Insecurity is a common feeling that nearly most people will experience at some point, and it can stem from numerous sources. Generally, it presents as a lack of confidence, anxiety, and uncertainty. By working to accurately identify and address insecurity, a person can minimize its unwanted impact, find renewed security, stability, and a sense of worth that propels them towards happiness and improved well-being.
What Is Insecurity?
The American Psychological Association reports that insecurity is multifaceted. It pertains to an overall sense of uncertainty or anxiety about your worth, abilities, skills, and value as a person, conveying the message that you’re at risk or in danger of something or someone. That negative impact of insecurity could be physical, mental, or emotional. Without security, you can’t accomplish full trust or function to your fullest potential.
Symptoms of insecurity:1
- An overriding feeling of inadequacy
- A lack of self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth
- Like they are unable or ill-equipped to cope with stressors
- Generally uncertain about the world
- Anxious about their relationships with others
Insecurities can have significant impacts on your life, relationships, and sense of self. If you’d like to speak with a therapist or couples counselor about how insecurities are impacting you, click here to get started. We’ll help you find a supportive, experienced therapist who is committed to your wellbeing. Getting started is free, easy, and confidential.
Types of Insecurity
Insecurity can originate from several sources and branch out into multiple areas of your life. Because it has different origins and effects, one person’s insecurity can look completely different from another’s. Not all forms fit neatly into categories either, but some of the most common types of insecurity include relationship insecurity, social insecurity, body image insecurity, job insecurity, and insecurity of basic needs.
Relationship Insecurity
With relationship insecurity, a person is unwilling to become vulnerable and willing to trust in others. An insecure person may be unable to trust what someone is saying or that they will follow through on behaviors and activities as promised.2 These issues not only influence the individual but also the people with whom they are attempting to have relationships.
Social Insecurity
Social insecurity typically involves a lack of confidence in one’s own ability to do well and succeed in social settings. Like other forms, social insecurity is mostly a creation of the person’s anxiety about what could happen in the future, rather than what has happened in the past. Often, social insecurity will overlap with the signs and symptoms of social anxiety.
Someone with social insecurity might worry about:
- Appearing awkward
- Saying something hurtful or inappropriate
- Not being smart enough to contribute to the conversation
- Not understanding jokes
Body Image Insecurity
Those with body image insecurity will struggle to accurately perceive their physical appearance. Instead of having a balanced view of their characteristics, they may spend excessive time and energy worrying about how they look. Specific anxieties may be widespread, or they could focus on only one part of the body like the nose, ears, knees, or teeth. Some people may feel insecure based on feeling judged by others, while others will judge themselves more harshly than anyone else ever could.
Job Insecurity
Job insecurity centers around a person feeling inadequate in the workplace. They may have overwhelming doubt, confusion, hesitation, and uncertainty about their job, constantly feeling like a fraud. Students in all levels of school may experience a similar type of insecurity that leads them to question their intelligence, ability to craft a well-written paper, and apply knowledge as needed. In either case, people with job and school insecurity face problems including failing grades, poor work performance, and leaving tasks unfinished.
Basic Need Insecurity – Food, Housing, Health
Without enough food, housing, or health, it is challenging to succeed in life. When a person doesn’t know where their next meal is coming from, where they’ll rest their head at night, and how much longer their physical and mental health will hold out, they can’t devote enough energy towards other aspects of life. This high level of stress results in physical hardships, as well as psychological hardships.
9 Signs of Insecurity
Some forms of insecurity are easy to spot, while others are more concealed. People who conceal their insecurities generally want to limit exposure to judgement, but avoidance only perpetuates the insecurity. The signs of insecurity tend to overlap with low confidence and poor self-esteem, and while some symptoms prove consistent, others change frequently and without warning.
Nine common signs of insecurity include:3,1
- Poor decision-making skills and limited ability to choose quickly
- Being overly critical of self and others
- Low self-esteem, marked by self-deprecation and perceptions of low self-worth
- An overly high sense of self that is used to conceal true feelings
- Perfectionism to the point of never being satisfied
- Strong desire to be alone and avoid social situations
- Struggles to believe others and build strong relationships based on mutual trust and understanding
- Poor communication patterns that focus on the other person’s needs and wants more than their own
- High levels of anxiety and stress
Causes of Insecurities: Why Do I Feel Insecure?
Life experiences can affect a person’s level of insecurity. There could also be a biological relationship with insecurity being an inheritable trait passed down over generations and expressed through temperament and personality. Though no one fully understands the origin of security, experts see connections to several causes.
Possible causes of insecurity include:2
- Lack of family emotional support: People with a loving, supportive family are less likely to deal with insecurity
- Lack of physiological need satisfaction: When people are insecure in their food, housing, and safety needs, they struggle to move on to satisfying psychological needs like security
- Lack emotional intelligence: Those with low emotional intelligence can’t accurately monitor the feelings of themselves and others, leading to unhealthy relationships and less trust
- Lack of openness: When people aren’t open, curious, and comfortable with new people and situations, they note more stress and fear, resulting in lower security
- Lack of agreeableness: Disagreeable people tend to have more interpersonal conflicts due to not being helpful, supportive, or empathetic. These qualities produce a sense of risk in social situations and less security
Two factors that are directly related to feelings of insecurity include dependency and neuroticism. As people become dependent on people or relationships, their insecurity grows as they perceive risk in the relationship ending. People with high neuroticism report many qualities that negatively impact security like anxiety, sadness, guilt, and instability.2
Insecurity can also arise from:4
- Poor academic performance
- Highly stressful life experiences
- Abusive or neglectful relationships
- Chronic medical problems like cancer or pain
- Mental health conditions
Mental health conditions like anxiety and depression have a bidirectional relationship with insecurity. Personality disorders like borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder also have a connection to insecurity.
What Does Insecurity Look Like?
Insecurity is an issue that affects people from all ages, genders, and backgrounds, although many people go to great lengths to disguise their symptoms. Depending on the individual and the situation, it may look like unwanted feelings like anger, shame, guilt, sadness, anxiety, and indecision. These feelings could be consistent or frequently changing based on the circumstances.
People with insecurity could display drastic shifts in relationships. They could be completely infatuated with someone they just met, only to have that person fall out of their favor days later. Alternatively, they could endure long periods of dissatisfaction in a relationship hoping that things will improve or fearing what will happen if the relationship ends.4
Insecurity can also cause a person to be late, unreliable, and reluctant to try new activities or be around new people for fear of judgment. Because of their low resiliency, they do not believe they could withstand even the slightest critique.4
How to Deal With Insecurity
Like other psychological conditions, insecurity can be combated by a combination of therapeutic and lifestyle techniques. All treatments take time and patience, so people should be willing to maintain interventions over the long-term to see lasting results.
Some good ways to deal with insecurity include:4,5,6
1. Acknowledge the Role of Insecurity in Daily Life
With insecurity, it can feel that the problem is only there part of the time or that it does not affect your life in any significant ways. These views could be true, but it is invaluable to take a honest look at your life and ask yourself how insecurity influences your school, work, trust, communication, self-esteem, and mental health.
2. Fully Assess the Source of Insecurity
When people are insecure, it can feel like outside issues, situations, and people are causing the problems. Surely outside forces play a role in insecurity, but it is up to the individual to address the problem. As insecurity rises from past life experiences, mental health issues, or current relationships, be sure to plan interventions that target the source.
3. Openly Communicate the Insecurity Concerns
Insecurity makes people unsure and uncertain about relationships, so then they don’t feel comfortable enough to share their experiences and feelings with others, but this approach only breeds isolation and shame. Take the opposite approach by being open with trusted supporters about what you endure and what they can do to help. Be sure to keep your expectations realistic. Express your insecurity to your loved ones, mental health provider, and physical health provider.
4. Focus on the Positives
The way you talk to yourself and the way you see the world will have a major impact on your insecurities. People who speak to themselves more positively, challenge their negative self-talk, stay focused on the future, and find good things in the world around them tend to be more secure and comfortable. These may feel like foreign concepts initially, but they pay off in the long term.
5. Take Care of Your Physical Health
Exercising, getting good sleep, and eating healthier foods will help lower mental health symptoms and improve self-esteem. When people are physically healthier, they tend to be mentally healthier, so start with small changes and build consistency over time.
6. Accept Your Limitations & Celebrate Your Differences
Change is good, and moving in new directions can help people accomplish great things. The problems arise when people become fixated on changing the unchangeable. Accept what you cannot change and find peace with your insecurities. Find ways to embrace what makes you uncomfortable.
7. Pursue Professional Care
You wouldn’t try to set your broken bone or remove your gallbladder, so don’t try to resolve your insecurities if they require professional care. Therapists can provide the most effective and efficient form of treatments to establish long periods of well-being and security.
How to Get Help For Insecurity
Finding a therapist may seem confusing, but the process is quite simple. You can check in with your insurance company, call your primary care doctor, or ask a friend for treatment recommendations. Or, consider using an online directory like Choosing Therapy to find the right match.
Final Thoughts on Insecurity
Insecurity is a universal experience, but not all people experience insecurity so intensely that it disrupts their life and ability to function. If insecurity is creating unwanted impacts in your mental, social, or physical health, it could be time to take action and address the issue with professional support and assistance.
Additional Resources
- Best Books on Confidence
- Therapist Directory: Sort therapists by specialty, cost, availability and more. Find the right therapist for you by watching intro videos and reading articles they’ve written. When you’ve found a good match, book an online therapy appointment with them directly.
Are you ready to connect with a therapist but feel a little overwhelmed by all your options? Speak with one of Choosing Therapy’s Client Navigators. Client Navigators are mental health professionals who will listen to what you’re looking for in a therapist and help pair you with the best possible fit. Getting started is free, easy, and confidential.
