Parental anxiety refers to excessive anxiety and worry experienced by caregivers about the wellbeing of their children. To some extent, anxiety is a normal and helpful emotion, as it motivates a caregiver to make safe, effective choices. However, when on overdrive, anxiety can have a negative effect on the mental health of both caregivers and their children.
What Is Parental Anxiety?
Parental anxiety is an anxiety relating specifically to parents or caregivers. It can affect anyone of any age who cares for children, including grandparents and foster parents. Parental anxiety may be experienced at any point in a child’s development, from infancy to adulthood. As any caregiver knows, there is no shortage of things to worry about when it comes to children—whether or not your toddler will reach developmental milestones; if your elementary schooler will be bullied; or if your adolescent will make unsafe choices.
Prolonged worrying may lead to overprotective parenting and shielding behaviors in an attempt to guard one’s children (and, as a result, caregivers) from experiencing pain or negative consequences. However, this can prevent children from developing the tools and confidence they need to tackle life’s problems on their own. By identifying and managing parental anxiety, caregivers can start to parent in ways that better support a child’s growth and independence, while also working to reduce their own stress.
Parental Anxiety Signs & Symptoms
Signs that someone is struggling with parental anxiety may include insomnia or difficulty sleeping, irritability, excessive worrying and other symptoms of anxiety related to the role of being a caregiver.
Parental anxiety symptoms may also include:
- Avoidance behaviors: Avoidance behaviors are used by a person to escape or distract themselves from situations, thoughts, or emotions that are hard to tolerate. In terms of parental anxiety, these may include prohibiting children from participating in reasonably safe activities for fear that they will be injured, bullied or experience other negative consequences. Avoidance behaviors may also include the use/overuse of drugs/alcohol by caregivers to manage parental anxiety.
- Expecting the worst: While there are many valid fears as a parent, those experiencing parental anxiety may view the worst possible outcome as the most likely one. Rather than being able to think dialectically, see all reasonable possibilities, or problem solve for difficulties that could arise, parents may be unable to stop expecting the worst.
- Vocalizing anxieties to children: Whether caregivers are discussing their anxieties with a partner when their child is within earshot or directly sharing their fears with children, vocalizing parental anxiety is a sign that caregivers are overwhelmed and may be unable to think about how such statements will affect children.
- Parental burnout: Emotional and physical exhaustion in the form of parental burnout may occur after extended periods of parental anxiety. For women who have full-time careers or are without a co-parent, mom burnout is particularly common.
- Overreacting: Parental anxiety can lead to a feeling of being “on edge,” which may make it more difficult to be patient, especially with a child. Caregivers may find themselves snapping about small things that they would normally be able to address in a calm way.
- Being distracted: If one’s mind is racing with thoughts of what could happen to a child, it may be hard to fully enjoy time with a child in the present moment. Parental anxiety can make parents more distracted, concerned with the future or past, and less able to do what is needed in the moment.
Parental Anxiety Causes & Triggers
Triggers of parental anxiety include worries about a child’s social, emotional, and mental wellbeing, ranging from a child’s ability to make friends to their grades at school.
A caregiver may be at a higher risk of experiencing anxiety if they have:5
- A personal history of mental illness
- A family history of anxiety disorders
- Chronic medical conditions
- Have a history of trauma
- Drug or alcohol use/misuse
A caregiver may also be more likely to experience parental anxiety specifically if they:
- Engage in excessive consumption of media or social media about potential threats (i.e. school shootings, violence and kidnappings)
- Compare their children excessively to others of the same age
- Feel insecure about their abilities as a caregiver
Impacts of Parental Anxiety on Children
Research shows that parental anxiety increases the risk for anxiety in children.1 Absent any genetic factors (which can play a 30-40% role in a child developing anxiety), a child of someone with parental anxiety is at a significantly increased risk for developing anxiety themselves due to environmental factors from their parents.
Children of a caregiver with parental anxiety may experience:2
- Reluctance to try new things
- Catastrophizing
- A belief that the world is not safe
- Fear of expressing their own anxiety or negative emotions to parents, who already seem overwhelmed
- Low self-esteem and/or low self-efficacy
- Heightened risk of developing generalized anxiety disorder
- Heightened risk of developing separation anxiety disorder
- Heightened risk of developing specific phobias
- Heightened risk of developing depressive disorders
9 Tips for Managing Parental Anxiety
For caregivers living with parental anxiety, relief is possible. Healthy coping skills and taking precautions for anxiety-provoking situations can help. At the same time, no matter how prepared a caregiver may be, parenting will inevitably include unexpected events. Therefore, practicing being flexible and embracing change can be beneficial, as well.
Here are nine tips for managing parental anxiety:
1. Practice Healthy Stress Management Skills
Caregivers can reduce their vulnerability to experiencing parental anxiety by exercising; getting enough sleep; eating regularly and well throughout the day; avoiding mood-altering substances; and treating any physical illnesses. Modeling these healthy practices can be beneficial for children, who will learn effective ways of practicing self-care.
2. Take Steps to Avoid Catastrophes
Preparing for situations that provoke anxiety can help caregivers focus on the elements that are within their control, and channel their anxiety into promoting children’s safety. For example, caregivers can sign a child up for swimming lessons to lower the risk of drowning; check the batteries in the smoke detectors in the home regularly; research car seat safety ratings to promote child safety; and educate a child about safety regulations for playgrounds/amusement parks to reduce risk of injury.
3. Develop a Mindfulness Routine
Developing a practice that includes mindfulness, meditation, or breathing exercises will provide caregivers with an opportunity to practice being present and calm on a daily basis. This helps a person be better able to access a calm state, even when life’s stressors occur. Adding a gratitude practice, such as keeping a gratitude journal, can help caregivers balance the worries with the moments of joy that children bring.
4. Embrace Change
Change and unpredictability are part of life and parenting. Still, when there are many different elements for caregivers to juggle, even the smallest changes can sometimes trigger a lot of anxiety. Caregivers can learn to embrace and accept change by practicing it in daily life. For instance, try purposefully taking a different route when walking the kids to school; sitting in a different seat at the table; or ordering takeout from a new restaurant.
5. Lean on Other Parents for Support
As a parent, talking to others who understand the stressors of caring for children can be a huge help. Building a sense of community–whether this includes meeting up regularly with a friend who is also a caregiver or joining a parent support group–can help alleviate some anxieties. Reading parenting books that are written specifically for caregivers may also help a parent feel less alone.
7. Schedule “Me Time”
Life with children includes an overwhelming number of tasks—driving, cooking, cleaning, reading stories, and doing laundry. Managing anxiety becomes easier when caregivers purposefully schedule pleasant activities for themselves each week. “Me time” can be as simple as reading a chapter in a book, getting out into nature, or taking an art class.
8. Focus on One thing at a Time
When life and parenting feel overwhelming, focusing on just one task at a time can help you stay calm. Rather than looking at an entire to-do list, just focus on one thing–like cleaning the living room–and set a timer for 10 minutes. Do what you can.
9. Set Winnable Goals
Caregivers can set winnable goals for themselves to create a sense of accomplishment in daily life, which helps combat anxiety and other negative emotions. Start with something small–like a goal to make the bed every day–so that you are setting yourself up for success. Gradually, you can increase the difficulty of your goal (i.e., work out for 20 minutes every day) and add to your feelings of mastery.
When to Seek Professional Help
If you are frequently overwhelmed, have noticed parental anxiety starting to affect your relationships or work, or if you recognize these signs, then it may be time to consider therapy. Finding help is important for many reasons–one of which is that you will be a more effective caregiver when you are also taking care of yourself. There are proven treatment options for anxiety, so don’t wait to get help. If you’re wondering how to find a therapist, try searching an online directory or asking your primary care provider for a referral.
Treatment options for parental anxiety can include:
- Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT): CBT for anxiety is an evidenced-based treatment that can help caregivers identify and change ineffective patterns of thinking and behavior that contribute to anxiety and overwhelm.
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): DBT teaches mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation skills that can empower caregivers to manage anxiety and interact with children in more effective ways.
- Family therapy: By facilitating improved communication between caregivers and children, family therapy can help reduce parental and child anxiety, and help families learn to tackle issues together as a team.
- Medications: Under medical supervision from a psychiatrist or primary care physician, taking anxiety medications may help alleviate symptoms. These may include SSRIs, Beta-Blockers, and Benzodiazepines.
Final Thoughts
Caregivers have the challenging and stressful role of keeping children safe, while also helping them thrive. This can understandably lead to excessive worry and parental anxiety. If symptoms of parental anxiety are negatively impacting a caregiver and their child’s life, relief is possible with healthy coping skills, taking precautions, and seeking professional help. No two families are the same, and no two caregivers are the same–finding solutions that are best suited to your own needs is important.
Parental Anxiety Infographics
