Insecurity is a common feeling that nearly most people will experience at some point, and it can stem from numerous sources. Generally, it presents as a lack of confidence, anxiety, and uncertainty. By working to accurately identify and address insecurity, a person can minimize its unwanted impact, find renewed security, stability, and a sense of worth that propels them towards happiness and improved well-being.
What Is Insecurity?
Insecurity involves an overall sense of uncertainty or anxiety about your worth, abilities, skills, and value as a person, conveying the message that you’re at risk or in danger of something or someone. That negative impacts of insecurity could be physical, mental, or emotional. Without security, you can’t accomplish full trust or function to your fullest potential.
Why Am I So Insecure?
Life experiences can affect a person’s level of insecurity. There could also be a biological relationship with insecurity being an inheritable trait passed down over generations and expressed through temperament and personality, or someone might have a mental health condition adding to their insecurities.
Possible causes of insecurity include:2
- Lack of family emotional support: People with a loving, supportive family are less likely to deal with insecurity
- Lack of physiological need satisfaction: When people are insecure in their food, housing, and safety needs, they struggle to move on to satisfying psychological needs like security
- Lack emotional intelligence: Those with low emotional intelligence can’t accurately monitor the feelings of themselves and others, leading to unhealthy relationships and less trust
- Lack of openness: When people aren’t open, curious, and comfortable with new people and situations, they note more stress and fear, resulting in lower security
- Lack of agreeableness: Disagreeable people tend to have more interpersonal conflicts due to not being helpful, supportive, or empathetic. These qualities produce a sense of risk in social situations and less security
- An underlying mental health condition: Mental health conditions like anxiety and depression have a bidirectional relationship with insecurity. Personality disorders like borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder also have a connection to insecurity.4
- An over-dependence on others: As people become dependent on people or relationships, their insecurity grows as they perceive risk in the relationship ending.2
Types of Insecurity
Insecurity can originate from several sources and branch out into multiple areas of your life. Because it has different origins and effects, one person’s insecurity can look completely different from another’s. Not all forms fit neatly into categories either, but some of the most common types of insecurity include relationship insecurity, social insecurity, body image insecurity, job insecurity, and insecurity of basic needs.
Insecurity in Relationships
With relationship insecurity, a person is unwilling to become vulnerable and willing to trust in others. An insecure person may have trust issues and be unable to trust what someone is saying or that they will follow through on what they say they’ll do in the relationship.2
These issues not only influence the individual, but also other person in the relationship.
Social Insecurity
Social insecurity typically involves a lack of confidence in one’s own ability to do well and succeed in social settings. Like other forms, social insecurity is mostly a creation of the person’s anxiety about what could happen in the future, rather than what has happened in the past. Often, social insecurity will overlap with the signs and symptoms of social anxiety.
Someone with social insecurity might worry about:
- Appearing awkward
- Saying something hurtful or inappropriate
- Not being smart enough to contribute to the conversation
- Not understanding jokes
Body Image Insecurity
Those with body image insecurity will struggle to accurately perceive their physical appearance. Instead of having a balanced view of their characteristics, they may spend excessive time and energy worrying about how they look. Someone might feel insecure about their whole body, or they could focus on only one part like their nose, ears, knees, or teeth. Some people may feel insecure based on feeling judged by others, while others will judge themselves more harshly than anyone else ever could.
Job Insecurity
Job insecurity centers around a person feeling inadequate in the workplace. They may have overwhelming doubt, confusion, hesitation, and anxiety about their job, constantly feeling like a fraud. Students in all levels of school may experience a similar type of insecurity that leads them to question their intelligence, ability to craft a well-written paper, and apply knowledge as needed. In either case, people with job and school insecurity face problems including failing grades, poor work performance, and leaving tasks unfinished.
Basic Need Insecurity – Food, Housing, Health
Without enough food, housing, or health, it is challenging to succeed in life. When a person doesn’t know where their next meal is coming from, where they’ll rest their head at night, and how much longer their physical and mental health will hold out, they can’t devote enough energy towards other aspects of life. This high level of chronic stress results in physical hardships, as well as psychological hardships.
Signs of Insecurity
Some forms of insecurity are easy to spot, while others are more concealed. People who conceal their insecurities generally want to limit exposure to judgment, but avoidance behaviors only perpetuate the insecurity. The signs of insecurity tend to overlap with poor self-esteem and self-worth, and while some symptoms prove consistent, others change frequently and without warning.
Signs that you’re feeling insecure could include:1,3
- An overriding feeling of inadequacy
- Low self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth
- Like they are unable or ill-equipped to cope with stressors
- Generally uncertain about the world
- Anxious about their relationships with others
- Poor decision-making skills and limited ability to choose quickly
- Being overly critical of yourself and other people
- Trying to portray yourself as overly confident to mask how you really feel
- Perfectionism to the point of never being satisfied
- Strong desire to be alone and avoid social situations
- Struggling to believe others and build strong relationships based on mutual trust and understanding
- Poor communication patterns that focus on the other person’s needs and wants more than your own
The Effects of Always Feeling Insecure
The effects of occasional insecurity are challenging enough, and the added consistency of always feeling insecure can significantly wear down someone’s self-esteem and worth.
Some common effects of feeling insure include:
- Never going for promotions at work and becoming dissatisfied with your job
- Thinking you are not good enough to seek out a happy relationship
- Settling for people and situations that don’t satisfy you
- Worry that other people are out to hurt you
Top Rated Online Therapy Services for 2023
BetterHelp – Best Overall
BetterHelp “quickly connects you with a licensed counselor or therapist and earned 4 out of 5 stars” Visit BetterHelp
Online-Therapy.com – Honorable Mention
“CBT program is included with all of the subscriptions and one of its strongest features” Visit Online-Therapy.com
Read our full article Best Online Therapy Services For 2023
Choosing Therapy partners with leading mental health companies and is compensated for marketing by BetterHelp and Online-Therapy
How to Overcome Insecurity
Like other psychological conditions, you can become less insecure with some lifestyle changes and shifts in perspective, which a therapist can help you achieve if you’re struggling on your own. Changing your patterns takes time and patience, so you should be willing to maintain interventions over the long-term to see lasting results.
Here are 11 ways to deal with insecurity:4,5,6
1. Talk to a Therapist
You wouldn’t try to set your broken bone or remove your gallbladder, so don’t try to resolve your insecurities if they require professional care. Therapists can provide the most effective and efficient form of treatments to establish long periods of well-being and security.
Finding a therapist may seem daunting, but the process is quite simple. You can check in with your insurance company, call your primary care doctor, or ask a friend for treatment recommendations. Or, consider using an online therapist directory where you can search by location, specialty, and insurance coverage.
2. Acknowledge the Role of Insecurity in Daily Life
With insecurity, it can feel that the problem is only there part of the time or that it does not affect your life in any significant ways. These views could be true, but it is invaluable to take an honest look at your life and ask yourself how insecurity influences your school, work, trust, communication, self-esteem, and mental health.
3. Fully Assess the Source of Insecurity
When people are insecure, it can feel like outside issues, situations, and people are causing the problems. Surely outside forces play a role in insecurity, but it is up to the individual to address the problem. As insecurity rises from past life experiences, mental health issues, or current relationships, be sure to plan interventions that target the source.
4. Practice Unconditional Self-Compassion
When insecurity is the issue, you’ll need tremendous amounts of compassion and self-love. Rather than seeking these out from others, you will create more change by giving them to yourself. Loving yourself creates more security within yourself.
5. Reparent Yourself
Many early lessons and examples your parents gave you could contribute to insecurity. Take a long look at your beliefs about yourself, other people, and the world around you to teach yourself new views. Through this process, you can establish security and self-worth.
6. Openly Communicate Your Insecurity Concerns
Insecurity makes people unsure and uncertain about relationships, so then they don’t feel comfortable enough to share their experiences and feelings with others, but this approach only breeds isolation and shame. A lack of communication can harm your relationship, so take the opposite approach by being open with trusted supporters about what you endure and what they can do to help. Be sure to keep your expectations realistic. Express your insecurity to your loved ones, mental health provider, and physical health provider.
7. Build a Strong Support Network
You will always need a strong group of people in your corner. Having healthy, happy friends and loved ones around you will help to further shift your perspectives from the views you’ve held. They can expose you to new places, people, and experiences that build your confidence as well.
8. Focus on the Positives
The way you talk to yourself and the way you see the world will have a major impact on your insecurities. People who speak to themselves more positively, challenge their negative self-talk, stay focused on the future, and find good things in the world around them tend to be more secure and comfortable. These may feel like foreign concepts initially, but they pay off in the long term.
9. Take Care of Your Physical Health
Exercising, getting good sleep, and eating healthier foods will help lower mental health symptoms and improve self-esteem. When people are physically healthier, they tend to be mentally healthier, so start with small changes and build consistency over time.
10. Accept Your Limitations & Celebrate Your Differences
Change is good, and moving in new directions can help people accomplish great things. The problems arise when people become fixated on changing the unchangeable. Accept what you cannot change and find peace with your insecurities. Find ways to embrace what makes you uncomfortable.
11. Aim for Progress, Not Perfection
Feeling perfectly secure at all times is not possible. There is no such state as perfection, so aim for progress. Look at where you’ve come from, where you are, and where you’re going. Appreciate your path and stay committed to change.
Final Thoughts on Insecurity
Insecurity is a universal experience, but not all people experience insecurity so intensely that it disrupts their life and ability to function. If insecurity is creating unwanted impacts in your mental, social, or physical health, it could be time to take action and address the issue with professional support and assistance.
Feelings of Insecurity Infographics
