How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated: 13 Tips From a Therapist

Why Getting Over Someone You Never Dated Can Be So Difficult

Getting over someone you never dated can be just as heartbreaking as a break-up, especially if this was a person you knew for a long time, cared about deeply, or who was a good friend. When a relationship breaks up, there is a chance for conversation and closure. Even a big fight can sometimes give people the motivation they need to walk away. But when you never actually dated, you often end up having to get over your crush on your own.

Here are some potential reasons why getting over someone you never actually dated is so hard:

• The loss of hope: You envisioned a future with this person, filled with possibilities and shared experiences. Now, you’re left grieving the loss of those dreams, which can feel as painful as the end of a relationship.
• Beating yourself up about the what-ifs: Was it something you said? Something you did? Was there something that you could have done differently? These questions can send you into a downward spiral. And since you never actually dated this person, there are no answers.
• The loneliness feels overwhelming: Without sharing your feelings, you may carry the weight of your emotions alone. Since the relationship was never officially acknowledged, those around you may struggle to understand the depth of your pain.
• Lack of closure: Since there was never an official relationship, it’s possible that there will never be a chance to have closure with the ending.
• Self-doubt: If having feelings for people you never dated is becoming a pattern, this might be contributing to an unhealthy cycle of insecurity and self-doubt.

13 Tips for How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated

While getting over someone you never dated can be painful and difficult, it is necessary for you to move on. With time, you’ll be well on your way to finding the healthy relationship you deserve.

Here are 13 steps you can take to get over someone you never dated:

1. Make a List of What You Want In a Partner

Create a three-column list to help clarify your relationship priorities:

• Column 1: Non-negotiables—qualities you absolutely need in a partner.
• Column 2: Preferences—things you’d like but can be flexible about.
• Column 3: Bonus traits—nice-to-have qualities that aren’t essential.

Getting clear on your needs and desires sets the foundation for healthier future relationships and helps you move forward.

2. Become the Partner You Seek

Review the list you just created and ask yourself, “how can I become this person?” Focus on developing the traits you value most in others—whether it’s kindness, ambition, or emotional stability. By putting your energy into personal growth, you’ll naturally become the best version of yourself.

3. Journal to Process Your Emotions

Journaling can be a great way to heal. It can be especially challenging to try to heal from something that feels isolating, such as feelings about someone you don’t have a romantic history with. Journaling allows you to write out your thoughts and feelings and see them on paper–and the act of reading them back to yourself can be empowering and help you process them in a healthy way.

4. Cut Contact & Make Space for New Opportunities

To fully heal, take a break from communicating with the person, whether it’s in person or online. Without constant reminders of what could have been, you can create space for someone new and start rebuilding your self-esteem.

5. Boost Your Confidence Through Meditation & Visualization

Rebuilding your self-esteem is essential when trying to get over someone you never dated. Start by identifying your strengths and reflecting on what you love about yourself. Incorporate visualization exercises or guided imagery sessions to reinforce confidence and self-love. Meditation apps and online resources  can guide you in fostering this mindset.

6. Stay Busy Doing Things You Love

Stay busy to keep yourself from ruminating about what could have been. Make plans so you have something fun to look forward to or keep yourself busy with hobbies, activities, and spending time with people you enjoy.¹

7. Surround Yourself With Supportive People

Spending time with people who uplift you is vital during this process. Talk to trusted friends who can listen without judgment, or spend time with people who make you laugh and help take your mind off your emotions

8. Keep Away From Their Social Media

Checking their social media is like picking the scab off of the wound over and over and expecting it to heal. Give yourself some time and space, and if you are not able to take a break, unfollow them (at least for now).²

9. Make a “Moving On” Playlist

Choose your favorite songs that make you feel strong, empowered, and hopeful. Conversely, you may want to listen to a song that helps you cry and let it all out.³

10. Accept That Their Feelings May Be Different

As painful as it is, their lack of romantic interest is something you can’t control. Just as your feelings are valid, theirs are too. Respecting this reality allows you to focus on giving yourself the space to heal and become the best version of yourself, ready for a relationship that’s mutually fulfilling.

11. Be Aware of Signs of Depression

If you are noticing symptoms like changes in appetite or sleep, or depressed mood most every day for at least two weeks, these are potential signs of depression and are best treated by speaking to a qualified professional.⁴

12. Try Dating or Being Set Up by a Trusted Friend

It may seem counterintuitive to try to date someone new or be set up on a date, but it’s a good way to remind you that your reality can involve a partner who is present and available. Dating can be misused as a distraction, however, dating with intention can help remind you that you are looking for someone who shares your values and is available to give you appropriate time and attention. It is important to consider that people may not always be able to give you what you want and need, so moving on and meeting people who might be a good fit for you can be a great way to move on.

13. Write Down the Story of What Happened

One of the reasons it can be so hard to get over someone you never dated is because it can be difficult, and even embarrassing, to explain it to others. It’s true that others may struggle to understand the depth of your feelings, but that doesn’t change that you have them. Writing down the story of the connection and the things you experienced can be cathartic, helping you get closure on your own.