Attachment Parenting: Definition, Principles, & Benefits

Principles of Attachment Parenting

The primary attachment parenting principles come from the work of pediatrician Dr. William Sears. In 1993, he and his wife, Martha Sears, published their well-known book, The Baby Book, which evolved into the first manual for attachment parenting.² Their principles gave way to the foundation of Attachment Parenting International, which has focused on teaching and promoting secure infant attachment.³

The original principles of attachment parenting include:

• Prepare for parenting: This principle encourages parents to reduce negative thoughts and feelings about pregnancy and lean into the parenting process.
• Breastfeeding: Attachment parenting recommends breastfeeding, as breast milk contains unique nutrients essential for an infant’s growth and well-being.
• Be sensitive: Attachment-based parents consider that all emotions are valid and that every cry, tantrum, or expression has a legitimate purpose. These parents aim to understand rather than immediately punish child behavior.
• Skin-to-skin contact: Attachment theorists state that touch provides soothing relief. Parents consider babywearing, taking baths with their baby, and holding their baby often.
• Nighttime parenting: Attachment parenting encourages parents to co-sleep with their baby at night. 
• Provide unconditional love: Caregivers utilizing an attachment parenting style stay present and engaged with their baby. They aim to be loving and consistent as often as possible.
• Provide positive discipline: This principle urges parents to connect with their baby rather than disciplining during moments of tension. Parents consider how they can collaborate and work with their children to resolve conflict.
• Aim for balance: Parents are encouraged to tap into their support systems, practice self-care, and take strategies to avoid parental burnout.

Updated Attachment Parenting Principles

The original eight principles of attachment parenting have since been updated (referred to as Baby B’s and attachment tools). In this revised approach, Dr. Sears acknowledges that attachment parenting is an approach rather than a rigid set of rules. Therefore, parents should do their best with available resources. Ultimately, parents need to do what is best for their family.

The “Baby B’s” of attachment parenting include:⁴

• Birth bonding: Early bonding experiences include significant time and contact together. During this time, babies learn to crave closeness with their mothers through bonding activities.
• Breastfeeding: Mothers and babies learn from each other through breastfeeding. Breastfeeding also produces connective hormones like prolactin and oxytocin, further strengthening the mother-child bond.
• Baby-wearing: Carried babies learn more about their environment when they are in a constant state of calm. When baby-wearing, parents get to know their babies.
• Bed-sharing: Babies feel safe while sleeping when close to caregivers. Through bed-sharing, babies learn that sleep can be pleasant and enjoyable.
• Belief in baby’s cries: Crying signals that a baby needs something. When a parent responds attentively to these cries, the baby learns to trust their parent. 
• Beware of baby trainers: Be mindful of rigid, extreme parenting styles focusing on time constraints or ‘crying it out’ rather than understanding behavior. Even if baby trainers provide short-term relief, they create distance between the parent and baby.
• Balance: Parents need to take care of themselves and focus on their own relationships, allowing them to be more responsive to their babies.

Attachment Parenting Criticisms

Attachment parenting is controversial, and critics argue that it promotes unrealistic expectations for parents, particularly with variables that may be out of their control (such as the ability to bond immediately after birth or breastfeed). Moreover, there is a big emphasis on the role of the mother, which disregards other family systems or caregivers. Likewise, research shows that ‘tight parenting’ (being together all the time) often diminishes healthy attachment.⁵

Criticisms of attachment parenting include:

• Infant death: The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) discourages bedsharing, as it can increase the possibility of strangulation, suffocation, and SIDS.⁶
• Multiple caregivers: Attachment parenting strongly focuses on the relationship between mother and baby. This approach is not inclusive of all families, and it doesn’t inherently account for the role of babysitters, nannies, or other providers.
• All-or-nothing mindset: Following any parenting style as if it’s an exact formula often contributes to an ‘all-or-nothing’ approach.
• Internalized shame: Parents may feel guilty if they cannot or do not want to parent according to an attachment parenting style. A caregiver may believe they’re the problem and feel like a bad parent.
• It’s not the same as attachment theory: Abstract principles of bedsharing, babywearing, or breastfeeding do not always correlate with positive outcomes in children. For example, children without attachment-based parents can still develop secure attachments.

Attachment Parenting Examples

Attachment parenting styles can benefit a child at any age. Of course, how you parent a newborn differs significantly from how you parent a baby or toddler. Examples of attachment parenting vary depending on your family’s unique needs, but techniques generally focus on establishing healthy connections, fostering parental attachment, and remaining mindful. 

Examples of attachment parenting include:

Newborns

• Breastfeed after birth
• Follow the baby’s cues for hunger and feed on-demand
• Soothe the baby while crying
• Avoid sleep schedules

0-12 Months

• Continue breastfeeding based on the baby’s needs
• Hold the baby in a baby carrier
• Recognize that every cry is a type of communication
• Spend one-on-one time interacting and playing with the baby
• Let the baby tell you what they need instead of following a set schedule

Toddlers

• Validate emotions regularly
• Intervene with the intention of connecting rather than disciplining
• Embrace the toddler’s unique sense of self
• Continue with physical closeness and comforting touch
• Be mindful of stressing about milestones or other rigid guidelines

5 Benefits of Attachment Parenting

Many families can reap the benefits of attachment parenting when practiced safely and effectively. As with any parenting approach, it is best to consider a balanced, flexible technique that accounts for unique family dynamics. Trying to do things perfectly will likely backfire for everyone.

Below are five benefits of attachment parenting:

1. Emotional Regulation in Children

Research shows that attuning to a child’s needs helps them recognize and manage their emotions. This process, known as emotional regulation, is critical at all stages of life. When parents respond to their child appropriately, the child learns how to manage their emotions independently.

2. Increased Child Comfort

Fussier newborns and young babies feel soothed by their caregivers and experience a state of mutual understanding. The child trusts the parent to help them when necessary, and the parent builds confidence knowing they can support their distressed child.

3. Increased Bonding

Many parents find it challenging to bond with their children. Attachment parenting offers a gentle approach to connecting physically and emotionally through various methods, such as breastfeeding, lots of physical touch, and validating emotions. Attachment parenting methods may deepen the relationship with your child, even if you apply just a few strategies to your parenting style.

4. Safer Home Environments

When a child is young, their home is their entire world. Even as they grow older, the home operates as an initial blueprint for safety, autonomy, and comfort. Building a safe home environment can reduce stress and foster confidence in your child.

5. Secure Attachment

Attachment parenting can promote secure attachment in children. Children raised in loving, attentive homes learn their needs are important and valued. They feel confident in the world and enjoy healthier relationships with themselves and others.

Is Attachment Parenting Right for My Family?

Attachment parenting can strengthen the relationship you have with your child. However, validating and understanding what your children need when implementing parenting strategies is essential. That said, every family is different. Focus on identifying parenting approaches that are safe and align with your values. Couples counseling or family therapy may help you and your partner get on the same page if parenting disagreements are a source of tension in your relationship.

Final Thoughts

There is no perfect parenting approach–every parenting philosophy has strengths and drawbacks. Attachment parenting offers a framework for supportive, attuned connections, which can be beneficial in many cases. However, parenting is not the same for everyone. Be willing to find what works best for your family.