Getting over someone you never dated can be especially challenging. When a break-up happens, you can lean on your support system. But when the relationship never really got started, you may not have shared your feelings with anyone else. The disappointment and loss of hope are extremely painful, and this can be a very lonely and confusing time.
Why Getting Over Someone You Never Dated Can Be So Difficult
Getting over someone you never dated can be just as heartbreaking as a break-up, especially if this was a person you knew for a long time, cared about deeply, or who was a good friend. When a relationship breaks up, there is a chance for conversation and closure. Even a big fight can sometimes give people the motivation they need to walk away. But when you never actually dated, you often end up having to get over your crush on your own.
Here are some potential reasons why getting over someone you never actually dated is so hard:
- The loss of hope: You had hopes and dreams for what the future with this person could be, and now you are grieving the loss of that hope.
- Beating yourself up about the what-ifs: Was it something you said? Something you did? Was there something that you could have done differently? These questions can send you into a downward spiral. And since you never actually dated this person, there are no answers.
- It feels especially lonely: It’s possible that you haven’t really shared your feelings with anyone else. Your feelings are very real, but with the relationship never being acknowledged, your support people may not understand.
- Lack of closure: Since there was never an official relationship, it’s possible that there will never be a chance to have closure with the ending.
- Self-doubt: If having feelings for people you never dated is becoming a pattern, this might be contributing to an unhealthy cycle of insecurity and self-doubt.
15 Tips for How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated
While getting over someone you never dated can be painful and difficult, it is necessary for you to move on. With time, you’ll be well on your way to finding the healthy relationship you deserve.
Here are 15 steps you can take to get over someone you never dated:
1. Make a List of What You Want Out of a Partner
Make three columns. Column one lists the things you absolutely must have in a partner. Column two lists your preferences, and column three lists the things that would be nice, but aren’t extremely important. Getting clear on what you want in a partner is a great way to start moving forward.
2. Now, Start Becoming Those Things Yourself
Go back to that list you just made and ask yourself, “how can I become this person?” Put your energy behind becoming the best version of yourself you can be.
3. Journal to Process Your Emotions
Journaling can be a great way to heal. It can be especially challenging to try to heal from something that feels isolating, such as feelings about someone you do not have a romantic history with. Journaling allows you to write out your thoughts and feelings and see them on paper–and the act of reading them back to yourself can be empowering and help you process them in a healthy way.
4. Make Space for Someone New
Open yourself up to the possibility of making space for a new relationship. When you feel ready, this will be a great time to create an online dating profile and let your friends know you are on the market!
5. Work on Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem & Confidence
Think about the things you like about yourself. What are you good at? What do you enjoy? Everyone has unique strengths. If you have a hard time thinking of anything, ask a close friend or a family member to tell you what they think your strengths are to build your confidence.
6. Stop Communicating With Them
Every time you talk to this person, it’s going to remind you of the hope that was lost. It’s probably a good idea to stop communicating with them, at least for the time being, so that you can give yourself the space you need to work through your feelings.
7. Use Guided Imagery for Confidence & Self-Love
Utilize guided meditations to help you boost your confidence and cultivate self-love. There are several great meditation apps and YouTube channels available to help you do this.
8. Stay Busy Doing Things You Love
Stay busy to keep yourself from ruminating about what could have been. Make plans so you have something fun to look forward to. Keep yourself busy with hobbies, activities, and spending time with people you enjoy.1
9. Talk to Someone You Trust
Talk through your feelings with a trusted friend or support person. Let them know whether you just need to vent or if you are looking for advice or solutions.
10. Keep Away From Their Social Media
Checking their social media is like picking the scab off of the wound over and over and expecting it to heal. Give yourself some time and space, and if you are not able to take a break, unfollow them (at least for now).2
11. Make a “Moving On” Playlist
Choose your favorite songs that make you feel strong, empowered, and hopeful. Conversely, you may want to listen to a song that helps you cry and let it all out.3
12. Spend Time With People Who Make You Laugh
Laughter is the best medicine! Take your mind off of your heartbreak and spend some time with that funny friend who makes you laugh, go to a standup set, or watch a favorite comedy.
13. Respect Their Decision
As much as it hurts, ultimately this is their decision. As much as your feelings matter, their feelings matter, too. Give them space and take care of yourself, so you can be the best version of yourself when the right person does come along.
14. Be Aware of Signs of Depression
If you are noticing symptoms like changes in appetite or sleep, or depressed mood most every day for at least two weeks, these are potential signs of depression and are best treated by speaking to a qualified professional.4
15. Try Dating or Being Set Up by a Trusted Friend
It may seem counterintuitive to try to date someone new or be set up on a date, but it’s a good way to remind you that your reality can involve a partner who is present and available. Dating can be misused as a distraction, however, dating with intention can help remind you that you are looking for someone who shares your values and is available to give you appropriate time and attention. It is important to consider that people may not always be able to give you what you want and need, so moving on and meeting people who might be a good fit for you can be a great way to move on.
How Long Does It Take to Get Over Someone?
There is unfortunately no guideline or timeframe to get over someone. Oftentimes, the kind of issues that come up and the length of time that feelings were involved can influence the timeline. Some people might start to feel better in a few weeks and be able to start dating. They may have been processing this for a long time. Others may hold on to their feelings and beliefs that make it harder to get over someone, and may need to process these feelings with a trusted friend or a licensed professional.
When to Seek Professional Help
If you are finding that it’s hard to think about anything else and these thoughts are distracting from your life, or if you have noticed changes in your sleep, appetite, outlook or eating habits, these are signs that you may benefit from help from a professional. If you have noticed any of these changes, if you just don’t feel like yourself, or you are not able to enjoy life, make an appointment with someone who can help.
Speaking to a therapist can be a fantastic way to process difficult feelings without fear of judgment. If you’re not sure how to find a therapist, using an online directory where you can filter for therapists with relationship expertise is a great place to start.
Final Thoughts on How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated
It can feel especially difficult and confusing to get over someone you never dated, but with time, it’s possible to move on. By taking this time to take really good care of yourself, work through your feelings, and identify your strengths, you will come out of this an even better, stronger version of yourself.
How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated Infographics
