Tiger parents use a distinct parenting style that puts an emphasis on children’s academic success. Critics of tiger parenting report that it is ineffective and harmful to children’s mental well-being. Studies have found that it is not linked to greater academic achievement, but is associated with higher rates of depression and anxiety.
If you have experienced the harmful effects of tiger parenting, therapy and support are available.
What Is Tiger Parenting?
Tiger Parenting is a style of parenting that was first introduced in the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother written by Amy Chua.1,2 In her book, Chua, a professor at Yale University and mother of two daughters, describes how tiger parenting combines positive and negative parenting approaches. She explains that this approach is common in Chinese culture, particularly among mothers, called “tiger moms.”
Characteristics of a Tiger Parent
There are several features of tiger parenting.2 Tiger parents emphasize the importance of academic achievement. As a result, tiger parents push their children to prioritize school work above other things to increase their chances of future success.
Common characters of tiger parenting include:2
- Emphasis on academics
- High standards for achievement
- Emphasis on discipline and control
- Punishment
Examples of Tiger Parenting
Tiger parenting combines both positive and negative parenting behaviors.3 In general, parents practicing this style tend to be strict, goal-driven, and responsive to their children’s needs. While a tiger parent may strongly value academic success, this approach is linked to poorer outcomes in children. Read on to learn more about some of the common practices of tiger parents.
Setting High Standards for Children
Tiger parenting typically involves high expectations for children, particularly when it comes to academic performance. Children may be expected to receive all A’s on exams, attain scholarships or awards, and get into a top-rated university. Tiger parents are satisfied when children meet these standards and disappointed or angry when they fall short. Children may feel that these expectations are nearly impossible and can only be met by giving up other interests.
Valuing Academics Above Creativity & Socialization
Tiger parents tend to value and emphasize academic success above other pursuits. Children may be expected to spend long periods of time studying, practicing, or doing other activities that will increase their chances of getting into a respected university and landing a good job.
This parenting style may leave little time for friends, hobbies, and other extracurricular activities. Children may feel that they are missing out on these activities, especially when they see their peers able to participate.
Pushing Children Toward the Parent’s Goals
Tiger parents tend to set their own goals for their children, rather than allow their children the autonomy to set goals themselves. These goals are often related to academics or other activities that could enhance a child’s college application.
Children may feel unable to express their own desires and interests. If they do try to set their own goals, parents may respond in a negative manner. Children learn that to win their parent’s approval, they must commit to their parent’s goals and put their own interests aside.
Using Shame & Guilt as Punishment
When children misbehave or fail to meet their parent’s expectations, a tiger parent may respond by using guilt or shame as a form of punishment. For example, a child who receives a low score on an exam may be told that they are not smart enough. This experience may push children to work harder in the future to meet their parent’s expectations.
However, it can also come with a cost. Children who experience humiliation may suffer from low self-esteem and depression. Positive reinforcements like compliments and praise are not typically used by tiger parents.
Withdrawing Affection
Withdrawal of love or affection is another tactic used by some tiger parents to punish children. This can range from expressing strong dissatisfaction to appearing cold or distant if children misbehave or fail to meet their parent’s expectations.
For example, a parent may respond to a child not getting into a top choice university with silence. Withdrawal of affection communicates that a child did wrong and disappointed the parent. The message that children receive is that mistakes are unacceptable and love is conditional.
Criticisms of Tiger Parenting
Critics of tiger parenting argue that this style of parenting puts success and academic achievement above the self-esteem and well-being of children.4 After Chua’s work was published, studies on tiger parenting revealed that it is linked to lower academic achievement and higher rates of depression and anxiety.5,6 Therefore, critics argue that it is not only ineffective, but also harmful.
Another criticism of Chua’s book on tiger parenting is that she offers parenting advice based on her own personal experiences, rather than research.7 They also suggest that her work promotes negative stereotypes of Chinese parenting practices. In her book, she asserts that Chinese mothers emphasize academics above positive parent/child relationships.
Studies reveal that her broad characterization of Chinese families is untrue. In fact, Chinese families generally appear to place a balanced emphasis on academics, social skills, mental well-being, and autonomy.
What Is the Impact of Tiger Parenting on Mental Health?
Studies on tiger parenting have revealed that it can be harmful to children’s mental health and psychological well-being. One study found that, compared with a more supportive parenting style, adolescents of tiger parents were more likely to feel depressed and alienated from their parents.3 Another study found that Chinese mothers were more likely than American mothers to exhibit psychological control with their children.4
Psychological control is a feature of tiger parenting that involves restricting a child’s autonomy through manipulative acts, like withdrawal of affection. The study found that children of parents who scored higher on psychological control experienced higher levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. This is concerning because higher levels of cortisol are linked to more physical, mental, and cognitive problems.
It is unsurprising that many of the techniques used in tiger parenting can be harmful to children and put them at higher risk of stress, anxiety, and depression.5 Placing high academic standards on children at the expense of socialization and other creative pursuits can be stressful. Inducing guilt and shame when children do not meet these standards may also harm a child’s self-esteem.
Studies show that children tend to benefit from a more supportive parenting style that combines warmth, appropriate discipline, and adequate monitoring, while avoiding yelling, shaming, blaming, and comparing with others.1
Does Tiger Parenting Impact Physical Health?
There is limited information on how tiger parenting can impact a child’s physical health. We do know that psychological control is linked to high levels of cortisol, which may have health implications for children.6
High levels of stress and cortisol in children are associated with inflammation, infection, and poor immune functioning, as well as higher risk of developing health conditions like obesity, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), heart disease, and certain cancers.6 While there are no studies to date that specifically tie tiger parenting with higher risk of physical health conditions, children who experience high levels of stress during childhood appear to be at greater risk.
Is Tiger Parenting Effective?
If the goal of tiger parenting is to increase children’s chances of academic success, the answer is not necessarily. One study found that compared to a more supportive parenting style, tiger parenting was linked to higher academic pressure and lower GPA.1
The study also found that children of tiger parents did not attain higher levels of education compared to other children, which contrasts with Chua’s claims in her book. Researchers conclude that children of tiger parents show the worst developmental outcomes when compared to other parenting styles.1
While children of tiger parents generally do not excel more than their peers raised by supportive parents, some children may achieve academic success under the direction of tiger parenting, like Chua’s own daughters did. However, this can come at a high cost, since this parenting style is associated with more emotional distress.5 Psychologists recommend that parents avoid negative approaches to parenting like tiger parenting and instead adopt a more supportive approach.1
How Therapy Can Help People Impacted by Tiger Parenting
Dealing with a negative parenting style like Tiger Parenting can have an emotional impact. If you had a tiger parent during your childhood, you may experience depression, anxiety, or anger. You may also worry about how you can parent your own child in a healthy way and avoid repeating negative patterns. If you are experiencing negative effects from your own childhood or difficulty parenting, finding a therapist may be able to help you.
Some children of tiger parents may find this particular style to be too demanding and harsh. This can lead to strained relationships with family, stress, depression, and anxiety. If you find yourself dealing with these issues, finding a therapist who can help you understand how your childhood may have impacted you can help. It can also teach you ways to cope with these feelings, change your thoughts and beliefs, and improve your relationships.
You may feel unsure of how to support your own children without falling into some of the same practices that you experienced as a child. Therapy that addresses parenting issues can educate you on how to handle particular issues, like how to discipline, maintain healthy boundaries, and communicate with children positively and effectively.
