How to Make Friends in a New City: Advice from a Therapist

How to Make Friends in a New City

There are several steps that you can take to make friends in a new city, so don’t panic when you think “I have no friends“. Take time to find social groups or hobbies with group settings for activities you enjoy. Spend time getting to know your coworkers or neighbors and learning about their interests, which might also spark your interest. Finally, take advantage of technology and use friend-finding apps to meet new people.

Here are thirteen tips on how to make friends in a new city:

1. Connect with Coworkers Outside of Work

You will likely spend most of your day-to-day time with your coworkers, so getting to know your coworkers outside of work is helpful. This allows you to have a deeper connection by learning more about them and helps build a support network outside the office. You can develop a relationship where your coworkers begin to care about you more than just in the working relationship way.¹ You may also be introduced to their friends, furthering your social circles even more.

2. Explore a Group-Oriented Hobby

A group hobby is a great way to make friends, as there is a shared interest in the activity. Group hobbies often encourage and foster connection between individuals within the group through a structured environment and are often a way to lead to natural connection. Group hobbies often produce deep connections for deep and long-lasting friendships.

Examples of group-oriented hobbies include:

• A team sport, such as soccer or basketball
• A dance class
• Creative writing seminars
• Attending a comedy show
• Attending a culinary class
• Playing board games at home or finding a local community that hosts board game nights
• Join a gardening club
• Find an organization to volunteer with
• Join a book club
• Join a fitness class

3. Go on a Few Dates

When dating, the goal is typically for a romantic connection. But if a romantic connection isn’t there, if the other person is open to it, this could lead to a platonic friendship. Keeping an open mind and being upfront about seeking friendships can allow you to meet new people and expand your social circle.

4. Say Yes (Initially)

The yes mentality allows you to step outside your comfort zone and try things you might not have otherwise given the energy for. It is especially important to say yes initially, as it allows you to open your mind to people and activities. As you develop friendships, it is important to become more selective so that you avoid social fatigue and only do things that align with who you are.

5. Let People Know You Are Looking to Make New Friends

It is helpful to let people know you want to make new friends. Even people who have not just moved are often looking for connection, and when someone knows that you are looking to meet new people, they may begin to include you in plans so that you feel included.

6. Volunteer Locally

Volunteering is not only a great way to learn about the opportunities in a person’s community but also a way to make friends. When working for a good cause together, there is a sense of meaningful connection because people are there for a common deeper purpose. A person will meet people from various backgrounds while also benefiting the community.²

7. Join Online Friend-Finding Apps

Online friend-finding apps are a great way to meet new friends as they are designed to do so. Those on the app have the same goal and will be located in your area. This helps to find things to do and can help match you with people with similar interests.

8. Stroll the Local Market

Browsing a local market is a great way to meet new people as it provides for conversation with vendors or others enjoying the same activity. Most people participating in these activities have a shared interest, and this natural starting point for conversation helps friendships blossom into new discussion topics.

9. Attend a Community Event

Often, community events bring people together from different backgrounds. These events fostered the community and included engaging people in conversations through activities and exhibits. Taking part in conversations at these events can open the door for invitations to similar events and lead to long-lasting relationships with new people.

10. Visit a Local Coffee Shop

A coffee shop often has a welcoming environment that typically encourages social interaction. In this casual environment, many people will often participate in conversation, which can build and promote friendships from interactions. This is a great way to make new friends as it encourages interaction whether you are there for caffeine, to read a book, or to chat.

11. Host a Gathering

Hosting a gathering of acquaintances is a great way to expand your social circle. Whether at your house or hosting locally in the community, it is a great way to create a social setting to open deeper conversations and connections with people, including you! Conversations can flow naturally, and it’s helpful to include games to get the conversation started.

12. Explore Your Area Through Social Media

Often there are hashtags for your particular city or town throughout social media. Using social media to explore your new area can help you to find things to do and see what people are up to. Use social media to find events that will allow you to connect and attend group classes or events.

13. Meet Your Neighbors

Ring the bell or knock on the door to your neighbor’s house. Introduce yourself and let them know you are new to the area and looking for recommendations. This allows you to get to know someone close to you who will provide insight into more happenings within the community.

Why Is it So Hard to Make Friends in a New City?

Making friends in a new city can be challenging for many reasons. If you are naturally introverted, you might feel like you can’t make friends and entering social circles with people who are already friends can feel intimidating. Alternatively, you may struggle with social anxiety, which can make socializing terrifying. Even if you are extroverted, making friends in a new city can be challenging when handling a move and a new job.

How to Cope with Loneliness

Moving to a new city can be a lonely experience until a person can make friends. There is a risk of developing depression and anxiety, which is incredibly difficult, but there are ways to cope. Building meaningful relationships takes time, and finding ways to create a sense of security until you find your social circle is important.³

Ways to cope with loneliness include:

• Remind yourself that it is normal: It is important to remember these feelings are normal and valid so that a person does not continue to beat themselves up and withdraw even more from potential new connections.
• Develop a self-care routine: Self-care is essential so that a person continues to step into a routine in a new environment that works best for them with feeling good about themselves.
• Stay connected to loved ones: FaceTime, video chat, or even call loved ones who are further away to gain a sense of connection and have support.
• Practice self-reflection: Allow yourself time to reflect on your current feelings. Recognize that they are valid and find inner peace with these feelings.
• Pursue your hobby or interest: Don’t forget to continue doing the things you love, even if you do them solo. This will create a sense of normality when everything else may feel new and scary.

When to Seek Professional Support

When feelings of loneliness arise, it is important to seek professional help if sadness, anxiety, or a decline in your overall mental well-being is persistent. You may notice that your daily functioning has been impacted, and it’s important to seek support at this time so negative impacts do not continue.

An online therapist directory is a great way to find a therapist in your new area. If you are overwhelmed with the move and don’t have the time to go to therapy in person, an online therapy platform may be a good choice.

In My Experience

In my experience, people who have moved to a new area often struggle to connect with others because they are nervous about doing so. It is helpful to be open-minded and patient in understanding that building friendships will take time. With the proper support, a person can make genuine connections with others.

It is helpful to be open-minded to the ideas of what surrounds them and self-reflect and grow to be able to meet new people. Trying to fit into a social circle by finding common ground is not easy, and the challenge is making sure to stay true to yourself while being open to exploring new opportunities or hobbies.