Narcissistic collapse happens when someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can no longer uphold their grandiose, confident image. When this occurs, they feel profoundly threatened. As a result, they tend to become enraged, resulting in impulsive behavior, intense lashing out, or hurting other people. While this reaction isn’t usually intentional, it’s a way to re-establish a sense of control.
What Is Narcissistic Collapse?
Narcissistic collapse can happen when someone (or something) doesn’t “enable” their narcissistic behavior. For example, if their spouse leaves them or their boss fires them, it can disrupt their entire status quo. But instead of reflecting on what happened or trying to work out the conflict appropriately, they can become hysterical, volatile, or rageful towards themselves or others.
This happens because people with narcissistic personality disorder present as having inflated egos. They often look down on other people to maintain the positive images they hold about themselves. However, research shows they tend to be very insecure, explaining why they often act manipulative, cruel, and abusive towards other people.1
Signs of Narcissistic Collapse
When someone with NPD doesn’t get the attention or success they want, they often react with narcissistic rage. They can’t appropriately cope with this unmet need. Not everyone with NPD experiences collapse or even copes with it the same way. But to the outsider, it can seemingly occur at a moment’s notice, and even a slight infraction may trigger it.
Signs of narcissistic collapse include:
- Stonewalling the other person (completely withdrawing from the conversation, often without warning)
- Gaslighting
- Repeatedly accusing someone or something else for hurting them
- Signs of depression (apathy, intense sadness, withdrawal from others)
- Compulsive behavior, like drinking, using drugs, or gambling
- Ending relationships spontaneously without much explanation
- Intense anxiety
- Anger outbursts
- Smearing another person or seeking intense revenge
- Making threats of self-harm or suicide
Causes of Narcissistic Collapse
Some research suggests that people with NPD rely on their narcissistic supply to ensure their needs get met. The narcissistic supply can consist of anyone or anything that offers a sense of validation, attention, or admiration. It may be feeling respected at work, having an expensive car, holding an important title in a charity, or raising children. But when the supply becomes jeopardized, they often feel unhinged.
Someone with NPD may experience collapse when something threatens how they perceive themselves or others. These situations can range from mild inconveniences to severe disturbances. For example, a friend taking too long to respond to a text may result in collapse symptoms. Or, if someone with NPD doesn’t get the raise they were promised, they may react with immense rage.
Narcissistic collapse isn’t an official psychiatric term, and it hasn’t been extensively researched. However, some researchers and psychologists who study NPD argue that collapse essentially disarms the false self associated with narcissism.2 Because people with NPD are so insecure, they often feel empty and hollow – they need admiration from others to feel validated.3
What to Expect From a Failed Narcissist
Narcissistic collapse often results in extreme, negative projection. Projection refers to attributing one’s negative traits or experiences onto someone else. It’s a defense mechanism that aims to protect one’s ego and self-concept.4
Subsequently, someone with NPD may turn their self-hatred or rage onto other people. This can look like shouting, blaming, criticizing, shaming, or smearing. At times, they may turn it inwards and become extremely depressed, anxious, or suicidal.
Example of Narcissistic Collapse in a Parent
If a parent has NPD, narcissistic collapse can occur if their children do something that challenges their core values or concept of self. This “something” can range from a child deciding they don’t want to eat a meal the parent cooked to the child dating someone that the parent doesn’t like.
The collapse may resemble a serious temper-tantrum where the parent becomes explosive and then extremely depressed or withdrawn. Other times, they may threaten to estrange or cut off their children. In some cases, they will do that (although they will often spin it as if the child ended the relationship).
Example of Narcissistic Collapse in a Partner
Dating someone with NPD often feels tumultuous and chaotic. It can be hard to predict their moods or expectations. Small infractions may lead to rage.
In romantic relationships, narcissistic collapse can look like suddenly ending things without warning or cause. It can also manifest as obsessing, stalking, or trying to win the other person back if their partner broke up with them. While still in the relationship, the person with NPD may oscillate between love-bombing their partner and discarding them entirely.
Example of Narcissistic Collapse in the Workplace
Having narcissistic coworkers or a boss with NPD often feels toxic and stressful. You may feel like you need to intuit how others feel or predict what will (or won’t) trigger an angry reaction.
In the workplace, narcissistic collapse can also resemble a tantrum. A boss with NPD, for instance, may impulsively fire people, bully others, or make nasty threats about how they intend to give people consequences.5 Moreover, if an employee attempts to quit, they might try to sever their reputation or blackmail them into staying.
How to Protect Yourself From a Collapsed Narcissist
Dealing with narcissism can feel confusing, frustrating, and emotionally draining. If you have identified symptoms of narcissistic collapse, it’s usually best to avoid engaging in the current situation. Highlighting the situation (or trying to fix it) will likely backfire.
Instead, it’s important to focus on letting people with NPD cope with their own emotions and consequences. It isn’t your responsibility to make things better. You need to focus on prioritizing your own well-being and personal needs, particularly if you feel targeted during this time.
Some people may benefit from taking a no-contact approach where they eliminate communication and engagement altogether. Others might practice setting healthy boundaries and having specific limits regarding what they do or don’t say.
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is often difficult. If you feel stuck, scared, or uncertain, therapy can help. Use a therapist directory to find a qualified therapist who understands NPD and narcissistic collapse. Therapy may be beneficial for processing your emotions, feeling supported, and learning healthy strategies for managing boundaries during this time.
Final Thoughts
People with NPD may rely on manipulating others to meet their needs. But knowing their real intentions and underlying insecurities can help you protect yourself and your loved ones. Identifying how narcissistic collapse works – and recognizing key warning signs – can prevent ongoing pain and frustration.
Additional Resources
Education is just the first step on our path to improved mental health and emotional wellness. To help our readers take the next step in their journey, Choosing Therapy has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. Choosing Therapy may be compensated for referrals by the companies mentioned below.
BetterHelp (Online Therapy) – BetterHelp has over 20,000 licensed therapists who provide convenient and affordable online therapy. BetterHelp starts at $60 per week. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for you. Get Started
Online-Therapy.com – The Online-Therapy.com standard plan includes a weekly 45 minute video session, unlimited text messaging between sessions, and self-guided activities like journaling. Recently, they added Yoga videos. Get Started
Headspace (Meditation App) – Headspace is the leading mindfulness and meditation app with over 70 million members. Headspace offers guidance and exercises for all skill levels, including beginners. Free Trial
Choosing Therapy’s Directory – Find an experienced therapist who is committed to your wellbeing. You can search for a therapist by specialty, availability, insurance, and affordability. Therapist profiles and introductory videos provide insight into the therapist’s personality so you find the right fit. Find a therapist today.
Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for referrals by Circles, BetterHelp, Online-Therapy.com, and Headspace
For Further Reading
- Best Books on Narcissistic Personality Disorder: This guide provides books on how to deal with narcissism, understand it within the context of a relationship, and heal from narcissistic abuse.
- Narcissistic Abuse Support: This website offers resources, checklists, and free support groups for people experiencing narcissistic abuse.
- The National Domestic Violence Hotline: The hotline offers 24/7, confidential, free support for individuals experiencing abuse.
