How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated: 15 Tips From a Therapist

Why Getting Over Someone You Never Dated Can Be So Difficult

Getting over someone you never dated can be just as heartbreaking as a break-up, especially if this was a person you knew for a long time, cared about deeply, or who was a good friend. When a relationship breaks up, there is a chance for conversation and closure. Even a big fight can sometimes give people the motivation they need to walk away. But when you never actually dated, you often end up having to get over your crush on your own.

Here are some potential reasons why getting over someone you never actually dated is so hard:

• The loss of hope: You had hopes and dreams for what the future with this person could be, and now you are grieving the loss of that hope.
• Beating yourself up about the what-ifs: Was it something you said? Something you did? Was there something that you could have done differently? These questions can send you into a downward spiral. And since you never actually dated this person, there are no answers.
• It feels especially lonely: It’s possible that you haven’t really shared your feelings with anyone else. Your feelings are very real, but with the relationship never being acknowledged, your support people may not understand.
• Lack of closure: Since there was never an official relationship, it’s possible that there will never be a chance to have closure with the ending.
• Self-doubt: If having feelings for people you never dated is becoming a pattern, this might be contributing to an unhealthy cycle of insecurity and self-doubt.

15 Tips for How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated

While getting over someone you never dated can be painful and difficult, it is necessary for you to move on. With time, you’ll be well on your way to finding the healthy relationship you deserve.

Here are 15 steps you can take to get over someone you never dated:

1. Make a List of What You Want Out of a Partner

Make three columns. Column one lists the things you absolutely must have in a partner. Column two lists your preferences, and column three lists the things that would be nice, but aren’t extremely important. Getting clear on what you want in a partner is a great way to start moving forward.

2. Now, Start Becoming Those Things Yourself

Go back to that list you just made and ask yourself, “how can I become this person?” Put your energy behind becoming the best version of yourself you can be.

3. Journal to Process Your Emotions

Journaling can be a great way to heal. It can be especially challenging to try to heal from something that feels isolating, such as feelings about someone you do not have a romantic history with. Journaling allows you to write out your thoughts and feelings and see them on paper–and the act of reading them back to yourself can be empowering and help you process them in a healthy way.

4. Make Space for Someone New

Open yourself up to the possibility of making space for a new relationship. When you feel ready, this will be a great time to create an online dating profile and let your friends know you are on the market!

5. Work on Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem & Confidence

Think about the things you like about yourself. What are you good at? What do you enjoy? Everyone has unique strengths. If you have a hard time thinking of anything, ask a close friend or a family member to tell you what they think your strengths are to build your confidence.

6. Stop Communicating With Them

Every time you talk to this person, it’s going to remind you of the hope that was lost. It’s probably a good idea to stop communicating with them, at least for the time being, so that you can give yourself the space you need to work through your feelings.

7. Use Guided Imagery for Confidence & Self-Love

Utilize guided meditations to help you boost your confidence and cultivate self-love. There are several great meditation apps and YouTube channels available to help you do this.

8. Stay Busy Doing Things You Love

Stay busy to keep yourself from ruminating about what could have been. Make plans so you have something fun to look forward to. Keep yourself busy with hobbies, activities, and spending time with people you enjoy.¹

9. Talk to Someone You Trust

Talk through your feelings with a trusted friend or support person. Let them know whether you just need to vent or if you are looking for advice or solutions.

10. Keep Away From Their Social Media

Checking their social media is like picking the scab off of the wound over and over and expecting it to heal. Give yourself some time and space, and if you are not able to take a break, unfollow them (at least for now).²

11. Make a “Moving On” Playlist

Choose your favorite songs that make you feel strong, empowered, and hopeful. Conversely, you may want to listen to a song that helps you cry and let it all out.³

12. Spend Time With People Who Make You Laugh

Laughter is the best medicine! Take your mind off of your heartbreak and spend some time with that funny friend who makes you laugh, go to a standup set, or watch a favorite comedy.

13. Respect Their Decision

As much as it hurts, ultimately this is their decision. As much as your feelings matter, their feelings matter, too. Give them space and take care of yourself, so you can be the best version of yourself when the right person does come along.

14. Be Aware of Signs of Depression

If you are noticing symptoms like changes in appetite or sleep, or depressed mood most every day for at least two weeks, these are potential signs of depression and are best treated by speaking to a qualified professional.⁴

15. Try Dating or Being Set Up by a Trusted Friend

It may seem counterintuitive to try to date someone new or be set up on a date, but it’s a good way to remind you that your reality can involve a partner who is present and available. Dating can be misused as a distraction, however, dating with intention can help remind you that you are looking for someone who shares your values and is available to give you appropriate time and attention. It is important to consider that people may not always be able to give you what you want and need, so moving on and meeting people who might be a good fit for you can be a great way to move on.