Crying During Sex & After Orgasm: Why It Happens & What To Do

Is it Normal to Cry During Sex?

When we engage in sexual intercourse, it usually is an enjoyable experience that brings feelings of connection, pleasure, enjoyment and happiness. However, this is not always everyone’s experience every time they have sex. For many reasons, sex can also bring negative feelings including sadness, anxiety or anger, and may result in crying.

When consensual sex leads to unexpected sadness or irritability, it is sometimes called postcoital dysphoria. Postcoital dysphoria can happen for a variety of reasons and it can happen to both men and women, although the prevalence is higher in women.¹ One study found that 46% of women experience postcoital dysphoria at some point in their lifetime² and another study found that 41% of men experience it in their lifetime.³ So if this is something you have experienced, you are not alone.

7 Possible Causes of Crying During Sex or After Orgasm

There are several reasons that tears may flow during or after sex. As mentioned, reasons may be physiological or emotional. You may experience sadness as a result of one of these reasons or multiple reasons. Let’s dive a little deeper into some of the causes.

Here are seven reasons someone might cry during sex or after orgasm:

1. You Experience Pain During Intercourse

Sometimes people may experience pain during intercourse and can definitely bring you to tears. Reasons for pain during intercourse can be physical or psychological. Physical reasons may include an infection, injury, trauma, hormone change during menopause or childbirth, illness, surgeries or medical issues. If you are experiencing pain during intercourse, it is important to seek professional help from a doctor and/or therapist.

2. You’re Happy

During intercourse our body releases hormones, such as oxytocin and dopamine, that bring feelings of pleasure and connection to our partner. Sexual intimacy and feeling of happiness can trigger tears. Crying is often a reaction to an overwhelming feeling of emotion, whether that emotion is positive or negative. So if you feel a large amount of happiness or pleasure, naturally tears may come.

3. You’re Experiencing Unresolved Trauma

If you have experienced trauma in your history and have not yet been able to process it, sex may trigger these past feelings. When we repress our experiences, the unwanted thoughts and memories we have been trying to avoid can surface in times of vulnerability, such as during intercourse. Reliving these past painful experiences can lead to overwhelming emotions and sensations that bring us to tears.

4. You Are Experiencing Relationship Problems

Relationships are hard and can come with many ups and downs. If you and your partner have had difficulty managing issues that have come up in the relationship you may be carrying some resentment, anger, and hurt. There may also have been injuries in the relationship that have left feeling soft betrayal. Engaging in sex with them can surface some of these emotions and cause us to cry.

5. You Are Dealing With Mental Health Concerns Such as Depression or Anxiety

Mental health issues such as depression and anxiety can leave us feeling overwhelmed and drained emotionally on a regular basis. The emotions that surface during intercourse can overwhelm our system and crying can be a way our body releases these feelings. Alternatively, sex may be a release that leads to a temporary relief of depression, and sex can help anxiety. The feelings of relaxation and connection that comes from sex can also cause tears.

6. Feelings of Guilt or Shame

There are a lot of unhealthy messages about sex in society. If you received shameful messages about intercourse, having sex can bring up feelings of guilt or sexual shame within yourself. Beliefs that we have done something wrong and the feelings of shame that go along with that are very powerful and can lead to tears.

7. Hormones 

Our hormones fluctuate throughout our lifetime and impact our mood and ability to regulate emotionally. If your hormones are in flux, you may be more likely to cry as a result. Hormonal changes can occur for various reasons including menstruation, pregnancy, menopause, aging and medical issues.

What to Do if You Experience Crying During Sex or After Orgasm

If you cry during sex or after orgasm, you may feel a bit embarrassed. Remind yourself that it can be normal and happens to many people. Then try to identify the cause of your tears and communicate this with your partner. If you are unable to identify a cause, that’s ok. You can reassure your partner that it isn’t about them and explore the reasons when you’re ready.

If the cause is physical pain, you should see a doctor to get checked out. If the cause is emotional, such as depression or unresolved trauma, you may need to seek professional help from a therapist or psychiatrist. If the cause is due to relationship issues, seeking couples therapy may be beneficial. And if the crying is the result of happiness, share this with your partner and enjoy the feelings of connection and emotional intimacy in the moment.

How to Respond if Your Partner Cries During Sex or After Orgasm

If your partner cries during sex or after orgasm, it is important to not take it personally or get angry. You don’t want to get mad at them for their feelings as this will create a rift between the two of you that can impact your intimate life moving forward. They are probably already struggling with what is happening emotionally for themself and having to tend to your emotions as well can be challenging.

Instead, work on being there for them. Ask what they are feeling and explore where these feelings are coming from, if they are willing to share. Also ask what they need from you at the moment. Being there to listen and understand their emotions is what creates a strong bond and connection.

It is also important not to try to diagnose the problem for your partner if they aren’t ready to go there. Try to be there for your partner without diagnosing the cause of crying.

Some tips for being there for your crying partner include:

• Pay attention to your partner’s non-verbal cues: your partner may be having conflicting feelings or may not know how to express themself in the moment so paying attention to non-verbal cues is important.
• Ask your partner if they’d like to stop having sex: if they aren’t offering information about what is going on or what they need, ask them if they would like to stop or take a break from sexual activity.
• Stop sexual activities and hold your partner until they want to talk about it:  just because your partner may want to stop having sex and isn’t ready to talk doesn’t mean they don’t need affection and closeness. Stay present for them by giving them physical affection and allowing some silence.
• Reassure them verbally:  you can let them know that you love them and you are there for them. You can tell them that you are ready to listen whenever they feel ready to talk.

When to Seek Professional Help for Crying During Sex

Although crying during sex or after orgasm is not a rare experience, there are times that seeking professional support can be helpful. If you are experiencing sexual anxiety, shame, or fear that is causing crying during sex, you could consider sex therapy. A sex therapist can help you identify and process unhelpful thoughts and past experiences leading to these emotions.

It can be hard to reach out and begin the process of starting therapy but the benefits of therapy make the effort worthwhile.  Finding the right therapist can also make the therapy process easier.

Final Thoughts

Crying during sex or after orgasm can be a normal experience that could be caused by several factors including emotional and physiological. It is important to allow yourself to experience and express your feelings. If you’re wondering if you need therapy and decide it would be helpful to get help, seek referrals or search for an experienced therapist.