Do Narcissists Cry or Feel Guilt & Remorse?

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Although social media has made the word “narcissist” almost interchangeable with “jerk”, narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, is an actual psychiatric diagnosis with a set of clinical criteria. This personality disorder is characterized by a list of 9 criteria in the DSM, or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.¹

Of these 9 criteria, someone has to meet at least 5 on the list in order to meet the criteria for the diagnosis. NPD can be difficult to diagnose, and many people with NPD also have another mental health condition.²

According to the DSM-5, NPD is characterized by:

• Grandiosity: There will be a heightened sense of self-importance, such as thinking they are more beautiful, smart, important, talented, etc than their peers.
• Low empathy: A major element of this diagnosis, and the element that has taken social media by storm, is the low capacity for empathy. People with NPD can have a range of ability to experience empathy as it exists on a spectrum.
• Obsessive need for admiration: There is often a need to be highly regarded as special by their peers and others around them.

Do Narcissists Have Feelings?

Because NPD occurs on a spectrum, people who have this personality disorder will experience it differently. Therefore, their experiences, as well as their symptoms, will range in severity. Just because someone has a personality disorder does not mean that they do not experience emotions- they just frequently experience them differently than those who do not have a personality disorder.

Do Narcissists Feel Remorse?

Like all mental health diagnoses that exist on a spectrum, those with NPD are likely to experience feelings like remorse differently than their peers with the same diagnosis. While some narcissists, such as those who are better known with labels such as malignant narcissists or narcissistic sociopaths, don’t feel remorse, others may. It is also common for people with elements of this personality disorder to feel guilty or feel remorse, but they often experience these feelings in a way that is self-serving.

Do Narcissists Feel Guilt?

Those with NPD are likely to experience feelings like guilt, however they usually experience these feelings differently than their peers. Although people with NPD are stereotyped as being incapable of feeling any empathy at all, this is actually a myth. A narcissist’s decreased levels of empathy don’t necessarily imply a lack of empathy.

It is also common for people to use fake acts of guilt, such as fake tears or a false sense of concern, in order to manipulate others into thinking that they feel remorse or guilt. However, not all people who act in manipulative ways have narcissistic personality disorder.

Do Narcissists Cry?

Crying is a normal human response, and people cry for many different reasons such as happiness, frustration, anger, and even as an act of manipulation. It is a myth that people with elements of NPD never cry. Just because a person experiences low empathy, it doesn’t mean that they don’t cry, too.

When Do Narcissists Cry?

There are many different reasons that someone with narcissistic personality disorder might cry. Just like most human beings, they are able to experience emotion, which means they are likely to experience the same feelings of frustration, sadness and pain, extreme emotion, narcissistic collapse, guilt/remorse, or others.

It is a myth that narcissism is synonymous with inability to experience sadness and lack of emotion. Like anyone else, people with NPD still experience emotions- they are just more likely to be self-serving.

A person with NPD may cry when they experience:

• Sadness: They experience feelings of sadness just like anyone else. Even if this experience is self serving.
• Pain: Experiencing physical pain such as illness or injury is likely to provoke tears in any of us, even those without elements of narcissism.
• Happiness: Just as any of us might cry when we are happy, such as at the birth of a baby or wedding.
• Pride: A career jump or opening of a new business are common reasons that people might cry out of personal pride.
• Grief: The loss of a parent, family member, or loved one is a difficult experience. Having a personality disorder does not shield someone from this experience of grief, and in some cases can even make the feelings worse due to their inability to cope with difficult emotions.
• Embarrassment: It is a normal human response for many people to cry when embarrassed or humiliated, especially if this happens in front of others.
• Rage: Anger, frustration, and rage can create tears in many people, including those with NPD.
• Criticism: The experience of receiving criticism can be so overwhelming for people with narcissistic personality disorder that many will cry.
• Fear: When someone with NPD is experiencing fear, it is normal to cry. This is also common when the person has a need to get out of a situation such as a speeding ticket, they might use tears as an act of manipulation. However, this does not mean that all people who cry to get out of a situation have NPD.

Is a Narcissist’s Crying Genuine?

It is a myth that narcissism is synonymous with inability to experience sadness. Like anyone else, people with NPD still experience emotions and crying. However, their experiences are much more likely to be self-serving and less likely to be rooted in empathy.

For example, while a narcissist could easily use tears as a way to manipulate others, they may cry for reasons other than this. The reasons behind the crying may be different than typical, but they feel genuine to the person with NPD.

How to Communicate with a Narcissist When They’re Upset

There are many ways in which one can communicate with a narcissist, or anyone with narcissistic traits, when they are experiencing extreme emotions or crying. These strategies will help decrease your chances of getting pulled into a conflict with them.

Here are some tips for communicating with a narcissist when they are sad or upset:

• Pick your battles: It is good advice to not try to argue with someone who is upset, especially if the situation has nothing to do with you.
• Empathize with them: All people benefit from someone taking time to show compassion and understanding. Taking a moment to listen to their feelings can help decrease their intensity.
• Don’t raise your voice: Just like raising your voice can be seen as threatening or combative when talking to anyone, someone with a personality disorder might be even more likely to be triggered by a raised voice.
• Keep communication brief: Reducing unnecessary communication can reduce the chances of being in their line of verbal fire.
• Use shorter sentences: When someone is angry, they are less likely to have the patience to listen to long winded statements. Speak in shorter, more direct statements such as “I understand,” “Okay, let’s change plans.”

When Is Therapy Helpful?

For someone who has NPD who wants to stop being a narcissist, therapy can be helpful for developing insight. However, this only works if the person is committed to change and has good insight into their behaviors and feelings.

Being the victim of narcissistic abuse can be very traumatic. If you are struggling with the aftermath of this experience, or if you are trying to navigate a relationship with someone who has traits of narcissism, professional support can help you learn ways to manage these feelings and empower yourself. There are different ways to find the right therapist, and using an online therapist directory can make the process simpler.

In My Experience

In my experience, people with NPD exist in all walks of life. Many of us can, and do, experience traits of NPD- as the diagnosis exists on a spectrum. It is a myth that narcissism is synonymous with danger or lack of emotion. Like anyone else, people with NPD still experience emotions- they are just more likely to be self-serving and less likely to come from true empathy. However, most people with NPD do not understand that they do not have empathy, which makes developing insight difficult.