A Guide to 14 Different Types of Attraction

What Is Attraction?

Attraction is the power that draws us to another person that elicits feelings of interest, liking, or desire. The attraction we feel for a person is reflective of our personality, values, and lifestyles. It is an individual and personal experience and unique to each person. Attraction isn’t always binary and can change over time. These changes are often influenced by where a person is in their life, what is important to them at the moment, and their specific needs and desires. Sometimes, as a person changes and grows, so does their type of attraction towards another person.

14 Types of Attraction

There are several types of attraction that people can experience over their lifetime, and sometimes simultaneously. Learning about the different types of attraction helps a person recognize and understand how it influences and drives their choices in people and the types of relationships they prefer.

Being attractive to another person can be physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual, or romantic  or any combination. It depends on who you are and the qualities and traits you seek in another person. Although attraction to another person is just one component of who you are, it provides invaluable insight and a window into what drives your relationship choices in life.

The 14 types of attraction are:

1. Emotional Attraction

Broadly speaking, emotional attraction is a desire to form an emotional bond with someone. The attraction is happening on an emotional level. You may say that this person ‘gets you.’ Your attraction is deepened by long and in-depth conversations about shared values and desires, and feeling the other person is also emotionally connected to you.

2. Alterous

Alterous attraction is the desire to have a special emotional connection or emotional relationship but is neither completely platonic or romantic. The attraction lies somewhere in the middle. A person desires emotional closeness and has intense feelings, but not romantically.

3. Attachment

Attachment is a type of bond or connection that develops in long term and committed relationships. The attachment can be towards a partner, spouse, family member, or friend. It’s a meaningful and deep bond between two people. This is different from an attachment style which develops based on the relationship between the caregiver and child during their upbringing.

4. Platonic

A friendship that develops with another person in a non-romantic and non-sexual way. Your desire to be friends with them could be based on shared lifestyle or who they are as a person. You like them as a person.

5. Intellectual

Intellectual attraction is an attraction towards a person’s intelligence. The attraction is magnified by having conversations about interesting topics and ‘picking their brain.’ It’s a curiosity about how they think.

6. Love

A love attraction describes an interest in another person that involves being emotionally, romantically, physically, sexually, and aesthetically interested in another person. A person desires a person that involves expressing emotion, physical and romantic contact.

7. Passion

A passionate attraction involves desire for another person that is strong and intense. You experience deep, emotional feelings for them. This can be present in the beginning of a relationship where passion – the deep, intense feelings – are present.

8. Protective

Protective attraction involves a desire to protect and take care of a person. This can be taking care of a child, loved one, friend, or partner.  The attraction is based on a desire to protect them.

9. Queerplatonic

A queerplatonic attraction is the desire for a close, committed non-romantic and non-sexual relationship with another person of any gender or sexual identity. It is much more than a friendship. There is a defined status, structure, and norms.

10. Squish

A squish is a platonic crush or non-romantic desire to have an emotional connection and relationship with a person. There are intense feelings of attraction but without a sexual or romantic attraction. The feelings are more than just platonic or one a person has for a friend.

11. Physical Attraction

Physical attraction involves the desire for physical contact and connection with a person, but not in a sexual or romantic context. There is a physical appeal to them and desire to be physically close to them, including touching and giving and receiving affection.

Physical attraction includes several subcategories:

Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is a feeling of wanting to be close and emotionally connected. You feel comfortable opening up and sharing your thoughts and feelings. You can be vulnerable with them and share intimate thoughts with them.

Objective Physical

Your objective perspective that this person is attractive, and you don’t need to depend on someone else to determine if they are or not. It’s your objective view that they simply are.

Subjective Physical

Beauty and attractiveness is subjective. Each person has their own preferences and finds different qualities attractive. It’s someone’s subjective view of what is attractive and what is not.

Sensual

Sensual attraction is the desire to interact and be close with someone in a non-sexual but tactile way. This can be through touching or hugging them or cuddling with them.

12. Sexual Attraction

Sexual attraction is an intense sexual desire and arousal in another person. You are sexually attracted to them and may or may not have romantic interest. You wish to engage in some form of sexual contact with them. Sexual attraction is not the same as sexual orientation. Some people are asexual which is not having typical sexual attraction in another person.

The subcategories of sexual attraction include:

Lust

Lust is “driven by the desire for sexual gratification.’¹ It is having unbridled, intense, and powerful feelings and desires for another person. It’s an overwhelming feeling of sexual and physical attraction.

Objective Sexual

When someone finds another person sexually attractive, others may or may not agree with them. But it doesn’t matter. Their beauty and level of attraction is objective – to each their own. For example, finding a movie star attractive when others do not.

Subjective Sexual

Your attraction towards another person is based on your personal experiences with them. For example, if you or were in a relationship with them.

13. Romantic Attraction

Romantic attraction is a desire to have romantic contact or interaction with another person. You spend a lot of time thinking about them, the next time you will be together, and how you can blend your lives and have shared experiences together.

Romantic attraction includes the following (non-exhaustive) list:

Alloromantic

Alloromantic is an attraction that is considered ‘normal’ in society and based more on having a romantic relationship. You experience romantic feelings towards a person, regardless of gender or genders. It’s an ‘orientation’ towards a romantic relationship, not focused on gender.

Amatonormativity

Amatonormativity is a societal assumption and social pressure that everyone grows and prospers with romantic relationships. “The widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship and that everyone is seeking such a relationship.”² It’s seen as being ‘normal’ for people to want and desire a romantic relationship but this is not true for everyone.

Aromantic

When a person experiences little to no romantic attraction to other people. However, an aromantic person may experience sexual attraction so they are not necessarily asexual.

Autoromantic

An attraction towards and having romantic feelings for yourself. The person is capable of being in a relationship with another person, but the primary focus is on self. They do things with and for themselves as they would in a relationship (buy gifts, take themselves out for dates).

Biromantic

Biromantic is a romantic orientation where the person has the capacity to have a romantic and/or emotional connection to two or more genders at the same time. It’s a romantic orientation and a way of being. They may or may not have sexual feelings towards another person.

Crush

Intense and often short lived feelings for someone that go unexpressed. The feelings don’t have to be romantic in nature. An intense infatuation with someone that can occur instantly and linger.

Demiromantic

A need to first build an emotional connection with someone before you can experience romantic feelings. Romantic feelings are a result of experiencing a strong emotional bond with another person.

Grayromantic

Grayromantic is when someone rarely experiences romantic feelings in their lifetime, they are in the ‘gray’ area of romantic attraction and don’t identify as romantic or aromantic. They may also experience romantic attraction but not necessarily desire a romantic relationship.

Heteroromantic

When a person experiences romantic feelings only towards the opposite sex. You consider yourself a heterosexual and don’t have feelings for others of the same sex, or other types of genders, or sexual orientations.

Homoromantic

This is having romantic feelings towards another person of the same gender. Some people use the term homosexual to define this type of attraction. A person is attracted to – both romantically or sexually – to a person of the same gender.

Panromantic

A panromantic person experiences romantic feelings towards all gender’s identities. The attraction and connection is towards the person, not necessarily their gender.

Polyromantic

Romantic feelings towards multiple genders, but not all of them and doesn’t necessarily include sexual attraction. Someone who is polyromantic can express love towards many people across varying genders.

14. Aesthetic Attraction

Aesthetic attraction is being drawn to someone because of their physical beauty. A person might think they are ‘aesthetically pleasing’ to the eye.’ This desire doesn’t necessarily include wanting a physical, sexual, or romantic connection with them.

For example, a person might see someone and express, ‘wow they are really good looking.’ You find them really attractive. You don’t want to date or touch them, but your attraction is based on how they look that you find so appealing.

You Can Experience More Than One Type of Attraction

Our attraction to another person isn’t necessarily black and white nor does it stay stable over time. We can experience different types of attraction at different points in our life. You can also have multiple types of attraction for another person.

Just as some people experience fluid sexuality, attraction can be very fluid. You can also stop being attracted to someone that you used to be attracted to. Attraction is a very personal experience and there is no ‘right’ way to be attracted to someone.

Why is Understanding the Different Types of Attraction Important?

It’s important to understand the different types of attraction because it helps you navigate relationships but more importantly it helps you become more self-aware when choosing friends, life-long partners, or a spouse.

When you understand what makes you tick and what is attractive for you, you start to make decisions based on that. This will also help you not judge yourself just because whom you find attractive differs from other people. We are all unique in our own way and we should honor that.

Where to Get Support if You’re Struggling With Attraction

Sometimes it can be challenging to identify the exact emotion or emotions you are experiencing when you are fond of someone or trying to figure out what your feelings mean in terms of relationships. But, there are many professionals that can help you do just that. You can access an online therapist directory that allows you to find a therapist that is a good fit for you.

You can also find an LGBTQ therapist directory that provides guidance and support that helps people identify the different emotions that are often experienced when you are fond of someone or trying to make sense of what your feelings mean in terms of relationships, especially if your feelings are something different than past experiences.

Final Thoughts

There are many different types of attraction that you may experience throughout your lifetime. This can also occur over the course of a relationship or marriage as forms of attraction shift and change as you continue to grow and self-evolve. Understanding the types of attraction is an important part of your identity and knowing the different types can help you gain more clarity about who you are and who you are attracted to.