Failure to launch syndrome, while not an official mental health diagnosis, is a phenomenon that refers to those young adults who remain dependent on their parents rather than establishing a separate and independent life as self-sufficient adults. Fortunately, while it has become increasingly common, there are methods of treating the underlying causes of failure to launch.
Signs of Failure to Launch Syndrome
Similar to Peter Pan syndrome, the stall in the developmental process of young adults (ages of 18-28) can include symptoms like feeling stuck, an overall lack of motivation, and withdrawing from others. Keep in mind that the “launch” to full adulthood is typically a gradual transition, a process involving different steps and milestones rather than a single event. Similarly, symptoms may occur and accumulate over time.
Signs and symptoms of failure to launch syndrome include:1,2,3
- Feeling stuck
- Lack of motivation
- Not engaging in activities involving responsibility (school, employment, volunteer work, or even taking on more household tasks)
- Withdrawal or isolation, participating less and less in life
- Starting school or work but quitting and not replacing it with something else
Young adulthood is a period of uncertainty, exploration, and discovery that involves seeking employment or further education. During this time, people often remain at least partially dependent on their parents for support as they take action to increase adult responsibilities. Failure to launch does not refer to people who may be living at home while they attend school, or those who are working but reside and actively contribute at their parents’ house.2
Unfortunately, individuals who may have stalled and are experiencing failure to launch are often perceived as lazy or spoiled by overindulgent parents. They may even experience shame and alienation.4 Understanding the complex causes and factors contributing to failure to launch syndrome can remove blame and stigmatizing labels.
What Causes of Failure to Launch Syndrome?
Each person experiencing failure to launch has unique reasons; however, there are several contributing factors that underlie this disruption in development, including societal issues, screen culture, family factors, and personality traits. Note that failure to launch often occurs for a variety of reasons. No single person is at fault when the transition to independent living doesn’t progress as expected.
General causes of failure to launch syndrome include the following:
Societal Issues
Complex external factors like economic conditions play a role. This might include the nature of the job market and employment availability, as well as the general cost of living.5,6,20 Employment status alone isn’t enough to foster full independence. Poor wages, high cost of living, and debt (such as high student loan payments) also influence whether a young adult must remain dependent on their parents for financial support.
Screen Culture
Young adults have been impacted by the prevalence of the technology they’ve grown up with, such as the internet, smart phones, video games, and social media platforms. Consequently, many are observers of life rather than participants in it. Additionally, the picture painted by so-called reality TV shows and social media posts has resulted in a generation of youngsters who feel disconnected from others, lack real-life experience, and have only vague notions of their interests and passions.5
Parenting & Family Factors
While blaming someone’s difficulties on “bad parenting” is, in most cases, oversimplified, there are some parenting and family behaviors that contribute to a young adult’s failure to launch. Whether intentional or unintentional, parents’ behavior can set kids up for over-reliance. The more involved the parents are, the more dependent kids become, and the more the parents feel they need to intervene, which fosters further dependence.
Personality Traits
Someone who, for a variety of reasons, has intimacy and trust issues may find it difficult to broaden their horizons beyond their home base and form the new relationships needed for adult living.5 Another factor influencing someone’s ability to launch is a trait known as boredom proneness, a state of desiring independence but not taking actions to establish it.7 Other characteristics that contribute to failure to launch include unrealistic goal-setting, lack of accountability/tendency to blame others for an undesirable situation, and lack of motivation to change.2
What Disorders Can Worsen Failure to Launch?
Existing mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may worsen failure to launch. These mental health disorders or challenges interfere in people’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, sometimes making it difficult to function independently.
Underlying mental health issues that can block someone’s path to independence include:11,5,1,8,9,10
- Depression and other mood disorders
- Bipolar disorder
- Anxiety disorders
- Existential anxiety
- Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
- Autism spectrum disorder
- PTSD and other trauma-related disorders
- Eating disorders
- Substance use and other addictions (including gaming addiction)
Anxiety and avoidance are common factors underlying failure to launch. This isn’t limited to a diagnosable disorder, but can be a pervasive feeling that includes imposter syndrome, fear of failure, uncertainty intolerance, and toxic perfectionism.2,10 For some emerging adults, traumatic events that repeatedly struck society during their childhood (natural disasters, mass shootings, terrorist attacks, wars, and increasing violence) can foster fear and a sense that the world isn’t safe, leading to a reluctance to venture out on their own.16
Unfortunately, anxiety and avoidance become a self-perpetuating cycle.1,9 Because of fear or worry, a young adult may find it difficult to face increasing responsibilities, so they don’t take steps toward independence. This, however, reinforces the notion that the world is frightening and they don’t have the capacity to face it on their own. The isolation deepens, further eroding self-confidence. A sense of shame commonly develops, which leads to more anxiety and even depression (and potentially triggers a quarter life crisis).
Treatment of Failure to Launch Syndrome
Failure to launch syndrome is temporary and can be overcome with treatment like therapy and life skills classes. Because each person experiencing this roadblock is unique, treatment must be tailored to the individual.9 That said, the general approach involves addressing underlying difficulties and helping the person set realistic goals.8
Here are three ways to treat failure to launch syndrome:
5 Types of Therapy
A mental health professional can help individuals stalled in the transition to adulthood explore underlying causes and develop necessary elements for launching to the next stage. These elements include belief in oneself, resiliency, perseverance, goal-setting, and learning to balance independent decision-making with drawing appropriately on external resources.11
Here are five types of therapy used to treat failure to launch syndrome:
- Cognitive behavioral therapy: Fosters healthy thought patterns and addresses automatic negative thoughts related to increasing responsibilities and independence 11,9,12
- Acceptance and commitment therapy and mindfulness training: Boosts your ability to live in the present moment vs. clinging to the past or worrying about the future. It also helps with identification of values, and creating actionable steps to move toward those values12,13
- Biofeedback and neurofeedback: Helps you recognize and change physical reactions to anxiety and stress, which in turn positively affects thoughts and emotions12
- Career counseling: Assists in exploring and discovering interests, increasing accountability, and developing strategies to meet budding work or education goals6,14
- Family therapy: Addresses the family as a whole as well as interaction patterns within the family that can help improve relationships and decrease interdependence4
Perhaps the most important factor in the effectiveness of individual therapy is not the type of therapy but the relationship between the therapist and the young adult seeking support.15 A helpful therapist is one who listens, understands, helps you understand yourself, and works with you to help you overcome obstacles and achieve your goals.
Life Skills Classes
Life skills classes, offered online or as part of community programs, can equip young adults with the skills needed for a successful launch. Low levels of motivation and an inability to act can simply be the result of a lack of opportunities to learn.6 As such, having assistance to gain understanding, focus, and clarity can help emerging adults achieve full independence.11
Independent living skills include:11,8,10
- Social competence
- Academic/learning
- Organization
- Planning
- Goal-setting
- Accountability
- Stress management
- Adjustment/adaptability
Lifestyle Changes
Developing a routine, including a regular sleep and wake time, can inspire action. Seeking a balanced life is another important step in facilitating a successful transition.11 Too much free time can zap motivation. On the other hand, a rigid schedule can increase stress and hinder your ability to take on responsibility. Eliminating unhealthy behaviors and harmful lifestyle choices like substance use can also promote independence.
How Can You Help Your Young Adult With Failure to Launch Syndrome?
Rather than approaching your young adult with the idea of “fixing” them, become a support system. Abruptly cutting off all assistance with little or no warning will likely lead to anger, power struggles, and damaged relationships, but continuing to helicopter by setting goals for them and taking action on their behalf will backfire, too.4 Seek a middle ground between these two extremes.
The following approaches can be effective in helping young adults overcome failure to launch syndrome:
- Be empathetic, assuring them that difficulties are a normal part of the process
- Actively encourage them6
- Help them identify their own strengths and prior triumphs
- Help them understand that gaining independence is a gradual process6
- Let them take the lead and engage in coping skills
- Provide gentle support
7 Practical Ways to Cope With Failure to Launch Syndrome
In addition to seeking therapy for effective treatment of what’s holding you or your young adult back from independence, there are several practical coping measures to deal with failure to launch.
Here are seven ways to cope with failure to launch syndrome:
1. Explore Your Interests
Young adulthood, even more so than adolescence, is a time of exploring your identity and determining who you are.(16 Think of this time as an opportunity to replace problems with new interests and passions.9 Explore your character strengths with the Values in Action Institute (VIA) on character strengths inventory, and identify ways to use those strengths in different situations.17 Interests, purpose, and passion don’t develop in a single burst of insight. Instead, they emerge over time as you actively try new things.6
2. Examine Your Goals
Healthy goal-setting is an important process that involves ensuring your goals are both realistic and desirable. Reflect to determine whether you have true goals complete with actionable steps. Allowing yourself to be curious and explore new interests gradually removes the pressure to choose a path in life that might feel permanent. Remember, your first job doesn’t have to be your life-long career. Think of it as one flexible step that helps move you toward full adulthood.
3. Seek and Create Meaning
A sense of purpose or meaning is a key element in a mentally healthy adult life.11 If you’re feeling stuck on your parents’ couch and pressured to go to work or school, the issue might be that you aren’t pursuing something that is personally meaningful to you. Determine what makes you feel purposeful, and take small steps toward that.
4. Start Taking Action, Any Action
Action moves us toward our goals; in fact, many people are surprised to hear that action inspires motivation, not the other way around.19. It beats back boredom proneness, overthinking, and a tendency to ruminate over problems.11,7 Rather than remaining stuck in thoughts about what isn’t happening or what you should be doing, determine small steps you can take every day to work toward independence.
5. Build a Support System
Everyone needs support, especially during times of transition like emerging adulthood.11 For example, the time after high school graduation typically brings significant life changes, which can be challenging and even lead to anxiety and depression. Look to people in your life to provide some assistance as you set goals and take action. Parents can continue to be a great resource, but resist the temptation to use them as a crutch. This will help you build confidence and a sense of self-efficacy (the genuine belief that you are capable of dealing with difficulties and accomplishing goals).
6. Develop a Balanced Perspective
Rigid all-or-nothing thinking is often at work in failure to launch syndrome.12 Part of the problem lies in the term itself: “failure to launch.” It implies that the launch is a single event, the outcome of which is success or failure. In reality, emerging adulthood is a stage of development that spans years.16 Tune into a broad perspective of life and notice what is going well.5 Seeing this phase as gradual vs. a single event can reduce stress and shame.1
7. Live Mindfully
Regardless of what is happening, mindfulness allows us to live in the moment rather than be stuck in thoughts of the past and future, or clinging to how we think the present “should” be. When you live fully in the present moment, you learn to let go of judgments and expectations, which can reduce stress and anxiety and allow you to take positive action.8
Failure to Launch Syndrome Statistics
If you or a loved one is struggling to emerge into independent adulthood, consider that approximately 10 million Americans aged 24-34 are still living with their parents.2 Other statistics illustrate the large scope and scale of failure to launch.
Here are several important statistics about failure to launch based on a long-term study of roughly 9,000 young adults:18
- Males experienced failure to launch more frequently than females2
- The number of people ages 18-34 living in their parents’ homes steadily increased between 2000-2012
- 9.8% of young adults never left their parents’ home
- 54.6% of young adults left but returned to reside with their parents
A report from the Pew Research Center indicates that:20
- In 2016, the unemployment rate for young adults age 25-35 had decreased to 5.1%, down from 10.1% in 2010
- Despite increasing employment rates, the percentage of young adults living with their parents increased from 12% in 2010 to 15% in 2016
- In 2016, among the young adults who left home but returned to live with their parents, the median length of time spent back in their home of origin was three years (up from 2.5 years between 2005-2013)
For Further Reading
While your ultimate goal is independence, you don’t have to deal with this transition alone. Ultimately, while adulthood requires autonomy, it doesn’t require you to live without support.
These resources can also help with failure to launch syndrome:
