Divorce Trauma: Can You Experience PTSD From Divorce?

What Is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health disorder that occurs after experiencing traumatic situations or events. PTSD symptoms can impact people of all ages, significantly affecting their lives, relationships, jobs, and health.

Common symptoms of PTSD include:

• Hypervigilance: Many with PTSD experience hypervigilance or a heightened, exaggerated response to stressful situations.
• Intrusive symptoms: Intrusive thoughts, feelings, or sensations sometimes plague the body and mind after traumatic experiences.
• Avoidance behaviors: Many individuals with PTSD avoid things, people, or places that remind them of their traumatic experiences.
• Recurring memories: Those with PTSD often experience PTSD flashbacks, nightmares, or panic attacks when triggered by memories or thoughts of the trauma.
• Interpersonal relationship problems: After experiencing trauma, some people may have difficulty trusting or relating to others the way they could before.
• Trauma responses: Trauma can result in automatic “fight, flight, or freeze” responses when faced with trauma reminders, such as a familiar smell or sound.
• Physical symptoms: Headaches, unexplained body aches and pains, and digestive concerns are some common physical PTSD symptoms.

Can Divorce Cause PTSD?

Ending a marriage is seldom easy, even if the relationship is toxic and abusive. While not a clinical diagnosis, divorce trauma may develop from the separation process (i.e., court proceedings, child custody hearings, etc.) or events experienced during the relationship before separation. For example, some people may view their divorce as especially traumatic if their ex-partner was cruel during negotiations, refused to cooperate, or intentionally behaved in ways to cause emotional pain throughout the process.

Who Is at Risk of Divorce Trauma?

Those who experienced coercive control and other psychological abuse during the divorce process are most at risk for developing post-divorce PTSD symptoms. Additionally, a personal or family history of anxiety or depression may increase the possibility of PTSD due to pre-existing or predisposed symptoms.¹

Does Divorce Trauma Affect Children?

Ex-partners are not necessarily the only ones who can experience symptoms of PTSD following a divorce. After their parents’ divorce, children may experience PTSD, especially in cases of psychological or physical violence.

Children need support to handle stressful events like divorce. Children exposed to the drama and sometimes cruelty of divorce may feel unsafe or under-supported, making them more likely to experience PTSD symptoms. This risk increases for children with parents involved in prolonged, ongoing conflict.²

Symptoms of PTSD in children may include:

• Changes in behavior
• Changes in sleeping patterns
• Decline in academic performance
• Changes in appetite
• Self-harming behaviors
• Avoidance of places or situations
• Reenacting the trauma in play
• Acting out
• Potty-trained children wetting the bed¹
• Nightmares

Symptoms of Divorce Trauma

A person can experience a broad array of post-divorce PTSD, manifesting differently depending on their situation. These symptoms can contribute to avoidance behaviors (i.e., avoiding places, persons, or things associated with an ex-partner) and reluctance to explore new relationships.

Common symptoms of divorce trauma include:

• Exaggerated self-blame or blame of others
• Irritability
• Divorce grief
• Aggression
• Negative self-talk
• Reluctance to meet new people
• Avoidance behaviors
• Nightmares of the events that took place during the divorce
• Racing heart when triggered by memories of the ex-partner

How to Cope With Divorce Trauma

Developing and maintaining coping skills for dealing with divorce trauma is essential. How you manage your symptoms determines how you heal and move forward.^3,4 Focus on recognizing, accepting, and validating your experience, allowing yourself to feel your emotions and express them with your support system.

Here are six strategies to help you cope with divorce trauma:

1. Accept How You Feel

Accepting your emotions can help with healing. It is common to feel empty, lonely, guilty, abandoned, or resentful after a traumatic divorce. There is no right or wrong way to handle this experience, so allow yourself to feel your emotions and accept them as they pass.

2. Use Relaxation Strategies

Using relaxation strategies can help reduce symptoms of trauma after a divorce. Consider trying a mindfulness routine, deep breathing exercises, meditating, trauma-informed yoga, or any activity that makes you feel calm and relaxed.

3. Validate your Experiences

You may face judgment from people who do not understand how difficult and traumatic divorce can be. Validating your own experiences is crucial to managing PTSD symptoms that arise and remaining a steadfast model of strength for your children (if applicable).

4. Remove Pressures to Heal Quickly

Remember that healing from trauma takes time, especially after losing a partner. Your symptoms may not immediately improve, but you may experience positive growth over a few months.¹ Be patient without yourself.

5. Take Time Before Dating Again

Examine why you feel pressured to get back into the dating world. Are external factors guiding this feeling? Do you feel an obligation to provide another parent to your children? Are you struggling with loneliness? Allow yourself time and space to heal before jumping back into the game. If someone offers to set you up with someone, it is okay to say you are not ready.

6. Examine Your Relationship Patterns

For some people, a traumatic divorce is not an isolated incident but a pattern of many dysfunctional relationships. If you relate, look at the repeated patterns you notice in your past relationships. Doing so can help you heal inner wounds and decrease the likelihood of having another traumatic experience.

Treatment Options for PTSD

Along with positive lifestyle changes and coping skills, various PTSD treatment options can help you manage divorce trauma. If you are ready to seek professional support, consider exploring local support options in your area.

Treatment options for PTSD after a divorce include:

Therapy for PTSD

Therapy for PTSD can be beneficial after a traumatic relationship or divorce proceeding. If you have children, consider finding them a therapist specializing in the effects of divorce on children. Common forms of PTSD therapies include:⁵

• Cognitive processing therapy (CPT): CPT is a trauma-focused therapy focusing on understanding how traumatic events affect thoughts and feelings. The goal is to help clients reframe negative and intrusive thoughts and beliefs about these traumatic experiences.
• Trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): TF-CBT focuses on helping people heal from traumatic experiences by learning how their thoughts and feelings relate to their symptoms.
• Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR): EMDR for PTSD allows the client to focus on triggering events and feelings by training them to refocus and reprocess.
• Exposure therapy: Exposure therapy for PTSD exposes clients to events or triggers associated with trauma, helping clients manage their symptoms and thoughts that arise.
• Narrative exposure therapy (NET): NET asks clients to recount the traumatic events while reframing the narrative to include positive self-thoughts and other empowering messages.

PTSD Medication

In some cases, providers may prescribe medications for PTSD to help individuals cope with symptoms, and many recommend using medication alongside therapy.

Common medications used to manage PTSD symptoms include:

• Antidepressants: Antidepressants, such as SSRIs* and SNRIs*, can help decrease anxiety and depression symptoms sometimes associated with PTSD.
• Anti-anxiety medications: Benzodiazepines** and other anti-anxiety medications may help those severely affected by anxiety symptoms. These medications are usually only used briefly (i.e., in the aftermath of the divorce or during court proceedings) due to the risk of dependence and abuse.

*This medication has a black box warning, the most serious kind of warning from the FDA for a risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviors in certain people. You should talk with your doctor about these risks before starting this medication.

**This medication has black box warnings, the most serious kind of warnings from the FDA for abuse or misuse, risk of physical dependence, and risk of serious side effects, including death, when combined with an opioid.

When & Where to Find Professional Help for Divorce Trauma

For amicable separations, some ex-couples can handle a divorce without therapeutic support. However, finding the right therapist can help those dealing with divorce trauma work through this significant life event, especially for individuals struggling to move on after a divorce. Use an online therapist directory to find a therapist specializing in divorce and relationships.

In My Experience

In my experience, ending a relationship with a partner set on making the split difficult can be very stressful. If that person is trying to get revenge on you for leaving, such as in the cases of post-separation abuse, divorce can be undoubtedly traumatic. When this happened to me, I felt helpless, hopeless, and terrified. At the time, I could only focus on finishing each day, one by one. But taking time for self-care to focus on my mental health helped to mitigate the long-term effects of the trauma I experienced.