Blended Family: Definition, Issues, & Tips for Success

What Is a Blended Family?

A blended family develops when people with children from previous relationships come together to form a new family.¹ Blended families typically include stepparents, stepsiblings, or half-siblings. While some combined families adjust easily, others may struggle with the new roles and dynamics these bonds bring. However, blended families can achieve greater understanding and closeness with patience and good communication.

Types of Blended Families

A blended family can come in various forms. When partners are married, the new family becomes a stepfamily with stepsiblings and stepparents. However, dynamics and titles may shift when partners cohabitate or adopt children.

Below are types and examples of a blended family:

Married Parents

A blended or stepfamily has at least one parent with children not genetically related to the parent’s partner. Both married partners often bring children from their previous relationships into the marriage, creating a new family unit with biological and stepchildren. ‘Bonus parent(s)’ is a common term for a stepparent in blended families.

Adopted Parents

Blended families may also form through adoption. In this blended family example, the adopted children become part of the family, raised alongside any biological children their new parents may have. This dynamic can be a beautiful and fulfilling experience for all members.

Cohabitating Parents

Cohabitating parents who are unmarried but live together can also create blended families. One or both partners may have children from previous relationships. In this situation, blending families while dating can present unique challenges as the parents work to establish a stable and supportive home environment for their children.

When cohabitating parents are blending their families, it is crucial to establish clear boundaries and expectations for all family members to create a sense of stability and security for the children. Boundaries also help foster open communication and understanding in the family unit.

Benefits of Having a Blended Family

Creating a blended family leaves room for numerous benefits because it provides opportunities for children and parents to develop positive family relationships and problem-solving skills. Children from mixed families may also be more open to understanding different cultures, values, and beliefs.

Below are the benefits of having a blended family:

• Greater openness to diversity: Blended families expose children and parents to a broader range of people outside the typical family structure, promoting understanding and acceptance of diverse backgrounds and experiences.
• Additional support from family: Blended families can provide added financial and social support, as extended family members from both sides contribute to the overall well-being of the family unit.
• Healthier family dynamics: In cases where a previous family situation involved domestic abuse or unhealthy relationships, a blended family can offer a fresh start and the opportunity for healthier family dynamics.
• Development of problem-solving skills: Navigating the complexities of a blended family can help children and parents develop strong problem-solving skills and resilience in the face of challenges.
• Increased connection and relationships: Blended families can lead to stronger connections and relationships among family members as they learn to bond with new siblings, stepparents, and extended family.
• Introduction of new personalities and interests: The merging of families introduces new personalities and interests, providing opportunities for personal growth and enrichment for all family members.

Common Blended Family Issues

Blended families may face challenges when establishing relationships. Bringing new members into a family means an adjustment of current roles and new dynamics, and mixed families may go through a series of stages as they adjust.²

During the immersion stage, members face the new challenges of family life, which may conflict with their initial expectations. The ultimate goal is to reach the resolution stage when the family forms a stable and cohesive unit.

Discipline is a common area that many stepparents struggle with, and children often have difficulty adjusting to changing dynamics. How stepchildren handle this transition may depend on their age, maturity level, and previous family relationships. If you are struggling with stepparenting, it is crucial to take note of the challenges that occur to avoid becoming a toxic blended family.

Below are common blended family problems:

• Sibling rivalry: Blended families often experience sibling rivalry as children from different backgrounds compete for resources and their place in the family hierarchy.
• Fighting for attention: Children in blended families may battle for attention from their parents or stepparents, leading to conflicts and feelings of insecurity.
• Disagreement over parenting practices: Parents in blended families may have different parenting styles, making it challenging to find a unified approach to raising their children.
• Overcoming grief from divorce or death: Blended families may form after a divorce or the death of a spouse. Coping with grief and loss can be a significant challenge for both parents and children.
• Lack of familial bonds: It may take time for new family members to form strong bonds with one another. New family members may feel isolated or disconnected within the family unit.
• Conflict over family values: Blended families may have different cultural or religious backgrounds contributing to conflict over family values and traditions.
• Determining an approach to discipline: Parents in blended families may struggle to determine a consistent and fair discipline method for all children involved.
• Coping with new responsibilities: Children and parents in blended families may face new obligations, such as taking on a stepparent role or adjusting to new siblings, that can be challenging and stressful.
• Adjusting to a new environment: Moving into a new home or adapting to a new family dynamic can be difficult for children and parents in blended families.
• Marital problems: The stress of blending families can sometimes lead to spousal troubles as couples navigate the complexities of their new family structure and work to maintain a strong and supportive partnership.

15 Tips for Thriving in a Blended Family

Merging families is never easy, but everyone can play a role in helping the new blended family thrive. Aim to remain patient, flexible, and understanding when making a blended family work.

Below are 15 helpful tips for blended families:

1. Create a Plan

Before blending families, start by developing a plan with your partner. Take time to prepare yourself and your children for this significant change. For example, determine a timeframe for the various transitions the family will go through, such as moving to a new home or changing schools.

Talk to your children about these upcoming shifts in dynamics beforehand and allow them to ask questions and participate in the planning process. Children may feel a sense of control and be more open to change when you involve them.

2. Transition Gradually

Both parents and children may feel overwhelmed when transitioning to a blended family. Try to ease into this change by taking things one step at a time. For instance, consider keeping your child in their school for an extra year if you are moving to a new area. Keep in mind that any shifts can be extra hard on kids.

3. Balance Your Attention

Being a stepparent means you must learn to delegate your attention, and you may not be used to caring for so many people. Try to distribute your attention equally amongst both your biological and stepchildren. Children can feel especially neglected during these types of transitions. Consider scheduling “mommy and me” or “daddy and me” time with each child to strengthen your bonds.

4. Carve out Family Time

In addition to spending alone time with each child, schedule family time where everyone can get together and bond. Consider activities that appeal to everyone, such as a movie or board games night. You can even rotate who gets to choose the particular activity each time. Encourage your children to participate and keep an open mind if they are hesitant. However, don’t push too hard. Children may open up when they see their family bonding.

5. Get on the Same Page as Your Partner

Before taking significant steps like marriage or moving in together, talk to your partner about how you will approach parenting. You may learn that you and your partner have very different parenting styles. However, differences are typical. Brainstorm about how to mesh your approaches to make one functional family dynamic.

6. Set House Rules

Be sure to set house rules and outline consequences for rule-breaking when merging families. Explain your expectations for each child based on their age and maturity level. Sibling rivalry and parent-child resentment will likely build if children receive unfair treatment.

7. Encourage Open Communication Among All Family Members

Open and healthy communication is necessary for adjusting as a blended family. Children may feel like they have little control over these changes. As a parent, you have the right to make decisions, even if your children disagree. However, allowing children to express their feelings about these decisions helps them feel heard and respected. Don’t hesitate to ask your children how they feel and empathize with their opinions.

8. Have Patience

You may feel eager to have your blended family get along and bond with one another right away. However, these things take time. Don’t be discouraged if some family members adjust immediately and others remain hesitant. Remember to have patience with the process and allow the family to bond at its own pace.

9. Start New Family Traditions

Creating new family traditions is essential for thriving in a blended family. These rituals help strengthen familial bonds and a sense of unity and belonging. Start by discussing each family member’s ideas and brainstorming new activities everyone can enjoy together. Make sure to be inclusive and consider your children’s interests and preferences. By forming new traditions, you can build a healthy foundation for your blended family and create lasting memories.

10. Try to Get Along With Each Other’s Ex-Partners

Getting along with your partner’s ex can be challenging but is crucial for the well-being of your children. Open communication and mutual respect are vital for co-parenting effectively and creating a positive environment. By maintaining a civil and cooperative relationship with your partner’s ex, you can help to minimize conflicts and ensure that your children feel supported and loved by all their parental figures.

11. Remember to Be Flexible

Flexibility is key when it comes to navigating the complexities of a blended family. Schedules, routines, and plans may need to be adjusted to accommodate the needs and preferences of all family members. Be open to change and compromise to ensure everyone feels included and valued. By demonstrating flexibility, you can help to create a harmonious and supportive family dynamic.

12. Avoid Setting Ultimatums

Setting ultimatums within a blended family can lead to unnecessary friction and resentment. Instead, focus on open communication and problem-solving to address issues or concerns. Encourage family members to express their feelings and work together to find solutions that are fair and considerate of everyone’s needs.

13. Plan Activities Together

Planning activities as a family helps reinforce your bonds and thrive as a blended family. Encourage each family member to contribute ideas and suggestions. Consider having a designated ‘activity chooser’ every week who picks the next family outing. This way, you remove any bias from decisions and offer your children autonomy and opportunities to engage.

14. Steer Clear of Expectations

It’s important not to impose unrealistic expectations on your blended family because these can lead to disappointment and frustration. Understand that it takes time for new family members to adjust and form strong bonds with one another. Be patient and supportive as everyone navigates their new roles and relationships within the family.

15. Expect & Give Respect

Mutual respect is crucial for the success of a blended family. Encourage all family members to treat one another with kindness, understanding, and respect. You can help create strong, lasting bonds between all family members and ensure everyone feels valued and loved in a supportive family environment.

How Therapy Can Create Successful Blended Families

Many resources for blended families are available, along with professional stepparenting advice and support. Many mixed families struggle, especially in the beginning. Therapy can help you and your family successfully make this adjustment.

Individual therapy allows you to meet one-on-one with a therapist who will help you work through your challenges. Couples counseling and family therapy can also benefit blended families—before and after the merge. Couples therapy allows you and your partner to meet with a therapist to discuss issues related to parenting. Family therapy aims to help the entire family communicate better and establish closer bonds. This approach may be especially advantageous when blending families with teenagers or older children.

You can ask your healthcare provider, insurance company, or a loved one for referrals to find the right therapist. You can also search an online therapist directory to narrow your search by age, specialty, years of experience, cost, and location.

Final Thoughts

Adjusting to a blended family can be difficult for both stepparents and stepchildren. If you are experiencing challenges, you are not alone. Reach out for help if managing a mixed family on your own becomes too difficult.