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Delayed Grief: Definition, Signs, & How to Cope

Published: March 21, 2023
Published: 03/21/2023
Headshot of Iris Waichler MSW, LCSW
Written by:

Iris Waichler

MSW, LCSW
Headshot of Rajy Abulhosn, MD
Reviewed by:

Rajy Abulhosn

MD
  • What Is Delayed Grief?Definition
  • Delayed Grief Vs. Unresolved GriefDelayed Vs. Unresolved Grief
  • Delayed Grief SymptomsSymptoms
  • What Causes Delayed Grief?Causes
  • Ways to Cope With Delayed Grief10 Ways to Cope
  • Treatment for Delayed GriefTreatment
  • Can Someone Prevent Delayed Grief?Prevention
  • Final Thoughts on Delayed GriefConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Delayed Grief InfographicsInfographics
Headshot of Iris Waichler MSW, LCSW
Written by:

Iris Waichler

MSW, LCSW
Headshot of Rajy Abulhosn, MD
Reviewed by:

Rajy Abulhosn

MD

People experience grief in different ways with various symptoms at different levels of intensity. Delayed grief, also referred to as complicated grief, is when someone pushes off their grief reaction rather than dealing with it right away.1 Grief counseling can help to understand the best ways to cope with, understand, and manage delayed grief.

Healing from a loss can take many years. You don’t have to deal with grief on your own. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What Is Delayed Grief?

Delayed grief occurs when people postpone coping with grief and loss. They may tell themselves that other people’s needs are more important than theirs and focus on taking care of them, but this is a way of trying to avoid their own painful feelings. Sudden loss may also create feelings of shock and numbness and a conscious or unconscious inability to cope with grief immediately.

Some people describe their grief in terms of the five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), but not all grievers experience these stages; if they do, they may not necessarily be linear or in order.

When Does Delayed Grief Show Up?

There is no definitive timeline associated with grief and mourning. Delayed grief can occur weeks, months, or even years after loss. Examples of loss that might trigger delayed or complicated grief include the death of a parent, spouse, child, grandparent, grieving a celebrity death, or other loved one. People can’t heal from a loss of this magnitude until their feelings of grief are addressed.

Delayed Grief Vs. Unresolved Grief

Instead of choosing to postpone their grief as in delayed grief, people with unresolved grief refuse to accept their significant loss. Instead they continue to yearn for the person that is gone. The healing process cannot be initiated with this type of dynamic in place.

Unresolved grief lasts much longer than delayed grief, and the severity of the symptoms of unresolved grief tends to be stronger. Symptoms from unresolved grief usually get worse rather than better. This presentation of symptoms makes it very challenging for people to even begin to function in their daily lives.

Delayed Grief Symptoms

Loss can present as overwhelming, intense, distressing, or traumatic grief.2 There are a wide range of experiences and trajectories for grief that include a mix of positive and negative emotions over time.3

The major difference between grief and delayed grief is that with “normal” grief, symptoms eventually subside in terms of frequency, duration, and intensity. Grief symptoms for someone experiencing delayed grief don’t diminish or tend to worsen.

The symptoms of delayed grief can include:4

  • Intense sadness, pain, and rumination
  • Narrowed focus on the loss
  • Extreme focus on reminders of the loved one, or excessive avoidance of reminders
  • Intense and persistent longing
  • Trouble accepting the death
  • Numbness
  • Increased isolation
  • Increased anxiety
  • Headaches
  • Feelings of hopelessness
  • Brain fog or grief brain
  • Insomnia
  • Episodes of unexplained anger or irritability
  • Depression
  • Apathy

What Causes Delayed Grief?

There are many possible causes of delayed grief. For example, some people feel that the best way to handle their personal loss is to “keep busy” with work or other endeavors instead of going through the grief process.5 Other people consciously or unconsciously recognize the magnitude of the loss and block their feelings because they’re too painful and overwhelming; however, these feelings will eventually emerge.

The Type of Grief Can Influence Delayed Grieving

People who are at higher risk for delayed grief include people who have had a history of depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or a prior history of abuse. Risk for delayed grief also goes up if the nature of the loss was sudden or unexpected rather than anticipatory. The initial reaction in these circumstances is often shock or numbness and may lead to more intense grief.

People may also experience disenfranchised grief. This occurs when someone’s grief is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported. Examples of this include people dying from suicide or drug overdose, or the loss of a child who is stillborn.

Help For Grief & Loss

Talk Therapy – Get personalized help in dealing with a loss from a licensed professional. BetterHelp offers online sessions by video or text. Try BetterHelp


Virtual Psychiatry – Get help from a real doctor that takes your insurance. Talkiatry offers medication management and online visits with expert psychiatrists. Take the online assessment and have your first appointment in days. Free Assessment

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by Talkiatry and BetterHelp.

10 Ways to Cope With Delayed Grief

Delayed grief can be confusing for the person experiencing it because it does not follow traditionally accepted beliefs about the grief process. The emotions associated with delayed grief can emerge unexpectedly, so be patient with yourself and don’t be afraid to seek outside support.

Here are ten ways to cope and heal when delayed grief occurs:

1. Attend Grief Counseling

It is never too late to get grief counseling. When delayed grief happens it can be confusing, but counseling can help people understand why it is happening, process their emotions, and establish coping mechanisms.

2. Find Places to Get Support

One of the best ways to cope with grief is to find a safe place to discuss it with a person or people you trust to listen without judgment (e.g., friend, family member, or someone in your place of worship). People also find grief support groups are a welcome source of comfort. Talking to other people with similar experience can reinforce that what you’re feeling is OK.

3. Show Yourself Kindness & Compassion

Don’t judge yourself harshly or feel ashamed for not grieving in a designated way. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Shock is an emotion that one may feel after an initial loss. It allows you to continue to function and complete practical necessary tasks.

4. Make Time for Mindfulness

It’s important to pay attention to your thoughts and make time to just sit with them. Mindfulness activities like yoga, deep breathing, meditation can help heal your body and mind.

5. Avoid Unhealthy Habits

Many people cope with painful emotions by doing things to numb their feelings. This includes alcohol and drug abuse, overeating, and social isolation. Avoid habits that don’t result in enhancing your mental and physical well-being.

6. Consider a Grief Journal

When people can’t identify or verbally express what they are feeling, they may find comfort from writing about it. Grief journals are a great tool to express feelings, emotions, and memories. It can be helpful to use grief journal prompts to release emotions you can’t verbally express.

7. Incorporate Healthy Habits

Grief affects your mind and body. Because of it, people experience headaches, digestive issues, body tension, and loss of sleep. To cope with grief, healthy habits need to be a part of your daily routine. Get enough sleep, plan to exercise regularly, and eat healthy foods.

8. Give Yourself Permission to Grieve

Avoiding feelings because they are painful does not make them go away. This can result in emotions coming out in ways you didn’t expect or intend. An example of this is internalized depression, which can come out in the form of anger. Work on facing the feelings related to your grief with support mechanisms in place.

9. Honor the Memory of the Loved One Who Has Died

Memorial ceremonies and other grief rituals can offer a healing component and pay meaningful tribute to the loved one who has died. It offers a powerful way to share feelings and memories and be with others to share and support one another as you all cope with the loss.

10. Create Meaningful Ways to Remember the Person Who Has Died

One way to cope with grief is to anticipate difficult days like the anniversary of when someone died, birthdays, or other anniversaries. These days evoke feelings of grief, but they can also be a day to reflect or be with others. Meaningful ways to remember someone on their death anniversary include visiting their grave, looking at old photos, and reading their favorite poem.

Healing from a loss can take many years. You don’t have to deal with grief on your own. BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

Treatment for Delayed Grief

Delayed grief can cause strong emotions that make you feel trapped and stuck. If these feelings remain, intensify, or their presence negatively impacts your relationships, it’s a good time to consider reaching out to a mental health professional.

Grief Counseling

Goals of grief counseling include helping people to express their feelings to alleviate emotional suffering. Grief therapists offer insights on coping skills and practicing healthy behaviors and patterns of thinking about coping with death and loss.

When seeking treatment for delayed grief, look for a mental health professional who has a specialty focusing on grief and loss. Two types of short-term grief therapy that are effective for people experiencing delayed grief include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). They focus on replacing negative thinking and behavior patterns with healthier coping mechanisms.

How to Find a Therapist

If you’re ready to find a therapist to help you deal with delayed grief, explore an online therapist directory. Doing so allows you to find a trained therapist in your area and refine your search by things like cost and expertise.

Can Someone Prevent Delayed Grief?

Delayed grief occurs because someone consciously or unconsciously pushes away grief so they don’t have to deal with the associated painful emotions. It can be prevented if you are able to identify people who you feel safe and comfortable with to begin to discuss and process those feelings early after the loss.

It can also be prevented if you are willing to ask people to help with the tasks that you have been using to distract yourself from your grief. For example, having someone help with funeral arrangements or child care. Another example might be to ask people to help with your workload for a while so you feel better prepared to jump back into a work environment.

Final Thoughts on Delayed Grief

If the emotional pain of a loss is not confronted, it will emerge in the form of delayed psychological difficulties or health problems.6 Don’t admonish yourself or feel shame for your delayed grief reactions. Choosing to get counseling if you cannot manage delayed grief on your own can be the first step in beginning to heal and move forward with your life.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for marketing by the companies mentioned below.

Online Therapy 

BetterHelp Get support and guidance from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp has over 20,000 therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy.  Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Virtual Psychiatry

Talkiatry Get help from a real doctor that takes your insurance. Talkiatry offers medication management and online visits with expert psychiatrists. Take the online assessment and have your first appointment in days. Free Assessment

Grief And Loss Newsletter

A free newsletter from Choosing Therapy for those impacted by the loss of a loved one. Get encouragement, helpful tips, and the latest information. Sign Up

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp and Talkiatry.

For Further Reading

Here are additional resources to help people coping with delayed grief:

  • What to Say to Someone Who Has Lost a Loved One
  • The Grief Recovery Method
  • Hospice Foundation of America (HFA)
  • Best Grief Podcasts

Delayed Grief Infographics

What Is Delayed Grief? Delayed Grief Symptoms What Causes Delayed Grief? Ways to Cope With Delayed Grief

7 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Erika Krull, MSEd, LMHP. How Does Delayed Grief Work? Definition and Examples.(11/12/2021) Cake Library. Retrieved from https://www.joincake.com/blog/delayed-grief/

  • Naomi M. Simon, MD. Treating Complicated Grief. Journal of American Medical Association. 2013 Jul24; 310(4) 416-423. doi:10.1001/jama.2013.8614. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4530627/

  • Naomi M. Simon, MD. Treating Complicated Grief. Journal of American Medical Association. 2013 Jul24; 310(4) 416-423. doi:10.1001/jama.2013.8614. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4530627/

  • Mayo Clinic. Complicated Grief. (June 19, 2021) Retrieved from https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374

  • Stephen Moeller. Grief Recovery Method. (September 18, 2017) Retrieved from https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/blog/2017/09/delayed-grief

  • Hart Haragutchi, MA, LMHCA. 12 Ways to Remember Someone on Their Death Anniversary. (October 19, 2021) Choosing Therapy. Retrieved from https://www.choosingtherapy.com/death-anniversary

  • George A. Bonanno, Ph.D., Nigel P. Field, Ph.D. Examining the Delayed Grief Hypothesis Across 5 Years of Bereavement. The American Behavioral Scientist. January 2001; 44, 5; ABI/INFORM Global p.78. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/profile/George-Bonanno/publication/238334965

update history

We regularly update the articles on ChoosingTherapy.com to ensure we continue to reflect scientific consensus on the topics we cover, to incorporate new research into our articles, and to better answer our audience’s questions. When our content undergoes a significant revision, we summarize the changes that were made and the date on which they occurred. We also record the authors and medical reviewers who contributed to previous versions of the article. Read more about our editorial policies here.

  • Originally Published: March 15, 2022
    Original Author: Iris Waichler, LCSW
    Original Reviewer: Rajy Abulhosn, MD

  • Updated: October 18, 2022
    Author: No Change
    Reviewer: No Change
    Primary Changes: Updated for readability and clarity. Reviewed and added relevant resources.

  • Updated: March 21, 2023
    Author: No Change
    Reviewer: No Change
    Primary Changes: Updated for readability and clarity. Reviewed and added relevant resources. Added “Delayed Grief Vs. Unresolved Grief” and “Can Someone Prevent Delayed Grief?”. New material written by Iris Waichler, LCSW, and reviewed by Dena Westphalen, PharmD.

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Headshot of Iris Waichler MSW, LCSW
Written by:

Iris Waichler

MSW, LCSW
Headshot of Rajy Abulhosn, MD
Reviewed by:

Rajy Abulhosn

MD
  • What Is Delayed Grief?Definition
  • Delayed Grief Vs. Unresolved GriefDelayed Vs. Unresolved Grief
  • Delayed Grief SymptomsSymptoms
  • What Causes Delayed Grief?Causes
  • Ways to Cope With Delayed Grief10 Ways to Cope
  • Treatment for Delayed GriefTreatment
  • Can Someone Prevent Delayed Grief?Prevention
  • Final Thoughts on Delayed GriefConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
  • Delayed Grief InfographicsInfographics
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