A hopeless romantic is someone who has idealistic views of love, believes love will conquer all, and often sees the positive over struggles within relationships. Hopeless romantics have a tendency to disregard past heartache due to their endless faith in true love. There are signs to help determine whether you are a hopeless romantic, and is it possible to be a romantic without being “hopeless.”
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What Is a Hopeless Romantic?
Hopeless romantics, in part due to movies and social media, are often thought of as living in a fantasy world with unrealistic expectations. However, most people who are hopeless romantics only want to feel loved and needed. In fact, one study found that those who reported having a strong tendency towards romantic tendencies also reported having higher levels of satisfaction in their relationships.1
Despite their needs being what many people want, the way hopeless romantics go about them is sometimes unhealthy. Due to their intense focus on romance and falling in love, their love sometimes lacks emotional intimacy and connection. Hopeless romantics are often people who report that they fall in love at first sight. Due to this, hopeless romantics are often thought of as people who fall in love with the idea of being in love.
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10 Signs You Are a Hopeless Romantic
Many people are able to self-identify whether they are a hopeless romantic due to their desire to find love. But what makes a hopeless romantic different from a romantic is a hopeless romantics’ tendency to pursue love at the expense of finding healthy, lasting love. If you are wondering what type you are, there are several common signs that point to whether you, or someone you know, is a hopeless romantic.
The following are ten signs you’re a hopeless romantic:
1. Your Romances End as Quickly as They Begin
Because hopeless romantics are often looking for love, and not true inner connection, they are likely to have quick relationships that do not last long. The feeling of falling in love can be addicting due to the hormones released during the infatuation period. Then, when the honeymoon phase ends, those who are looking for that rush of falling in love will likely move on to a new partner.
2. You Are Overly Optimistic About Love
There are many reasons to be optimistic about love. Studies show that those who are optimistic are linked to having a higher amount of coping skills to manage stress. Related research on the importance of hope shows similar benefits, from stronger coping to better overall well-being. Thus their optimism has a positive effect on their life. “There is evidence that optimistic people present a higher quality of life compared to those with low levels of optimism or even pessimists.”2
Our culture’s view on romance challenges that, however. Romantic beliefs are often thought of as contributing to unrealistic expectations about romantic relationships.1 Therefore, having an overly optimistic view of love can set up hopeless romantics to have expectations that are not based on reality.
3. You Daydream About Love
There is nothing wrong with daydreaming about love. However, those who are hopeless romantics are often more in love with the idea of being in love, and are not looking for all that comes with that. True, deep love is not always exciting. It can be boring, stressful, and hard work. But it is rewarding! However, those who are hopeless romantics are usually seeking excitement in lieu of hard work.
4. You Daydream About Your Wedding Day
Like those who daydream about love, daydreaming about the wedding day is often a sign that someone is in love with the idea- and a picture-perfect one at that. A wedding day is not at all representative of a real relationship. It is certainly a celebration, but it does not determine the longevity of a relationship. Daydreaming about a wedding day might be a sign that you are looking for the fairy tale version of romance.
5. You Enjoy Romance Movies
While not all people who enjoy a good rom-com are hopeless romantics, those who enjoy the happy ending and predictability of these movies might be more likely to be hopeless romantics. This is because those who are not hopeless romantics can often see that these movies are unrealistic and that they do not represent real life or real relationships.
Those who engage in more movie and media viewing of romantic couples are more likely to fall prey to unrealistic expectations. It is these unrealistic expectations that leave many dissatisfied in real-life relationships when they don’t go as planned.3
6. You Rush into Relationships
Many hopeless romantics feel a need to rush into a relationship or potential relationship. For those who are looking to fall in love or who are looking for a mate, it is common to try to rush into something, rather than risk it slipping away. This is why those who find someone physically attractive are more likely to become emotionally attached.4
7. You Report Falling in Love at First Sight
It is common for hopeless romantics to report that they fell in love at first sight. While many researchers report that this is due to elements of physical attraction that make the person feel they have fallen in love, those who experience it feel that it is real.5 This does not mean that feeling that you fell in love at first sight will never lead to a lasting relationship. However, those who are hopeless romantics are more likely to report falling in love instantly than their peers who might take a slower approach to falling in love.
8. You Put Your Own Needs Aside
For those who are desperate to find love, it often means putting their own needs aside. If someone is worried that communicating needs or boundaries in a relationship will scare off the other person, they will be less likely to assert those needs in the hope that this will make the person love them more.
9. You Idealize Your Partner
Those who have a higher likelihood of engaging in hopeless romantic behaviors are more likely to idealize their partner. When someone is on the lookout for love, they will likely idealize the other person and ignore any potential red flags.
As none of us are perfect, this can give someone unrealistic expectations for their relationships. If someone thinks their partner is perfect, they will likely think of themselves as undeserving. This can set them up for maltreatment or being more likely to ignore warning signs.
10. You Often Ignore Red Flags
If you often look back and realize that you ignored, or excused, red flags in a relationship, then it might be due to being a hopeless romantic. Those who are on the lookout for love will often be focused on the end result: falling in love, and are trying to get there quickly. Most people are on their best behavior in the beginning of a relationship. Therefore, if you are noticing red flags in the beginning of a relationship, it is important to recognize this.
12 Red Flags in a Relationship to Watch For Red flags are warning signs that can alert us to toxic characteristics present in a partner or relationship. Identifying red flags can help us address, correct, and repair issues that will stand in the way of building a healthy, respectful, loving relationship. If red flags can’t be addressed, it may be a sign to move on.
Is it Bad to Be a Hopeless Romantic?
Some hopeless romantics who are desperately looking for a mate can make themselves more likely to ignore red flags in their search for a mate, because they are so intent on finding romance and looking for a fairy-tale type relationship that they might find themself wearing rose-colored glasses.
Because of this, some hopeless romantics might get hurt frequently in relationships, or they might find themselves in toxic relationships more so than someone who isn’t a hopeless romantic. This is due to their tendency to overlook warning signs that the person might be wrong for them.
Can You Be a Romantic Without Being “Hopeless”?
Someone can be a romantic person without having a pattern of being a hopeless romantic. There is nothing wrong with being romantic. With the advancement of social media, many young couples are moving faster and are less likely to see the need for romance. But this does not take away its importance for those who find romance special. If you enjoy being romantic, there is nothing wrong with this, as long as your expectations are realistic and your actions are appropriate.
When Hopeless Romantics Should Seek Professional Support
In most cases, being a hopeless romantic is not a cause for concern. Stay true to yourself and who you are! However, for those who find that their search for a mate is causing stress in their lives, they might be in need of a support person or therapist to talk to.
Therapy can help someone who has more fantasies about love than realism to make realistic decisions, as well as develop self-awareness. Talking to a therapist can help someone find healthier relationships. Consider online therapy options or use an online therapist directory to find someone to talk to.
In My Experience
In my experience, healthy relationships take work. Especially for those who grew up with poor examples of relationships in their family environment. Many people who have a history of unhealthy relationships want desperately to find someone who will work out for them, which makes them more likely to seek out a partner. This does not mean that all hopeless romantics have an unhealthy relationship history, but it does make those who have unhealthy histories more desperate to find a partner to prove to themselves that they are capable of having a healthy relationship.
What Is a Hopeless Romantic? 10 Signs You Might Be One Infographics
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Vannier, S. A., & O’Sullivan, L. F. (2016). Passion, connection, and destiny. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 34(2), 235–257. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407516631156
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Conversano, C., Rotondo, A., Lensi, E., Della Vista, O., Arpone, F., & Reda, M. A. (2010). Optimism and Its Impact on Mental and Physical Well-Being. Clinical Practice & Epidemiology in Mental Health, 6(1), 25–29. https://doi.org/10.2174/1745017901006010025
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Galician, M. L. (2004). Sex, love, and romance in the mass media: Analysis and criticism of unrealistic portrayals and their influence. Routledge
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Grant-Jacob, J. A. (2016). Love at First Sight. Frontiers in Psychology, 7. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2016.01113
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ZSOK, F., HAUCKE, M., DE WIT, C. Y., & BARELDS, D. P. H. (2017). What kind of love is love at first sight? An empirical investigation. Personal Relationships, 24(4), 869–885. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12218
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Author: ChoosingTherapy.com Editorial Team
Primary Changes: Added an internal link to related content on the importance of hope.
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