Skip to content
  • Mental Health Issues
    • Anxiety
    • ADHD
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Depression
    • Grief
    • Narcissism
    • OCD
    • Personality Disorders
    • PTSD
  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Marriage
    • Sex & Intimacy
    • Infidelity
    • Relationships 101
    • Best Online Couples Counseling Services
  • Wellness
    • Anger
    • Burnout
    • Stress
    • Sleep
    • Meditation
    • Mindfulness
    • Yoga
  • Therapy
    • Starting Therapy
    • Types of Therapy
    • Best Online Therapy Providers
    • Online Therapy Reviews & Guides
  • Medication
    • Anxiety Medication
    • Depression Medication
    • ADHD Medication
    • Best Online Psychiatrist Options
  • Reviews
    • Best Online Therapy
    • Best Online Therapy with Insurance
    • Best Online Therapy for Teens
    • Best Online Therapy for Anxiety
    • Best Online Therapy for Depression
    • Best Online ADHD Treatments
    • Best Online Psychiatry
    • Best Mental Health Apps
    • All Reviews
  • Therapy Worksheets
    • Anxiety Worksheets
    • Depression Worksheets
    • Relationship Worksheets
    • CBT Worksheets
    • Therapy Worksheets for Kids
    • Therapy Worksheets for Teens
    • All Therapy Worksheets
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Editorial Policy
    • Advertising Policy
    • Find a Local Therapist
    • Join Our Free Directory

Join our Newsletter

Get helpful tips and the latest information

Choosing Therapy on Facebook
Choosing Therapy on Instagram
Choosing Therapy on Twitter
Choosing Therapy on Linkedin
Choosing Therapy on Pinterest
Choosing Therapy on Tiktok
Choosing Therapy on Youtube
ChoosingTherapy.com Logo

Newsletter

Search Icon
  • Mental Health Issues
    • Anxiety
    • ADHD
    • Bipolar Disorder
    • Depression
    • Grief
    • Narcissism
    • OCD
    • Personality Disorders
    • PTSD
  • Relationships
    • Dating
    • Marriage
    • Sex & Intimacy
    • Infidelity
    • Relationships 101
    • Best Online Couples Counseling Services
  • Wellness
    • Anger
    • Burnout
    • Stress
    • Sleep
    • Meditation
    • Mindfulness
    • Yoga
  • Therapy
    • Starting Therapy
    • Types of Therapy
    • Best Online Therapy Providers
    • Online Therapy Reviews & Guides
  • Medication
    • Anxiety Medication
    • Depression Medication
    • ADHD Medication
    • Best Online Psychiatrist Options
  • Reviews
    • Best Online Therapy
    • Best Online Therapy with Insurance
    • Best Online Therapy for Teens
    • Best Online Therapy for Anxiety
    • Best Online Therapy for Depression
    • Best Online ADHD Treatments
    • Best Online Psychiatry
    • Best Mental Health Apps
    • All Reviews
  • Therapy Worksheets
    • Anxiety Worksheets
    • Depression Worksheets
    • Relationship Worksheets
    • CBT Worksheets
    • Therapy Worksheets for Kids
    • Therapy Worksheets for Teens
    • All Therapy Worksheets
  • About Us
    • About Us
    • Editorial Policy
    • Advertising Policy
    • Find a Local Therapist
    • Join Our Free Directory
  • What Is Sexual Repression?What Is Sexual Repression?
  • What Causes It?What Causes It?
  • Common SignsCommon Signs
  • ConsequencesConsequences
  • How to CopeHow to Cope
  • How to Find HelpHow to Find Help
  • In My ExperienceIn My Experience
  • InfographicsInfographics
  • Additional ResourcesAdditional Resources
Sex and Intimacy Articles Sexual Intimacy Sex Therapy Types of Intimacy Online Couples Counseling

Sexual Repression: Definition, Causes and How to Cope

Headshot of Beverly Engel, LMFT

Author: Beverly Engel, LMFT

Headshot of Beverly Engel, LMFT

Beverly Engel LMFT

With 35 years of psychotherapy experience, Beverly specializes in abuse recovery and relationship issues, using trauma recovery and psychodynamic techniques.

See My Bio Editorial Policy
Headshot of Kristen Fuller, MD

Medical Reviewer: Kristen Fuller, MD Licensed medical reviewer

Headshot of Kristen Fuller, MD

Kristen Fuller MD

Kristen Fuller, MD is a physician with experience in adult, adolescent, and OB/GYN medicine. She has a focus on mood disorders, eating disorders, substance use disorder, and reducing the stigma associated with mental health.

See My Bio Editorial Policy
Published: June 7, 2023
  • What Is Sexual Repression?What Is Sexual Repression?
  • What Causes It?What Causes It?
  • Common SignsCommon Signs
  • ConsequencesConsequences
  • How to CopeHow to Cope
  • How to Find HelpHow to Find Help
  • In My ExperienceIn My Experience
  • InfographicsInfographics
  • Additional ResourcesAdditional Resources

Sexual repression occurs when people prevent themselves from expressing and exploring their sexual desires or sexual identity. For many people, having sexual thoughts and feelings brings up pleasurable memories about past experiences or excitement and anticipation of future encounters. But if you’re dealing with sexual repression, your sexual thoughts and feelings can bring up feelings of guilt, shame, anxiety and fear.

ADVERTISEMENT

Sex & Intimacy Counseling for Couples

Receive online counseling in a safe, unbiased space from a licensed therapist. BetterHelp starts at $65 per week and is FSA/HSA eligible by most providers. Complete a brief questionnaire and get matched with the right therapist for your relationship!

Visit BetterHelp

What Is Sexual Repression?

Put simply, sexual repression is the experience of being unable to express one’s natural sexuality in a fulfilling way. When someone is sexually repressed, their sexual urges, drives, and instincts are inhibited. Often linked with feelings of guilt and sexual shame associated with sexual impulses, it can include fear of having sex and sexual anxiety after having sex. Those who are sexually repressed often have negative feelings about sex or believe that having sex is wrong. Many also have difficulty discussing their sexuality with other people, even their partners, including an inability to express their sexual likes and dislikes.

Sexual repression is not the same as being asexual. Asexuality is defined as having a lack of sexual attraction to others or experiencing low or no interest in or desire for sexual activity. You can have a sexual drive and be sexually attracted (and even aroused) by others and still be sexually repressed. A sexually repressed person typically has sexual feelings but experiences a conflict regarding expressing their sexual feelings.

Sexual Repression Vs. Sexual Frustration

Sexual repression and sexual frustration are different experiences. While sexual repression is about being unable to express or act on your sexuality, sexual frustration refers to an imbalance between a person’s desires and reality. It can occur in anyone whose sexual arousal is not met with sufficient activity and usually leads to tension. In other words, it describes a situation in which you are having less sex than you’d like to have or in which you are not having the kind of sex you’d like to have, whether it is with your partner or when you are single.

You can be both sexually repressed and sexually frustrated. For example, if you are sexually repressed, you may not be able to connect sexually with a partner or even be able to masturbate. Because of this, you can become sexually frustrated as you build up sexual tension in your body.

It is common to feel sexually frustrated due to several situations, including:

  • Not having a sexual partner
  • Difficulty finding a sexual partner
  • Not having the amount of sex you would like to have with your partner
  • Not being able to communicate your sexual needs with your partner

In addition, if your religious or other beliefs prevent you from engaging in sex or masturbating, you can experience sexual frustration.

What Causes Sexual Repression?

Even though we have experienced a sexual revolution, and it would seem that we have become liberated from restrictive sexual beliefs, in many cultures and religions sex is still a taboo, causing many people to feel shame about sex. Sexual shame has been connected to both sexual repression and mental illness.

Sigmund Freud was one of the first psychiatrists to explore the issue of sexual repression and how it can affect a person’s mental health. His primary thesis was that repressing sexual urges could have unwanted consequences, some of which can have far-reaching repercussions for your physical and emotional well-being. The discovery of the widespread occurrence and the deep significance of sexual repression is, by universal agreement, one of the most striking and impressive in psychoanalytic research.

Possible causes of sexual repression include:

Society and Culture

One of the primary causes of sexual repression are restrictive ideas and attitudes about sex. Societies in many countries and cultures in the world have made sex immoral or considered taboo. Purity culture has caused many people to have shame about sex. Some religions have a particularly rigid set of beliefs concerning sex, for example, forbidding sex outside of marriage and even forbidding masturbation. Since a desire for sex is a natural instinct, those who adhere to these religious beliefs are prone to feelings of sexual repression. And those who break the rules tend to experience great shame and guilt. In addition, parents or caretakers often teach their children certain ideas and attitudes about sex that can cause a person to repress their natural sexual curiosity and desires. When you are young, you may consciously stifle sexual thoughts and feelings (suppression), but the older you become the repression often becomes automatic (repression).

Past Trauma Experiences

Trauma, especially sexual trauma, can become a powerful factor in sexual repression. If a child is sexually abused or a teen or adult is sexually assaulted, the trauma can cause the victim to connect the very idea of having sex with feelings of terror and shame, causing them to be afraid of sex or repulsed by it. Even thoughts of sex can trigger memories and distress, making it difficult, if not impossible, to want to engage in sex, participate in it, or enjoy it.

Fear of Disease

Having a fear of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or infection can cause a person to repress their sexuality. This fear can be especially strong if a parent or other adult has imposed the belief that it is relatively easy to contract an STD instead of simply offering suggestions for prevention.

Poor Sexual Experiences in the Past

If you’ve had negative experiences with sex in the past, even consensual sex, you may have become turned off to even trying again. You may assume that all sex is the same and that you are simply not interested in pursuing sexual relationships.

ADVERTISEMENT

Increase Desire & Arousal with Libido Lift Rx

Libido Lift Rx is a prescription-strength treatment from Hello Cake that’s designed to intensify desire and increase arousal. Libido Lift Rx is a compounded medication with L-Citrulline, Oxytocin, and Tadalafil, that dissolves under your tongue and works in just 30 minutes. Complete a short medical questionnaire so a qualified physician can determine if Libido Lift Rx is right for you.

Get Started

Sexual Repression in the LGBTQIA+ Community

Seldom do parents explain to their children about issues such as homosexuality, transsexuality, or other gender non-conforming types of sexuality or sexual orientations. Many children learn, both directly and indirectly, that only men and women should have sex with each other. If your sexual orientation doesn’t align with this message, you might repress your sexual feelings in order to conform or avoid rejection. Not knowing how to name and/or accept your sexuality as normal can cause confusion, guilt, shame and fear. If you struggle with these feelings about your sexual identity, you may have learned to push down your sexual desires. If you decide your sexual urges are unusual, sinful or bad, you may tend to bury those thoughts and feelings and never seek out sexual partners.

Misinformation or Lack of Information

Sometimes parents and caregivers deliberately provide misinformation about sex in an attempt to discourage their children from becoming sexual with others. This misinformation can include anything from telling a child that even touching a penis can make them pregnant, to telling a boy that vaginas have teeth that can bite off their penis. On the other hand, if your parents didn’t talk to you about sex you may have relied upon what you heard from your peers, which is often incorrect. Worse yet, you may have gotten your ideas about sex from pornography, which tends to depict only one type of sex, usually a dominant male aggressively having sex with a more passive female and treating her like a sex object. These rigid stereotypes may have confused or disgusted you or turned you off to sex entirely or caused you to feel guilt and shame if the images arouse you.

Strict Gender Roles

If you grew up in a household where there were rigid gender roles, such as your father being the head of the household and therefore, making all the rules and your mother being passive and doing as your father says, this can influence how you relate to the opposite sex. If you are male yet don’t feel dominant you may not know how to relate to females. The same holds true for females who feel more dominant than they were raised to be. How do they relate to males? The way females are treated in your household can also include attitudes concerning sex. If you were raised to believe that only sluts and whores enjoy sex but you find that you are easily aroused, you may carry a great deal of shame, eventually leading to sexual repression. Males can receive the message that they have a right to sex and therefore may become sexually aggressive. If this aggression ends up scaring them or getting them in trouble, they may feel they have to repress their sexuality entirely.

Signs of Sexual Repression

Sexual repression refers to deep-seated negative feelings around the issue of sex. How do you know if you’re experiencing sexual repression? It can help to start with what sexual repression is not. For example, just because you don’t want to try sexual activities such as oral sex, anal sex, BDSM, or sex with multiple partners doesn’t mean you are sexually repressed. There is nothing wrong with only wanting one type of sex or only wanting to have sex with one partner. While some people might label this “prudish” it is your preferences and your desire that matters. Nor is there something wrong with wanting to wait to have sex until you are comfortable or until you are in a committed relationship.

Common sexual repression themes and behaviors include the following:

  • Being uncomfortable having discussions about sex, both in terms of talking about sex yourself or even being around other people who are discussing it
  • Experiencing anxiety during sexual conversations or before or during sex
  • Difficulty enjoying healthy, consensual sex
  • Guilt or shame after you have had sex or after you have masturbated
  • Feeling a sense of grief when you have “given in” to your sexual desires
  • Shame and distress associated with sexual fantasies
  • Negative self-talk after experiencing sexual thoughts or activities
  • Being uncomfortable around naked people or images of naked people, either because you find nudity immoral or because you believe that your body is unattractive or unworthy of sex
  • Excessive interest in sex can also be a sign of sexual repression. This is especially true of those who have a build-up of sexual tension due to lack of sexual release. According to a 2019 study reported in The Journal of Sex Research, attempts to suppress sexual thoughts can result in an increase in those thoughts. This is referred to as “the rebound effect.”

Sexual Repression Consequences

Sexual repression can lead to numerous negative emotional, physical and sexual effects.

Below are some of the consequences of sexual repression:

  1. Physical consequences: Difficulty sleeping and body tension.
  2. Sexual consequences: Difficulty having orgasms or premature ejaculation, pain or discomfort during sex. For women, tension and fear during sex can lead to a problem known as vaginismus, an involuntary contraction of the vaginal muscles that can cause pain or even prevent a penis from entering the vagina. It can also include a lack of interest in sex or an inability to get pleasure from sex.
  3. Suicide attempts: One of the most prominent causes of suicide due to shame and repression can be seen within the LGBTQ+ community. Gay and bisexual men are four times more likely to attempt suicide than straight men and roughly 45% of bisexual women and 40% of lesbians have considered or attempted suicide. The suicide rate for transgender individuals is ten times the national rate in the United States.1
  4. Emotional and mental health consequences: depression (often caused by an inability to accept oneself as a sexual being); sex-related fear and anxiety; reluctance to act on sexual desires as well as guilt and shame related to sexual desires, harsh self-judgment of sexual thoughts and feelings.2
  5. Negative emotions: Having negative feelings about sex or having negative thoughts about people who talk about sex or who have casual sex.
  6. Suppressed sexual orientation: caused by feelings of shame due to being attracted to someone other than who they are “supposed” to be attracted to.
  7. Internal moral debates: Internal moral debates result from confusion and conflicting feelings regarding the religious beliefs one was taught growing up. Feeling unholy or sinful when you think about or become aroused by “forbidden” sexual behaviors.
  8. Violence, aggression and crime: According to a 2021 study, sexual frustration can increase the risk of violence, aggression and crime.3
  9. Reckless sexual activities: According to the study noted above, a person experiencing sexual frustration may also display reckless behaviors in an attempt to satisfy unmet sexual urges. This can lead to unintentional health outcomes such as sexually transmitted infections and unintended pregnancy.4, 3
  10. Faking being happy in a relationship: Instead of talking with your partner about your lack of sexual satisfaction in your relationship, you pretend everything is okay.

ADVERTISEMENT

Difficulty Climaxing? Dryness? Pain During Sex?

O-Cream Rx is a fast acting prescription from Hello Cake that’s formulated to increase blood flow and sensitivity while combating dryness and pain during intercourse. Formulated with the same active ingredient as Viagra (Sildenafil) to increase blood flow and vaginal sensitivity. Complete a short medical questionnaire so a qualified physician can determine if O-Cream Rx is right for you.

Get Started

How to Cope with Sexual Repression

The good news is that there are things you can do to manage sexual repression and increase the odds of having enjoyable sexual encounters. In some cases, this includes therapy but there are also steps you can take on your own in order to experience sexual healing.

  • Discover the cause: Spend some time thinking about what you believe may be at the core of your difficulties. For example, ask yourself, “Is it caused by negative teachings about sex?” “From painful, shaming or traumatic experiences in my childhood or adolescence?” or “From being confused or ashamed about my sexual orientation or gender issues?”
  • Sex therapy: Seeking help from sex therapy is probably the most important thing you can do to solve your sexual repression issues. A compassionate therapist will help you discover the origin of your sexual repression, whether it is due to being raised by strongly religious parents or by shaming experiences from childhood or being conflicted about your sexual orientation.
  • Trauma therapy: If your problem with sexual repression is caused from trauma such as childhood sexual abuse or other negative sexual experiences, it is especially important that you speak with a professional therapist in order to help you heal from the trauma. By talking about the trauma and releasing the feelings of anger, shame and fear associated with it you can undo the damage and the sexual repression that has been the consequence of it.5
  • Talk with friends: If you aren’t ready or willing to seek therapy, talking to a good friend can be the next best thing. A good friend will likely be able to hear you out as you discuss your concerns, offer support and may be able to relate to your problems.
  • Journaling: If you can’t talk to someone about your concerns, writing about your sexual repression feelings can be very beneficial. It will help you process your feelings, as well as help to reveal your beliefs and hidden feelings about sex in general.
  • Examine belief systems: You may also need to examine your sexual beliefs to determine where they originated and decide whether you still want to live with them or are ready to discard them. It is possible to unlearn negative beliefs and create your own to replace the beliefs that have been handed down by family and society. For example, you may have been raised to believe that sex before marriage is a sin, but this belief system may no longer work for you, especially if it is causing sexual repression, sexual dysfunction, and social isolation.
  • Communicate with your partner: Communicating with your partner or potential sexual partners about your sexual preferences can make sexual encounters far less threatening. Start by each of you sharing your “likes” and “dislikes” list with one another—sexual activities or sexual touches that you enjoy versus activities and touches you don’t enjoy or are turned off to.5

How to Find Help

Consider working with a compassionate licensed sex therapist as a way to begin addressing your sexual repression issues. Sex therapy can be a safe, nonjudgemental space to explore and unpack any harm that shame and repression have had on your life. A therapist can help you uncover the underlying causes of your repression, address it, and learn healthy ways to handle it to find pleasure in sexual activities eventually. Some sex therapists specialize in various aspects of sexual repression, such as religious-based repression, and helping LGBTQ+ individuals or those who are conflicted about their sexual orientation.

You can find help through online therapy platforms or find a therapist using an online therapist directory.

In My Experience

It is important to understand that sexual repression doesn’t disappear overnight. While you may find that as you explore your sexuality, you begin feeling more comfortable with your body and with sex, but you may take two steps forward and one step back, alternating between feeling more relaxed about sex and then feeling tense again. This is perfectly normal and is typical of any major change since you will be re-programming yourself to view sex in a much healthier way. So be patient and kind with yourself as you continue on your healing journey. Be especially forgiving and self-compassionate toward yourself instead of judging yourself with self-critical statements such as “You are disgusting” whenever you uncover unusual or unorthodox sexual feelings and turn-ons. Sex is a natural and healthy aspect of life, not one to be ashamed of. In time, you can find that sex is pleasurable, exciting, and freeing, no matter what activities you prefer, who you choose as a sex partner, or how you wish to identify yourself.

Sexual Repression Infographics

What Is Sexual Repression   What Causes Sexual Repression   Sexual Repression Consequences

How to Cope With Sexual Repression

Additional Resources

To help our readers take the next step in their mental health journey, ChoosingTherapy.com has partnered with leaders in mental health and wellness. ChoosingTherapy.com is compensated for marketing by the companies included below

Power Prescription to Manage FSD

Hello Cakes’s expert care team prescribes safe and effective medications to treat sex-inhibiting conditions in women, like FSD. Libido Lift Rx and O-Cream Rx are fast-acting, reliable, powerful, and help women focus on fun. Hello Cake’s qualified physicians can determine if one or both is right for you. Get Started

Sex & Intimacy Counseling for Couples

Get closer to your partner with private and convenient counseling, from the comfort of your home. Talkspace also accepts Medicare in some states. The average copay is $15, but many people pay $0. Visit Talkspace

Sexual Healthcare For Men

Get ED meds online shipped to you if prescribed. FDA-approved ED pills, with treatments starting at less than $2/day. 100% online, discreet delivery. No waiting weeks for an appointment. Visit Hims

Sexual Healthcare For Women

Plushcare – Get personalized, high-quality healthcare online. In-network with most major insurers, with a typical out-of-pocket cost of just $30. Painful Sex Treatment and HSDD (low sex drive in women)

For Further Reading

  • Freedom at Last: Healing the Shame of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Beverly Engel
  • Healing Sexual Trauma Workbook: Somatic Skills to Help You Feel Safe in Your Body, 
  • Smart Sex: How Your Childhood Shaped Your Sex Life and What to Do with it. Aline Zoldbrod.

Best Online Therapy Services of 2025: Our Firsthand Experiences & Recommendations

Best Online Therapy Services

There are a number of factors to consider when trying to determine which online therapy platform is going to be the best fit for you. It’s important to be mindful of what each platform costs, the services they provide you with, their providers’ training and level of expertise, and several other important criteria.

Read More

Best Online Psychiatry Services

Best Online Psychiatry Services

Online psychiatry, sometimes called telepsychiatry, platforms offer medication management by phone, video, or secure messaging for a variety of mental health conditions. In some cases, online psychiatry may be more affordable than seeing an in-person provider. Mental health treatment has expanded to include many online psychiatry and therapy services. With so many choices, it can feel overwhelming to find the one that is right for you.

Read More

Sex Newsletter

A free newsletter for those interested in improving relationships. Get helpful tips and the latest information

Sources

ChoosingTherapy.com strives to provide our readers with mental health content that is accurate and actionable. We have high standards for what can be cited within our articles. Acceptable sources include government agencies, universities and colleges, scholarly journals, industry and professional associations, and other high-integrity sources of mental health journalism. Learn more by reviewing our full editorial policy.

  • Salway, Travis, et al (2016). Lifetime Prevalence of Suicide Attempts Among Sexual Minority Adults by Study Sampling Strategies: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis. American Journal of Public Health.

  • Carcedo, Rodrigo, J. etal (2020). Association between Sexual Satisfaction and Depression and Anxiety in Adolescents and Young Adults. Int J Environ Res Public Health 2020 Feb; 17 (3):841.doi: 10. 3390/ijerph17030841

  • Lankford, Adam (2021). A sexual frustration theory of aggression, violence and crime. Journal of Criminal Justice, Vol 77, Nov-Dec 2021, 101865, https://doiorg/10.1016/j.j.crimjust.2021.101865

  • Efrati, Yaniv (2018).God, I Can’t Stop Thinking About Sex! The Rebound Effect in Unsuccessful Suppression of Sexual Thoughts Among Religious Adolescents. The Journal of Sex Research Vol 56, 2019-Issue 2. Published online: 27 April 2018. https://doi.org/10. 1080/00224499. 2018.1461796

  • Engel, Beverly (2022). Freedom at Last: Healing the Trauma of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Prometheus Books.

     

Show more Click here to open the article sources container.

Your Voice Matters

Can't find what you're looking for?

Request an article! Tell ChoosingTherapy.com’s editorial team what questions you have about mental health, emotional wellness, relationships, and parenting. Our licensed therapists are just waiting to cover new topics you care about!

Request an Article

Leave your feedback for our editors.

Share your feedback on this article with our editors. If there’s something we missed or something we could improve on, we’d love to hear it.

Our writers and editors love compliments, too. :)

Leave Feedback
ChoosingTherapy.com Logo White
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Write for Us
  • Careers
  • Editorial Policy
  • Advertising Policy
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of Service

FOR IMMEDIATE HELP CALL:

Medical Emergency: 911

Suicide Hotline: 988

View More Crisis Hotlines
Choosing Therapy on Facebook
Choosing Therapy on Instagram
Choosing Therapy on X
Choosing Therapy on Linkedin
Choosing Therapy on Pinterest
Choosing Therapy on Tiktok
Choosing Therapy on Youtube

© 2025 Choosing Therapy, Inc. All rights reserved.

X