Sensual vs. Sexual: Understanding the Differences

What Are Sensuality & Sexuality?

Sensuality is experiencing the world through your senses; through touch, taste, smell, sound and sight in a way that is pleasing. Sexuality refers to the physiological responses of being sexually stimulated.

When we are being sensual, we are allowing our body to be mindful of the things around us in a way that brings us comfort, joy, and excitement. Sexuality promotes the desire for sex or interactions that promote orgasmic release and the desire to connect physically with someone with an end goal in mind. When someone is talking about being sexual they are usually referring to sex.

How is Being Sensual Different From Being Sexual?

There is a clear distinction between being sensual and being sexual. Being sensual can exist on its own but you can’t experience and explore sexuality without engaging with your senses. Being sensual allows us to experience things as we interact with them, it allows us to notice if something feels, sounds or tastes good and lets us know if we want more of it. We can engage in our sensuality just because it feels good, with or without a partner.

Being sexual is different from being sensual because the intention of having sex is almost always present and that isn’t the case with being sensual. Sexuality is the act of engaging in physical behaviors to prompt intercourse and the sensation of orgasmic release.

What Does it Mean to Be Sensual?

Being sensual can come in many forms and fashions and there’s no one way to engage in it. It can mean making love to your partner and being mindful of not only the actual intercourse but noticing the touch of their hand, their breath on your skin, or their smell. Sensual love is experiencing both the moment and the physical presence of your partner. Connecting on an emotional and mental level.

Examples of being sensual include:

• Taking a shower or bath with your partner
• Giving a massage
• Going to dinner at your favorite restaurant
• Cuddling on the couch while watching a movie
• Listening to music together
• Talking about romantic feelings
• Reading a book out loud to each other
• Watching the sunset with your loved one
• Holding hands
• Hugging
• Breathing in your partners cologne/perfume

What Does it Mean to Be Sexual?

When you are interacting with your partner in a way that is arousing, and even sensual, with the intention of having consensual sex with them, you are engaging in being sexual. Being sexual is what you are thinking of when you think about connecting physically with your partner. It is the act of having sex which also includes foreplay leading up to intercourse.

Examples of being sexual include:

• Oral sex
• Masturbation with or without sex toys
• Kissing/making out
• Role playing
• Strip tease
• Use of bondage toys
• Dirty talk
• Phone sex or sexting

What is Sensual Attraction?

One of the many types of attraction, even though this term isn’t used as frequently as sexual attraction, it is actually quite common and something you probably experience on a regular basis with a partner. Sensual attraction is when a person is interested in connecting with someone on a sensual level without the intention of having sex or being sexual. Instead, the intention might be to promote connection, relaxation, or to have fun. This might look like a massage with essential oils, cuddling in bed together, or tickling your partner.

What Is Sexual Attraction?

When we are attracted to someone and have the urge or craving to have sexual contact with them we can safely say that we are sexually attracted to them. There are many factors that promote sexual attraction like a person’s physical appearance, their smell, or the sound of their voice. There are even psychological and biological components that contribute to who we might be sexually attracted to.

How to Connect With Your Sensuality

It can be confusing trying to learn how to connect with your sensuality. It’s easy for us to get caught up in the monotony of the day and forget to slow down and actually notice our senses. Take a few minutes or more each day to sit with yourself, rub lotion on your skin, tune into the different colors and shades of nature, and take deep breaths of the aromas while you are cooking. During these mindful moments, notice what you like, notice what feels good.

If you are with a partner, let them explore your body and give them guidance on how rough or gentle, what areas feel more pleasing or relaxing, and even consider encouraging them to speak in a more gentle, soothing tone. Discovering your sensuality should be an insightful experience of what brings you pleasure.

Do We Need Both Sensual & Sexual Attraction in Our Relationships?

Sexual attraction is great and may be the first step in experiencing more than just a platonic interest in someone. This may be enough for some. However, if you are looking for a deeper connection with greater emotional intimacy, to fall in love, or to make love, then sensual attraction will be the necessary next step. Out of 1580 women that completed assessments on their sexual preferences, the majority reported tactile sensations like kissing, licking, ice play, and using feathers. Even 78 percent shared that they enjoy engaging in phone sex.¹ All of these are sensual in nature.

Incorporating sensual attraction into a relationship can make all the difference. A study that examined married couples showed an increase in sexual satisfaction when the couples practiced mindfulness of the physical sensations during intercourse.² If you and your partner are intentional about engaging your senses during sex, you are more likely to enjoy yourselves. And who doesn’t want to enjoy themselves during sex?

How Being More Sensual Can Improve A Sexual Relationship

Being more sensual in a sexual relationship promotes more pleasure and increases both partners’ awareness of their needs and their partners’ needs. It allows intercourse to be more than just penetration and instead creates an intimate, passionate experience. If we are taking the time to engage our senses during sex and the moments leading up to it,  we are creating a space for our partner to do the same.

If this is something you are struggling with, consider practicing engaging your senses outside of the sexual relationship first. Practice mindfulness skills throughout the day, getting back in touch with your senses. Then begin to transfer this mindfulness into the sexual relationship. For example, breathing in their scent, noticing the feel of their skin on yours or their breath on your neck, or taking a romantic bath together.

How To Talk About Sensuality & Sexuality With a Partner

Communicating with your partner about sexuality and sensuality is very important. It is helpful for both of you to have a clear understanding of what each of you enjoys during moments of sensuality without expecting or wanting sex and what it looks like when you are engaging in sexual play with the intention of having sex. And if one or both of you are struggling to identify what works, you can offer to help explore it with them. Read erotic or educational books, share what your sexual and sensual daydreams involve and see how you can bring that to reality.

If you are finding that this is an area that you and your partner seem to have difficulty exploring or communicating on, seek support from a sex therapist or couples therapist. You can find a therapist using an online therapist directory.

Final Thoughts

Being sexual is interacting with yourself or others with the intent of reaching orgasm or having sex. Being sensual is engaging any or all of your five senses in a way that brings us pleasure. When we combine the two, we are able to be more mindful and connected sexually and ultimately are more likely to enjoy ourselves and our partner.

And at the end of the day, if you find you are still running into barriers within your relationship, reach out to a sex or couples therapist that can provide guidance and clarity on how to overcome them.