What Does it Mean to Be Alloromantic?

What Is the Meaning of Alloromantic?

Just as sexual attraction is diverse and varies from person to person, romantic attraction is experienced differently in each one of us. People who are alloromantic experience romantic attraction toward others. Some people do not experience romantic attraction at all, some experience romantic attraction but not sexual attraction, and others might experience sexual attraction but not romantic. It is also possible to be alloromantic and asexual.

While they both often play a similar part in dating and sexuality, romantic attraction is different from sexual attraction.While romantic attraction is experienced internally, and often within the mind and heart, sexual attraction is often a biological and physical response.

Romantic Attraction

Romantic attraction is when someone has a desire to be emotionally connected with another person. Someone can be romantically attracted to another person without desiring a sexual relationship, or they can both occur at the same time. There are many different types of attraction, and romantic is just one type.

Sexual Attraction

Sexual attraction is when someone has a desire for a physical or sexual connection with another person. Like romantic attraction, sexual attraction can occur without a desire for emotional intimacy. This means that someone can be sexually attracted to another person without desiring a romantic relationship, or they can both occur at the same time. Studis have shown that sexual attraction is typically a result of physical attraction.¹

Signs You May Be Alloromantic

Because everyone is different, people experience romantic feelings in different ways. Although it is assumed that most people experience romantic and physical sexual attraction at the same time, they actually do not always occur together. Some people experience one or the other, both, or neither.

“In order to form a relationship, there must be some type of attraction, either physically or on a personality level.”¹ For some, that means physical and romantic attraction occur together for them. However, for some people that attraction is purely intellectual or romantic, without the physical attraction. Even romantic attraction can have different levels or experiences for alloromantic people.

Signs that you may be alloromantic include:

• You have experienced a desire for emotional closeness with other people: When you meet a new person, you are interested in being emotionally close with them, and getting to know them on an intellectual level.
• You experience romantic attraction to other people: When you start becoming interested in another person, it is often the emotional closeness that you enjoy before the physical desire.
• You experience these desires and attractions regardless of their gender or sexuality: When you meet a new person, you are interested in being emotionally close with them, and their gender expression and sexuality may not matter as much as the intellectual closeness you share.
• You desire emotional closeness: You enjoy feeling close with someone even if you don’t want to have sex with them
• A relationship with only physical closeness does not feel complete: This is because the emotional aspect of a relationship is important to you
• You can develop a crush on someone without knowing what they look like: This can happen because emotional connection and intimacy is important to you
• The emotional bond is important to you: When you have a connection with someone, you want to get to know who they are and you want to learn more about them

Alloromantic Vs Allosexual

Alloromantic refers to someone who experiences romantic attraction and desire for emotional closeness with others. Allosexual refers to someone who experiences sexual attraction towards other people. Despite their similar sounding terms, alloromantic is in reference to romantic desire, while allosexual is in reference to sexual desire. While for many people they occur together, this is not necessary, and some people do not experience both romantic and sexual attraction.

Because they refer to different things, it is common for some people to be both alloromantic and allosexual, to be only one or the other, or even to be neither.² There is no way to know for sure how someone experiences their attractions and sexualities without asking them directly.

Alloromantic Vs. Aromantic

Although the two terms can seem similar or even confusing, they actually refer to two different romantic identities. Alloromantic refers to someone who experiences romantic attraction, while aromantic refers to someone who experiences very little, or even no romantic attraction.

Someone can be both alloromantic and asexual, meaning they experience romantic attraction but do not have desire for physical sexual connection. Or they can be alloromantic and sexual, meaning they experience emotional and physical attraction.

Romantic Identities on the Alloromantic Spectrum

Alloromantic is a term that encompasses several romantic identities. Like all identities and sexualities, alloromantic is an identity that exists on a wide spectrum. Someone can be exclusively alloromantic, meaning they only experience romantic attraction, or they can experience romantic and physical attraction anywhere on a spectrum.

Some romantic identities include:

• Biromantic. Someone who is biromantic experiences a desire for romantic intimacy with two or more genders.
• Demiromantic: The demiromantic romantic orientation is when someone experiences romantic attraction and emotional feelings towards someone only after developing an emotional connection with them.
• Grayromantic: The grayromantic orientation is when someone has romantic feelings occasionally. They usually need specific circumstances or environments to experience this.
• Heteromantic: Someone who experiences heteroromantic feelings experiences romantic attraction onwards only members of the opposite gender.
• Homoromantic: This romantic orientation is when someone experiences romantic feelings only towards people of the same gender.
• Lithromantic. When someone enjoys romantic attraction for others who do not reciprocate this feeling for them.
• Panromantic: Panromantic is when someone can experience romantic attractions and desires emotional intimacy with people of all genders.
• Polyromantic: This orientation is when someone can experience romantic attractions and desires emotional intimacy with people of many different genders, but not all.
• Recipromanic: This romantic orientation is when someone feels romantic attraction towards others only when the other person shares these feelings.

How Being Alloromantic Influences Your Relationships

There are different ways that alloromanticism affects relationships, especially when the relationship consists of varying sexualities and romantic attractions. Just as it is common for couples to experience different sexual desires, the same is true for partners to experience different romantic desires.

Making sure to nurture your relationship is an important step in being mindful of the needs of different romantic attractions. It is common for individuals to have different desires and expectations regarding sexuality and emotional closeness in relationships, which can affect their connection and level of satisfaction.³

How to Nurture Healthy Romantic Relationships

Nurturing your relationship is key to having a healthy alloromantic relationship. Having healthy and satisfying relationships can reduce mental health symptoms, and improves satisfaction in life.⁴ Having mutual respect, as well as being patient and understanding, are important elements in maintaining a healthy relationship.

If you are alloromantic, things you can do to cultivate a healthy relationship include:

• Be willing to put the work into relationships
• Communicate your needs and expectations throughout the relationship
• Get clear about expectations early in the relationship to make sure you are on the same page
• Embrace differences in romantic and sexual expectations- which may be more common among different genders³
• Respect each others boundaries and needs
• Try to speak your partner’s love language
• Respect your partner’s needs in the relationship
• Be direct and honest about your needs
• Be patient and understanding

What Should You Do If You Want More Romance Than a Partner Does?

It is common for someone who is alloromantic to feel like their needs aren’t being met in their relationships, especially if their partner is not alloromantic, or not to the same extent they are. By improving communication, being more vulnerable and open, and asking to find shared interests, you can improve intimacy and romance in your relationship.

Tips to improve your relationship if you want more intimacy and romance:

• Communicate with your partner
• Understand what you want
• Be more vulnerable
• Seek out adventures together
• Get to know each other deeper
• Ask questions
• Find shared interests

How to Support Someone Who Does Not Identify as Alloromantic

Because alloromantics refer to so many people, they make up a highly represented group. Due to this, there is a stereotype that all people experience romantic attraction the same way, which may impact those who do not identify as such.

By remaining open minded, asking questions, and being respectful, you can be supportive of people with different romantic orientations, sexual orientations, or gender identities.

Steps you can take to show your support include:

• Be open minded: It is important to understand that we are all different, and not everyone wants romance.
• Don’t assume people feel the same way you do: Because we are all different, there is no guarantee that others have the same romantic or sexual attractions or identities as you do.
• Don’t assume: While it can be easy to assume that single friends are unhappy because they’re not in a relationship, be mindful of making this assumption.
• Ask questions: When you are starting to become interested in or to date another person, ask questions about who they are, and how they experience attraction.
• Address any concerns in the beginning: If you find that you are experiencing something different than the other person you are interested in, it is important to address this in the beginning. Waiting too long can create space for hurt feelings or even broken hearts.
• Be respectful: Always be respectful and kind when learning about other people’s identities. You are not expected to know everything, so asking is okay as long as you are respectful. This is the best way to show support.