Blended families can face many challenges, including establishing relationships with step-parents and children, managing sibling rivalry, and agreeing on parenting practices. Parents can help ease the transition by planning ahead, establishing house rules, and encouraging open communication. Despite their best efforts, some families may struggle with this adjustment. These families can benefit from couples or family therapy.
What Is a Blended Family?
A blended family, or mixed family, is a family that is formed when two people with children from previous relationships come together to form a new family.1 Blended families can include several new relationships, like step-parent/step-child and step-siblings. Over time, half-siblings may also join the family. Approximately 16% of children today are living in these types of families.2
Some blended families adjust rather easily, while others may struggle with the new roles and dynamics that these bonds bring. With patience and good communication, blended families that are struggling can achieve greater understanding and closeness.
Common Issues Faced by Members of Blended Families
Blended family members may face challenges when it comes to establishing relationships with step-parents and step-children. Bringing new members into a family means an adjustment of current roles and new dynamics. Research on blended families has found that family members may go through a series of stages as they adjust.3
For example, during the immersion stage, family members face the new challenges of family life, which may conflict with their initial expectations. The goal is to reach the resolution stage, which happens when the family forms a stable and cohesive unit.
While each family will have its own unique experience, there are some common issues faced by blended families.
Issues Faced by New Step-Parents
Step-parents may face many new experiences when they come together with a partner to develop a blended family.
Step-parents may experience challenges in the following areas:
- Coping with new family demands and responsibilities.
- Adjusting to a new home, job, or environment.
- Developing a relationship with step-children.
- Balancing time between biological and step-children.
- Finding time for one’s partner.
- Learning how to parent with a new partner.
- Managing sibling rivalry and other family conflicts.
Issues Faced by New Step-Children
Adjusting to a blended family can be hard on step-children. The way that step-children handle this adjustment may depend on their age, maturity level, and existing family relationships.
Step-children may experience challenges in the following areas:
- Adjusting to a new home, school, or environment.
- Dividing their time between different homes.
- Disruptions and changes in their routine.
- Accepting new step-parents.
- Establishing a relationship with a new step-parent, while maintaining a relationship with their other biological parent.
- Feelings of competition or jealousy with new step-siblings.
- Difficulty expressing and coping with feelings about family changes.
8 Tips for Thriving in a Blended Family
Each family member can play a role in helping the new blended family thrive.
The following tips are aimed at helping parents and step-parents establish a strong blended family:
1. Create a Plan
Before blending a family, it is important to go in with a plan. Take time to prepare yourself and your children for this big change. For example, come up with a timeframe for the various transitions the family will go through, like having a wedding, moving to a new home, and changing schools.
Talk to children about these changes before they happen and give them an opportunity to ask questions and participate in the planning process. By being included in this process, children may feel a sense of control and be more open to change.
2. Transition Gradually
Creating a blended family typically involves several big changes. This transition can be overwhelming for both parents and children. When possible, try to gradually ease into these changes, rather than doing them all at once.
For example, if you are moving to a new area, you may consider keeping your child in their old school for an extra year. When you are unable to transition gradually, keep in mind that these changes can be extra hard on kids.
3. Balance Your Attention
Growing your family means more children to parent. You may be unaccustomed to caring for so many people. Try your best to distribute your attention equally amongst all of your biological and step-children. Children can be particularly sensitive to feeling neglected during these types of transitions. It’s also important to parent mindfully to help you focus one the present moment with your children and stepchildren.
You may even consider scheduling “mommy and me” or “daddy and me” time alone with each child. This can help step-parents and children bond with one another and allows biological parents and children to maintain a connection.
4. Carve out Family Time
In addition to spending alone time with each child, schedule family time where everyone can get together and bond. Consider activities that may be appealing to everyone, such as movie night, board games, or group sports.
You can even rotate who gets to choose the particular activity each time. If children are resistant at first, encourage them to try to participate and keep an open mind. But, don’t push too hard. When children see the family bonding together, they may be more open to joining in.
5. Get on the Same Page as Your Partner
Before taking big steps like marriage or moving in together, it is important to talk to your partner about how you will both approach parenting. You may be surprised to learn that you and your partner have very different styles.
These differences are common and just means that you need to brainstorm how to mesh these different approaches to make them work for your family. If you are struggling in this area, couples therapy can be beneficial.
6. Set House Rules
When your blended family comes together, one of the first orders of business should be setting house rules and outlining consequences for rule-breaking. Be sure to set the same expectations and consequences for each child, with some variation to account for their age and maturity level. If children are treated differently, sibling rivalry and parent-child resentment is likely to build.
7. Encourage Open Communication Among All Family Members
Open and healthy communication is necessary for adjusting to a blended family. Children may be sensitive to feeling like they have little control over these changes. As the parent, you have the right to make decisions that are in the best interest of your child, whether they agree with these decisions or not.
But allowing children to express their feelings about these decisions helps them feel heard and respected. Don’t hesitate to ask children how they feel and empathize with their feelings, even if they are negative.
8. Have Patience
You may feel eager to have your blended family get along and bond with one another right away. However, these things can take time. Some family members may adjust rather quickly, while others may take more time. Remember to have patience with the process and allow the family to bond at its own pace.
How Therapy Can Create Successful Blended Families
If you are having a hard time adjusting to a blended family, you are not alone. Many blended families struggle, especially in the beginning. Therapy can help you and your family successfully make this adjustment. If you are a parent/step-parent or child/step-child who is having a hard time, individual therapy may be helpful.
Individual therapy allows you to meet one-on-one with a therapist who will talk to you about your concerns and help you work through them. Depending upon their particular approach, a therapist may help you explore your past or learn strategies to use in the present moment. Be sure to seek out a therapist that has experience working with family issues.
Couples and family therapy can also help blended families—both before and after the family moves in together. Couples therapy allows you and your partner to meet with a therapist to discuss issues between the two of you. It can help you work through differences of opinion on major issues, like parenting.
Family therapy involves several or all family members meeting with a therapist. The goal of family therapy is to help the family communicate better and establish closer bonds. Couples and family therapy can help even before the blended family moves in together.
There are several different types of therapy that can be beneficial for blended families. Pre-family therapy before the family moves in together allows you to prepare for issues that may come up.4 This approach may lead to a smoother transition in the long run. Other types of family therapy for blended families include narrative, psychoanalytic, and emotion-focused therapies.5,6,7
How to Find a Therapist
To locate a therapist that works with blended families, you can seek referrals from a healthcare provider, ask family and friends for recommendations, or contact your health insurance company. You can also search Choosing Therapy’s Directory of mental health professionals.
The directory allows you to search for therapists and narrow down your choices by age, specialty, years of experience, cost, and location. You can also see therapist availability and schedule your appointment online.
Final Thoughts
Whether you are a step-parent or step-child, adjusting to a blending family can be difficult. If you are experiencing challenges, you are not alone. Do not hesitate to reach out for help if managing a blended family becomes too difficult on your own. Therapy is available to help you navigate this new life experience.
Additional Resources
- National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse
- Our Blended Families, Inc.
- Mental Health America
- National Alliance on Mental Health
- Online Therapist Directory: Sort therapists by specialty, cost, availability and more. Watch intro videos and see articles written by the therapists you’re considering working with. When you’ve found a good match, book an online therapy appointment with them directly.
Are you ready to connect with a therapist but feel a little overwhelmed by all your options? Speak with one of Choosing Therapy’s Client Navigators. Client Navigators are mental health professionals who will listen to what you’re looking for in a therapist and help pair you with the best possible fit. Getting started is free, easy, and confidential.
