While being in a healthy partnership is a wonderful experience, becoming aware of red flags in your relationship is important. These signs allow a person to determine if they are willing to continue in their relationship or terminate it. Although everyone’s perception and definition of these flags may vary, they are often hard to ignore and require addressing.
What Are Red Flags in a Relationship?
Red flags are warning signs that alert individuals of characteristics of a toxic partner or developing relationship, and mean that your partner might not be a good match for you. Being able to identify red flags early on in the relationship is very important, as it creates a safe relationship where both parties can trust one another and grow. At times, they may be hard to identify and it might be helpful to ask for support or feedback from others for validation.
12 Red Flags in a Relationship
Red flags are useful, as they alert an individual of issues that need to be addressed, corrected, and repaired in order to continue in a relationship. They may hint at how a partner might treat their significant other in a relationship or how they relate to others outside of the relationship. Red flags are typically exhibited within a person’s personality or characteristics. However, this does not mean a relationship can’t be changed–if both partners are willing to work on these issues together, it is possible!
Below are 12 red flags to look for in a relationship:
1. Jealousy
Some jealousy in a relationship is common, but when an individual is excessively so, it can be harmful to the relationship. Someone may feel that jealousy indicates that their partner cares about the relationship. While this can be true to an extent, how the partner handles or exhibits their jealousy may not be healthy.
2. Refusal to Compromise
Being in a relationship means that both parties will need to make compromises. This becomes hard if one partner is not willing to do so, but expects the other to. Having a stubborn partner can create resentment and other negative emotions that can affect the relationship.
3. Lack of Communication
In a relationship, it is important to communicate about everything. It can be hard, and even detrimental, to be in a partnership where individuals shut down during hard conversations. Being able to have tough conversations in a relationship is what supports growth.
4. Controlling Behaviors
Controlling behaviors can be a big red flag in a relationship. These may include individuals telling their partner what to wear, who to be friends with, what to eat, or how to act in certain situations. This is not healthy for either partner. To be clear, this is very different from providing feedback or suggestions.
5. Lying
Trust in a relationship is critical. Persistent lying is a big red flag that can create a lot of stress, as it hurts the individual(s) who is being lied to. Lying also fosters distrust, hindering the growth of the relationship itself.
6. Excessive Criticism
Another clear red flag in a relationship is when a partner uses put downs as a means to keep a person’s self-esteem and self-worth low. Excessive criticism in a relationship does not have a place at all.
7. Codependency
Having a partner who you can rely on, enjoy spending time with, and just have lots of fun with is an amazing thing to have and feel. Codependency is different from this, in the way that each individual is able to coexist individually as well. Being able to have their own spaces when needed is crucial in a relationship.
8. Lack of Support
Having a partner who supports your dreams is important to have in a relationship. This support needs to be reciprocated in the relationship, meaning that it can’t just be one partner’s dream that both individuals work towards, unless both have the same dream.
9. Abuse
Abuse can be emotional, physical, or psychological, and it further exacerbates stress, distrust, and unhappiness within a relationship. Having an abusive partner can be hard to manage–seeking support and setting clear boundaries is essential when addressing this red flag.
10. Unable to Be Flexible
A relationship requires a lot of flexibility from partners in order to meet each other’s needs, communicate, and understand one another. It is a red flag if someone can’t be flexible with you regarding these important matters.
11. Not Respecting Boundaries
Every individual should have boundaries that they establish within a relationship, and having a partner who can respect them is essential. Be aware if your partner continually overlooks or disregards your boundaries, as this is a red flag.
12. Substance Use or Abuse
A partner who engages in substance use or abuse can be challenging and hint at problems within a relationship. If an individual is using substances it can affect their judgment and decision making skills, among others. In turn, this can affect the relationship as a whole in the long run.
Yellow Flags vs. Red Flags
Yellow flags can be viewed as things that pose the potential of being red flags in the future, but can typically be resolved. When addressing yellow flags, you must be clear of why they are causing you distress. Is it the intent of your partner’s actions or the situation that is bothering you? How often do these issues occur? Keeping an eye on any yellow flags allows partners to communicate with one another about how to avoid them becoming major problems in the future.
Examples of yellow flags in relationships include:
- Your partner still spends time with their ex
- A partner doesn’t share their feelings often
- A partner isn’t open to feedback
- Your partner doesn’t have experience being in committed relationships
What to Do When You Notice Red Flags in Your Relationship
You may notice red flags throughout the span of your relationship, so you should be clear about what you will and will not tolerate moving forward. Sometimes, people are very clear that certain signs are a deal breaker for them. If red flags arise later in a relationship, such as after a marriage or birth of children, the couple should discuss whether these issues can be resolved. Very importantly, if the red flag creates a safety concern at any point, it is crucial to create an effective safety plan.
Some ways to handle red flags in relationships include:
- Address it right away: It is important that any red flags are discussed immediately. Doing this ensures that they don’t escalate to bigger issues down the line.
- Be reflective: Being able to step back and observe how the red flags make you feel will help you understand how to address them. This can be hard, but it can provide insight that can help in future relationships.
- Communicate openly and honestly: Healthy communication with your partner is very important in a relationship. Being able to address issues as they arise is what supports growth.
- Spend time with loved ones: Having a support system is beneficial when addressing red flags in your relationship. Loved ones provide an opportunity for you to vent, request feedback, receive clarity, or simply not think about your relationship.
- Practice self-care: Self-care is essential when processing relationship challenges, such as red flags. This may include physical activities, asking for support from others, resting, relaxing, or participating in enjoyable activities that rejuvenate you.
When Can a Professional Help?
At times, addressing red flags on your own can be harder than expected– in this case, seeking professional support can help. The earlier this support is attained, the higher the chance there is for couples to figure out how to move forward. You can find the right therapist who offers both in-person and telehealth services via online directories.
Some therapeutic methods for addressing red flags in a relationship include:
- Couples counseling: Marriage and couple’s therapy can offer support when discussing red flags, as it teaches couples to work through issues and rebuild trust in the relationship.
- Individual therapy: Individual psychotherapy can provide the space for an individual to express their own feelings regarding red flags and learn how to manage them. Further, it offers professional insight that you may not otherwise get.
- Online therapy options: Online therapy can be helpful when individuals or partners are busy or have alternative schedules. There are times when a couple has separated, so having telehealth offers a place to work on a relationship without being in the same location.
Final Thoughts
Red flags alert individuals that there are characteristics and patterns present in their partner that may be unhealthy for the relationship. They may even help identify a toxic partner, if you’re unsure. Every individual’s idea of red flags is different, and so being clear of where you stand regarding them is necessary. In a relationship, you should be able to discuss an issue that arises openly and honestly in order to move forward.
For Further Reading
Red Flags in a Relationship Infographics
