Social media can seriously damage self-esteem depending on how individuals use these platforms.1,2,3,4 Excessive and unhealthy social media use can leave people dissatisfied with themselves and their lives, increasing the risk of poor self-talk and image. Because low self-esteem can be harmful, individuals must understand the potential risks and learn to use social media in an informed, intentional, and healthy manner.
What Is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is a sense of self-value based on various factors, such as how we compare ourselves to others and how others view us.5 These self-beliefs and concepts often do not match our ideal self-image.
Developing positive self-esteem and self-worth is crucial for effectively managing challenges, regulating emotions, building agency, preserving mental health, and forming healthy relationships, most notably with oneself. Thus, recognizing discrepancies and making appropriate adjustments allows us to accept ourselves, build confidence, and trust our judgment.
The Cyber Self & Self-Esteem
Research suggests that problematic social media use can notably disrupt the development of healthy self-esteem for some individuals.3,6 The “cyber self,” or who you are in a digital context, is an idealized self-concept, allowing for a potential “new you” online.
Youth and many adults spend much time assembling, creating, and experimenting with their “cyber selves” by interacting with others online. These crafted selves rely on a steady flow of carefully curated selfies and feedback.6
8 Ways Social Media Affects Self-Esteem
One of the most consistent findings in research is that the more time spent on social media platforms, the higher the risk for lower self-esteem.7 Substantial evidence also suggests individuals with lower self-esteem as a baseline are at higher risk for problematic social media patterns.8 Although vulnerable youth and adults are at higher risk for internet-related problems, no one is immune to overuse or experiencing negative impacts.
Below are the possible impacts of social media on self-esteem:
1. Constant Connection
Technology provides a compelling escape from the discomfort that quiet, solitude, and reflection can bring. People slip into the belief that being constantly connected decreases loneliness. However, they are at greater risk because the opposite is true. After all, more “connection” online can lead to less face-to-face connection.
This is particularly problematic for kids because they learn to understand concepts from others. They will not know how to tolerate being alone if we do not teach them to be alone. Unplugging from devices and cultivating the capacity for mindfulness and solitude are essential for learning, self-discovery, self-regulation, and achieving balance–all of which feed healthy self-esteem.
2. Too Much Feedback
We are not designed to integrate the social approval of hundreds of people. Yet, we feel compelled to create our lives based on a facade of perfection powerfully reinforced by dopamine hits from likes, comments, emojis, or retweets. Our brains become overloaded by the perfectly filtered photos and carefully crafted posts, leaving many unhappy with themselves and their lives.
Social media provides a platform to present our ideal selves to the world and determine whether or not the feedback we receive makes us likable, relevant, respected, admired, or accepted. Some individuals start posting attention-seeking selfies and self-glorifying photos as a way of saying, “Hey everyone, look at me, I have a life too!” Unfortunately, this approach to feeling good about oneself never works, as high self-esteem does not come from external sources.
3. Lack of Privacy & FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
FOMO describes a specific type of social anxiety and stress based on a belief that a person is missing out on a social gathering, new experience, important information, or exciting opportunity. Social media can induce FOMO by offering users constant connection, instant feedback, and a platform for self-promotion. We now have technologies that pinpoint the location of individuals in our networks, monitor when someone is online, collect and utilize data, and screenshot private conversations, all of which contribute to FOMO.
Unfortunately, by trying to avoid the pain and discomfort of FOMO, many people (kids in particular) are at risk for developing compulsive social media habits that subsequently lead to issues with identity development, confidence, depression, and loneliness.6 Furthermore, many users do not realize that ALL of their online activity, even when deleted from a device, leaves a permanent footprint in cyberspace and the risk that the mistakes and poor decisions we make online could come back to haunt us later.
4. Social Comparison & Identity Confusion
Many individuals spend hours scrolling, posting, liking, and commenting on various platforms. Social networking discourages authentic expression of human experiences and emotions by emphasizing superficial content, simplifying communication among users who rely on emojis, comments, likes, and memes to express themselves.
This is troubling when we consider that research shows that being comfortable with our vulnerabilities is central to happiness, creativity, and productivity.9 Social media users often feel a disconnect between their online image and their authentic selves. Still, few may recognize that the stress, anxiety, or depression they are experiencing is related to that conflict.
This discrepancy between maintaining a public persona based on comparisons with others and our genuine feelings and beliefs leaves many users confused, insecure, and inadequate.
5. Selfies & Increased Narcissism
In addition to identity confusion and low self-esteem resulting from heavy use of social media, some experts have indicated that increased narcissism may also be related to heavy use.10 Narcissism can be defined as grandiose self-love and self-centeredness, often expressed with unrealistic self-illusions. Self-promotion and marketing via images, posts, and video clips may promote vanity and egoistical behavior typical of an individual with narcissistic personality features.10,11
Teens are particularly vulnerable to this impact as they form their identities. They can become consumed with their reflection online, hoping to discover themselves based on the feedback they receive from friends and followers. Teens are less likely to recognize and respect their truth, thus confusing self-concepts, undermining self-esteem, and increasing the risk of developing narcissistic traits.
6. Communication & Decreased Empathy
We react and respond differently online due to a disinhibition effect, perceived anonymity, distance, more control, and often no authority or monitoring. Virtual conversations are often more superficial and less complex because they lack reflective listening, an essential skill in non-verbal communication. These limitations impede the development of empathy and the intimacy we ultimately desire with others.
Face-to-face communication is generally more spontaneous and unpredictable, requiring reciprocal dialogue, listening, and embracing silence. In-person conversations cause many people to feel overwhelmed and anxious, especially if they lack these skills. However, face-to-face encounters are the only way empathy can develop. Individuals adverse to these interactions struggle to achieve intimate connections.
7. Sexting
According to a 2018 meta-analysis of 39 studies exploring teenagers, social media use, and sexting, roughly 15% of kids ages 11-17 reported sending sexts. Researchers also found that 12% of teens forwarded a sext without permission from the original sender, and about 8% had received a sext without consent.12 In many states, sending sexually provocative photographs is illegal under child pornography laws and may result in jail time or registering as a sex offender.
Healthy adolescent development is marked by sexual maturation and the development of the prefrontal cortex (responsible for self-regulation, critical thinking, and decision-making). The online pressure to explore and exploit sexuality on social media sets teens up for potentially disastrous consequences. Being coerced or manipulated to expose themselves can be traumatizing.
8. Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying is another potential hazard of social media. For example, slut shaming or body shaming on social media accounts can greatly impact self-esteem. One study found that nearly 36% of female and 26% of male social media users had experienced some form of cyberbullying.13 Any person targeted and bullied online is at high risk for developing low self-esteem, possibly contributing to future self-harm, depression, and suicidal risk.
Most importantly, kids who experience bullying online should understand they have your support. Parents need to empower children to have agency in addressing the bullying, as many victims fear bullying will get worse if adults intervene or confront the bully.
Populations Most Affected by Social Media
Research suggests girls are much more likely than boys to post selfies.13 Another study found teenagers who spend more time on social media have a greater risk for depression. In general, girls used social media more than boys, with 40% of girls and 20% of boys using online accounts for more than three hours daily.
The more individuals use social media, the greater their likelihood of experiencing depressive symptoms (including diminished self-esteem). Researchers found that three to five hours of daily social media use increased depression compared to only one to three hours/day. Depression scores rose to 50% for girls and 35% for boys with over five hours of use.14
Another recurrent finding reveals individuals already struggling with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, or social difficulties are more likely to develop problematic social media habits.14
Ample qualitative evidence suggests adolescents and individuals with mental health issues, stressful family dynamics, poor self-concepts, and coping skills may be at the highest risk and suffer the largest impact on self-esteem when engaging with social media.
Can Social Media Have a Positive Impact on Self-Esteem?
Research and clinical observations suggest that social media most often negatively impacts self-esteem. However, limited social media use and protective factors can preserve healthy self-esteem, mitigate the risks, or even boost self-esteem.15
Many social media users can navigate the challenges and potential risks fairly well when their self-esteem is strong and they receive real-world engagement with healthy relationships and support.15
Positive social media uses include:
- Keeping in touch with friends and family we cannot visit regularly
- Sharing creative content and positive experiences
- Exchanging meaningful information with a larger audience
- Joining communities with common interests
Protective factors:
- Ample real-world experience and activities
- Resilience
- Social Skills
- Confidence and popularity (in real life)
- Positive self-concept and self-esteem
- Stable mental health
- Healthy and Nurturing Relationships
Signs Social Media Is Affecting Your Self-Esteem
Definitively identifying social media use as a CAUSE of diminished self-esteem is difficult. Instead, ask yourself how social media may contribute to your feelings when concerned about your self-esteem. Social media probably negatively impacts your self-esteem if you classify your online activity as consistent or heavy.
Your self-esteem may be negatively affected by social media use if you are experiencing any of the following:
- Saying negative things and being critical of yourself
- Focusing on your shortcomings and ignoring your achievements
- Thinking other people are better than you
- Not accepting compliments
- Feeling depressed, anxious, ashamed, or angry
- Sensitivity to criticism
- Social withdrawal
- Preoccupation with personal problems
- Increased or excessive self-doubt
- Excessive dependence on others for feedback and validation
- Physical symptoms such as fatigue, stomach aches, insomnia, and headaches
- Reluctance to try new things
How to Set Healthy Social Media Boundaries & Boost Your Self-Esteem
Recognizing the problem is the first step in making any change or improvement. Consider setting healthy boundaries with social media if you experience diminished self-esteem because of online habits.
The following are tips for setting healthy boundaries with social media use:
- Understand the risks, benefits, impacts, and opportunities of digital media
- Be clear about your own beliefs regarding technology use
- Speak with your children/teens/partner about technology
- Establish clear expectations and limits regarding use
- Enforce limits consistently
- Emphasize and explain the need for unstructured time, play, and real-world experiences
- Do not blindly follow social norms
- Consider a technology holiday or technology detox
- Establish mandatory unplugging times and places (i.e., no smartphone at dinner or family and social gatherings)
- Do not sleep with your phone or tablet
- Limit or omit screen time when with friends
- Do not allow electronics in the bedroom
- Turn off notifications
- Remove apps from your phone
- Seek support if you are having difficulty making changes
The following are tips for boosting self-esteem:
- Unplug and connect with your own emotions, values, and beliefs
- Trust your instincts
- Engage in real-life experiences
- Practice coping with boredom and embracing solitude
- Challenge negative thoughts about yourself
- Practice self-care
- Relax and reflect
- Set goals for yourself
- Provide help to someone else; volunteer
- Try a different perspective
- Explore new interests and experiences
- Surround yourself with people who make you feel good
- Accept yourself
- Keep visual reminders of things that make you feel good
- Seek support if you are feeling stuck and unable to make the changes you desire
When & How to Get Help for Self-Esteem Issues
Consider speaking with a professional specializing in self-esteem to help you make beneficial changes. Breaking compulsive behaviors, like internet addiction or social media addiction, is difficult. The more support and guidance you have during the process, the higher the likelihood of success.
Counseling can also help you examine and change thoughts and behaviors that may feel your internet dependence and provide you with healthier coping strategies and support. In addition, therapy can help you cope with underlying problems, such as depression, anxiety, loneliness, or drug or alcohol abuse. You can ask friends or family members for therapist recommendations or locate a provider in your area on an online therapist directory.
Final Thoughts
Social media can drastically impact self-esteem in various ways. Consider seeking professional support if you struggle to cope with the residual effects of social media.
Social Media & Self-Esteem Infographics
