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How to Stop Being a Narcissist

Published: January 4, 2022 Updated: July 7, 2022
Published: 01/04/2022 Updated: 07/07/2022
Headshot of Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Written by:

Silvi Saxena

MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Headshot of Kristen Fuller MD
Reviewed by:

Kristen Fuller

MD
  • What Is Narcissism?Narcissism
  • How Can I Tell If I’m a Narcissist?How to Tell
  • What Causes Someone to Be a Narcissist?Causes
  • How Therapy Can HelpHow Therapy Helps
  • Final Thoughts on How to Stop Being a NarcissistConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
Headshot of Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Written by:

Silvi Saxena

MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Headshot of Kristen Fuller MD
Reviewed by:

Kristen Fuller

MD

It’s uncommon for a narcissist to wonder whether they’re a narcissist, let alone how to not be a narcissist. Typically, if you’re questioning your behavior in this way, it’s more likely that you have a mental health disorder that has overlapping traits with narcissism. However, it’s important to consider the chance that you’re picking up on true narcissistic traits. Take time to self-reflect and work with a therapist.

BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by BetterHelp

Visit BetterHelp

What Is Narcissism?

You could describe narcissism as an inflated sense of self-importance with a limited amount of self-awareness. As a result, narcissistic people who struggle with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), tend to struggle to maintain personal and professional relationships. They often underestimate the negative impact their actions or words have on others.

How Can I Tell If I’m a Narcissist?

If you think you might be a narcissist, look for a series of traits within yourself. For example, do you have a lot of friends but are unable to maintain close personal or professional relationships due to intense self-interest?

To tell if you’re a narcissist, ask yourself these questions:

  • Do you require a lot of attention? Do you take more than you give? Are your attention-seeking behaviors a turn-off for others?
  • Are you unable to identify or own how you contribute to poor outcomes, such as hurting someone’s feelings or causing issues in group settings?
  • Do you worry so much about yourself that you’re unable to care about the emotions of others?
  • Do you cut off relationships if they don’t feed your self-esteem or grant you personal gain?
  • Does criticism or a lack of ego boosting trigger shame that causes you to cut people out of your life?1

What Causes Someone to Be a Narcissist?

An inconsistent or emotionally volatile home environment, childhood trauma, abuse, sexual exploitation, and genetics all play a role in developing any type of narcissism. Interruptions to healthy, uncompromised brain development can also lead to narcissistic personality disorder. A child raised by narcissistic parents may develop narcissism, and experiences such as manipulative family dynamics can be a trigger.

Any extreme (too much or not enough), whether its praise, admiration, or indulgence, can lead to narcissism. An overall lack of balance and stability causes internal homeostasis to go awry, leading to a series of mental health concerns, including narcissism and vulnerable narcissism.2

Additionally, the brain of someone with narcissistic personality disorder has less grey matter in the part that controls cognitive and emotional regulation, including empathy and compassion, two traits commonly missing in any kind of narcissism personality.3

14 Tips On How to Not Be a Narcissist

As a narcissist, it can be hard to recognize your own trauma; however, if you feel like you are carrying a heavy weight with you at all times, your trauma probably needs attention to be healed.

14 tips to overcome narcissism include:

  1. Accept that people are not perfect, including you, your caregivers and parents, your friends, and the people around you.
  2. Remind yourself that your worth and value are intrinsic and not reliant on your perfection.
  3. Forgive yourself for setting unreachable expectations and think about why you set them so high to begin with.
  4. Allow yourself to experience emotions instead of trying to control every outcome.
  5. Identify your triggers for narcissistic rage.
  6. Celebrate your personal victories.
  7. Practice self-love.
  8. Try journaling about your thoughts, feelings, and where they come from. Read out loud to yourself.
  9. Practice stress management to get past avoidance behaviors.5
  10. Meditate to process emotions differently.
  11. Remember to speak to yourself with kindness, offering grace on the hard days.
  12. Take things one day at a time.6
  13. Cultivate self-love and channel emotions into art, including painting, writing, playing music, and dancing.7
  14. Spend time in nature to reduce feelings of anxiety, depression, stress, and other mental health issues.

Narcissist Abuse Support Groups

Circles offers support groups that provide a safe place to share your experiences and learn from others going through similar experiences. Circles offers groups focused on specific relationships, like narcissistic parents or narcissistic romantic relationships. Groups meet weekly by video and are led by expert facilitators. Your group can connect via chat anytime using the Circles app. Join a Circles group for just $20 per week. Learn More

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health & wellness companies and is compensated for referrals by the company mentioned above.

How Therapy Can Help

One simple way to find a therapist is by searching an online therapist directory and reviewing the list of in-network providers. Look through their profiles and contact a few at a time. Many therapists offer a free phone consultation to give you an opportunity to evaluate whether they’re the right fit for your unique situation.

Seeking therapy is a challenge for those with narcissistic personality disorder due to major gaps in self-awareness. That said, if you feel that you have narcissistic traits or NPD, you may also be dealing with BPD, anxiety, and/or depression. Ultimately, going to therapy for those things will help you get to the root of any narcissistic traits.4

Any type of mental health clinician is able to facilitate therapy for narcissistic personality disorder as long as they have the experience. Because narcissists tend to have self-destructive habits and can be dangerous, it’s important to locate therapy as soon as possible.

Final Thoughts on How to Stop Being a Narcissist

What you’re struggling with may be unique to you, but you’re not alone. If you think you might be a narcissist, the first step is to show yourself compassion and reach out to a therapist who specializes in this issue. Together, you and your therapist will develop a plan to help you grow into a more fulfilled version of yourself.

Additional Resources

Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for referrals by the companies mentioned below.

Narcissist Abuse Support Groups – Circles offers support groups that provide a safe place to share your experiences and learn from others going through similar experiences. Groups bring together people based on their relationship with the narcissist, like those who have been involved in a romantic relationship with a narcissist. Groups meet weekly by video and are led by expert facilitators. Learn More

BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started

Online-Therapy.com – The Online-Therapy.com standard plan includes a weekly 45 minute video session, unlimited text messaging between sessions, and self-guided activities like journaling. Recently, they added Yoga videos. Get Started

Headspace (Meditation App) – Headspace is the leading mindfulness and meditation app with over 70 million members. Headspace offers guidance and exercises for all skill levels, including beginners. Free Trial

Choosing Therapy’s Directory – Find an experienced therapist who is committed to your wellbeing. You can search for a therapist by specialty, availability, insurance, and affordability. Therapist profiles and introductory videos provide insight into the therapist’s personality so you find the right fit. Find a therapist today.

Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by Circles, BetterHelp, Online-Therapy.com, and Headspace

For Further Reading

  • Narcissist Abuse Support
  • Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
  • National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
  • National Mental Health Association
  • Personality Disorders Awareness Network
  • Mental Health America
  • National Alliance on Mental Health
  • MentalHealth.gov
7 sources

Choosing Therapy strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Krizan, Z. and Herlache, A. D. (2018). The narcissism spectrum model: a synthetic view of narcissistic personality. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 22(1) 3-31. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1088868316685018

  • Weigle, W., Jauk, E., Lehmann, K., Benedek, M., & Neubauer, A. C. (2017) The Relationship between Grandiose and Vulnerable (Hypersensitive) Narcissism. Frontiers in Psychology, 8. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.01600/full

  • Jauk, E., Benedek, M., Koschutnig, K., Kedia, G., & Neubauer, A. C. (2017). Self-viewing is associated with negative affect rather than reward in highly narcissistic men: an fMRI study. Scientific Reports, 7, 5804. https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-017-03935-y

  • Miller, J. D., Lynam, D. R., Hyatt, C. S., & Campbell, W. K. (2017). Controversies in narcissism. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 13,  291–315. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28301765/

  • Bougea, A., Spantideas, N., & Chrousos, G. P. (2018). Stress management for headaches in children and adolescents: A review and practical recommendations for health promotion programs and well-being. Journal of Child Health Care, 22(1), 19–33. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29110509/

  • Vanderheiden, E. (2019) “Nothing I Accept About Myself Can Be Used Against Me to Diminish Me”—Transforming Shame Through Mindfulness. Transforming Shame Through Mindfulness. In: Mayer CH., Vanderheiden E. (eds) The Bright Side of Shame. Springer, Cham.

  • Thompson, P., & Jaque, V. (2018). Shame and Anxiety: The Mediating Role of Childhood Adversity in Dancers. Journal of Dance Medicine & Science, 22(2), 100-108. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29843888/

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Headshot of Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Written by:

Silvi Saxena

MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C
Headshot of Kristen Fuller MD
Reviewed by:

Kristen Fuller

MD
  • What Is Narcissism?Narcissism
  • How Can I Tell If I’m a Narcissist?How to Tell
  • What Causes Someone to Be a Narcissist?Causes
  • How Therapy Can HelpHow Therapy Helps
  • Final Thoughts on How to Stop Being a NarcissistConclusion
  • Additional ResourcesResources
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