Second-Hand Embarrassment: What It Is & How to Stop It

What Is Second-Hand Embarrassment?

Second-hand embarrassment, or vicarious embarrassment, is when you feel embarrassed for another person, whether or not you actually know them. Feeling embarrassed for someone else can happen while watching a movie, seeing strangers interact, or witnessing a friend make a silly mistake. In some cases, second-hand embarrassment can be a form or symptom of social anxiety disorder.

After experiencing second-hand embarrassment, a person may actively avoid the person who made a mistake or movie that made them cringe. For example, they may leave the room during an awkward scene on TV, apologize for another person’s mishap, or look down at their phone during an uncomfortable conversation.

Some common symptoms of second-hand embarrassment include:

• Sweaty palms
• Blushing
• Feel hot
• Get goosebumps
• Feeling ashamed
• Feeling like you want to “fix it” for the other person

Examples of Second-Hand Embarrassment

Many scenarios can lead to second-hand embarrassment, but the sensation often occurs in public or group settings. You may be embarrassed for someone else even if they are unaware of their awkward mishap or mistake.¹

Below are some common scenarios that can cause second-hand embarrassment:

• Someone accidentally burps or releases gas loudly in public
• Someone comes out of the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to their shoe
• A person forgets they’re on camera for a work meeting and does something embarrassing
• A stranger walks into a glass door, thinking it was an open doorway
• Someone accidentally swears or says something inappropriate in a work meeting
• A friend rips their clothing and exposes part of their body unknowingly
• Someone trips and falls when crossing the street
• A coworker is obviously lying during a meeting
• Overhearing gossip about another person who then walks into the room
• Walking in on someone using the restroom or changing clothes
• A speaker’s pants zipper fly is down during a presentation
• A friend’s mobile phone goes off loudly during a movie

What Causes Second-Hand Embarrassment?

People often experience second-hand embarrassment because they empathize with the person unknowingly saying or doing something “cringe-worthy.” The observer may reflect on how they would feel in a comparable situation. Furthermore, our brains react similarly to witnessing pain as witnessing embarrassment, thus leading us to feel embarrassed for the other person.²

How to Stop Second-Hand Embarrassment

You may experience stress or anxiety when dealing with second-hand embarrassment. These are normal reactions, but being realistic about the situation can help decrease or even stop vicarious embarrassment.

Here are six tips for how to stop second-hand embarrassment:

1. Embrace Your Ability to Have Empathy

You are not necessarily an empath because you experience second-hand embarrassment. However, particularly empathetic people are more likely to feel vicarious embarrassment.¹ If you wonder why you feel embarrassed for someone else, consider the possibility of being an empath. This personality trait is positive because it shows the utmost compassion and respect for others.

2. Assess & Respond

Take a moment to assess the situation and respond appropriately. You may want to laugh loudly or cry due to associated uncomfortable feelings. Taking a second to breathe and think about your reaction can help you avoid contributing to the other person’s embarrassment and doing or saying something you may regret.

3. Use Thought Stopping Techniques

You may experience second-hand embarrassment for a friend or loved one due to concerns about your own social image.³ When this happens, use thought stopping techniques to combat any shame or negative thoughts. Say to yourself, “This doesn’t reflect badly on me,” or “Everyone slips up sometimes.”

4. Reduce Urges to Fix the Situation

Research shows that social groups often attempt to control or reduce a member’s embarrassing behavior to decrease damage to their integrity or reputation.⁴ Wanting to jump in and fix the awkward situation is normal, but avoid taking responsibility. It is okay to help, like handing the person a tissue to wipe a stain or helping them stand up after a fall, but do not feel obligated to perform damage control.

5. Be Realistic

Ultimately, everyone has embarrassing moments that are typically short-lived. You and your coworkers will likely forget your boss’ tumble in the hallway after a few hours or days. More often than not, you’ll see them slip up again, and this is okay (and a part of being human)!

6. Be Mindful of Judgments

Be mindful of negative thoughts or facial expressions when you witness something embarrassing. For example, avoid showing signs of second-hand embarrassment if a coworker or classmate asks an awkward question. Instead of saying, “Wow, that was a silly thing to say,” try saying, “Hmm, I never thought about it that way.”

Could Second-Hand Embarrassment Be Anxiety?

Second-hand embarrassment can sometimes lead to or be a sign of social anxiety. If someone feels extremely uncomfortable, sweaty, or panicked when experiencing vicarious embarrassment, they may have an anxiety disorder.

Other than feeling extreme second-hand embarrassment, common signs of a social anxiety disorder include:

• Relationship problems due to anxiety
• Sleep issues
• Trouble concentrating
• Appetite changes
• Physical sensations, such as a racing heart or sweating
• Experiencing panic attacks
• Avoiding social situations due to anxiety symptoms
• Frequent unexplainable aches or pains

When to Seek Professional Support

While occasionally experiencing second-hand embarrassment for others is normal, some find their anxiety affects their ability to cope with life or social situations. Treating an anxiety disorder can help reduce anxiety symptoms and second-hand embarrassment.

Many options for anxiety therapy are available, ranging from individual counseling to group therapy and support groups, and some people may also benefit from anxiety medications. An online therapist directory can help you find a therapist specializing in anxiety.