Social Anxiety in Children: Symptoms, Causes, & How to Help

What Is Social Anxiety in Children?

Social anxiety disorder is a condition in which childhood anxiety becomes overwhelming in certain communal situations. This can negatively impact a child’s relationships with others, as they struggle with worries about making friends, meeting new people, and being in new social environments. They are more likely to feel embarrassed, focus on how they are perceived by others, and have heightened fears of rejection. These experiences differ from typical shyness, as they can become internalized by a child.¹

Common symptoms of social anxiety in children include:

• Unhealthy self-consciousness in social situations
• Avoidance behaviors
• Feelings of sadness and helplessness
• Excessive sweating, stomach issues, or blushing
• Feeling anxiously attached to caregivers
• Self-isolation

Possible Causes of Social Anxiety Disorder in Children

There are many reasons a child may develop social anxiety disorder. These behaviors are affected by a number of factors including genetics, environment, among others. Social anxiety disorder is likely to develop following major life events or developmental milestones.²

However, it is important to note that experiencing symptoms of social anxiety is not indicative of a disorder, as social anxiety may occasionally pop up for children during times of stress or discomfort.

Social anxiety in children may be caused by:

Environmental Factors

Children learn and absorb a lot from their environments. They typically learn through observation, which begins at a very young age. Thus, it is believed that parenting styles may increase the risk of childhood social anxiety. For example, parents who choose to adopt an authoritarian approach, which focuses on a parent-led expectation of children’s behavior, can greatly influence a child’s self-esteem. Parents who behave negatively or harshly when their child acts out or exhibits emotion can result in the child accepting false truths about their self-worth.

To add, peer pressure can encourage children to participate in things they are uncomfortable with. Because of this, a child may find it easier to learn avoidance strategies, rather than simply refusing to engage. In turn, this can develop into social anxiety the longer it goes unaddressed. Bullying can be harmful, as children may avoid going to school or participating in activities they enjoy due to their negative experiences associated with these environments. Children may become anxious in these social situations, as they fear that they may be bullied or picked on again.⁴

Genetics

Many studies suggest that anxiety and other mental health issues can be genetic and passed down to children. A child is much more likely to display symptoms of anxiety or social anxiety if they have a parent with the same diagnosis. Therefore, some children may be more predisposed to anxiety disorders from birth, and further develop these behaviors themselves by imitating their parents.³

Brain Development & Functioning

Children who frequently experience intense feelings of fear, anger, or any other emotion are more likely to enter a ‘fight-or-flight’ mode. When this happens, their brain reprograms itself to respond in certain ways to specific situations. Social anxiety may result from poor coping skills, emotional regulation, or emotional expression. Thus, when these types of brain activity continue, social anxiety can increase.²

7 Tips for Helping Children With Social Anxiety

There are a lot of ways for parents to support their child with social anxiety. Doing so can be helpful both at home and at school in collaboration with a teacher or school counselor. It’s important to make this a team approach, and ensure that your child is receiving the same support from every trusted adult in their life.

Below are seven tips for helping a child with social anxiety:

1. Teach Healthy Coping Skills

Teaching a child healthy coping mechanisms is beneficial when dealing with social anxiety. It’s crucial that children know and are able to access tools to help them with self-soothing techniques, and also that parents model these behaviors at home.

2. Build Their Self-Esteem

Parents should continuously focus on building a child’s self-esteem, especially for a child with social anxiety. Try encouraging your child to share their opinions and feelings, offering reassurance and validation, and working on creating a secure attachment with your child. Other family members and trusted adults can also support you with this. Children who have higher self-esteem are more likely to bounce back from negative experiences at school and from other children.

3. Encourage Social Outings

Helping your child with anxiety remain open to social gatherings and situations is important, as these experiences offer them with new learning opportunities. By not avoiding uncomfortable situations, your child can identify new tools to manage their anxiety. Engaging your child in team sports or group activities can be a great way to keep them excited about something and lessen symptoms. If they are engaged in an activity they care about and that brings them joy, it will make certain social situations feel safer.

4. Model Positive Self-Talk

Children learn by observing. If we as parents are exhibiting a lot of anxiety ourselves, this can certainly give children the wrong message about how they are to behave. It’s important that we care for ourselves and ensure we are practicing healthy self-talk so children can learn how to do so themselves.

5. Teach Mindfulness

Mindfulness is beneficial for adults, but showing children how to behave mindfully can help them learn new ways to calm themselves when they are overwhelmed. It is a great way to reduce feelings of anxiety and restless thoughts.

6. Practice Grounding Techniques

Grounding techniques are helpful for children to access when they are overwhelmed. Grounding brings our focus back to ourselves and our body in a given moment. By showing this to our children, we are teaching them to recognize how they can handle anxious thoughts when they arise, and offer guidance and encouragement along the way.

7. Facilitate Cognitive Reframing

This is helpful for children who engage in catastrophic thinking. Cognitive reframing encourages children to look at the same situation from a positive lens. Since anxiety is often rooted in ‘worst case scenario’ mentalities and not reality, cognitive reframing helps children learn that not all of their thoughts are accurate.⁵

When to Seek Professional Help for Kids with Social Anxiety

It is important to seek professional help if you find that your home-based remedies or tools are not improving your child’s symptoms. While social anxiety cannot be cured, it is absolutely possible to manage it so it does not become a barrier for your child. Children whose parents are involved in their treatment are better able to cope with and adjust to social anxiety.

Treatment options for a child with social anxiety include:

Therapy

Therapy is great for children with social anxiety, as it offers them a safe space to talk about their feelings in a private, one-on-one setting. Parents can offer their child encouragement by expressing trust in the process. Further, they can feel at ease with the understanding that therapy isn’t a reflection of their parenting, but rather a reflection of how much they love their child. To find the right therapist for your child, consider speaking with their pediatrician or using an online therapist directory to identify therapists with the proper expertise.

Therapy options for children with social anxiety include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for kids helps children learn ways to reprogram their thoughts and actions, so they can feel more in control of their emotions.⁵
• Family therapy: Family therapy is an approach that involves the whole family, and focuses on how familial dynamics may contribute to a child’s social anxiety. It ensures that all family members have an equal say, with an emphasis on understanding the parental impact on children.
• Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT): MBCT helps children feel more at ease and in control, as they are taught to take a step back from their situation mindfully.
• Play therapy: Play therapy offers children the ability to work through tough emotions through play and thus associate these feelings with positive experiences.
• Group Therapy: Group therapy is a great way for children to learn social skills, work through feelings of insecurity, and practice communication with other children.

Medications

Medications for SAD may be recommended for some children, and SSRIs are the most common type prescribed for the treatment of social anxiety.⁶

Final Thoughts

If your child or a child you love appears to be struggling with social anxiety, there are plenty of support options available to help you both find ways to manage this, work through it, and live fulfilling lives. Don’t lose hope! Working with a therapist is a great way to learn how to move forward in healthy ways. Together you can come up with a plan and strategy to help your child feel more comfortable in their own skin.