: Non-penetrative sex can be a more accessible option for people with disabilities who may have difficulty with certain sexual positions or activities.
- Enhanced emotional intimacy: Non-penetrative sex can promote emotional intimacy and connection by allowing partners to focus on each other’s pleasures and desires, leading to a more fulfilling sexual relationship.
- Increased confidence and sexual self-awareness: Engaging in non-penetrative sexual activities can help individuals to become more comfortable with their bodies and sexual desires, leading to increased confidence in bed and sexual self-awareness.
- Improved sexual communication: Non-penetrative sex requires open and honest communication between partners, leading to improved sexual communication skills that can enhance overall sexual satisfaction and relationship quality.
- Reduces pressure to hold an erection: For individuals with challenges maintaining an erection, penetrative sex can pose major stress and reduce their ability to be present and enjoy sexual intimacy.
- Supportive of various gender/sexual identity experiences: Non-penetrative sex is more inclusive for LGBTQIA+ couples as it offers a wider range of sexual activities that do not require traditional forms of penetration. It allows all couples to authentically explore their bodies and preferences through activities like oral sex, manual stimulation, or mutual masturbation, leading to greater intimacy and sexual satisfaction.
- Empowering for those with sexual trauma: Non-penetrative sex empowers individuals with sexual trauma histories by providing a safer and more consensual way to explore sexual pleasure and intimacy. It allows individuals to set boundaries and communicate their needs clearly, helping to reclaim their sexual agency and build confidence in having healthy and fulfilling sexual relationships.
10 Ways to Explore Non-Penetrative Sex
To create more intimate sexual experiences without penetration, couples can explore a range of non-penetrative activities that focus on mutual pleasure and desire. This may involve trying new sexual activities that both find exciting and pleasurable, such as oral sex, erotic massage, or mutual masturbation. By prioritizing open communication and trust, partners can create a safe and comfortable space to explore their desires and deepen their sexual connection. Experimentation and mutual exploration are sexy!
Here are 10 ways to explore non-penetrative sex:
1. Use Non Penetrative Sex Toys
Non-penetrative sex toys can provide both solo and partnered sexual experiences without the need for penetration. For women, toys such as vibrators, clitoral stimulators, and nipple clamps can provide intense pleasure and stimulation without the need for vaginal penetration. Men can also enjoy non-penetrative sexual experiences with toys such as cock rings, masturbators, and prostate massagers.
When used in a partnered setting, non-penetrative sex toys can add a new dimension to sexual exploration, enabling couples to explore each other’s bodies and desires in new and exciting ways. By experimenting with different toys and incorporating them into their sexual routine, couples can deepen their intimacy and build a stronger connection. Additionally, non-penetrative sex toys can be a useful alternative for individuals who may experience pain or discomfort during penetrative sex or couples wanting to mix things up and try new experiences.
2. Use Heated Massage Oil
Using warm massage oil can be a simple and effective way to induce pleasure and intimacy without involving genitals. The heat from the oil can stimulate nerve endings in the skin and promote relaxation and tension release. By focusing on different body areas, such as the neck, back, and feet, partners can explore different sensations and experience a deeper level of intimacy and connection. The use of massage oil can also be a sensual and romantic activity that allows partners to take their time and savor the experience, leading to a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship.
3. Outercourse in the Missionary Position
Outercourse refers to a range of sexual activities that don’t involve penetration, such as kissing, touching, and grinding. The missionary position is a popular position for outercourse because it allows for a close and intimate physical connection between partners. Couples can focus on sensual touching, caressing, and grinding against each other to enjoy outercourse in the missionary position without penetration.
Experimenting with different levels of pressure and speed can create unique sensations and add variety to the experience. Additionally, using hands or sex toys can enhance stimulation and pleasure, creating a satisfying and intimate experience without penetration.2
4. Sensual Bath
A sensual bath is a great way to start non-penetrative sex, as it allows for relaxation and intimacy. Partners can add bubbles or oils to the water and take turns washing each other. This creates a sensual experience that can lead to exploration and heightened intimacy
5. Sensory Play
Sensory play involves exploring the senses through touch, sight, smell, and taste. Partners can use various props like feathers, fur, or ice to create unique sensations and explore each other’s bodies. This type of play can enhance intimacy and strengthen trust between partners.
6. Mutual Masturbation
Masturbating together can be an intimate experience that allows partners to share and explore their sexuality. This can involve watching each other masturbate or touching each other’s genitals without penetration. Mutual masturbation can be a fun and low-pressure way to explore new sexual experiences together.
7. Kissing
Kissing is a sensual and intimate activity that can lead to heightened arousal and pleasure. Couples can explore different types of kisses, such as French kissing or nibbling, to add variety and excitement to their sexual repertoire.
8. Erotic Massage
Erotic massage involves using touch to stimulate and arouse the body. Partners can use different techniques, like light touches, pressure, and stroking, to create a sensual and relaxing experience. Erotic massage can help partners connect deeper and build trust and intimacy.
9. Role-playing
Role-playing can be a fun and exciting way to explore non-penetrative sex. Partners can take on different personas and act out fantasies, creating a sense of adventure and excitement. Role-playing can also be a way to build trust and intimacy as partners explore each other’s desires and boundaries.
10. Oral Sex
Oral sex involves using the mouth and tongue to stimulate the genitals. It can be a satisfying and intimate experience that allows partners to explore each other’s bodies in a new way. By experimenting with different techniques, like using the lips or tongue, partners can find what feels pleasurable and explore new levels of intimacy.
When to Seek Professional Help
Couples counseling or sex therapy can be a good idea when couples are experiencing difficulties in their sexual relationship that they cannot resolve on their own. This may include issues such as mismatched libidos, sexual dysfunctions, communication breakdowns, or unresolved conflicts. Counseling and therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment for couples to explore these issues and work towards finding solutions that work for both partners.
Working with a trained therapist can help couples navigate their desires and boundaries, build trust, and communicate more effectively, leading to a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship. You can find a marriage/couples counselor by searching an online therapist directory.
In My Experience
In my experience as a couples therapist, I see how difficult it is for couples and individuals to put words to their sexual desires, including concerns or wishes for non-penetrative sex. Non-penetrative sex can allow individuals to relax and further explore their tactile interests without any pressure regarding penetration or penetrative orgasm. Non-penetrative sex may also allow individuals to bring themselves pleasure on their own terms, which can feel empowering and healing. Furthermore, non-penetrative sex options can allow differently-abled individuals and LGBTQIA+ folks to enjoy pleasure without heterosexual penetrative sex expectations. Sexual concerns, including any difficulty regarding sexual intimacy, are very commonly treated in couples and individual therapy. I would encourage you to open your definition of what sex is for you and begin to play and experiment, both individually and in couple or multi-person experiences.
Non-Penetrative Sex Infographics
