How to Help a Child With Anxiety: 12 Tips From a Therapist

What Are Anxiety Disorders?

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health concerns in the United States. Anxiety is a normal feeling that everyone deals with at some point in their life. Experiencing this feeling helps us recognize threats and respond to them. Anxiety can become problematic when the feelings become persistent and overwhelming, and cause problems in activities of daily living.

Children and teens may experience feelings of anxiety related to going to school, social interactions, fitting in with peers, or catastrophic events.¹ Anxiety in children and anxiety in teens may present with some very similar physical symptoms, such as stomachaches, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, chest pain, dizziness, and difficulty sleeping.¹

Approximately 7% of children are diagnosed with anxiety each year. However, these numbers have been significantly impacted by the pandemic and are most likely closer to 20%. This may be due to COVID-related stressors such as social isolation; family stress; delayed developmental and educational milestones; and other social and psychological stressors.^2,3

A child with anxiety may experience:

• Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD): GAD involves worrying across all areas of life, and is not distinct to a certain situation or trigger.
• Separation anxiety disorder: This type of anxiety disorder is most common in younger children, where there is an extreme fear of being separated from a caregiver.
• Social anxiety disorder: This condition is most common in adolescents, but can also occur in younger children. With social anxiety in children, there is an intense fear of social situations where they may be judged or feel embarrassed.
• Panic disorder: This is another form of anxiety more common in adolescents, but includes recurring, unexpected panic attacks and intense worry about when the next attack will occur.
• Specific phobias: Specific phobias are strong fears of particular situations or objects. For children, there is a high prevalence of fear surrounding needles, bodily fluids, dogs or other animals.
• Selective mutism: Selective mutism typically begins in early childhood, but can persist into adulthood if left untreated. Children may have no trouble talking at home, where they are comfortable, but struggle to do so around new people and in new places.²

12 Tips for Helping a Child with Anxiety

There are many ways to help a child with anxiety, and it may take any combination of strategies to effectively do so. Find what works for you, your family, and your child, and look into additional support as needed.

Below are 12  tips to help a child struggling with anxiety:

1. Learn to Recognize Their Symptoms

Anxiety symptoms are different for everyone, especially children. Children and adolescents experience some of the same worries as adults, along with unique age-oriented concerns. During these formative years, children may experience anxiety related to taking tests, sports performances, or fitting in with a friend group.

If you start to notice that your child is having trouble sleeping at night, crying frequently, struggling in school, or exhibiting physical symptoms–such as frequent headaches, upset stomach, or an increased heart rate, it may be time to consider anxiety as a factor. Talk with a healthcare provider about your concerns and the next best steps.

2. Identify Their Triggers

Every type of anxiety typically comes with some common anxiety triggers, which are usually habits, patterns, or life events that cause symptoms to feel out of control. It is valuable to notice these patterns–without judgment–and attempt to make small life changes around them. For example, if your child routinely gets anxious around a test day, it may be helpful to talk through their fears, challenge unhelpful thoughts, and practice strategies to relax.

3. Provide Support to Your LGBTQ+ Youth

Studies have shown an increased likelihood of mental health conditions in trans and gender non-conforming youth. However, with support, study participants demonstrated a lower rate of anxiety or depression.⁴ As a parent, this may all be new and overwhelming information for you. Through online resources, you can begin the process of learning how to be an ally for your child and support them both emotionally and with gender-affirming care.

4. Become Familiar With How to Calm Anxiety

When someone is anxious, many people may say, “You just need to calm down!” Offering that advice isn’t always the most helpful, and may actually cause additional frustration and anxiety.  “Calming down” can look different for everyone. With your child, think about what they normally do to relax, and encourage them to do so. It’s valuable to find techniques to help your child stay grounded in the present moment (focused on something outside of their head) so they are able to put a stop to the worry loop. Knowing various tips for calming anxiety is an effective skill, because not every approach is “one size fits all.”

5. Find Natural Remedies for Anxiety

We live in a fast-paced, information driven society. Our children have many of the same worries and stressors as adults. As you explore natural remedies for anxiety, it may be valuable to think about and explore the things in life that are causing your child’s anxiety.

Rather than first adding a dietary supplement or yoga class to your child’s schedule, try to explore alternate options that work best for them. Focus on the relationship with your child, listen to what they are saying, and try finding ways to reduce or eliminate stressors from their daily responsibilities. This will help encourage two natural remedies for anxiety–a greater sense of connection in the family and slowing down.

6. Learn How to Help During a Panic Attack

A panic attack can be a frightening experience for the person having one and the person witnessing it. The situation can often feel paralyzing and uncertain, but it’s important to know that they are harmless and typically last less than 10 minutes.

When someone is having a panic attack, it’s important to stay calm and learn how to help someone with a panic attack. If your child is experiencing frequent panic attacks, it may be advisable to seek out the help of a mental health professional. Therapy is effective at reducing the frequency of these occurrences.

7. Practice Mindfulness With the Child

Mindfulness refers to paying purposeful attention without judgment. When we are mindful, we are tending to the present moment and not fretting about the past or future. Mindfulness helps to strengthen our relationship with ourselves and with the people around us.

Mindfulness for kids is an excellent skill to teach your child. An important component of doing so is leading by example–pay attention, manage your own emotions, accept your kiddos as they are, and practice gratitude.

8. Connect With Your Child

Often kids and teens don’t want to open up with their parents about what’s troubling them right away–and this is okay. Continue staying mindful and accept them where and as they are, but find ways to connect with them. Set aside time each day to put this into practice. It doesn’t have to be a big time commitment–perhaps help them out with their chores (cleaning up dog poop is more fun together) or plan and prepare dinner as a team. When building this bond with your child, it’s important to offer praise for their effort so they feel comfortable turning to you in times of stress.⁵

9. Build Healthy Lifestyle Habits

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is one proven way to reduce levels of anxiety, lower stress, and increase positivity. For example, it’s important to have family expectations around screen time. Encourage your child to eat a balanced diet, engage in physical activity, and get enough sleep as these are all factors that can help keep anxiety at bay.⁵

10. Teach Stress Management

We can’t always control the stressful things that happen in our lives, but we can dictate how we respond to them. If we are constantly in a heightened state of stress, research suggests that we are more prone to anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions. It’s valuable to take steps to learn and teach stress management to our children so they can better manage any difficult situation that comes their way.

11. Empower Your Child

A child struggling with anxiety may also be feeling uncertain about themselves and their own abilities. This can be an uncomfortable challenge for many parents, but it’s important in your child’s development to support them as they navigate anxiety. By building a child’s self-esteem, a parent is able to allow their child to make some of their own decisions, increase confidence, and start feeling more independent.⁶

12. Help Your Child “Do It Scared”

When anxious, kids often want to avoid the thing that is causing them fear. As parents, it’s sometimes difficult to force our children to do something that brings up intense feelings. Taking small steps and working with a trained professional allows parents to encourage their kids to do things, even when they’re feeling scared. When a parent lets their child avoid fear or worry, anxiety wins.

What Not to Do When Helping a Child with Anxiety

Sometimes, even with the best intentions, our actions can lead to more harm than good. When helping a child who is struggling with anxiety, it’s important to be mindful of what you say and avoid feeding into their fears.

Below are some things to avoid when helping a child with anxiety:

• Don’t dismiss their fears: Your child’s feelings are valid, whatever they are, and it is not your place to judge or dismiss these.
• Don’t reinforce their fears: Asking them to constantly talk about their anxiety may heighten their symptoms. Instead, try challenging their fears or exploring alternate outcomes.
• Don’t encourage avoidance coping: When we allow avoidance coping to occur, anxiety is reinforced. For instance, letting an anxious child stay home from school or excusing them from activities helps them avoid the situation, therefore reinforcing the anxiety.
• Don’t ask leading questions: Leading questions are another way to reinforce anxiety.  An example of a leading question is, “Are you feeling anxious about your wrestling meet tonight?” Instead, ask, “How are you feeling about your meet tonight?”
• Don’t tell them not to cry: If your child is crying and feels overwhelmed, telling them not to cry probably won’t be the most helpful response. Try offering them comfort and listening to what is causing them to feel upset.
• Don’t set unrealistic expectations: We don’t know how everything in life is going to turn out. A child’s worst fears may actually come true. What we want our kids to know is that if this happens, you are confident that they will get through it.
• Don’t minimize their anxiety: The feelings your child is experiencing are very real. Rather than trying to get them to immediately push through, it will be more effective to offer compassion and kindness.

Treatment for Anxiety in Children & Teens

If you have noticed a pattern of anxiety in your kid, the first step towards healing is to seek out a therapist for your child. The therapist will conduct a complete history with the child, and sometimes the entire family, to discuss the symptoms and behavior surrounding the anxiety. This will allow your provider to make a determination on the best options for treatment.

Depending on the severity of the anxiety, medication can be taken to alleviate your child’s symptoms. For mild or moderate anxiety, anxiety treatment without medication is also an option. For parents seeking information on how to find a therapist for their child, a good resource is an online therapist directory. This allows you to filter providers by insurance, location, demographics, and specialty areas.

Treatment options for anxiety in children may include:

• School counseling: School counseling occurs at school with a trained professional. It typically includes one-on-one or group discussion, and is an effective way to teach coping skills and anxiety reduction techniques related to school issues.
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for kids is the traditional treatment model used when targeting anxiety. Here, a therapist teaches a child that their thoughts and feelings have a direct impact on behavior. Through practice and psychoeducation, they can learn to identify and challenge negative thinking patterns.
• Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT): DBT for kids primarily focuses on helping your child learn mindfulness skills to regulate emotions and manage their feelings, even during times of stress.
• Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT): ACT is a treatment approach that utilizes acceptance and mindfulness to cope with unwanted thoughts or behaviors, rather than getting caught up in the cycle of anxiety.
• Functional family therapy: Functional family therapy is a brief, strengths based approach to family therapy. Assessment is on-going and the therapist constantly evaluates how the family system triggers or impacts the child’s anxiety. The therapist also looks for positive interactions as motivation for growth and change.
• Play therapy: Play therapy is an interactive therapy used to engage children in methods that are non-threatening. This often involves the use of toys or games facilitated by a therapist. Children may struggle to find the words to express themselves. Through play, they are better able to express and process their feelings.
• Art therapy: Art therapy for children is a style of therapy which uses art as the form of expression in treatment. For children and teens, this allows for a non-threatening approach to the therapeutic process. Depending on the therapist, it can be directive or non-directive. Art can be very calming, so this is an effective relaxation technique to utilize outside of the therapy room.
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR for anxiety has been shown to be very effective. It is a short-term therapy style that works with the brain’s processing system to change how it responds to distressing experiences.
• Medication: Alone or in combination with therapy, medication for anxiety can be a very effective treatment for the symptoms of anxiety. Medication alone is not a cure for anxiety, but it is a way to manage the feelings associated.

Final Thoughts

Helping children with anxiety can be difficult, especially when they are young and cannot properly communicate their emotions. However, there are things you can do to help and professionals who can intervene. It’s also important for parents, teachers, and other caregivers to take care of themselves during this process. Anxiety is a very normal emotion and it’s important for adults to model healthy ways to manage these feelings.