How to Overcome a Lack of Support: 10 Tips from a Therapist

Why Support Systems Are Important

Support systems play a vital role in our lives, providing us with the necessary assistance, encouragement, and guidance during various challenges and endeavors. Whether it’s a network of family, friends, or professional resources, having a support system is crucial for personal growth, emotional well-being, and overall success. Support systems can alleviate stress and facilitate problem-solving while enhancing our well-being, resilience, and personal and professional pursuits.

Having a good support system can improve your mental health. One study evaluated the effects of social support on mental health in a LGBTQ–adolescent population. The study revealed how social support was associated with positive self-esteem while a lack of support was associated with higher levels of depression, anxiety, alcohol or drug misuse, risky sexual behaviors, shame, and low self-esteem.¹

Types of Social Support

As social creatures, it’s human nature to seek support from others during difficult times. Social support plays a vital role in promoting physical and mental well-being, as well as helping people cope with challenging situations. Social support is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Understanding the various types of social support can help you recognize and seek the kind of support that suits you best.

Types of social support include:

• Emotional support: Emotional support involves expressions of empathy, understanding, and care, aiming to provide comfort and reassurance to people in distress. This type of support can be verbal or non-verbal, including kind words, hugs, or simply being present and attentive to the person’s needs.
• Instrumental support: Instrumental support focuses on practical assistance and tangible resources a person may need. It involves offering direct aid, such as providing financial assistance, helping with household chores, running errands, or giving advice.
• Informational support: Informational support involves providing advice, suggestions, and guidance to someone seeking help. It is particularly beneficial when people are facing uncertainty, decision-making dilemmas, or require information in specific areas.
• Appraisal support: Appraisal support encompasses feedback and evaluation of a person’s situation or feelings. It involves listening attentively, analyzing the situation, and offering objective opinions or perspectives.
• Belonging support: Belonging support involves creating a sense of community and acceptance for people. It emphasizes fostering connections, inclusion, and a feeling of belonging to a larger group. Belonging support can be found in social clubs, support groups, or even online communities centered around common interests, hobbies, or experiences.
• Companionship support: Companionship support entails the provision of social interactions and the company of others. It involves spending time together, engaging in activities or conversation, and sharing experiences.

How to Overcome a Lack of Support

Support from others can make a world of difference when pursuing personal and professional goals. However, there may be times when we face a lack of support, leaving us feeling isolated and uncertain. In these situations, developing strategies to overcome this challenge and continue moving forward is crucial.

The following are ten proven ways to overcome a lack of support:

1. Figure Out What Type of Support You Need

We all encounter challenges that can sometimes feel overwhelming. Having the right support system can make a big difference in overcoming these obstacles. The first step in finding support is figuring out what you need. However, that can be complex. Whether you are dealing with mental health issues, pursuing personal or professional goals, or simply going through a tough time, identifying the right kind of support is crucial.

2. Clearly Communicate That You Need Support

Overall, effective communication in a relationship is key when expressing your need for support. By being direct, clear, and vulnerable, you can increase the likelihood of receiving the help and support you need from others. When communicating your need for support, be direct and clear about your request. Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs without placing blame or making assumptions.

Take some time to identify exactly what type of support you need. Whether it’s emotional support, practical assistance with tasks, or simply someone to listen to, understanding your needs will help you communicate them clearly. Explain the circumstances that led to your need for support to provide context for your request. This can help the other person better understand your perspective and respond appropriately.

Here are some examples of how to communicate that you need support:

• Instead of texting, “today’s been a crazy day hahaha,” try “I am having a bad day. Do you have time to talk?”
• I’m feeling overwhelmed. Can you offer me some support?
• I’m having trouble figuring this out. Could you help me?
• Could you give me a hand with this?
• I need some backup on this project. Are you available to pitch in?
• I’m struggling with getting this done on time. Do you have any advice or suggestions?

3. Expand Your Support Network

A diverse and robust support network provides you with access to different perspectives, resources, and expertise, enabling you to navigate life’s challenges more effectively. By connecting with a wide range of people, you can tap into a wealth of knowledge, advice, and emotional support. Building strong relationships with others fosters a sense of belonging and connection, contributing to your overall well-being and happiness.

Here are some ways to expand your support network:

• Bumble BFFs: The dating app, Bumble, first launched an online platform, Bumble BFF, in 2016 as a way to make new non-romantic relationships. With Bumble BFF, you create a profile and swipe on profiles of potential friends. One recent study found that friendships in older adults were associated with some instances of better physical health and health behaviors, as well as better mental health across the board.²
• Join clubs or organizations: Join clubs, groups, or organizations that align with your interests, whether it’s a sports team, book club, hobby group, or volunteering organization. This can help you meet like-minded people who share your passions.
• Attend events and meetups: Attend social events, workshops, seminars, or meetups in your community. These gatherings provide opportunities to interact with new people and expand your network.
• Take classes or workshops: Enroll in classes or workshops related to your hobbies, interests, or professional development. Not only will you learn something new, but you’ll also have the chance to connect with others who share similar interests.
• Utilize social media and online communities: Join online communities, forums, or social media groups related to your interests or goals. Participate in discussions, share experiences, and connect with people who can offer support and advice.
• Attend networking events: Attend networking events or industry conferences to meet professionals in your field or people with similar career aspirations. Networking can lead to valuable connections and opportunities for mentorship or collaboration.
• Reach out to existing contacts: Reconnect with old friends, colleagues, or acquaintances and nurture those relationships. You can also ask your current social circle if they can introduce you to new people who may share your interests or offer support.
• Volunteer: Volunteer for causes or organizations that are meaningful to you. Not only will you contribute to a good cause, but you’ll also meet other volunteers and potentially forge new friendships or support networks.
• Attend social gatherings: Accept invitations to social gatherings, parties, or outings from friends, family, or colleagues. These casual settings provide opportunities to meet new people in a relaxed environment.
• Join online communities: Explore online platforms designed for connecting with others, such as Meetup.com or local community Facebook groups. These platforms facilitate finding people with similar interests in your area.
• Be open and approachable: Be open to new experiences and approachable to others. Smile, initiate conversations, and show genuine interest in getting to know people. Building relationships takes effort and requires being proactive in reaching out and engaging with others.

4. Listen to Why They Are Not Supporting You

Listening to people who aren’t supporting you can offer valuable insights and perspectives that you might not have considered otherwise. While their lack of support may initially feel discouraging, approach their feedback with an open mind and willingness to learn. By actively listening to their viewpoints and understanding their reasons for not supporting you, you can gain valuable feedback that may highlight areas for improvement.

5. Double Down on Self-Care

Self-care helps build resilience and maintain well-being, especially in the absence of external support. By prioritizing self-care practices such as mindfulness, exercise, adequate rest, and healthy nutrition, you can cultivate physical, emotional, and mental strength to navigate challenges independently. These practices equip you with coping mechanisms to manage stress, regulate emotions, and foster a positive mindset, even when external support systems are limited or unavailable.

Try our Self-Care Inventory Worksheet to explore potential self-care activities that can help.

Self-Care Inventory Worksheet

Take an inventory of self-care activities you do well, explore new self-care activities and find potential opportunities to feel better.

Download Free Worksheet

6. Speak to a Therapist

Finding a therapist can offer numerous benefits in navigating and coping with the challenges of a lack of support. Therapists provide a safe and nonjudgmental space for people to explore their feelings, thoughts, and experiences, offering validation and understanding without the need for external validation. Through therapy, you can gain insight into your patterns of thinking and behavior, develop coping strategies, and build resilience in the face of adversity.

Therapists can offer guidance, support, and practical tools for enhancing self-care practices and improving interpersonal relationships. By working with a therapist, you can develop a deeper understanding of yourself, cultivate greater self-compassion, and learn to navigate life’s challenges with increased confidence and resilience, even in the absence of external support networks.

7. Seek Out Mentors or Role Models

Mentors can give valuable guidance and advice based on their own experiences. They can offer practical strategies that may not be readily available from others. Mentors can serve as trusted confidants and sources of emotional support during difficult times. They can provide empathy, encouragement, and reassurance. Mentors often have extensive networks and connections and can provide introductions to potential sources of support and collaboration.

8. Develop Coping Strategies to Manage Stress

Research shows social support can help with stress.⁴ Take time to identify specific stressors related to work, relationships, health, or other areas. Understanding what triggers your stress is the first step in managing it effectively. Explore different coping techniques that can help manage stress. These might include physical activity, journaling, creative outlets, or relaxation techniques such as yoga or meditation.

9. Engage in Activities That Bring Joy and Fulfillment

Participating in activities that bring you joy can boost your mood and overall emotional well-being. These activities stimulate the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals, which can help counteract feelings of loneliness or isolation that may arise from a lack of support. Participating in group activities or joining clubs or classes can help you build new connections and support networks with people that share similar interests or passions, filling the void left by lacking external support.

10. Try Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be a powerful tool for coping with a lack of support. Incorporating mindfulness practices into daily life can provide you with the tools and skills you need to navigate difficulties more effectively and cultivate a sense of well-being and inner peace, even in challenging circumstances.

Mindfulness can be particularly helpful in coping with a lack of support in several ways:

• Emotional regulation: Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, can help you regulate your emotions more effectively. By cultivating present-moment awareness, you can observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment, allowing you to respond to challenging situations with greater calmness and clarity.
• Reduced stress: Mindfulness has been shown to reduce stress levels by promoting relaxation and reducing the physiological responses associated with stress.³ When facing a lack of support, mindfulness techniques can help you manage stressors more effectively, reducing feelings of overwhelm and anxiety.
• Increased self-compassion: Mindfulness encourages self-compassion, which involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially in times of difficulty. By practicing self-compassion, you can validate your own experiences and offer yourself the support and encouragement they may be lacking from external sources.
• Better problem-solving skills: Mindfulness enhances cognitive flexibility and problem-solving skills by fostering a non-reactive, non-judgmental mindset. When faced with challenges or obstacles, people who practice mindfulness may be better equipped to approach situations with a sense of curiosity and openness, leading to more creative and effective solutions.
• More resilience: Mindfulness can strengthen resilience by cultivating a sense of inner strength and resourcefulness. By developing a regular mindfulness practice, you can build resilience to adversity, allowing yourself to navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and resilience, even in the absence of external support.

Impact of a Lack of Support

Support is essential to a balanced and fulfilling life. Whether it be emotional, social, or professional, a lack of support can have widespread and detrimental effects on various aspects of our lives. The absence of emotional, social, and professional support can have far-reaching consequences on mental and physical health, relationships, and professional growth.

Not only that, but a lack of support can also take its toll on emotions, including feelings of loneliness, isolation, and low self-esteem. Without a supportive network, people may struggle to cope with stress, leading to increased anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders. A lack of support can leave people feeling vulnerable and exposed, causing a fear of seeking help.

A lack of support can contribute to social isolation, making forming and maintaining meaningful connections challenging. This isolation can result in feelings of loneliness, further impacting mental well-being. On a professional level, a lack of support can lead to decreased productivity and motivation, causing job dissatisfaction and negatively impacting mental health.

What Causes a Lack of Support?

A lack of support can result from various intertwined psychological, social, and contextual factors. It is vital to comprehend the underlying causes to tackle this problem effectively. Psychological factors include withholding support because of feelings of insecurity and apprehension of being outshone by others. Emotions like jealousy and envy, especially in competitive fields, also hinder people from offering their support.

Social factors include a lack of trust. Past betrayals, broken relationships, or a lack of shared history can erode trust, leading to a lack of support. Contextual factors can include limited resources such as time, money, or knowledge. When people are overwhelmed with their workloads or too stressed to handle more responsibility, they may struggle to support others.

Reasons you may lack support include:

• You don’t have many friends or family: Friends and family typically provide emotional support, empathy, and a listening ear when we face difficulties or challenges. If you have a limited social circle, you may have fewer people to turn to during tough times, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
• You feel like a burden: When you are feeling like a burden, you may hesitate to seek support because you fear being judged or rejected by others. You may worry that others will see you as weak, needy, or a constant source of problems.
• You feel guilt or shame: You may experience feelings of guilt or shame for needing help or support. You might believe that you should be able to handle your struggles or challenges on your own, leading you to resist reaching out for help.
• You don’t know how to ask for help: If you constantly struggle with how to ask for help, it may make others less inclined to offer support. People may assume you do not need assistance or prefer to handle things on your own, which can result in a lack of support.
• You live in an individualistic society: Individualism prioritizes personal freedom, autonomy, and self-reliance over collective well-being or communal support. In an individualistic society, we are encouraged to be independent, achieve success, and take care of ourselves, often at the expense of relying on others or seeking help when needed.
• You have a stigma around seeking help: Because society emphasizes personal self-reliance and independence, seeking support might be seen as a sign of weakness or failure. This stigma can discourage you from reaching out or admitting vulnerability, leading to a lack of support when you need it most.
• You have a fear of vulnerability and rejection: Reaching out for support requires a certain level of vulnerability, as you must admit your struggles and ask others for help. Fear of being judged, rejected, or burdening others with our problems can discourage you from seeking support.
• You feel socially disconnected: In an increasingly digital world, you can find yourself more physically isolated and socially disconnected from others. The popularity of social media has created an environment where people have hundreds of online connections but feel a lack of authentic, meaningful relationships.

What to Avoid When Building a Support System

When building a support system, be mindful of potential pitfalls that could hinder its effectiveness. Building a support system is an ongoing process, so it’s important to avoid neglecting it once you’ve established it, and prioritize maintaining and nurturing relationships over time, not just when there is a crisis.

Here are some things to avoid when building a support system:

• Becoming too dependent on a single person for support: Relying too heavily on a single person or a source for support can create vulnerability if that source becomes unavailable or unable to meet your needs. It’s important to diversify your support network and cultivate multiple sources of support to ensure resilience and stability.
• Neglecting personal boundaries: It’s vital to respect healthy boundaries in a relationship while seeking support. Overstepping personal boundaries when seeking support can strain relationships and lead to discomfort or resentment. While respecting other people’s boundaries, communicate your own boundaries clearly to maintain healthy and respectful interactions.
• Grabbing on to the first source of support you find: Not all forms of support will be suitable for your specific needs or preferences. Taking the time to explore different options allows you to find support that aligns with your values, communication style, and personality.
• Unrealistic expectations: Having unrealistic expectations of what support others can provide may lead to disappointment. Clearly communicate your needs and be realistic about what others are capable of offering.
• Forgetting to reciprocate: Building a support system is a two-way street and neglecting to offer support or reciprocate kindness to others can weaken relationships and diminish the effectiveness of your support network. Be willing to give as well as receive support and to nurture mutually beneficial relationships.
• Communicating poorly: Poor communication can lead to misunderstandings, missed opportunities for support, and strained relationships within your support network. Communicate openly and honestly with others, expressing your needs, boundaries, and appreciation for their support.
• Focusing only on the crisis at hand: While support systems are crucial for navigating crises and challenges, focusing solely on crisis management can overlook the importance of ongoing maintenance and cultivation of relationships. Invest time and effort in nurturing relationships and building trust outside of times of crisis.
• Failing to seek professional help when needed: While support from friends, family, and community can be invaluable, there are times when professional help from a therapist, counselor, or other mental health professional may be necessary. Recognize when you need professional help and don’t hesitate to seek it.

How to Find Professional Support

A psychotherapist can provide guidance on how to seek support in your unique situation. Many therapists offer initial consultations or phone calls to discuss your needs and determine if they are a good fit for you while giving you a sense of their personality and approach. An online therapist directory or online therapy platform can be helpful in locating a therapist for in-person or online visits.