Is Love at First Sight Real?

What Is Love at First Sight?

There is much debate over whether the feeling of love at first sight is real or not. Some people, including many who research love and attraction, feel that because you do not yet know the person, that it is infatuation or lust instead of actual romantic love.

Many experts believe that this instant attraction is due to the physical attraction felt when seeing the person. Others feel that it is due to couples’ tendency to look back on the beginning of their relationship with rose-colored glasses or having selective memory bias. “Love at first sight could be an illusion that couples create in order to enhance their relationships.”¹

Is Love at First Sight Real?

Those who have experienced love at first sight insist that their love is as real as any. As the brain is the most powerful determinant to love and reactions to others, it can be difficult to tell for certain whether the initial attraction will eventually turn into lasting love. Is it love or in love at first sight?

What Does Love at First Sight Feel Like?

Love at first sight is often described as a rush of emotions and feelings as the person becomes hyper focused on the love interest. Many experience it as a rush of good feelings in the brain and body that make everything in the world seem good.

Common signs you’re experiencing love at first sight may include:

• You feel instant physical attraction
• Decreased need for sleep
• You need to be with the person
• Decreased appetite
• You feel like you’ve known the person forever even though you’ve just met
• You want to be in a relationship with this person despite not knowing anything about them
• You feel drawn to them
• Your heart rate has increased
• You might have shortness of breath
• Feeling weak in the knees
• Feeling of butterflies or nervousness

What Causes Love at First Sight?

When we become interested in another person romantically, our brain has elevated levels of the hormones dopamine and norepinephrine, which make you feel good and fuel an increase in energy and stamina.² Because the first goal of many mammals in mate choice is often reproduction, it can be theorized that sexual attraction might be stronger than romantic attraction.³

Humans are constantly evaluating others who they come in contact with on a daily basis. Even though most of these connections will not be romantic, it is these split-second interactions that provide people with enough information as to whether or not they are interested in dating the person. “Despite their speed, these rapid evaluations form the basis for real-world social decisions that can have lasting consequences, such as whether to pursue or reject a potential romantic partner.”⁴

Reasons For Feeling Like You Are Falling in Love at First Sight

There are many reasons someone might feel like they fell in love at first sight. Some of these reasons are due to hormones in your brain that contribute to feelings of romantic love. Other reasons come from our internal messages and expectations about love.

Common reasons you might feel like you are falling in love at first sight include:

• Physical attraction: More than any other type of attraction, having a strong physical attraction can make you feel like you love a person when you first meet them. In fact, some researchers believe that physical attraction is one of the main reasons for love at first sight, and that it is able to be explained by chemistry.⁵
• Mixing up love and infatuation: Because infatuation can often feel stronger than actual love, it is common to mix up love and infatuation. This can make people think that they are in love when they are really experiencing infatuation.
• Being on the lookout for love: Those who are more open and willing to experience love are likely more receptive to the experience of falling in love when presented with an opportunity.
• Self-fulfilling prophecy: Falling in love when you first meet someone can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. This means that if you tell yourself it will happen, you can make yourself believe that it is true.
• The halo effect: Couples who have a positive and fulfilling relationship are more likely to look back on their courtship in a positive light, and may even remember it as love at first sight. Research shows that couples who report that their relationship was love at first sight report “experiencing more love and passion in the relationship.”¹ Therefore, it can be difficult to be sure whether the couples really felt love initially or if they are thinking they felt it due to the amount of passion in the relationship.
• Spiritual connection: Many people believe that the instant feeling of feeling like you know someone runs deeper than what we understand. Some feel like it is a soul mate, or a spiritual connection, or perhaps a connection from a previous experience or lifetime.

How to Determine if Your Love at First Sight is Real

While most research shows love at first sight is more about physical attraction or sexual reproduction, the feelings behind it can often feel just like romantic love. This is partly due to the fact that most people use evolved and intuitive traits to evaluate potential partners.⁶

No matter the reason for experiencing love at first sight – there are things you can do to manage expectations and give the relationship its best shot and help you see if it’s likely to lead to long-term romantic love/relationship.

Consider the following to figure out if your love at first sight is real:

Don’t Rush the Relationship

It is important to take a relationship slowly. When someone feels love at first sight, it is common to try to rush into something because it feels good. “Having determined that someone is attractive at first sight, an individual may become emotionally attached…”⁶

However, it takes time to get to know someone fully before trusting them. Furthermore, relationship red flags may not become obvious immediately, as most people are on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship.

Identify Common Values

It takes more than sexual attraction to build a solid relationship. It is better to know at the beginning if the other person wants children or not, would consider moving out of town for a career change, or if they are interested in marriage or not.

Understanding someone’s personal values regarding the desire for a family, kids, future, etc, will help you determine if someone else will make a good long-term romantic partner. Making a point to have these conversations early on will help you identify whether the other person shares important values or not.

Set Boundaries & Expectations

It is important for people to have healthy boundaries and set expectations for the relationship. Boundaries and expectations will help both of you keep a balance and can actually bring you closer.

Ultimately, remember that just because you experience love at first sight does not mean that you will necessarily be with this person forever. Many people report falling head over heels for someone only to break up or divorce years later- and this is okay, as not all relationships are meant to last forever. Having realistic expectations can help prevent disappointment.

When to Talk to a Therapist

Falling in love at first sight is certainly not cause for concern. But if you have a pattern of falling in love at first sight repeatedly, only to be hurt by the person, it might be a good idea to find support.

With online therapy options, finding a therapist who can help you is easier than ever. Look for someone who understands attachment and relationships, and who can help you develop self-awareness and understanding of who you are as an individual in and out of romantic relationships. Consider using an online therapy directory to get more information.

In My Experience

In my experience, falling in love at first sight can mean many things. For my clients with trauma history, especially those who did not have a good foundation of what a healthy relationship looks like, falling in love quickly can be a desperate attempt to repair what was lost.

However, there is a lot about the human connection that is not understood. I have many clients who believe that having an instant connection with someone is due to something spiritual. Call it soul mate connection, knowing them from another life, or something else we do not understand. I support that explanation, especially if it helps explain something that might not make sense.