How Purity Culture Harms Mental & Sexual Health

What Is Purity Culture?

Purity culture is a set of evangelical Christian beliefs that emphasizes strict gender roles, abstinence, and modesty. The basic teachings stress the “abstinence only” mentality for both women and men. Individuals learn to view sexual activity as reserved for marriage, and leaders discourage dating to avoid such temptations. Unfortunately, the purity movement perpetuates unhealthy ideas of sexuality, often leading to long-term mental health impacts.

The modern concept of purity culture gained popularity in the 1990s. Most notable was the 1993 True Love Waits campaign, which brought large crowds of adolescents to make public pledges of their commitment to sexual abstinence.¹ Additionally, books like I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris further promoted high moral standards with conservative views of courtship and abstinence.

Purity Pledges, Purity Rings, & Purity Balls

Several methods were developed in order to promote the purity of evangelical culture within the United States. One of the more basic approaches was for a child to take a purity/abstinence pledge, where they would sign a pledge (sometimes publicly) to abstain from some level of sexual interaction before marriage – some would abstain from dating altogether or from kissing another before marriage. Another way to commit to purity culture was to wear a purity ring, which was intended to signal publicly to others that the wearer had committed to abstinence before marriage.

One of the most public displays of commitment within the history of purity culture was the attendance of a purity ball. Purity balls were formal dances where girls or young women would typically wear white to signify purity and would attend with their fathers; girls often signed purity pledges at the balls, and fathers vowed to protect their daughter’s purity until marriage. The purpose of these calls was to encourage a close relationship between the fathers and daughters in order to act as a protective factor against girls seeking love through relationships with boys their own age.²

Purity Culture Expectations & Values

Purity culture places emphasis on a person’s value being tied to their status as a virgin upon entering a marriage. In order to increase the likelihood of this, purity culture often also discourages a person from dating or putting themselves in any situations that could tempt a person to break their vow of abstinence. Women and girls are also often encouraged to dress modestly in order to attempt to avoid arousing sexual urges and thoughts in men and boys.

Key elements associated with the purity movement include:³

• Women must be modest: Revealing female clothing can cause a man to lust. Women must dress themselves in ways that keep men pure.
• Virginity is very important: In purity culture, leaders often compare virginity to a beautiful rose, and the petals are tossed on the ground and trampled on once virginity is lost. In other words, you are damaged goods if you lose your virginity.
• Abstinence until marriage is the only option: You should abstain from sex until your wedding night. If you do become sexually active (even via masturbation) before marriage, you are cheating on your future spouse.
• Female bodies are “bad”: Purity culture reinforces traditional gender roles. Thus, women learn their bodies are impure and should dress discreetly and modestly.
• Any physical contact is not permitted: Because sex is considered sinful, people often refrain from any type of sexual acts, such as kissing, touching, and intercourse, until they are married.
• “Abstinence and celibacy only” sex education: Since purity culture pushed abstaining from sex before marriage, this also often meant that proper sex education was completely dismissed. Research shows that “abstinence and celibacy only” sex education reinforces gender stereotypes and makes women out to be responsible for gatekeeping while men are simply out of control of their sex drive.⁴
• Authorities used fear tactics: The purity movement involves community and/or family members in policing sexual habits and fostering strict methods of sex education, resulting in people being unprepared for sexuality and contraception.

How Purity Culture Affects Women & Girls

There are several expectations and impacts that purity culture specifically has had on women, many of which have been problematic for women overall. One of the major expectations was that women were told that they were responsible for reducing the male gaze toward them by choosing modest clothing and covering themselves up in order to avoid encouraging men and boys to think about them as sexual beings.

Above all else, purity culture formulated a woman’s body as being shameful. Women in purity culture have been presented as the stumbling block over which a man’s purity could trip and cause his soul to eternally suffer. This was often portrayed in the Biblical story of Adam and Eve, with Eve being the temptress that caused them to be kicked out of the Garden of Eden.

How Purity Culture Affects Men & Boys

Purity culture had very different expectations and values it placed upon men than it did on women, but there were impacts nonetheless. Men were taught that sexual thoughts or impulses were the work of the devil, and a lack of impulse control indicated a moral failure. Implicitly, men were taught that they were unable to control themselves when exposed to stimuli that brought up sexual thoughts.

Because blame was often placed upon women dressing or acting too provocatively, men were also often not held accountable for their actions within a purity culture. Sometimes, this led to even excusing aggressive or abusive actions from men.

Why Is Purity Culture Harmful?

Purity culture can have many long-lasting impacts on mental health. Associated beliefs can lead to religious trauma syndrome and make individuals feel ashamed of their bodies, sexuality, or gender identity. The movement further enforces patriarchal ideas about gender via strict roles for men and women.

Negative impacts of the purity culture movement include:

Disconnects You From Your Body

Within purity culture, women were taught that their bodies were inherently shameful. Long-term exposure to this message often means that a person will distance themselves mentally and emotionally from the source of their pain, which purity culture insisted was a woman’s body. Shame and condemnation being applied to being sexually aroused further encourage people within purity culture to be disconnected from their bodies (both men and women) because when normal human sexual feelings and impulses come up, the person’s belief systems kick in and set off the alarm bells. When a person conceptualizes their body as a hostile environment, their survival instincts will do what is necessary to re-establish a sense of safety.

Encourages Uneven Rules for Men & Women

The rules for males and females are not equal, and the concept of intersex or nonbinary individuals was never even discussed. Men were not supposed to engage in sexual behavior, but having sexual desires and feelings is normal. Women, on the other hand, should not be interested in sex until their wedding night and chaste for the sake of men.

Creates Sexual Shame

Shame is when a person feels that something is happening because of who they are, deep down, as a person; purity culture instilled the belief that a person had sexual thoughts or impulses because they were a sinner and needed to repent in order to protect their soul. This means that when sexual thoughts or impulses came up, people believed that it was because they were sinful and not because it was a natural human experience. This causes immense sexual shame and guilt.

May Lead to Sexual Dysfunction

Sexual dysfunction can show up differently depending on the person. Because those in purity culture do not have education about “normal” sexual processes, they may not recognize issues or know how to respond if they encounter such problems. In turn, sexual disorders, sexual performance anxiety, or even genophobia (fear of sex) are possible. Some people choose to ignore these complications, which can only worsen outcomes.

Prevents Sexual Exploration

Purity culture primarily focuses on the relationships between men and women, citing the Bible as the ultimate authority on acceptable ways to live your life. Purity culture puts heterosexual relationships that abstain from premarital sex as the ultimate goal to strive for, and it posits that consideration or pursuit of any other relationship indicates sinfulness. This means that it not only shames people for premarital sexual contact, but it also shames and suppresses anyone with a non-heterosexual orientation or deviates from maintaining a cisgender identity.

Can Cause Religious Trauma

Religious trauma can include many different experiences, but overall, it refers to a person who has experienced adverse mental, emotional, social, and physical reactions to their experience within a religious community. Purity culture can cause a large amount of religious trauma. It can leave women feeling like their bodies are something to be hated and men are unsafe. Men can feel like they are animals who are unable to control themselves.

Religious trauma can take years to heal and can include losing a person’s support system within the religious community, as well as warped views that often leave a person perceiving things through black-and-white dichotomies (pure or impure, good or evil, etc.).

Increases Self-Loathing

Having sexual thoughts and urges is a normal human experience, but messaging from purity culture would have a person believe that this is their own weakness that is being highlighted by having sexual thoughts and urges. When a person is unable to accept that these experiences are human nature and not inherently something wrong with themselves, it can lead a person to loathe themselves for this personal defect as they strive to delete something about themselves that is not entirely within their control.

How to Heal From Purity Culture

Overcoming purity culture and the shame and guilt that have been conditioned into your brain can be a long and painful process. It’s important to remember that the beliefs that were instilled in you were learned, and they can be unlearned as well. There is so much hope for a future that doesn’t have to include harsh beliefs or strict policing of your body and thoughts.

Here are seven tips for how to start recovering from purity culture:

1. Get to know your body: Look in a mirror and see the wonderful pieces that make you a human being. Be confident in your body–you should never feel ashamed of your anatomy and natural urges.
2. Learn to communicate effectively: Purity culture teaches that the only communication that you need is “No, I’m waiting for marriage”, when relationships are much more complicated than this in reality. Learning to communicate your worries, fears, hopes, preferences, and boundaries is essential to having healthy relationships – whether or not intimacy is involved.
3. Educate yourself about purity culture trauma: Reading about and understanding something helps us give context to our feelings and who we are, give ourselves grace, and begin formulating a way to move forward that makes the most sense for us. Education comes in many forms— articles, videos, podcasts, and books on sex and intimacy. Find a format that works for you.
4. Identify your needs in a relationship that doesn’t include sex: Purity culture puts so much emphasis on avoiding natural sexual urges and interactions that sometimes people often get caught up in making marriage decisions that overemphasize sex. Identifying and understanding the things that you would need in a relationship to feel fulfilled, connected, and safe that do not relate to sex will help you to understand and prioritize healthy relationships.
5. Embrace your inherent value: Human beings have inherent value – not value that can be lessened or increased through factors such as sex, money, or status. A person does not have value when they are a virgin and lose value when they are no longer a virgin. Every person still deserves love, respect, and decency.
6. Journal: Journaling for mental health is a great way to acknowledge what happened and how your experience shaped your life. You also have space to express your feelings freely and without judgment.
7. Share your story: One of the biggest disruptors to shame is being able to speak your truth and your story to people that are safe and validating. This can be within support groups, with trusted loved ones, or with a therapist.

When to Seek Professional Help

Finding a qualified sex therapy therapist is a great way to begin healing from purity culture. A therapist can listen to your story, validate your experiences, and help you identify healthier thought patterns and emotions regarding sexuality.

An online therapist directory is a great way to find therapists in your area who take your insurance. If you prefer to see a therapist remotely, an online therapy service that takes insurance may be the right choice for you.