Parental Burnout: Symptoms, Signs, & How to Cope

What Is Parental Burnout?

Parental burnout refers to chronic exhaustion that affects caregivers and guardians. Individuals may feel zoned out, provide little support, or show minimal emotional expression when interacting with others. Their metaphorical gas tanks are empty, and caring for their needs falls to the wayside as they dedicate the little leftover energy to their children and family.

Parental burnout can also contribute to resentment, as caregivers may feel secondary to their partners or children. Constantly being the family taxi service or emergency supplier of school materials with little appreciation or support can be exhausting. These feelings can contribute to a mental and physical absence similar to mom guilt, mom burnout and stay-at-home mom depression.

Parental Burnout Symptoms

Sometimes, parental burnout can manifest as frustration and disappointment. Caregivers may exhibit atypical irritability or withdrawal from loved ones. Others may feel guilty about their perceived inability to care for their families and children, often contributing to shame, depression, and self-harm behavior. Recognizing these early signs of parental burnout can help individuals seek support before symptoms become unmanageable and overwhelming.

Common signs and symptoms of parental burnout include:^1,2,3,4

• Overwhelming physical and mental exhaustion
• Decreased interest in activities
• Revenge bedtime procrastination
• Irritability
• Difficulty remembering things
• Feeling frustrated
• Chronic mental fatigue or physical exhaustion
• Sleep issues
• Isolation or avoidance of others
• Feelings of resentment
• Feeling shame and guilt
• Loss of productivity
• Emotional detachment or disconnect from your child
• Urges of self-harm or harm to others

Parenting Burnout Stages

Untreated parental burnout may progress in severity. What starts as minor frustration or sleep problems can quickly spiral into a cycle of exhaustion, depression, and an inability to function. Because of parental demands, many caregivers may feel that supporting themselves is secondary to caring for their children. However, parents should ensure they honor their needs, which can allow them to function at their best for their families.

Below are the stages of parental burnout:

• Mild burnout: Mild burnout may occur due to short-term stressors (i.e., caring for a sick child). Parents may feel irritable or more sensitive to small changes outside the norm.
• Moderate burnout:Other stressors can build up and contribute to parental burnout, such as financial issues, lack of support, or extra-occupational responsibilities. As burnout progresses, parents may experience forgetfulness, fatigue, headaches, nausea, stomachaches, and feelings of emotional overwhelm.
• Severe burnout: Severe parental fatigue often worsens physical and emotional symptoms. Parents may struggle to complete daily tasks and require professional support to return to their personal baseline.

What Causes Parental Burnout?

Parenting is exhausting, and the innumerable stressors associated with caregiving can be overwhelming. These factors, combined with poor boundaries, lack of communication, and general people-pleasing tendencies, can deplete energy and cognitive resources. Parents can easily spread themselves too thin, creating the perfect storm of potential for parental burnout.

Causes of parental burnout include:

• Employment: A high-stress job can contribute to parental burnout by taking up cognitive and emotional space.
• The number of children: More children generally equates to more responsibilities. Having more than one child may stretch your mental and physical resources.
• Child developmental stage: Depending on developmental stages, a child may need different levels of parental involvement. For example, a newborn experiencing trouble sleeping through the night may contribute to parental burnout.
• Access to support: Social support can offer a buffer against symptoms of parental burnout. A lack of support can leave parents feeling overwhelmed and burnt out.
• Child needs: Children may have different daily needs based on genetics, development, or cultural expectations. For example, children with learning disabilities or diagnosed mental health conditions may require more attention and resources than other children.
• Level of perfectionism and expectations: Perfectionism may cause parents to question how much is enough for their children. These ruminations can contribute to exacerbated symptoms of parental burnout.
• Poor boundaries: Setting healthy boundaries with children helps them learn appropriate levels of self-reliance and self-confidence. However, constantly performing tasks they can realistically complete without parental supervision can contribute to parenting burnout.

Risk Factors for Parenting Burnout

Parental burnout doesn’t target one demographic. Instead, symptoms generally affect parents and caregivers who lack the necessary resources to care for their children or handle child-related stress. Some specific risk factors include employment status, age of children, age of parents, and number of children. Even cultural background can be a factor to consider because, in some cultures, family support is much more normalized.

Risk factors associated with parental burnout include:

• Employment status
• Financial status
• Cultural background
• Age of parents
• Age of children
• Number of children

How Parental Burnout Impacts Kids

Parental burnout affects the entire family system. Parental exhaustion increases the risk of child maltreatment, such as neglect and verbal or physical abuse.⁵ Symptoms may require professional intervention to improve once burnout reaches this severity.

Other research supports that parents may emotionally distance themselves from children during experiences of parental burnout.⁶ They may become less responsive to emotional needs, allocating their energy toward basic needs, like feeding.

How to Recover From Parental Burnout

Parental burnout can bring on intense feelings of guilt and shame. However, parents can find ways to support themselves and reduce these negative feelings. Remember, recovery from burnout is possible. You are not alone in your struggles–help is available as you navigate stress and overwhelm.

Here are 10 ways to cope with parent burnout:

1. Consult a Therapist

Consulting a licensed mental health professional can help you address parental fatigue and develop positive coping skills. Therapy can assist you in setting goals to reduce stress at home or work and set time aside for self-care. Everyone needs a support system, and a therapist can offer a safe space to brainstorm, identify, and implement solutions.

2. Go to a Support Group

In-person or online support groups can provide a sense of community when coping with parenting burnout. Knowing that other parents experience similar challenges can help you feel less alone as you juggle the many responsibilities associated with your role. 

3. Call a Friend

Asking for help takes a lot of courage. Many people struggle with vulnerability, especially when coping with something as intimate as parental burnout. Allowing others into your family and home life can be scary, but having their support can provide insight into possible solutions or positive changes.

4. Improve Your Self-Care

Like anything else, self-care is unique. What feels re-energizing and beneficial to someone else may seem uncomfortable to you. Ask yourself, “What helps me feel rested and balanced?” Start doing those things daily to increase the mental energy required for parenting. 

Start small if you don’t have time for a self-care routine. Take two minutes every morning before checking your phone or grabbing the kids to breathe deeply and think about your needs. What makes you happy? What do you need to feel successful? What needs to change? Thank yourself for how far you have come, and remember your accomplishments.

5. Identify How You Could Get Help

Minimizing your to-do list may be helpful when navigating parental burnout. Hiring a babysitting service, finding a household manager, or even asking for support from friends or family can be an easy way to lessen some of the stress from responsibilities.

6. Let Go of Your Unrealistic Expectations

Perfectionism fuels the fire of parental burnout. Wondering if you are doing enough may spiral you into unhelpful ruminations about your worth as a parent. Social media can enforce unrealistic expectations of what the parenting experience should be. One way to manage your expectations about parenting is to follow social media pages that show the messier and more realistic sides of parenting. Bonus points if you find an account that uses humor to help you laugh about the serious stuff!

7. Work to Establish Structure & Routines

Parents tend to thrive with structure and routines because they can establish healthy expectations and boundaries for each day. For example, have your child start their homework while you start cooking dinner. Those few minutes in the kitchen offer some quiet time to process your day.

8. Take Micro-Breaks

Many parents don’t have opportunities to take breaks. However, taking a few minutes throughout the day to relax your body and mind is crucial. For example, do a breathing exercise in the shower. Or bring your favorite coffee to sip on while you watch your children play at the park. These little pleasantries can boost your mood and combat undue stress.

9. Find Meaning in Your Parenting Journey

The journey of parenthood will have ups and downs. Still, one thing is sure–each moment will pass. Find time to reflect on the meaning of this parenting season. Your child may have trouble sleeping, but this challenge offers more time to comfort and snuggle them. Maybe your teen makes snarky comments but is becoming more independent around taking care of personal and school tasks.

10. Practice Self-Compassion & Self-Love

Taking care of yourself without negative self-talk is the greatest act of self-love. We are our worst critics, and many parents automatically assume they’re at fault when things go wrong. More often than not, the challenges you face are outside your control. When you notice yourself speaking negatively, take a deep breath and focus on forgiveness. Doing so can help you engage in mindful parenting.

When to Get Professional Help for Parenting Burnout

Major red flags that need immediate attention are any signs of suicidal or homicidal thoughts. Medical professionals are trained to help you navigate these dark places and can offer you various options based on your specific symptoms.

You can learn coping skills to help with day-to-day challenges in therapy. A therapist can help you notice negative patterns and explore ways to improve your environment. For instance, couples counseling can assist in navigating issues surrounding communication, role responsibilities, and parenting styles.

Below are signs to seek professional support for parental burnout:

• Overwhelming exhaustion
• Emotional detachment from children
• Loss of productivity and pleasure in the parental role
• Change in behavior

How to Find a Therapist

An online therapist directory can help you choose a psychologist, counselor, or therapist. You can often schedule free initial consultations with therapists to determine whether they suit your needs. Ask questions to understand the therapeutic process and style of your provider. Depending on the severity of your symptoms, therapy may last longer than you anticipate.