How to Overcome Your Inner Critic

What Is an Inner Critic?

An inner critic tells you reasons you are not good enough based on painful early life experiences when you may have witnessed or experienced hurtful attitudes toward yourself or those close to you. We unconsciously adopt and integrate this pattern of thought toward ourselves and others as we age.²

The self-critical inner voice is persistent and continues judging you consistently. Mental health challenges can evolve from this dynamic because the flood of negative feelings and emotions linked to your inner critic can be a great source of stress and self-sabotage.³ Anxiety disorders can also be related to the ongoing internal negative messaging from your inner critic.

Can an Inner Critic Be Helpful?

The inner critic can be viewed as a survival mechanism to identify potential environmental threats or avoid failure or embarrassment. In addition, the inner critic can encourage people to succeed and achieve their goals by showing areas of improvement.

Jane Shure, PhD, LCSW, co-founder of The Resilience Group states, “The Inner Critic arises when we are young children in an attempt to keep us feeling safe and secure. If you think about how parents train children to avoid dangerous situations, it’s not with gentle tones of voice. They speak harshly and try to scare us so that we won’t touch the hot stove or walk into traffic. As kids, we learn by imitating our parent’s tones of voice and repeat their words.⁸

As young children, when our needs get frustrated, our Inner Critic insists it must be our FAULT. Our Inner Critic acts like a one-trick pony. It only knows how to blame, shame or criticize the self. We maintain a myth that the Inner Critic holds our best interests at heart; that it wants to “improve” us and help us to feel more adequate. This is not the case.”

Inner Critic Examples

The inner critic voice can be louder and crueler than the coexisting nurturing voices. Society can further amplify these messages, reinforcing internalized beliefs that we are different, not equal, or do not fit in with others.

Here are examples of inner critical thinking:

• You are ugly
• You are fat
• You are not worthy of this
• You are stupid
• Nobody likes you
• Nobody cares what you think or what you have to say
• You don’t really have any friends
• You don’t deserve to get this job
• You are an impostor

Impacts of an Inner Critic

The inner critic can damage self-confidence and your ability to trust yourself and your instincts, creating a cycle of self-blame and self-doubt. The toxicity of repeated negative self-thoughts can produce feelings of helplessness and diminish motivation. Furthermore, ongoing self-critical thinking facilitates emotional lows that can develop into a mental health crisis like depression or anxiety. Society also sends negative messages that can be internalized about gender, color, or religion, leaving many feeling unequal, ridiculed, or outcasted.

Experts caution that an inner critic can have even more serious consequences along a continuum of intensity. In suicidal individuals, these thoughts can change from guilty self-accusations to destructive self-attacks to self-harm behaviors.⁴

How to Overcome Your Inner Critic

The reality is the inner critic voice does not disappear, but there are steps you can take to teach your inner voice to show self-compassion and kindness. With greater self-understanding and guidance, you can work to distance yourself from the inner critical voice and hinder its ability to produce negative and judgmental messages.

Shure encourages, “While the Inner Critic may be strong, it can be calmed by the voice of an Inner Coach. The Critic may never go away completely but we can learn strategies to reduce its destructive power and, in doing so, we build new neural networks that support our well-being and self-esteem. Just as the Critic develops over the years, so too can our Inner Coach get stronger over time. We need to practice its voice and train ourselves to tolerate the discomfort that comes when we refrain from self-criticism, accept positive feedback, and use more encouraging language with ourselves.”

Here are eight steps to silence your inner critical voice:

1. Practice Self Kindness

Take a step back when the critical inner voice arises. Show yourself the same compassion you would show others. Be empathetic toward your behavior, thoughts, and feelings, including self-judgment and self-critical thoughts.⁵

2. Consider Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT)

Instead of trying to alter negative thoughts, ACT encourages us to observe and accept what our inner critic says before letting go of these feelings. Treat the inner critic like a mind-chatter and seek to shift attention away from it.⁶

3. Alter Your Thinking From Being Against Yourself to For Yourself

First, identify the negative thoughts and beliefs you experience. Try writing these thoughts down in the second person as if someone else is talking to you. You could try talking to a close friend with a more optimistic outlook.³

4. Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT is a short-term therapy that teaches techniques to help alter negative thinking regarding uncomfortable situations and relationships. It helps people feel more in control over thoughts and change negative thinking into positive thinking to create a healthier outcome.

5. Become Aware of When Your Inner Critic Appears

Be proactive and identify places, times, events, and people that may trigger the appearance of your inner critic voice. This will help you to prepare for its onset. You can then come up with strategies to alter these negative behavioral patterns.

6. Acknowledge That the Inner Critic Voice Will Not Disappear

Accept that we all have an ongoing inner dialogue with ourselves that helps govern our thoughts, behaviors, and actions. There is nothing unusual or wrong with this. However, you can change how you engage and react to the negative aspects of your inner critic. Alter the relationship so it becomes more of a friend than a foe.

7. Consider How Self-Critical Attitudes Developed Inside You

Try tracking down where these negative thoughts originated to gain powerful insights. Who do they remind you of? Are there any underlying triggers or past events preceding these negative thoughts and self-talk? Step back from and observe your inner critic to stop reinforcing and dis-identify from negative self-beliefs.⁷

8. Use Humor as a Coping Technique

Imagine your inner critic as a cartoon or fictional character from a movie or TV show. Choose a character whose voice you think is silly and who acts incompetently. Imagine and visualize this figure as your inner critic voice. Doing so makes dismissing your inner critic much easier.

When to Consider Therapy

Consider seeing a mental health professional if you cannot silence your inner critical voice. A therapist can offer insights, skills, and techniques to keep your inner critic in a more manageable realm so you feel more in control when it arises. You can find a mental health specialist in an online therapist directory. Additionally, a therapist can help with developing, persisting, or worsening symptoms of anxiety or depression, including ongoing fears about the future, rapid heartbeat, or an inability to sleep or relax.

Shure recommends seeking therapy when you are ready to make a change, shame and pain interfere with happiness and success, or you want relationships that are more satisfying and supportive

Final Thoughts

We all have an inner critic with negative self-narration. For some people, that voice can be louder, more frequent, and more intrusive. Counseling can empower you in meaningful ways if you do not have a trusted friend or family member to turn to. Having a new sense of control over your critical inner voice can significantly improve your quality of life.