The repercussions of growing up in purity culture can be harmful mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Repercussions of purity culture include sexual shame and dysfunction that can last long into adulthood. Although the effects of purity culture are harmful, there are ways to heal and move forward.
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What Is Purity Culture?
Purity culture has come to be known as a subculture of evangelical Christian culture that emphasizes strict gender roles and norms, abstinence, and modesty. The basic teachings differ for males and females in some ways, although the message of “abstinence only” was the same across the board.
Importantly, while purity culture is often associated with the evangelical Christian church, it was also incorporated into public schools in the form of “abstinence and celibacy only” sex education. One study argues that teaching abstinence only sex education, instead of comprehensive sex education, reinforces gender stereotypes and makes women out to be responsible for gatekeeping while men are simply out of control of their sex drive.1
A Brief Overview of the Purity Movement
When federal and state courts were battling out who could write the sex-education curricula for local schools, advocacy groups were fighting to incorporate religious teachings as the foundation.3 Joshua Harris, who has now renounced his book and deconverted from Christianity, emphasized virginity in I Kissed Dating Goodbye. He goes so far as to recommend avoiding kissing until your wedding day, much less sex. Even if someone didn’t read his book, the premises crept into many aspects of teaching a Christian sexual ethic during the purity movement.4
Purity Pledges, Purity Rings, & Purity Balls
Beliefs about sexual purity and moral values can be traced back to a variety of cultures and religions. Nevertheless, the modern concept of purity culture didn’t emerge in the U.S until the late 20th century, gaining popularity in the 1990’s with the rise of the Christian evangelical purity movement. Most noticeably was the True Love Waits campaign, launched in 1993, which brought large crowds of adolescents to make public pledges of their commitment to sexual abstention.4
Moving forward to the late 1990s, books like “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris, published in 1997, were key in further promoting high moral standards with conservative views of courtship and strict sexual purity. Then, during the early 2000s, purity rings and pledges became notorious emblems of commitment for sexual abstinence. This included the Silver Ring Thing, encouraging participants to wear a silver ring signifying their dedication to celibacy and sexual restraint until marriage.4
Purity Culture & Sexual Expectations
The beliefs associated with abstinence only sex education and the evangelical purity movement include:2
- “Modest is hottest” & women are responsible for mens’ sexual thoughts: Female clothing can cause a man to lust if it is considered too revealing. It is the woman’s responsibility to dress herself in a way that keeps men pure.
- Virginity is very important: In purity culture, virginity is taught using metaphors. Virginity is compared to being a beautiful rose and the petals are tossed on the ground and trampled on once virginity is lost. In other words, virginity is prioritized, and if you lose your virginity, you’re disgusting and no one will ever want you.
- Abstinence until marriage is the only option: You should abstain from sex until your wedding night, at which time you will turn into a mind-blowing sex machine. If you do become sexually active before marriage, you are cheating on your future spouse. This includes masturbation, which was viewed as akin to premarital sex.
- Women are taught that their bodies are bad: Purity culture reinforces traditional gender roles. Thus, women are typically taught that their bodies are impure and because of that should dress discreetly and modestly.
- Any physical contact is not permitted: Because sex is considered sinful, people often refrain from any type of sexual acts, such as kissing, touching, and intercourse, until they are married.
- Authorities used fear tactics instead of actual information: Involving the community and/or family members in policing others’ sexual habits and fostering strict methods of sex education, resulting in people being unprepared for sexuality, contraception, and so forth.
Purity Culture & Gender Expectations
Purity doctrine often reinforces stereotypical gender roles, with expectations that women should be modest and submissive while men are supposed to be protectors and providers. Purity teachings are strictly heterosexual when it comes to gender and sexuality. In turn, this only perpetuates homophobia (and internalized homophobia) through heterosexist practices and beliefs.4
Moreover, purity culture typically promotes heterosexuality as the only suitable and “pure” sexual orientation, and there is no room for people to explore their sexuality or gender identity. Thus, LGBTQ+ individuals or anyone uncertain about their gender identity or sexual orientation will likely encounter significant challenges and discrimination within purity culture.4
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How Does Purity Culture Damage Mental Health?
Purity culture can have many long-lasting impacts on mental health. It can cause religious trauma syndrome and make you feel ashamed of your body, sexuality, or gender identity. It also creates strict roles for men and women which enforce patriarchal ideas about how each gender should behave.
Purity culture damages mental health in the following ways:
1. Disconnection From Your Body
The purity movement causes feelings of shame. Your thoughts could be sins as much as your actions, and if you had questions about sexuality or your own body image, you could be shamed into not ever bringing them up.
Throughout the period of adolescence, with a changing and growing body full of hormones, nothing sexual can be considered good. Sexual desire and natural sexual thoughts or dreams were all considered to be distasteful and sinful. Feelings of confusion, shame, or moral failure thrive in this bodily disconnection.
2. Uneven Rules for Men & Women
The rules for males and females were not fair or equal, and the concept of intersex or nonbinary individuals was never even discussed. Men were not supposed to engage in sexual behavior, but it was expected and considered normal for them to have sexual desires and feelings. They were not to act on these desires with women, nor alone through masturbation.
Women, on the other hand, were expected to not be interested in sex until their wedding night and chaste for the sake of men. It became a woman’s job to not cause a man to stumble by wearing anything that could be considered risqué or sexy, putting the man’s responsibility for sexual purity onto her, even though men were also supposed to control their thoughts and behavior regardless.
3. Sexual Shame
If you felt “turned on” or attracted to another person, you had to turn it off and shut it all down. Just as you cannot selectively numb emotions, you cannot selectively shut down bodily processes. Your brain and your physiological, anatomical body parts react to feeling turned on. Years of practice of shutting those down can lead to mental and physical concerns, including sexual shame.
4. Sexual Dysfunction
Sexual dysfunction can show up differently for different people. Since those in purity culture are not educated on what “normal” sexual processes ought to look like, they may not realize when the process has gone wrong, or may be confused about how to proceed if they do recognize a problem. This can result in developing sexual disorders, sexual performance anxiety, or even genophobia (fear of sex).
At that point, you have one of two choices: look the other way and pretend it isn’t happening, or seek help. Ignoring the problem does not often work for long, particularly if you want to enjoy your sex life free from anxiety.
5. No Room for Difference in Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity
If you thought having premarital sex was bad in purity culture, you know that anything outside of a heteronormative sexual ethic was not even to be discussed. Not sure about your own sexual orientation or gender identity? Better keep it under wraps. Years of sexual repression, or even simply not identifying, feelings outside of the established norms lead to unprocessed feelings that can result in anxiety and depression.
How to Heal From Purity Culture
While purity culture can be damaging, there are ways to heal and move forward. Hope is out there, and there are trained professionals who have produced excellent educational content about sexuality.
If you’re not quite ready for a therapist, or maybe you want to go the self-help route, here are a few other helpful tips for healing from purity culture:
- Journal: Journaling for mental health is a great way to acknowledge what happened and how it shaped you, which can be very healing.
- Educate Yourself: Learning more about purity culture can help you realize the ways it manifested in your life
- Get to know your body: Get a mirror and really look at all the wonderful pieces of yourself that make you a human being with sexual body parts and urges. Be confident in your body and know it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
How a Therapist Can Help You Recover From Purity Culture Trauma
Finding a qualified therapist who feels comfortable talking about sexuality is a great way to begin healing from purity culture. A sex therapist does not need to see anything sexual—sex acts, intimate body parts, or otherwise—to help you. If you aren’t ready for a sex therapist, a regular therapist can be extremely helpful as well by listening to your story, validating your experiences, and helping you identify ways you can learn healthier thought patterns and emotions regarding sexuality.
A good sex therapist will take a thorough sexual history to better understand your attitudes, beliefs, and experiences with sex. Then, they may recommend you also see a gynecologist and make sure everything is medically okay—particularly if you are experiencing pain with sex.
Therapists can also help you process any past sexual abuse or harmful teachings about your sexuality that prevent you from being able to enjoy it. One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to make sure you feel comfortable with the therapist you choose. If you feel like your therapist isn’t safe and trustworthy, it is impossible to work through such personal, vulnerable issues that are inherent in sexuality. A directory of therapists is a great place to start looking.
In My Experience
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Purity Culture Infographics