Anxiety After a Breakup: 11 Tips to Cope

What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety is different from general day-to-day worries and is more often associated with fear, panic, nervousness, feeling on edge, racing/catastrophic thoughts, increased irritability, restlessness, and feeling unable to control the symptoms. For many, anxiety is situational and passes after the stressor has resolved, but for others, the feelings and symptoms associated with anxiety are constant, chronic, excessive, and unexplainable.¹

Anxiety is a reaction of the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response system, which, when triggered appropriately, is not problematic.² For example, if you’re being chased by a bear, this is probably a moment where anxiety is not only appropriate but also helpful. However, a prolonged reaction to this response isn’t healthy and, over time, can negatively impact both your physical and mental health.²

Is Anxiety After a Breakup Normal?

Most people understand grief after a breakup, or even anger – but not necessarily anxiety. One of the most common ways anxiety presents after a breakup is through ruminating or fixating on things that happened during a relationship or breakup. For example, some folks may continuously think about what they could have done differently or red flags in the relationship they missed. People might feel like they will never be able to get over their ex, get close to someone again, or have a good relationship in the future

Symptoms of anxiety after a breakup may include:

• Intrusive thoughts
• Difficulty sleeping
• Lack of appetite or an increase in appetite
• Irritability with people around you
• Feeling restless
• Racing thoughts
• Catastrophizing
• Nausea and stomach upset
• Decreased sex drive
• Racing heart
• Cynicism/pessimism about the future
• “What if” thoughts
• Increased worries about social performance

11 Coping Skills for Breakup Anxiety

A breakup is a huge change that can also come with a lot of emotions, from sadness to anger and anxiety. Luckily, there are coping skills for anxiety that can help calm the sympathetic nervous system and get you through the intense aftermath.

Here are eleven ways to cope with anxiety after a breakup:

1. Box Breathing

Box breathing is also known as square breathing. To practice, you will first identify a quiet, private space. Close your eyes or lower your gaze towards the floor. Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 4 seconds, exhale out for 4 seconds, and hold again for 4. Repeat for 60 seconds or more. It’s important to practice even when you’re not anxious.

2. Guided Imagery

Guided imagery for anxiety is a practice in which you take time to picture a person, place, or moment that makes you feel more relaxed, comfortable, and happy or helps you re-center to the present moment. For example, think of your favorite beach, what it looks like, how it smells, the sounds, the people, etc.

3. Stop and Assess

If you catch yourself falling into an anxiety spiral, it can be helpful to stop and assess. This means pausing what you are doing and taking time to think about how you are feeling. Do you feel overwhelmed or tense? You can then take time to use another skill to help you calm or clear your mind.

4. Distract Yourself

Distraction is a great way to take your mind off of something. It’s different from avoidance because, with avoidance, you are actively trying to ignore something, which usually just makes you think about it more. With distraction, you’re acknowledging how you feel but choosing to do something different.

5. Relax Your Body

Since anxiety is tied to the fight or flight response, many people experience tight or tense muscles. Giving yourself a space to relax your body and ease any tightness can be helpful. For example, taking a warm bath, getting a massage, doing yoga for anxiety, or trying progressive muscle relaxation.

6. Work Your Body

Exercise for anxiety is a great way to relieve tension and get a nice boost of endorphins.³ How you choose to move your body is completely up to you, which might feel refreshing if you just went through a breakup that was not mutual or you feel like there are lots of things in your life that are out of your control.

7. Ground Yourself

Grounding techniques help you turn your attention away from distressing/unwanted thoughts, memories, or worries. A quick grounding technique is the 5-4-3-2-1 method. Wherever you are, you will take a moment to find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can touch, and 1 thing you can taste (perfect excuse to eat a cookie).

8. Reassure Yourself

Anxiety is great at creating negative thoughts and using them against us. It can be helpful to take time to reassure yourself that you will be okay and that you’re going to get through this difficult season in your life. Our thoughts matter, and learning how to stop negative self-talk can change how we approach our day. Don’t discredit the power of how you speak to yourself.

9. Identify Triggers

It can be helpful to take note of things that may be triggering your anxiety or making your anxiety worse. Respond to what situations, places, or things create an emotional response. Once you have an idea of what your triggers are, you can take steps to identify how you plan to cope. Remember, avoidance isn’t the answer here. It’s finding ways you can navigate despite anxiety.

10. Be Kind To Yourself

Many people start to feel pretty down on themselves after a breakup. It’s important to be kind to yourself, give yourself time to feel your feelings, repeat some positive affirmations, and then take steps in a way that feels realistic and attainable to you. You may want to feel better fast, but it’s okay to take your time. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

11. Create Healthy Lifestyle Habits

There are lifestyle changes that can help you cope with anxiety experienced after a breakup. Whatever lifestyle changes you choose will be completely up to you, but it can help you feel better.

Common lifestyle changes to help cope with anxiety after a breakup include:

• Avoiding or eliminating alcohol and recreational drugs
• Limiting caffeine
• Establishing a healthy diet and focusing on foods that help anxiety
• Practicing meditation for anxiety or mindfulness for anxiety
• Picking up a new hobby
• Getting a furry friend or plant to care for
• Identifying social support

When to Seek Professional Support for Breakup Anxiety

If symptoms of anxiety feel out of your control, don’t improve after a few weeks, and start to impact your quality of life, it may be time to reach out for help. It also can’t hurt to reach out for extra support and guidance since a breakup can be a really big life change! Finding a professional to help with anxiety can feel like a daunting first step. Thankfully, there are options out there. You can use an online therapist directory to find a therapist in your area specializing in anxiety treatment. Alternatively, an online therapy platform is always a great option, especially if in-person care is hard to find or too costly.

Some signs you may need professional help for anxiety include:

• It’s causing problems with your relationships
• You’re having sleep issues
• Trouble concentrating is preventing you from completing tasks or activities you enjoy
• You’re too anxious to make decisions
• You’re struggling to break free of avoidance
• You feel overwhelmed by racing thoughts
• Negative thinking is starting to make you feel down
• Catastrophizing thoughts feel unmanageable
• You feel nervous or worried more often than not
• Distressing or unwanted memories feel unavoidable

Therapy for Anxiety After a Breakup

There are many options for anxiety therapy available, like individual therapy, group therapy, and support groups. Group therapy and support groups are a great way to connect with others. Individual therapy is helpful if you want to process things one-on-one. Individual therapy will often be once a week or every other week. Whereas, group therapy or support groups can be once a week, biweekly, or once a month.

Common anxiety therapy options include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT for anxiety helps you identify how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors work together. This can help you better understand how your anxiety is presenting and what you can do to cope.
• Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT): DBT for anxiety is focused on skills training like interpersonal effectiveness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance. The purpose is to help you better manage and tolerate emotional distress, aid with problem-solving, and help replace unhealthy behaviors.
• Exposure therapy: Exposure therapy for anxiety helps you address your triggers in both real and imagined ways. Its purpose is to show that avoidance is unhelpful and aid clients in learning how to navigate distressing situations without feeling the need to escape.
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR for anxiety may also be of benefit, especially if your past relationship involved any trauma. The purpose is to help change the emotional intensity someone feels surrounding distressing emotions and memories.

Medication for Anxiety After a Breakup

Anti-anxiety medication may also be part of an anxiety treatment plan and is frequently recommended in combination with therapy. Many people note that medication helps make symptoms less intense and can slow racing thoughts.

Common medications prescribed for anxiety include:

• Antidepressants: SSRIs are the most commonly prescribed medications. While labeled antidepressants, they can also be helpful for anxiety. If SSRIs end up not being the best fit, there are also SNRIs and tricyclic antidepressants, which are also beneficial. The difference is in how the medication impacts different chemicals in the brain to decrease symptoms.
• Beta-blockers: Beta-blockers for anxiety help slow down your heart rate. These can be particularly helpful if you are experiencing more physical symptoms, such as shortness of breath, racing or skipping heartbeat, or feeling panicky.
• Benzodiazepines: Benzodiazepines can also help you feel more relaxed and calm. It’s important to note that these are recommended for more short-term than long-term use since side effects do include dependence, tolerance, withdrawal, and addiction.