What Is the Aromantic Spectrum?

What Is the Aromantic Spectrum?

The aromantic spectrum, often abbreviated as “arospec,” considers the variety of levels of romanticism that are, or are not, experienced.¹ At one end of the spectrum are those individuals who never experience any level of romantic attraction to another. At the other end of the spectrum are those people who may occasionally, but rarely, experience romantic attraction.

Individuals who consistently experience romantic attraction to others are categorized as alloromantic.² Alloromantic individuals, like those on the aromantic spectrum, may or may not be asexual. Both aromantic and alloromantic people may also identify as straight, queer, bi, or any other sexual orientation. Aromantic identity refers only to the absence or lack of romantic attraction.

What Is the Aromantic Flag?

Similar to the more prevalent sexual orientation pride flag, there is also an aromantic flag.³ The aromantic flag represents those who identify along the aromantic spectrum and includes two green stripes, one darker and one lighter, which represent the aromantic spectrum; a white stripe that represents friendships and platonic love; and a gray and a black stripe that represent the sexual identities along the spectrum.

Romantic Attraction Vs. Sexual Attraction

Being romantically attracted to a person is not the same thing as being sexually attracted to a person. Romantic attraction refers to the presence of a desire to form a romantic and intimate relationship with someone. It is based on a connection and desire for a deeper bond. Sexual attraction, however, refers to a physical desire based on visual or other sensory cues. With purely sexual attraction, there is not an accompanying desire to build a relationship with a person. With romantic attraction, there is not necessarily a simultaneous desire for sexual involvement.

Aromantic Vs. Asexual

Just as romantic attraction differs from sexual attraction, having an aromantic identity is not the same as having an asexual identity. Aromantic people do not desire romantic relationships with others, but aromantic people may experience sexual attraction and desire sexual involvement with others. Aromantic individuals also may pursue and take satisfaction in sexual relationships.

Asexual individuals do not experience sexual desires but may engage in romantic and intimate relationships that do not include sexual engagement. Some individuals, however, may be both aromantic and asexual in that they do not experience either romantic or sexual attraction to others.

What Does it Mean to Be Aromantic?

Being aromantic, or being “aro,” as it is often termed, does not mean that you do not value deep and intimate relationships, but it does mean that you don’t feel that a romantic relationship is essential or even relevant to your overall satisfaction with life. Aromatic people enjoy a variety of meaningful relationships that are not based on romantic attraction.⁴

Just as there is a specific pride flag for individuals who are aro, this identity is also included in the acronym LGBTQIA+. The “A” in this acronym is aromantic, agender, and asexual. Although each identity is captured by the single letter, A, they are all unique.

What Is a Queerplatonic Relationship?

Queerplatonic relationships are intimate and monogamous relationships between two people who are committed to one another but do not engage in a sexual relationship.⁵ Unlike a friendship, queerplatonic relationships are deeper and more intimate and may involve non-sexual physical contact such as cuddling, hugging, and handholding. Queerplatonic relationships can also be composed of more than two people.

Identities of the Aromantic Spectrum

Not everyone who identifies along the aromantic spectrum similarly experiences a lack of romantic desire. Recognizing that there are many different romantic identities along the spectrum can help people better understand others who hold these identities or better understand themselves if they experience an absence or lack of romantic desire.

Common identities on the aromantic spectrum include (but are not limited to):

Aegoromantic

Aegoromantic includes the prefix “aego,” meaning “without myself.” Thus, individuals who identify as aegoromantic take some pleasure in romance or romantic relationships but have no desire to be involved in such a relationship themselves.

Aroflux

This word reflects the “aro” prefix, shorthand for aromantic, and “flux,” which refers to something changeable or “in flux.” Aroflux individuals occasionally experience some level of romantic attraction but do not always wish to have their feelings reciprocated by the object of their attraction. Their feelings of romantic attraction may also ebb and flow within their relationships.

Autoromantic

This word refers to people who feel that they are in romantic relationships with themselves. They experience self-love as a romance and may feel that they both give love to themselves as well as receive it. They may engage in “self-dates,” in which they do something special for themselves that they enjoy, such as going to a favorite restaurant alone.

Biromantic

Individuals who identify as biromantic are similar to individuals who identify as bisexual. Biromantic individuals are not attracted to individuals from only a single gender but to individuals from more than one specific gender.

Cupioromantic

The word cupioromantic was formed from the prefix “cupio,” derived from Latin and means “to desire.” Thus, individuals who identify as cupioromantic long to be involved in a romantic relationship but do not experience feelings of romantic attraction to others.

Demiromantic

Demiromantic individuals do experience feelings of romantic attraction. However, these feelings only arise if an emotional connection to another person has developed. These individuals do not fall in love “at first sight,” but slowly develop feelings of romantic attraction as they get to know someone.

Greyromantic

Individuals who identify as greyromantic do not experience frequent romantic attraction but may experience it at some point. They may also experience attraction to a person but have no interest in developing a romantic relationship with that person.

Lithoromantic

The prefix used in this term, litho, means “stone.” Individuals who identify as lithromantic may experience romantic attraction towards another, but they do not need to have those feelings returned or reciprocated by the individual to whom they are attracted. Lithromantic people do not feel a strong desire to be in a relationship with a person to whom they are attracted.

Panromantic

Individuals who identify as panromantic do experience romantic attraction. However, their attraction is not limited to individuals with a specific gender or gender identity. Panromantics experience romantic attraction based on who a person is, not the gender or gender identity that they hold.

Quoiromantic

Quoiromantic people are unsure of what romantic attraction might be or how it would feel and are uncertain of their romantic orientation. They may be disdainful of romantic identities or simply feel confused by the variations in attraction and unable to determine if any identities fit them.

Recipromantic

While some identities on the arospectrum do not feel the need to have their attraction to a person reciprocated, individuals who are recipromantic will only experience romantic attraction for someone who has expressed their attraction to the recipromantic first. They reciprocate romantic attraction towards persons who are attracted to them.

How to Know if You’re on the Aromantic Spectrum

People are socialized early to value and seek out romantic relationships. From children’s Valentine’s Day cards to romantic fairy tales, expectations about romantic love are woven throughout our culture. However, not everyone feels a desire to find a romantic partner. Experiencing feelings of romantic attraction towards others and not experiencing it is normal, too.

Aromantic individuals do not desire romantic partners or romantic love but may experience feelings of other forms of love or attraction. Aromantic people may feel platonic love and devotion to others, and they may also feel sexual attraction to others. If you have seldom or never experienced any feelings of romantic attraction, you may or may not be on the aromantic spectrum.

Some signs you may be aromantic include:

• You don’t experience romantic attraction
• You don’t have crushes or feel in love with someone else
• You don’t feel like you need a romantic relationship to be fulfilled
• You don’t relate to romantic stories
• You may have pretended to have romantic feelings for someone even when you didn’t
• You have a hard time understanding what it means to have a broken heart
• You don’t know why “happily ever after” endings always involve romantic relationships

How to Support Someone Who Is Aromantic

It’s important to remember that other people’s feelings, orientations, and relationships are not anyone’s business but their own. However, you must validate your identity and show your support if someone comes out to you about their romantic orientation. It is also important not to try to change a person’s aromantic identity and reject amatonormative beliefs.

Be an ally to aromantics by:

• Respect their identities and feelings even if you don’t feel the same or understand them
• Listen to the experiences of aromantic people
• Find out information on your own, too, rather than expecting them to educate you about the arospectrum
• Show your support by avoiding assumptions about others’ relationships
• Correct others who denigrate or make faulty statements about aromantics
• Practice using inclusive language, and if you say something that you regret, acknowledge the mistake and apologize for the mistake
• If an aromantic person calls you out for your actions or comments, accept the feedback and work to do better
• Check in with an aromantic friend about their comfort level regarding discussions of your romantic relationships

Where to Get Support

If you feel your identity diverges from the amatonormative expectations of others, you may feel invalidated or confused. In a culture that glorifies love and romance, it can also feel oppressive to those who fall along the aromantic spectrum. It can also be distressing when your fondness for someone seems mismatched with their romantic feelings for you.

If you feel that any aspect of your identity is causing confusion or you have concerns that are getting in the way of your normal routine, consider seeking professional support. You may want to seek a therapist who identifies as LGBTQ or an ally. Many online therapy platforms provide access to therapists specializing in LGBTQ+ concerns, and you can simplify your search using an online therapist directory.

In My Experience

The better your understanding of other identities, the better you can understand yourself. Recognizing the multidimensional nature of identity can dispel harmful normative expectations of others who may hold diverse identities from yourself. In addition, understanding how romantic attraction can vary, especially if you feel that your identity diverges from amatonormativity, you can better figure out where you fall on the aromantic spectrum and how to communicate this to others.