A quarter life crisis can be a real and challenging event for some. The population of people experiencing this crisis may feel like they are missing out on something. This can feel like a time when they are not sure where they belong and are wondering if they are going in the right direction. Some may question their purpose in life.
What Is a Quarter Life Crisis?
A quarter life crisis is a common experience (like a midlife crisis) as the transition from childhood to adulthood can come as a shock for many. It can leave you with feelings of helplessness, cluelessness, indecision and apprehension.1 Having a quarter life crisis, however, is normal.
A quarter-life crisis can feel like an identity crisis and an existential crisis wrapped into one big mess. You’re often trying to find out who you are at a time when you’re not even sure what that may look like. Having these thoughts can be overwhelming, making it difficult to know what is right for you.
Typical Quarter Life Crisis Age
The general age range for the quarter life crisis is the time period between adolescence and adulthood where people are faced with exploring their place in today’s society.2 People in their twenties begin to question themselves as they lack their self-identity and question their career choices.3 Individuals who are coming into their own may not feel ready to take on the world ahead.
People who experience a quarter life crisis face difficulties in their transition into adulthood.4 They may begin to judge themselves and compare themselves with their peers. This comparison leaves them feeling insecure or having regrets. This can feel like a time where they feel pressure to make a decision that may negatively or positively impact their future.
What Can Cause a Quarter Life Crisis?
When someone enters the time where they are achieving milestones such as graduating and choosing careers, it may trigger a quarter life crisis. Emerging into adulthood brings many changes and many new firsts. Moving out and living alone as well as creating deeper relationships with others and making long term decisions can be scary and trigger strong negative emotions. Adult obligations such as marriage, parenthood, buying a home, and stable full-time work may also trigger a quarter life crisis.5
Events and feelings that can trigger a quarter life crisis include:
- Graduating college and wondering what’s next
- Career choices
- Commitment
- Marriage
- Full time job positions
- Living alone for the first time
- Experiencing loneliness
- Financial instability
- Making major life decisions (like purchasing a home, paying off student loans, investing for retirement)
Quarter Life Crisis Signs
When you are at a point in your life where you are questioning every decision and you feel unsettled to the extent that it impacts you professionally and personally, you may be experiencing a quarter life crisis. Some changes you may be mindful of include distraction and not feeling like you are able to make a clear decision for yourself. You may feel like an outsider within your social circle and feel you lack the motivation to achieve your goals.
1. Feeling Overly Impulsive
You may notice yourself taking more risks or making sudden moves that you would normally spend more time analyzing. Impulsivity can manifest itself in many ways, including spending money, booking vacations, making changes to your appearance or environment, etc. Additionally, you may find yourself feeling overly impulsive in ignoring your healthy habits that normally help you stay happy and energized.
2. Feeling Antsy & Needing a Change
You may start to become restless and have difficulty concentrating or finding joy. When you feel like you’re living your life on autopilot you begin to crave a boost of adrenaline, which is where feeling antsy comes into play and you feel like making a big change. This change could be your appearance, your environment, or your routines—anything that feels as if it has become dull and mundane.
3. Difficulty in Relationships & Inability to Commit
When you’re experiencing a quarter life crisis, thinking about anything long-term feels overwhelming and paralyzing. The inability to commit comes from not knowing where life plans to take you next, making anything in the distant future feel incomprehensible. Difficulty in relationships may also be a sign that you are outgrowing those relationships and they are no longer mutually beneficial as they may once have been.
4. Difficulty Making Decisions
Difficulty making decisions and not knowing what you want is common for those experiencing a quarter life crisis. It feels as if the possibilities are endless and you begin to get caught up in wanting to know every single little detail. You are filled with a fear of failure or missing out on other opportunities.
5. Feelings of Isolation & Loneliness
During a quarter life crisis negative self-talk can fester, convincing you to withdraw and isolate yourself from others. Negative self-talk can convince you that no one wants to be around you, nobody likes you, etc. Additionally, you may find yourself becoming more irritable around others and your patience might wear thin. As a result you push others away or withdraw, which leaves you with increased feelings of isolation and loneliness.
6. Feeling Directionless With No Plan
On the outside, it seems like everyone around you has always known what they wanted their future to look like. They have every detail mapped out along the way and one-by-one they are checking off each box of their plan. The reality? Life is unpredictable. Feeling directionless with no plan can feel overwhelming, and at times even depressing. However, it can be helpful to reframe your perspective to look at all of the possibilities and opportunities that are available to you. Allow yourself to daydream and find what feels good for you, then work backwards and see how you can start to develop a plan that makes that dream a reality.
7. Depression, Anxiety & Feelings of Angst
During a quarter life crisis your whole world can feel as if it has become dull, lifeless, and just overall unpleasurable. Symptoms of depression can include feeling hopeless and lacking motivation or interest in things you once enjoyed. Anxiety will have you overthinking and worrying about your life’s timeline, plan, and if you’re doing it right or doing “enough.” Lastly, feelings of angst or even jealousy might have you feeling frustrated and overly critical of where you are in this season of your life.
8. Feeling Like Everyone Is Doing Better Than You
Social media will exacerbate the feeling that everyone is doing better than you because on the outside it looks like everyone has it all figured out. However, they have their own feelings of self-doubt, insecurity, and uncertainty that they are overcoming. Try to limit the urge or habit of comparing yourself to others and focus on your own progress. Not many people share their messy day-to-day situation until they can show “impressive” progress.
9. Feeling Like There’s So Much to Do but You’re Running Out of Time
The to-do list can feel never-ending. When you were younger, it seems like the only thing you had to really focus on was school, hanging out with friends, and keeping your room clean. Now that you’ve entered into adulthood, you might feel like there’s so much to do but you’re running out of time. Everywhere you turn you see people advancing in all areas of their lives—their career, buying their first home, getting engaged or married, having children, etc. When you were younger you may have pictured yourself having so many of these things “settled” by the time you were 25 or 30. You start to realize now that your timeline may not be exactly where you want to be and time is “running out.”
10. Feeling Trapped in a Career You Don’t Want
Feeling stuck in a career can happen for a variety of reasons: Among other reasons, you might feel this is the only job you’re qualified for, you got a degree specifically tailored to this job, or you can’t find anything else and need the money. The biggest rule when making a change in your life is to not lead with emotion. If you continue to feel like this is no longer the career for you, begin exploring what feels good for you. You will always have permission to change, and while change may be painful and scary, the rewards are often great. Take a look at the quality of life that you have and whether or not staying in this career is worth it.
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Can a Quarter Life Crisis Lead to Depression?
For some, a quarter life crisis can lead to depression. Some may become confused during this time and then resolve their confusion, and move forward with their lives. Others, however, may experience this time period as a more intensified event and may seek out therapy for some of the issues they may be experiencing.6 These individuals can experience panic attacks and depression as they feel alone and confused.6
High stress from experiencing a quarter life crisis has been found to cause depression in some along with many other problems, including addiction and anxiety.1 In one such study participants were found to experience hopelessness and confusion which triggered an unjustified emotional period.7 Someone struggling with a quarter life crisis should contact trusted family and friends for a healthy outlet and support system. It should also be noted that individuals going through this challenging time should reach out to their healthcare providers and seek professional mental health therapy.
How to Get Through a Quarter Life Crisis
Facing a quarter life crisis does not have to keep you stuck. You can learn to deal with your emotions and navigate through this time of transition. By being mindful of your responses to triggers you can start to understand the negative patterns that may need to change.
Here are 10 tips for dealing with a quarter life crisis:
1. Identify Your Triggers
When you take time to identify what makes you question yourself and feel unsettled you will start to understand how to feel more comfortable and reduce those feelings. If you start to realize your fears of not knowing what you want in life and whether or not you are making the right choices you can start to feel more comfortable. If you begin to notice your attitude towards these decisions and options for your life then you can begin to change them and replace them with positive ones.
When you start identifying that you are placing pressures on yourself to be at a certain point you can start to replace those with more rational thoughts. For example, you can change your thoughts of “I should be in a certain role in my career or “I should be married by now” then you can start replacing them with more realistic attitudes of “I am exactly where I want to be” and “I am going in the best direction for my life.”
2. Find What Makes You Happy
How do you know what really makes you happy? You first need to figure that out and can do so by being mindful when you feel happy in that moment. Taking note of this feeling can help you to identify what it is that brings you that happy feeling.
If you are focused on what you think you should be doing and comparing yourself with friends and family of the same age then you will miss out on what you really desire. Follow your passion and use that for motivation to reach your personal goals.
3. Incorporate Self-Care
Focusing on yourself through self-care will allow you to take time to get in tune with your thoughts and feelings. Having time to reset and organize your thoughts will help you to reduce any negative thoughts and to feel more confident in your decision making.
Practicing to implement more self-care such as a morning workout routine or a walk in the park can help you to feel more peace in life. Practicing to add this to your daily routine will help you to be more consistent. Eventually this will become a part of you and your day and will be something you start using to help you cope.
4. Create a Plan
When you are more relaxed and feeling calm, you can take time to establish a plan. Taking time to write out what you want in life can help you to feel closer to reaching those goals. Creating small goals each week will make it easier to attain and result in you finding the confidence to make decisions that are right for you.
Creating a plan can help you to feel more self-aware and dismiss any pressures to do what you think you should be doing. Once you have that plan, you can start to implement small steps to making changes that may help improve your attitude. If your attitude towards yourself becomes more positive then you will start to increase your self confidence in who you are and who you want to be.
5. Work a Side Hustle
One of the biggest reasons people have a hard time taking a “big leap” to follow their dreams is financial stability and guarantee for success. You can help build more security and try new things by working a side hustle. Think of this like dipping your big toe in the water, while still having your main source of income. A side hustle can be something you start on your own or joining a company that is typically designed to be a side hustle.
While it’s true that side hustles also require time, effort and dedication, you can view this as a way to engage in hobbies and interests with the bonus of making money and connecting with others. You never know, your side hustle may turn into your full-time passion and even make you more money than you thought possible. Educate yourself about companies or owning your own business and don’t be afraid to try.
6. Trust the Discomfort
There are two kinds of discomfort – the one that serves as a red flag that something is toxic and dangerous, and the discomfort because it is new and unknown. Discomfort is your subconscious trying to signal to you that your current situation or lifestyle is no longer serving you or that you are in a season of growth and change. Trust the discomfort and tune in. Acknowledge the parts of you that feel uncomfortable and try to figure out what exactly is causing the discomfort. Be honest with yourself and admit if you have been making “excuses” to help yourself feel better about a situation. There will come a time in your life when you can no longer ignore the discomfort that something is “off” and you’ll be relieved that you pushed through the discomfort of growth for a life more aligned for you.
7. Don’t Panic
What you’re feeling is normal. When you’re younger your imagination runs wild and the possibilities are endless. As you age, the “harsh” reality starts to settle in and your imagination lessens and for some can even become obsolete. Life doesn’t have to feel limited or feel as if you are settling. Challenge yourself to bring joy and excitement back into your life. This could be as simple as giving yourself something small to look forward to at the end of the day or the week.
8. Speak With People Who Have Been There Before
If you are curious about a career or lifestyle, try to connect with someone who’s done it before. One of the beautiful things about life is that there are so many paths that can ultimately lead to satisfaction. Talk to people who have taken the big leap to go from something similar to your circumstance to where they are now. You will notice that on the outside it looks like their success happened overnight, when in reality it most likely took a lot of trial and error to get them where they are today. Being able to talk to people who have done it before can help you begin to see that your dreams can become reality.
9. Find Support
Finding support with friends and family will help you to feel validated. Having a healthy support system will allow you to feel secure in expressing your thoughts and feelings. When you are open and vulnerable other people may also share their feelings and you may start to realize you are not alone.
10. Seek Professional Help
When you come to the point where you say, ‘I just don’t know what else to do,’ then you know it is time to seek professional help. Call your healthcare provider or find a therapist specializing in young adulthood. Share what you are experiencing so they know how to help you. An online therapist directory is a good place to start looking for a therapist.
If you feel like you don’t know where to begin, ask someone you trust. Finding the right resources will make the difference and help you to feel more confident in moving forward through this process.
When to Talk to a Therapist
If you are experiencing a period of anxiety and questioning the status of your future you may want to reach out to your primary care physician, a therapist or any other professional that you feel comfortable with.
Some signs you should talk to a therapist include experiencing:6,8
- Anxiety
- Panic attacks
- Depression
- Changes in mood
- Short attention spans
- Poor focus
- Feelings of frustration
- Feelings of helplessness
- Feeling invisible
- Feeling like there is just no point
For many, the stress of living apart from family and other familiar support networks can lead to overwhelming emotional responses.8 The stress that’s associated with making choices perceived as influencing your life path may start to impact your identity and social development.8 When someone struggles with their self-identity and does not feel they are ready to enter this next phase in their self-development it may leave them to feel they are not reaching their full potential.8
How to Find a Therapist
When you realize it is time to make positive changes in your life, choosing a therapist who works with young adults and can help with your specific needs is the best decision. Prioritizing yourself is important for self-care and healing. Once you identify what you want out of therapy and what your goals are, you can choose a therapist that best fits your needs.
Start thinking about the questions you may have before entering therapy to gain better insight into what to expect. Feeling comfortable from the beginning with your therapist will help you to become more vulnerable and be open to freely express yourself.
Final Thoughts
If you are experiencing a quarter-life crisis, know that it can get better. Going through this time in your life can feel lonely and scary, but recognizing these feelings is itself a first step. Using the techniques provided in this article can also help you start the process of healing and positive change. If you’re asking yourself, “Do I need therapy?” just remember that therapists are great at helping people discover their values, improve self-recognition, and develop healthy and effective coping skills. This can help build a strong foundation for reaching your personal and professional goals.
