What Is Narcissistic Collapse?

What Is Narcissistic Collapse?

A narcissistic collapse happens when a narcissist believes that someone (or something) is threatening their ability to maintain their superficial inflated ego. People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) often look down on others to maintain the positive images they hold about themselves. If their behavior is called out or challenged, their fragile self-esteem is damaged, resulting in intense reactions and abuse toward others.¹

Narcissistic collapse isn’t an official psychiatric term and hasn’t been extensively studied. However, some researchers and psychologists argue that collapse essentially disarms the false self associated with narcissism.² Because narcissists are so insecure, they often feel empty and hollow–they need admiration from others to feel validated.³

For example, if a spouse leaves them or a boss fires them, it disrupts the narcissist’s entire status quo. Instead of reflecting on what happened or trying to address the conflict appropriately, they can become hysterical, volatile, or rageful toward themselves or those around them.

Overt Vs. Covert Narcissistic Collapse

Overt narcissists, or grandiose narcissists, tend to be extroverted and present with high self-esteem. They typically come across as overly confident and self-important. Conversely, covert narcissists, or vulnerable narcissists, are more insecure and will often avoid confrontation.

Covert narcissists will come across as passive-aggressive and use the silent treatment or sarcastic comments when they experience narcissistic collapse. They tend to be conniving, manipulative, and accusatory. An overt narcissist may explode in a narcissistic rage outburst and engage in a more outward expression of collapse.

What Causes Narcissistic Collapse?

Research suggests that people with NPD rely on narcissistic supply to ensure their needs are met and their superior image is upheld. This supply consists of any source of validation, attention, or admiration. When the supply is jeopardized, the narcissist can become unhinged.

Narcissistic collapse may be caused by a threat to a narcissist’s perception of themselves or others. These “threats” can stem from mild inconveniences to severe disturbances, making it hard to know exactly what can set the narcissist off. For instance, a friend taking too long to respond to a text or not receiving a promised raise at work can trigger the narcissist.

11 Signs of Narcissistic Collapse

Not every narcissist will experience narcissistic collapse or cope with a damaged ego the same. However, when a collapse does occur, it can seemingly come at a moment’s notice and even a slight infraction may trigger it. Therefore, it’s important to recognize the early signs of narcissistic collapse so you can approach the situation appropriately.

Below are 11 signs of narcissistic collapse:

1. Impulsive Behaviors

Impulsivity is a trademark characteristic of narcissism.⁴ When a narcissist’s overinflated confidence is injured, they may ignore advice and make impulsive decisions to show they are always right. Impulsive behaviors, such as unprotected sex, gambling, or excessive spending, help them counteract challenges to their ego.

2. Depression

Depression and narcissism often go hand-in-hand. Narcissists frequently have trouble regulating their emotions, which can cause depressive episodes when they cannot cope with a challenge to their self-worth. The narcissist’s access to supply dwindles during a narcissistic collapse, contributing to these low moods.

3. Gaslighting

Narcissistic gaslighting is a narcissistic manipulation tactic used to distort a person’s reality or memory. A narcissist may gaslight others when they feel threatened to divert attention from their shortcomings. When a narcissistic collapse occurs, they use this tactic to hurt the person questioning them.

4. Mental Breakdowns

A narcissist may have a breakdown if their supply is cut off and they feel vulnerable, embarrassed, or out of control. Narcissistic breakdown symptoms can include rage, impulsive behaviors, or other ways of showcasing intense mental suffering. A narcissist will lash out at you in any way they can or hurt themselves to cope with the shame.

5. Anger Outbursts & Rage

Rage outbursts are commonly seen during a narcissistic collapse episode. In the narcissist’s mind, it is easier to be angry than deal with the uncomfortable emotions of embarrassment, rejection, or shame. Rage is especially typical with vindictive narcissists.

6. Smearing Someone’s Reputation

A narcissistic smear campaign may happen after a narcissist ends a relationship, especially if they lose control of or access to supply. Smear campaigns are intended to harm a person’s social, familial, or professional reputation. The narcissist may do so by saying the victim is “crazy” or “unstable.” A smear campaign ensures the narcissist maintains control of the narrative and that their image is sustained.

7.  Self-Harm Behaviors

A covert narcissist may engage in self-harming behaviors when they feel slighted. By doing so, the narcissist can maintain control and regain attention or sympathy during a narcissistic collapse.

8. Making Accusations

During a narcissistic collapse, a narcissist may make untrue accusations toward another person to deflect from their behaviors. Such allegations distract from a narcissist’s mistakes or faults if they are called out. In this way, they avoid feeling ashamed or embarrassed if they can place blame on their victim.

9. Intense Anxiety

Narcissists may experience anxiety during a narcissistic collapse, possibly as irritability, increased distressing thoughts, or engaging in rituals. Anxiety may develop if they fear certain behaviors will be exposed or they are ignored, lose control, or receive too little attention.

10. Stonewalling

Stonewalling refers to a narcissist’s refusal to communicate with others, allowing them to preserve control by making their challenger feel guilty, confused, or stressed. The narcissist wants their victim to respond and engage with them so they can twist the situation in their favor and recover from a collapse.

11. Suddenly Ending a Relationship

A narcissist may end a relationship if it fails to meet their needs. This action, or the “narcissistic discard,” is often considered the final stage of narcissistic collapse. If the narcissist realizes their supply is being cut off, they move on to their next victim but remain involved in the person’s life by spreading a smear campaign or hoovering.

Causes of Narcissistic Collapse

Research suggests that people with NPD rely on narcissistic supply to ensure their needs are met and their superior image is upheld. The supply consists of any source of validation, attention, or admiration. When the supply is jeopardized, the narcissist can become unhinged.

Narcissistic collapse may be caused by a threat to a narcissist’s perception of themselves or others. These “threats” can stem from mild inconveniences to severe disturbances, making it hard to know exactly what can set the narcissist off. For instance, a friend taking too long to respond to a text or not receiving a promised raise at work can trigger the narcissist.

Examples of Narcissistic Collapse

When someone with NPD experiences a collapse, it can look dramatically different depending on the context of their relationships. Here are some common scenarios where narcissistic collapse may be seen, illustrating how this response can impact those closest to the individual.

Example of Narcissistic Collapse in a Parent

If a parent has NPD, narcissistic collapse can occur if their children challenge their core values or concept of self, such as a child not eating a meal the parent cooked or choosing to date someone they dislike. The collapse may resemble a serious temper tantrum where the parent becomes explosive and then depressed or withdrawn. A narcissistic parent may threaten to estrange or cut off their children and, in some cases, will actually do that. However, they will make it appear that the child ended the relationship.

Example of Narcissistic Collapse in a Partner

In romantic relationships, narcissistic collapse can look like a sudden breakup without warning or cause. Narcissistic collapse after a separation can manifest as obsessing, stalking, or trying to win someone back if the partner ends the relationship. While still in the relationship, the narcissist may oscillate between love-bombing their partner and discarding them entirely.

Example of Narcissistic Collapse in the Workplace

In the workplace, narcissistic collapse can also resemble a tantrum. A narcissistic boss may impulsively fire employees, bully others, or make nasty threats about how they intend to issue consequences.⁶  If an employee attempts to quit, they might try to sever their reputation or blackmail them into staying.

What to Expect From a Collapsed Narcissist

Narcissistic collapse often results in extreme, negative projection. Narcissistic projection is a defense mechanism that helps narcissists protect their ego and self-concept by attributing their negative traits to someone else.⁵ Subsequently, they may turn their self-hatred or rage onto other people.

How Long Does Narcissistic Collapse Last?

Narcissistic collapse doesn’t adhere to a specific timeline. Sometimes symptoms only last for a few hours or days. Once supply is restored, they feel a sense of relief. In more serious forms of collapse, symptoms can linger for several months or years. The individual may fall into more self-destructive patterns, including substance use, severe depression, eating disorders, violence, and more.

How to Protect Yourself From a Collapsed Narcissist

Dealing with a narcissist can be confusing, frustrating, and emotionally draining. If you have identified symptoms of narcissistic collapse, avoiding the current situation entirely is best. Highlighting the narcissist’s behavior (or trying to fix it) will likely backfire. Instead, it’s essential to focus on letting people with NPD cope with their own emotions and consequences. It isn’t your responsibility to make things better.

You need to focus on prioritizing your own well-being and personal needs, particularly if you feel targeted during this time. Some people may benefit from going no-contact with a narcissist and eliminating communication. Others might practice setting healthy boundaries with a narcissist and specific limits on their willingness to engage.

Some tips for dealing with a collapsed narcissist include:

• Learn the signs: Knowing what to expect can help you feel more prepared. It can also remind you that you’re not imagining things or overreacting.
• Set boundaries: You’re always allowed to establish interpersonal limits. These are meant to protect your integrity and honor your own worth.
• Remind yourself that it’s not your fault: You are not responsible for their behavior. Even if you feel guilty for something you did, that is not an excuse for being belittled, criticized, stonewalled, or abused.
• Be mindful of how you engage and communicate: You may feel tempted to try to protect or rescue the narcissist. However, this often reinforces the behaviors and absolves them of their own need to be accountable.
• Take time away for yourself: Prioritize your own self-care and try to honor what makes you feel good.
• Distance yourself emotionally: You’re allowed to walk away or create internal space for yourself. The narcissist will likely react poorly, but this doesn’t negate your inherent right for emotional safety.
• Seek external support: Even if you feel isolated, scared, or dependent, reaching out for support can make a big difference.

When to Seek Professional Help

Recovering from narcissistic abuse can be difficult. If you feel stuck, scared, or uncertain, therapy can help. Using an online therapist directory to find the right therapist who understands NPD and narcissistic collapse can make all the difference. You can also try one of the various online therapy platforms. Therapy may be beneficial for processing your emotions, gaining support, and learning healthy strategies for managing boundaries moving forward.