Love addiction entails problematic behavioral patterns toward a “love object” that contribute to adverse social, occupational, relational, and financial outcomes.1 Love addiction symptoms often include intense fears of being alone, obsessions, and codependency. While not a recognized diagnosis, love addiction can cause significant problems and may require professional support.
What Is Love Addiction?
Love addiction is a term used to describe an intense need for love, romance, or partnership. A love addict becomes obsessed with someone and may be devastated if this individual does not reciprocate their feelings. Those addicted to affection may have an intense longing to be loved and treated affectionately, even when this causes emotional harm or creates unhealthy relationship patterns.
Is Love Addiction Real?
Neurobiology studies show that love, or “being in love,” impacts dopamine, oxytocin, vasopressin, and serotonin in the brain. Many of these chemicals are the same involved in addiction, often causing extreme mood and emotional changes. However, more research is needed to determine if love has addiction-like properties.2
Types of Love Addiction
Several types of love addiction vary depending on what needs the relationship fills for the addict. Regardless, love addiction harms both the love addict and their partners because of recurring unhealthy, unfulfilling relationship patterns.
Below are the types of love addiction:
Obsessive Love Addicts
An obsessive love addict is addicted to relationships where their partner is unavailable, distant, controlling, or struggling with their own addiction. The object of their affection is not emotionally ready for a relationship, yet this unavailability only fosters more longing and obsession.
Ambivalent Love Addicts
An ambivalent love addict has commitment problems. For example, they may be very excited at the beginning of the relationship and make future plans and promises. However, they start to feel trapped as the relationship progresses. They waffle between staying or leaving, often engulfing their partners in a roller-coaster ride of emotions.
Narcissistic Love Addicts
A narcissistic love addict only cares about how the relationship serves them. They may lovebomb partners into a relationship but only feel satisfied if the partner continues to feed their ego. The narcissist may view the relationship as a “trophy” or be addicted to the approval or gifts received from their partner. However, they may become violent and controlling when the partner tries to leave.
Codependent Love Addicts
A codependent love addict is addicted to being needed and may play the role of rescuer or caretaker in their relationships. These love addicts may attempt to control partners’ behaviors to “save” them. In other cases, codependent love addicts may overlook harmful behavior, like cheating, mistreatment, or abuse, rather than leave the relationship.
Signs of Love Addiction
Signs of love addiction may vary by person and severity of the condition. Early warning signs may be present at younger ages because the addiction may partly develop from insecure attachments in childhood.3 However, symptoms do not usually manifest until one is in a romantic relationship.
A primary indicator of love addiction is putting a partner on a pedestal, even if the partner is emotionally distant or abusive.4 A love addict may have a history of problematic relationships with a typical obsessive, toxic, or codependent behavioral pattern.
Common signs of love addiction may include:4
- Needing to be in love
- Putting the romantic partner on a pedestal
- Obsessing over romantic interest
- Experiencing cravings, withdrawals, and euphoria for their partner
- Falling in love often
- Seeing emotional comfort from a partner to the point of unrequited love
- An inability to be alone
Symptoms of Love Addiction
Symptoms of love addiction generally become more problematic as the condition progresses. The more severe the symptoms, the more significant the problem.
Symptoms of love addiction may include:5
- Confusing love with obsession
- Having little or no boundaries
- Becoming too vulnerable too fast
- Intense fears of being alone (monophobia), rejected, or abandoned
- Fears of intimacy
- Becoming obsessed and preoccupied with a relationship partner
- Relying on a relationship to feel valuable, alive, worthy, and admirable
- Feelings of emptiness when not in a relationship
- Confusing emotional dependency for real intimacy
- Becoming attached to partners who are emotionally unavailable, distant, avoidant
- Assigning magical qualities to partners
- Experiencing painful withdrawal and obsessions after breakups
What Causes Love Addiction?
The underlying causes and triggers of love addiction are unknown, but researchers suggest that genetics, trauma, and upbringing play an integral part.4 This is true of addiction disorders in general. Potential love addiction causes do not inevitably lead to its development but are risk factors for consideration.
Possible causes of love addiction include:3,4
- Childhood trauma: Childhood trauma can dysregulate the nervous system, sometimes creating persistent trust issues. Because of this, some individuals may become obsessive, controlling, or ambivalent toward partners in adulthood to cope.6
- History of abandonment: Individuals with abandonment histories may feel insecure in relationships. They may become obsessive or “addicted” to their partners, attempting to prevent future abandonment.
- History of neglect: Experiencing childhood emotional neglect or having uninvolved parents can negatively impact a developing child. In adulthood, these individuals may seek the love and validation they lacked in childhood from partners or relationships.
- History of inadequate or inconsistent nurturing: Inconsistent nurturing leaves children insecure and uncertain because they never know when their parents will meet their needs. As adults, they may depend on others to receive the attention they need.
- Insecure attachment styles: A person with an insecure attachment style relies on their partner to make them feel safe, loved, and valued. They struggle to gain healthy independence and self-reliance outside of their relationship.
- Codependency: A codependent person often finds themselves in relationships with people who need caretaking or excessive attention. They may fill this role to feel loved and appreciated.
- Low self-esteem: A person with low self-esteem may rely on their partner for self-worth. Over time, they grow obsessed with their current or next relationship rather than seeking their own fulfillment.
Impacts of Love Addiction
Love addiction is an unhealthy relationship pattern that can have serious consequences. The same is true when a person is a romance addict. Not only are love addiction symptoms emotionally harmful to everyone in the relationship, but they can also create problems outside of the relationship.
Below are the possible consequences of love addiction:
- Relationship difficulties: Love addiction creates a myriad of relationship problems, including trust, communication, and commitment issues.
- Job loss or instability: Being in the throes of love addiction can overshadow other responsibilities, including work. For example, a love addict may miss work because they are so distracted by their relationship.
- Legal repercussions: Love addiction can lead to unhealthy, high-conflict, and abusive situations that could result in legal problems.
- Increased anxiety: A person dealing with love addiction is likely to have high anxiety resulting from uncertainty, conflict, and instability in relationships.
- Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities: Love addiction can shift the focus away from things once enjoyed, including hobbies and self-care.
- Abusive relationships: A person struggling with love addiction may stay in an abusive relationship far longer than acceptable. They would rather deal with abuse than be alone. In some cases, the love addict may be the perpetrator of abuse because they crave control.
- Isolation from loved ones and support networks: Love addicts can become obsessed with their romantic relationships to the point of neglecting friends and family. This behavior is dangerous because it cuts them off from their support system.
Love Addiction Treatment Options
A holistic approach to love addiction treatment is best, given the complexity of the condition. Treatment should address each problematic factor for successful love addiction recovery. Therapies for love addiction may focus on uncovering and processing past trauma, modifying maladaptive beliefs, and learning to function independently.1
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) helps clients challenge distorted beliefs and thoughts about love that lead to problematic behaviors. A psychodynamic approach may be beneficial for uncovering and processing childhood trauma and attachment difficulties. A thoughtful combination of the two may allow one to work through past and present complications to develop healthier coping skills moving forward. Support groups, including Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous, provide friendship, support, and shared resources.1
9 Tips for Overcoming Love Addiction
Lifestyle changes are an essential part of love addiction recovery. Avoid overwhelming yourself by taking on too much at once–slow but steady lifestyle changes will increase the likelihood of success.
Below are nine tips for healing from love addiction:
- Attend regular therapy: Therapy can help a person heal past trauma and attachment wounds, paving the way for more healthy relationships in the future.
- Read self-help books: Self-help books can provide the tools and insight needed to make long-lasting change.
- Focus on developing independence: At the heart of most love addiction is dependence on a partner for self-esteem, self-worth, and identity. Developing a healthy sense of self can help break this cycle.
- Avoid jumping into new relationships: Take time between your relationships to gain insight and seek healing. Jumping in too fast can lead to the same pattern over and over.
- Set healthy long-term goals: Know what you want for both your relationships and overall life. Stay focused on these long-term goals and avoid solely focusing on your relationships.
- Consider starting a journal: Journaling can be a great way to process emotions, gain clarity, and recognize areas for growth and change.
- Recognize your patterns: You must be aware of your patterns before you can change them. Identify common themes in partners and relationship dynamics.
- Rely on your support network: Talk about your feelings with trusted friends and family, and ask for their support as you move forward with difficult but necessary changes.
- Work on yourself: Continue to seek growth and work toward your own goals to live a healthy and fulfilling life, with or without a relationship.
Final Thoughts
Love addiction usually comes from not having needs met or developing a solid sense of self. Overcoming these challenges can be difficult and painful. The good news is that, with help and support, you can recover from love addiction and enjoy healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Love Addiction Infographics
