Getting over someone you never dated can be especially challenging. When a break-up happens, you can lean on your support system. But when the relationship never really got started, you may not have shared your feelings with anyone else. The disappointment and loss of hope are extremely painful, and this can be a very lonely and confusing time.
Why Getting Over Someone You Never Dated Can Be Difficult
Getting over someone you never dated can be just as heartbreaking as a break-up, especially if this was a person you knew for a long time, cared about deeply, or who was a good friend.
When a relationship breaks up, there is a chance for conversation and closure. Even a big fight can sometimes give people the motivation they need to walk away. But when you never actually dated, you often end up working through all of the difficult feelings by yourself.
Here are some potential reasons why getting over someone you never actually dated is so hard:
- The loss of hope: You had hopes and dreams for what the future with this person could be, and now you are grieving the loss of that hope.
- Beating yourself up about the what-ifs: Was it something you said? Something you did? Was there something that you could have done differently? These questions can send you into a downward spiral. And since you never actually dated this person, there are no answers.
- It feels especially lonely: It’s possible that you haven’t really shared your feelings with anyone else. Your feelings are very real, but with the relationship never being acknowledged, your support people may not understand.
- Lack of closure: Since there was never an official relationship, it’s possible that there will never be a chance to have closure with the ending.
- Self-doubt: If having feelings for people you never dated is becoming a pattern, this might be contributing to an unhealthy cycle of insecurity and self-doubt. Boost your self-esteem and learn how to stop being insecure.
How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated: 14 Tips to Help You Move Forward
While getting over someone you never dated can be painful and difficult, it is necessary for you to move on. With time, you’ll be well on your way to finding the healthy relationship you deserve.
Here are 14 things you can do to get over someone you never dated:
1. Make a List of What You Want Out of a Partner
Make three columns. Column one lists the things you absolutely must have in a partner. Column two lists your preferences, and column three lists the things that would be nice, but aren’t extremely important. Getting clear on what you want in a partner is a great way to start moving forward.
2. Now, Start Becoming Those Things Yourself
Go back to that list you just made and ask yourself “how can I become this person?” Put your energy behind becoming the best version of yourself you can be.
3. Make Space for Someone New
Open yourself up to the possibility of making space for a new relationship. When you feel ready, this will be a great time to create an online dating profile and let your friends know you are on the market!
4. Work on Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem & Confidence
Think about the things you like about yourself. What are you good at? What do you enjoy? Everyone has unique strengths. If you have a hard time thinking of anything, ask a close friend or a family member to tell you what they think your strengths are to build your confidence.
5. Stop Communicating With Them
Every time you talk to this person, it’s going to remind you of the hope that was lost. It’s probably a good idea to stop communicating with them, at least for the time being, so that you can give yourself the space you need to work through your feelings.
6. Use Guided Imagery
Utilize guided meditations to help you boost your confidence and cultivate self-love. There are several great free apps and YouTube channels available to help you do this.
7. Stay Busy Doing Things You Love
Keep busy to keep yourself from obsessing about your thoughts. Make plans so you have something fun to look forward to. Keep yourself busy with hobbies, activities and spending time with people you enjoy.1
8. Talk to Someone You Trust
Talk through your feelings with a trusted friend or support person. Let them know whether you just need to vent or if you are looking for advice or solutions.
9. Keep Away From Their Social Media
Checking their social media is like picking the scab off of the wound over and over and expecting it to heal. Give yourself some time and space, and if you are not able to take a break, unfollow them (at least for now).2
10. Make a “Moving On” Playlist
Choose your favorite songs that make you feel strong, empowered, and hopeful. Conversely, you may want to listen to a song that helps you cry and let it all out.3
11. Spend Time With People Who Make You Laugh
Laughter is the best medicine! Take your mind off of your heartbreak and spend some time with that funny friend who makes you laugh, or watch a favorite comedy.
12. Respect Their Decision
As much as it hurts, ultimately this is their decision. As much as your feelings matter, their feelings matter too. Give them space, and take care of yourself, so you can be the best version of yourself when the right person does come along.
13. Be Aware of Signs of Depression
If you are noticing symptoms like changes in appetite or sleep, or depressed mood most every day for at least two weeks, these are potential signs of depression and are best treated by speaking to a qualified professional.4
When to Seek Professional Help
If you are finding that it’s hard to think about anything else and these thoughts are distracting from your life, or if you have noticed changes in your sleep, appetite, outlook or eating habits, these are signs that you may benefit from help from a professional. If you have noticed any of these changes, if you just don’t feel like yourself, or you are not able to enjoy life, make an appointment with someone who can help.
Speaking to a therapist can be a fantastic way to process difficult feelings without fear of judgement. If you’re not sure how to find a therapist, an online directory where you can filter for therapists with relationship expertise is a great place to start.
Final Thoughts on How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated
It can feel especially difficult and confusing to get over someone you never dated, but with time, it’s possible to move on. By taking this time to take really good care of yourself, work through your feelings, and identify your strengths, you will come out of this an even better, stronger version of yourself.
Additional Resources
- Mental Health America
- National Alliance on Mental Health
- MentalHealth.gov
- Online Therapist Directory: Sort therapists by specialty, cost, availability and more. Watch intro videos and see articles written by the therapists you’re considering working with. When you’ve found a good match, book an online therapy appointment with them directly.
Are you ready to connect with a therapist but feel a little overwhelmed by all your options? Speak with one of Choosing Therapy’s Client Navigators. Client Navigators are mental health professionals who will listen to what you’re looking for in a therapist and help pair you with the best possible fit. Getting started is free, easy, and confidential.
