15 Green Flags to Look for In a Relationship

What Are Green Flags In Relationships?

Green flags are positive behaviors or signs of a healthy relationship. Communication, anger control, respect, and confidence are a few factors to consider.² Green flags are just as important as red flags because the more healthy behaviors a relationship has, the more each individual will benefit from the relationship.¹ It is important to look for green flags in romantic and platonic relationships.

Here are fifteen green flags in relationships:

1. Effective Communication

Communication can be a factor that can make or break a relationship. Effective communication is an excellent indicator of having a healthy relationship. Communication is more than just talking; it’s respectfully expressing how you feel, being honest about your feelings, and knowing how to disagree with your partner respectfully.³

Communication also allows the other person to express their feelings honestly. All relationships will eventually have interpersonal conflict, but healthy communication in a relationship allows partners to identify solutions and be mindful of how they speak to their partners.³ Effective communication is clear, respectful, and considerate of the other person’s feelings.

2. Being Mentally/Emotionally Healthy

Sometimes the emphasis on emotional stability in a relationship can be overlooked. When people have unresolved hurt or trauma from their past, it can negatively impact their relationships.⁴ People are emotionally healthy when they take responsibility for their actions and do not blame anyone else for their mistakes.⁴

Mental and emotional health also includes knowing how to control extreme emotions, not taking emotions out on others, and being emotionally available.⁴ People are in a good place emotionally and mentally when they can be vulnerable, open up, and aren’t afraid to express their emotions. It is also a positive sign when partners are open to individual therapy to work on themselves and couples therapy to work on their relationship.

3. Self Confidence

Along with emotional/mental health, another good sign of having a partner is someone with self-confidence. If someone has difficulty accepting or loving themselves, it may be hard to love others.² Partners with self-confidence are not insecure and will not have a problem with their partner expressing themselves.²

Self-confident partners do not try to control their significant other and are secure in their relationship.² Confident partners give their significant others space, trust them, and can function effectively when they are alone.² Confident partners know how to be secure in their individuality and know appropriate relationship boundaries.⁷

4. Maintaining Individual Identities

In addition to being secure and confident, it is a healthy sign in relationships for partners to maintain their individuality. It is beneficial to spend time with your partner and engage in activities together, but it is also important to maintain your identity.⁷

Outside of relationships, it is healthy for individuals to have friends, hobbies, or activities they enjoy. Giving your partner space gives you time to take a healthy break from each other and an opportunity to get to know who you are as an individual and not become so codependent.⁷ When partners are secure and confident, they encourage their partners to maintain their identities.⁷

5. Self-Awareness

Another positive trait to look for in a partner is self-awareness. Self-awareness is being mindful of your behavior and habits and how you come off to others.⁴ Self-aware people can take accountability for their actions and own up to their flaws and shortcomings. Partners who lack self-awareness are less likely to be mindful of how their actions affect others and may be less likely to change these actions when confronted. Self-awareness can bring greater satisfaction to relationships.⁴

6. Showing Empathy

Empathy is another great treat to look for in a partner. Empathy is trying to understand how others feel and having compassion for them.⁴ Showing empathy can be as simple as just listening and showing your partner that you care about what they are going through, even if you can’t relate to or resolve their issue.

Empathy is taking the attention off of yourself and showing concern for your partner’s needs.⁴ Partners who show empathy consistently check in with them, ask how they feel about certain things, and are ready to listen without judgment.⁴ Empathy demonstrates being aware of and acknowledging your partner’s feelings, which helps them feel validated and understood.⁵

7. Greater Sense of Purpose

People often get into relationships to experience love and compassion, but a great relationship should also push you to become a better version of yourself. Being with someone who believes in you and gets you to believe in yourself should give you even more confidence to achieve your goals.⁶

A healthy relationship should be rooted in partners inspiring each other to grow and develop without jealousy or competition. Having someone to instill confidence in you and remind you that you have a greater purpose is a sign that your partner sees what you can become, even if you cannot.⁶ In thriving relationships, partners want you to achieve your dreams and will never stand in your way of doing so. A sense of purpose and well-being can even add years to your life.⁶

8. Reducing Stress

Life can sometimes weigh you down due to the world’s stress and cares. So having a significant other to provide love and support can be helpful during a tough time. Having someone to talk to and get emotional support from can help partners cope with their stress better.⁸ A great partner will be concerned about your stress; if they can’t help you resolve your issues, they will at least be present.⁸ Sometimes, knowing that someone is there for you during a rough time can be comforting.⁸

9. Having Equality in Relationships

Equality in a relationship is important because both people should be seen as equal. A promising sign to look for regarding equality is a partner who values your opinion and believes in making decisions together.⁸ Green flags would be having a significant other who believes your voice should be heard in the relationship and that you both add value to it.⁸ Both partners are seen as being able to bring something to the table. In addition, partners are held to the same standard, and there is mutual respect for each other.

10. Respect

Respect is a very significant factor in healthy relationships. Partners hold their significant others in high regard and respect their feelings, needs, and wants.⁵ Respect means allowing your partner to be their authentic self without judgment. It means being mindful of what you say and how you say it. It also means agreeing to disagree respectfully. Respect for your partner doesn’t mean that you will always agree on everything, it’s how well you respond when you don’t agree.⁵

11. Fighting Fair

Respect for your partner also goes along with fighting fair when disagreements occur. No relationship is perfect, and conflict is bound to be along the way, but how the conflict is handled can show either green flags or red flags in your partner’s behavior.²

Fighting fair means not insulting your partner, listening to them, communicating respectfully, and not saying things you’ll regret later.² Sometimes, when things get too heated, it may be wise to take a moment and step away and return once you’ve calmed down. Disagreements and arguments should not be used to harm or damage your partner emotionally. Instead, partners should try to find mature ways to resolve issues.² A red flag can be someone who cannot control their anger.

12. Anger Control

Disagreements in relationships can sometimes lead to partners becoming angry with each other. It is important to have conflict sometimes to see how your partner responds when they are upset. Signs that someone does not have good anger management can be: becoming upset easily or quickly, making insults, being physically aggressive, or just saying or doing hurtful things.²

Partners with self-control are mindful of what comes from their mouths and consider how their actions affect others.² They do not create a scene and can handle their anger maturely by trying to calm down or remove themselves from the situation before they say or do something they regret. They also know how to communicate maturely and effectively once they have calmed down enough to speak.²

13. Embracing Differences

Differences in relationships can be a beautiful thing. When partners are different, they can complement one another. A positive sign in a partner could be someone who may have grown up differently than you, who may have a different background, or who has not had the same experiences that you have had but is willing to embrace and understand who you are. A healthy partner would not try to impose their beliefs or worldview onto you but would give you space to be an individual and try to see things from your perspective.⁷

A red flag would be someone rigid who wants a carbon copy of themselves and isn’t open to new ways of thinking or doing things. A red flag would be someone who thinks that anyone who doesn’t share the same background, status, experiences, or views is not worthy of them.⁷ A positive trait in someone is that they appreciate you for who you are, accept you just as you are, and do not force you to change what makes you unique.³

14. Sharing Common Interests

Although embracing differences can add value to relationships, so can sharing things in common. Engaging in activities you enjoy can be fun, but it makes it so much better when you have someone to share it with. Sharing similar values, beliefs, and goals is important in developing healthy relationships.⁹

Research studies suggest that relationships are more likely to have longevity when partners share common interests versus when they don’t have much in common.⁹ People with the same interests and outlook on life tend to have longer and more fulfilling relationships.⁹ A green flag to look for would be someone who takes an interest in some of the same things that you do, someone who is excited to spend those moments with you, and someone willing to try something you enjoy.⁹

15. Having Fun & Being Playful

In addition to sharing common interests, partners sometimes need to learn to have fun together. Life can be hard and stressful, and it is a good sign to have a partner that can help take your mind away from the stressors and responsibilities and help you to kick back.⁷ Being playful in relationships allows partners to let their guard down and become their inner child.⁷

Having fun can help relieve emotional and even physical distress.⁷ Some people can sometimes take life too seriously and never allow themselves to relax or have fun. While you may not want to develop a relationship with someone who is too playful all the time, it can be very beneficial to have someone who has a good work life balance to ensure that you both can still enjoy life together.

In My Experience

It is just as important to identify green flags as it is to identify red flags in relationships. Identifying what you don’t want may be easy, but knowing what you want from a relationship is more beneficial. It’s good if partners can share the same values, trust each other, inspire one another, and provide emotional support. It is important to see how well they handle conflict, how they interact when angry, and if they are self-aware and confident in themselves. It is a mutual benefit if you have common interests and you are compatible with each other. It is good to know what qualities your partner is bringing to the relationship to see if you can complement or add to what they are bringing to the table.

Knowing what characteristics you would like in a mate is also a good idea to identify what flaws are negotiable or non-negotiable. No one is perfect, but knowing what you can live with or can’t live without is a good idea. Someone could have a potential red flag but can be in the process of working on that flaw. It is beneficial to see how the red flags stack up against the green flags. We are all a work in progress, so we must give others the grace to work through things, especially if they have experienced any trauma or significant life event. There is a possibility of a partner having both green and red flags, and over time you will have to use the data you collect and your best judgment to determine if the relationship is worth pursuing further or not.